Does your girlfriend seem distant, rude or lashes out on you when she is stressed or pissed off?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed with my girlfriend that sometimes she is just very quiet and distant, i try to make her laugh and it's like i have to really try to get her to text or speak. Sometimes she just texts me a lot out of her own admission. Today is not one of those days, 2 days ago i came by, we had breakfast together, and i wanted to kiss her , and ask her how she slept. She just said Hi when i walked in, paid little attention to me and was texting. She looked pissed so i tried to stay on the background. when i made a remark , just to make her smile, she told me not to speak. after that she was ok, but god, why do women act so different sometime. I love to hear from her, it makes my day when i get a lovely text from her, or when i see her. It's confusing, now she is online , and i tried to be a little bit whitty, and she gives me these snappy comments.

How do you respond and is it better for me to keep quiet and let her aprroach me when she seems less stressed out. I have stress to but i love to hear from my girl.

Updates

+1 y

well seems a bit unfair but i can handle it, it's just confusing sometimes. Because then i text her, i have to wait a long while for a reply and i try to get her to speak and i barely get anything back, this just happens sometime. but sometimes i get these snappy comments, its just a shame because all im trying to do, it to make her smile and show her i m thinking about her. I just texted her because i got a snappy comment, ok i leave you to your business , have a nice day, its awesome weather

[Darkfairie17]

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. I have been in your shoes too many times to count. And it really sucks and hurts immensely at times. Especially when all you want is to hear from them and know how their day is going.

My advice to you is sit her down and have a discussion about how this makes you feel and how you can best approach her when she is upset. Some people do not like to be bothered when they are upset. But I think as your girlfriend, she owes it to you to at least give you a head's up. Even a simple text that says "Hey, I'm having a terrible day. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not in the best mood. Sorry in advance if I say anything mean or make any snarky comments."

Then if she wants to be left alone, she should also let you know. That way you can go about your day and not bother her or upset her.

But at the same time, if you are sending well-meaning texts. She should be more understanding and control her anger or stress. Even just to acknowledge that you are trying to help.

[Asker]

She doesn't lash out on me, but she just isn't very responsive. I feel like i'm bothering her sometimes. like when she was texting and seemed upset. She asked me to come over and have breakfast with her. i just sat there on the couch for 5 minutes for her to finally notice me. she apologized and said she was angry and sometimes i could better let her be for a few minutes. thats fine but now im texting her, she sends me a picture of her schedule, i see she has been busy today. so i tried to start a conversation, not much coming from her. she is actually online now on fb, i know she is chatting with friends, customers ( she works as a beauty specialist and barber ) but im not getting any texts from her. guess i won't get any for the rest of the day.

[Darkfairie17]

I think then it comes down to how you feel and whether or not this is a huge issue for you. Sounds to me like you value communication and connection from your SO. That is perfectly normal and totally valid to want that in a relationship. I'm the same as you, I really like hearing about the person's day, but I feel as though I bug them.

Let me tell you this: If they love you, it won't bother them. They will understand that you love them and just want to know how their day is going because it makes you happy. They won't see any harm in it. I felt this way about my boyfriend because he isn't as big of a communicator.

Part of what you need to do is identify why you feel the way you do when she doesn't respond to you as quickly as you'd like. Is it coming from an insecurity or fear? What are you feeling when she doesn't respond? This will help you deal with the times she doesn't respond to you. Sounds to me like she is just really busy at times and that causes her stress and keeps her from...

[Darkfairie17]

... responding as much as she may like. Or maybe she isn't huge on communication. My boyfriend is pretty much the same, but he knows it's important to me so he will talk to me eventually :P

Hopefully this helps!

[Asker]

i guess we are very much alike then, i also love to hear what her day was like, and what she has planned. I guess sometimes some people aren't really into texting, thereby she has a lot of people texting her, friends, customers etc... sometimes i wonder if i did something wrong, or something is going on why she isn't texting me. but then out of nowhere she texts me and tells me she misses me of asks me a bunch of things. but i dont feel like today will be that day. maybe im just scared of losing her, because i had girlfriends cheating on me before. i really like her. today i actually applied for a 2nd job to earn some extra money so me and her, and her daughter can do more fun stuff together. but well i dont feel like she is very interested right now in hearing that. well yes i hope she will talk to me eventually, or i guess ill have to wait till tomorrow, we planned to go to the wok together, her, me and her daughter.

