Why do girls say "you'll make a girl very happy someday" but refuse to date me?

[Accipiter]

Why do all my female friends say this to me? If I'm gonna make a girl very happy someday, why can't it be the girl who tells me this?

[Darkfairie17]

I totally feel you on this! I have had many guys say this to me, and either break up with me or reject me. It hurts so much. Like why can't it just be them if they think I'm so great?

I guess when it comes down to it. They realize you have good qualities, but there's something that is missing that makes it unlikely for them to want to date you. Maybe they can be your friend, but not lover.

It hurts and it sucks. But I would rather someone tell me that than date me and then break my heart or not give back the love I deserve.

I've seen relationships where one person clearly loves the other more and they take it for granted. It's hard to watch someone be so in love with their partner and the partner not care at all about them in return.

I think you need to learn to just brush off these comments and not take them to heart. Yes, one day there will be a girl who will see how truly amazing you are. But don't take it to heart when people say this. Try to look beyond that, and be thankful that you aren't with someone who wouldn't appreciate you.

I realize that's hard to do. But it's not good to dwell on things like this. It just makes it harder. People are attracted to positive people. If you dwell on it too much, other people can tell and it can ruin your dating chances.

[aamina_m]

I always wonder if people in those types of relationships feel insecure or KNOW their partners do not feel the same way? I mean, how could they not? In my last 3 relationships I knew my boyfriends didn't feel the same way and it always caused problems in our relationships and eventually I would have to put on my big girl pants and end the relationship.. thank god they never lasted too long though.. they were all pretty short. But I see people in these relationships who stay for years.. how can they not figure it out? How could people be blind for so long?

It does affect me when guys I like say that to me, and it happens a lot.. but I guess you are right. they like you but not enough to date you. but when I'm over it I couldn't care less anymore

[Darkfairie17]

@aamina_m I guess the one person who cares more stays because they hope things will change. They hope one day that person will wake up and acknowledge how amazing they are. While the one who cares less is getting their needs met, so despite not being truly in love with the other person, they stick it out until it no longer suits them. in my opinion I would rather have honesty and break up with someone or have someone break up with me if they can't give me what I need.

[aamina_m]

That's true, because I would do the same thing.. except I would never let it drag on for too long. Eventually I give up. Too bad most people stick it out for years

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh. I feel bad bc I have been one of those girls who have said this to one of my guy friends. I, however, did not know at the time that he was actually attracted to me. I told him bc I noticed that he had many great qualities that many women would want in a man. He made a great friend and I just know he will make a great partner to a lucky girl one day, but sadly that girl is not me. He is my best friend and I could never see him that way. I am able to notice his amazing personality, but I am not able to see him as anything more than a friend. And for that I feel bad bc he apparently saw me as more. But he is definitely deserving of a woman who can view him the same way he views her.

[Accipiter]

This sounds familiar.
One of the girls i felt the closest to when I was younger said this to me. She also used to tell me she loved me, and would call me everyday. But despite all of this, I was only in her friend zone. I was being strung along. Don't beat yourself up. If you still think he deserve someone who isn't you, maybe yo u may have 9 friend you can set him up with and make her a very happy
can set him up with and make her a very happy girl

[Accipiter]

Lol at the typing errors. I'm getting used to the hand writing to typing system

[aamina_m]

Men have said this to me too, so I don't get it either. These were guys that I wanted to date too, but I guess didn't want to date me back.

I honestly just think it's just bullshit.. I don't know... people are confusing.

[Accipiter]

Yeah totally. I mean it would be sweet and endearing coming from a family member or any person you're forbidden from dating, a friend of the same sex, or someone who you're mutually not interested in.

[aamina_m]

yeah, exactly. but when it comes from someone you are interested in, and they KNOW you are interested, and they say shit like this... it REALLY annoys me...

[RomansToPhilemon]

You should tell the girl who tells you that with the same response you gave in your question. "why can't it be the girl who tells me this?" Just say, well why can't it just be you? She might get turned on. Really. Try it.

[MadeInAmerica]

img.oltreuomo.com/.../friendzone.jpg

Because all they want to be is a friend to you. Your a nice guy just not their type.

