My girlfriend hangs out with a lesbian a lot. Should I be bothered?

[Anonymous]

She's acting a little distant lately. But she hangs out with a lesbian who obviously is attracted to her. Am I right to be bothered

You can say I'm immature our whatever you want, but if I was hanging out one on one a lot with a gay guy who was attracted to me, most girls I've dated wouldn't be comfortable.

[Ozanne]

There is likely likelihood she will have anything to do with her sexually. If she was hanging around a guy, being a straight girl, I would understand if you felt uncomfortable, but this is a woman we're talking about - not a guy. I'm not sure why there's this big assumption that if we have a lesbian friend, if you stick us in a cage together we'll just turn lesbian ourselves. It just doesn't work that way. She made a friend, she happens to be a lesbian, and that's it. If she's distant from you, chances are it's for other reasons, not because it's of the lesbian friend's doing.

[Asker]

Well even if my girlfriend isn't a lesbian, I did hear the girl tell my girlfriend she's really pretty and has a nice body. So it sounds like the lesbian friend is trying to pull some funny business.

[Ozanne]

Yeah that to me is unacceptable. Just because a woman is a lesbian, making comments like that to a taken-person isn't right whether they are gay or straight. They are not respecting the relationship they are in, and being a lesbian knowing they will not actually have sex with the girl doesn't give them a free pass to make lewd comments, or make suggestion about their bodies and looks in a way that is reserved for you - her boyfriend. But what matters most is what your girlfriend is doing about the situation. If she is not even noticing that this is an issue, then you need to tell her that you're not comfortable that this woman seems to hit on her, and you want NO human being to hit on your girl, whether they are a sexual threat or not. It's not right. I honestly think you have nothing to worry about, but her lesbian friend really should cut the comments knowing that they are meant to sexually entice.

[Asker]

Well you understand my concern. I've dated attractive women, and they've gotten pretty bothered when guys who know they're in a relationship have made sexual comments. I find it worrisome that she doesn't get bothered that the girl is making comments that are meant to entice. It makes me wonder what the girl is saying when I'm not around, honestly.

[Ozanne]

This is the difference though, she probably isn't taking them seriously because the lesbian friend is not a threat. Your girl is not a lesbian so there is no thought of the chance for her to cheat. But what is a nuisance is the friend is getting away with making the comments because she thinks she can, knowing that her comments are likely to be blown off because there's no hope of having sex with her. The fact remains that your girl is taken and these comments about her body are not acceptable and are making you feel uncomfortable because that's reserved for you and no one else. If it was a guy-friend saying the exact same things to her, he would be a pig and a threat to your relationship. But this girl obviously thinks she's being cute and thinks being a lesbian gives her a free pass to this shit. I think your girlfriend should put your feelings above hers and tell her what she is saying to her is a nice compliment, but needs to stop.

[Asker]

Yeah, instead of smiling and saying "thanks".

[Ozanne]

Exactly, smiling and thanking isn't telling her to stop. It's an acknowledgement that her comments are appreciated. Time for her to start showing respect to you and letting her know she regards the compliment but enough is enough already. Normal friends, gay or straight, same gender or not, doing keep carrying on with the 'nice body' compliments.

[AmandaLynn1930]

i don't think you should worry about it... as long as she's not gay... she might get curious... but i would thikn she'd talk to you about it first...
keep her in the know about your feelings if you ever are concerned...

[Chick180]

Well, is she straight?
One of my closest friends is bi, none of my bf's had a problem. And they knew she liked me.

[RobCammarata]

Perhaps she is taking a walk on the wild side. Why would you care? Are you sexually attracted to her? If so, perhaps talk it out with her. If not, put it away and grow up.

[Asker]

Wtf? I said she's my girlfriend.

[RobCammarata]

Then be with her and don't worry about it. Girls are by nature different about other women than we are about men. The thought of another man doesn't even enter into my thinking - it grosses me out. Women aren't like that. But if you have a good relationship and are still attracted to her - then just enjoy being with her.

[Klaatu51]

wot if these lesbians RESPECT her sexual orientation... and they r just FRIENDS? :-)

[Anonymous]

Well, I'd be worried... But that's just me. What I'd do is talk to your girlfriend and see how she acts about it.

[KDA20]

It seems to be a trust issue, do you trust her?

[atomique]

You shouldn't worry, assuming she is straight

[atomique]

Unless she is bi or pan