[Asker]

do you think i need to stop trying to start a conversation with her today and just text her goodnight, cu tomorrow. x , when i get back from work.

[Darkfairie17]

If you guys were planning on going out for dinner, I think you should just ask her if that's still on. Then leave it at that. Hopefully she will still want to see you. You sound like a very patient and loving boyfriend and sound like you are very good to your girlfriend and her daughter. I can definitely understand how being cheated on can cause you to worry. I have the same problem as I have had bf's cheat on me in the past. However you have no control over what someone will do. You just have to trust that she will make the right decision. It sounds though like she might just be busy, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. Keeping yourself busy with either a second job or hobbies will help you not worry about her cheating on your or worry about what she isup to.

[Asker]

i think she is looking forward for tomorrow, she told me so yesterday. today she is just a bit quiet, thats all. I might be overthinking it all. I think for now i just focuss on my work, tell her later on, i had a lot of work, that i wish her a goodnight, and cu tomorrow. we planned dinner, i already made that reservation. i am a very patient and loving person, and i put her and her daughter above myself. being cheated on sucks, and it will leave its scars on you because you begin to overthink everything. its not so much the cheating , i just wonder why she seems a bit off today. im just a very steady person when its concerning her. im always happy seeing her and her daughter, even if i had a complete shit day. i dont care, moment i see her or she texts me something sweet , all my problems are gone. ofcourse not everybosdy is the same. by the way i like texting to you, we are similair in personality and experiences. gonna add you ok? :)

[Darkfairie17]

Sure!

[Asker]

me and her are texting now :) she asked me why i was a bit quiet, seems ok. i think she had a bit of stress. she told me she misses me and is looking forward for tomorrow :) and making plans to have a romantic diner just the 2 of us in this cool, old city were i work at :)

[ambertaylor]

Maybe you're the only person that she can vent her anger out on? Girls are emotional and she probably doesn't know how to channel her feelings and takes it out on you. Next time she says something just ask her what's up and if she wants to talk to you about why she's stressing, listen and then advise her, she'll appreciate the help and she'll learn to come for you to help, not to vent. If she just snaps back at you asking her what's wrong just say okay well I'm here for when you wanna chat and leave her to it. It's probably the only way you'll get her to break this habit. Good luck!

[Asker]

well seems a bit unfair but i can handle it, it's just confusing sometimes. Because then i text her, i have to wait a long while for a reply and i try to get her to speak and i barely get anything back, this just happens sometime. but sometimes i get these snappy comments, its just a shame because all im trying to do, it to make her smile and show her i m thinking about her. I just texted her because i got a snappy comment, ok i leave you to your business , have a nice day, its awesome weather. her reply, we sure will. end of the conversation, so i guess i rather let her be for a while then, maybe text her before ill got to bed, tomorrow we will see each other, but come on, im your boyfriend, im trying to cheer you up.

[ambertaylor]

Yeah just let her snap out of her mood and you've left it open for her to talk to you. I know you are just trying to be a good boyfriend but she can't keep treating you like this because it's just not fair and ultimately she's playing mind games. Let her start the next conversation.

[Asker]

yeah i think i will, i guess if i get no proper text from her, that opens up a nice fun conversation, ill just text her, goodnight, can't wait to see you tomorrow. x , and let her do the texting next day. she does seem to have time for other stuff on fb etc..

[ambertaylor]

No try not to text her at all, she knows that you long to talk to her so won't make the effort because she knows you'll give in. Text her tomorrow. Leave it for tonight.

[Asker]

ok i got it :) no texts from me today, she has to put up some effort because clearly i have been trying to do so. nothing good comes from trying. ill see her anyway tomorrow, so thats not problem. thanks for your help :)

[ambertaylor]

Exactly. Let her calm down and then come to you when she wants to be pleasant because it's just not fair to be a cow to you when she chooses. Good luck! 😊

[GreatnessPersonified]

You are being a doormat.
Listen, you need to straighten her up and let her know you are not some tampon she can expunge all of her emotions on, then throw away.
If you are her boyfriend, then there has to be some respect.

I can tell, from what you wrote, that she cares little for you and your feelings.

You say, "You're stressed out and pissed off, well, I'm sorry to hear that, but don't put that shit on me!! I'm your man, not your maxipad. Don't get it twisted!!"

If she doesn't like that, then be a man and consider cutting her off. Women usually straighten up when they realize what they may lose. If she doesn't seem to care, then she was not your girlfriend.

[Asker]

its not like over the top , she isn't lashing out on me but when i sat there waiting for 5 minutes because she had a heated argument on whats app with the father of her daughter, because well he is a douchebag, i just sat there waiting, and she was pissed off and i couldnt say anything without making her mood even worse. first thing i do when im with her, is to put my phone in my pocket and not even look at it when people are texting. my time with my girlfriend is holy to me. hmmm i dont think she doesn't care about me but she needs to create boxes for her problems, im there because i want to be there with her and for her, to have a good time with her, or to help her out. i can't help it that the father of her daughter is a piece of shit, she actually keeps asking him when he wants to see her daughter, he shows little interest, and yes thats frustratring but she needs to stop doing that, if he doesn't show any interest its over, he has no rights in this matter.

[Asker]

you see i tried to start a convo with her 3 hours ago and it was just really like i was annoying her. shorts answers, no fun replies to me cheering her up. i dont think im gonna text her this evening, maybe just a simple goodnight, thats it. let her show some interest tomorrow, we planned to go for dinner , her, her daughter and me. so if she wants me to come over earlier, she needs to text me. tomorrow, ill be gaming all day waiting for her reply.

[GreatnessPersonified]

What's her argument with her baby daddy got to do with you?
If it was that bad of an argument, then you should've left for the day. There is no reason to stick around a bad atmosphere.
Also, I'd be careful calling him a piece of shit. That piece of shit is the father to your gf's child. I don't care if she says it, it's not your fight.

[GreatnessPersonified]

"you see i tried to start a convo with her 3 hours ago and it was just really like i was annoying her."

So, you, that boyfriend, are annoying your girlfriend, when you try to contact her? o_O
How long that you two been dating?

[Asker]

i didn't call him a piece of shit in front of her, i would never do that, i just tell her sometimes that i think she is being very kind to him, too kind, but that i dont want to get involved in this matter. im dating her, he is her problem not mine. thanks for warning me but i know i shouldn't cross that line because well , she has to figure out whats best for her kid. if me and her would have a child of our own, i have a right of speaking out and i wouldn't want him anywhere near my child. but ok. uhm for little under a month, ok , i know she has a lot of stress , rasing her daughter, working , mainting friendships and then me. she doesn't tell me im annoying her but sometimes she is just not really putting any effort to start a nice fun and light conversation with me. sometimes she starts texting me, telling me she misses me etc.. so its not like she hasn't this sweet side to her but sometimes she is just a bit moody,

[GreatnessPersonified]

Do as you like, I still don't think anyone has the right to be yelling at you because their stressed. I'd vacate the premises for that.
I also, want to put this out there that baby mothers have a tendency of getting back with the fathers, because they have a special connection. I don't know how true that is in your case, but I want you to be wary of that.
Sorry if I came off harsh about how she's treating you. I'd had some of what your going through happen to me, and am making sure it never happens again.

[Asker]

no i dont think its like that at all, ofcourse its painfull to see her texting to him, but i think she really hates him, but for the sake of her daughter she tries to make the best out of it, if it was up to me, i would tell her to change her number, stop asking him to show some interest in his kid, because well maybe that little girl doesn't realize now but soon when she will be older, she can form her own opinion about her father. im not worried about that part, i just want her to realize that im her boyfriend, and i went to the nightcare last time with her , when her dog bit her, and sat there till late in the evening. im not there to cause her anymore stress, im there because i love spending time with her.

[Anonymous]

we always do and we just want space.

[Asker]

hmm ok , so i guess i just let her be then for today, she had a lot of work, so i can imagine she is stressed out. ill see her anyway tomorrow, so i guess if i get no texts from her today, ill text her goodnight babe. cu tomorrow xx. after i get home from work. just seems a bit unfair, we guys aren't complete idiots, sometimes we are yes but if she tells me babe, talk to you later, im just bit stressed out. i get the point, but well by being snappy its not really pleasent for us, but ok, women act out on emotions.

[Anonymous]

A swift beating will fix her

[Asker]

sounds like a bad idea XD

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah because of this fucking feminist society.

Wife beating has always been considered good and often sanctioned by law to correct the behavior of women.

[Asker]

uhm ok dude, guys beating their wifes or girlfriends are cowards !

[Opinion Owner]

Ummm no, that's not what a coward is. LOL.

By your logic, men have always been cowards, and only the past couple of generations have been BRAVE MEN.

We know it's quite the opposite XD