[Tiger288]

Lol that funny

[Anonymous]

They mean that your not the guy they want to fuck and have fun with now but when it's time for commitment and marriage/children you'll be their GOAT choice.

https://i.imgur.com/Aw3pXgD.jpg

Someone wrote a mytake of how being looked at as marriage material is the kiss of death for any man.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10851-if-you-re-considered-marriage-material-by-women-then-that-s

[BuchitaBuchys]

Lol I've had this said to me.
It's rejection dude. Take it as it is.

It means your personality is good, but your looks are not, not to them at least.

At least that gives you a little clue what to work on if you want better chances.

[Kawaiigurl1234]

They think you're nice and all. You have amazing qualities. However, that person just isn't into you like that.

[SmoMan]

Sounds pretty straight forward. She means you are not a bad guy but she isn't interested in you.

[isitillegal]

They think you're a lovely person but they aren't attracted to you.

[Anonymous]

They don't think they're the right girl, but think you're a good dude. Two people can be perfectly nice but still not have much in common or be a good fit.

[Scrambledagain]

I had this all the time. You are an illustration of "nice guy". Now you will be shot down for identifying as a nice guy, but the truth is you not attractive. Seriously get pick up artist books. It changed me at your age.

[Accipiter]

Thanks. Any particular pick up artist book you recommend?

[Scrambledagain]

Neill Strauss: the Game. It's an absolutely fascinating book on how you can turn your life around by changing your mind.

David de Angelo: double your dating. I've never read it but everyone, including Neil Strauss recommends it.

Robert Glover: no more mr nice guy. Bro, this book is such a hard read because it shoots right into a nice guys soul. But it will change your life

[GigiTheGuilbert]

bc they either want to let you down easy and don't like you, or they like you but don't think they deserve you. girls are weird.

[Accipiter]

Thanks. But why would a girl feel she doesn't deserve a guy they like?

[GigiTheGuilbert]

it's just soemthing implanted in all of our brains that the guy we like hates us. it's a curse.

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm sorry, but that is best backhanded compliment pony. Dang.

That's well done. Ya gotta admit. Even if it's at your expense. It's well done.

[Accipiter]

I don't understand

[Scrambledagain]

Yeah please elaborate? That's the most devastating thing women can say to a guy. She may as well tattoo "friendshipzone" on his forehead

[redeyemindtricks]

@Scrambledagain It is, it's very devastating.
I mean.
Backhanded compliment. Sounds like one thing, means another.
"How'd you like my mom?" "She's the kind of person I'm lucky enough to meet only a few times in my whole life."
(:

I mean, that's a slightly different thing, there. That's more like wordplay, and less directly "backhanded". But it's all part of the same idea.

In French it's called "l'esprit de l'escalier". Spirit of the stairway. Named for that oh-shit feeling you get, when you think of THE PERFECT COMEBACK but you're already... In the stairway. On your way home.
(Incidentally, "esprit de l'escalier" is, very literally, the only human endeavor I can think of whose name is derived form total failure. Weird, right? It'd be like naming football after some play that didn't count because time ran out.)

Ooookay digression.

Anyway.

Backhanded compliments, sharp witty retorts, barbs, verbal judo, whatever. It's an art.

In my family, it's *high* art. We are good.

[redeyemindtricks]

Point being, it's like... a martial art? With words.

Like a real art. Your opponent gets a good one in, you say, yep! that was a good one, opponent. well played. And then you play the next round.

Maybe it's just my family... EVERYTHING IS COMPETITION. Everything. Even conversation. Conversation totally has a score and a winner and a loser. So totally does.

In the USA, I've found this is much more of a thing in the South than in the rest of the country. Some southern women start almost every single sentence with "some" sort of backhanded compliment ("Bless your heart...") It's very subtle. And cool. I mean. I get bored easily with conversations, but not when conversation is a fun game.

It is important NOT to let this devolve into mean-spirited. Spite, you lose. Vitriol, you lose. "Yo mama"... well, maybe you don't lose. You might totally win with that one, depending on what you say about whose mama and when and why.

It's a classy sport.

[redeyemindtricks]

Tell you what, just google Winston Churchill and backhanded compliment.

The man was a master of the art. He was also a racist fuckface dickhead, in addition to one of the greatest leaders in the history of the free world.

A lot of the wittiest barbs attributed to Churchill probably weren't Churchill's. That's the way it goes, with people of that stature. But undoubtedly he was one of the all-time champs. Of the sport.

It's the same sport being played by 9-year-olds talking about each other's mamas. They're just really bad at it, because they're 9 years old.

[Scrambledagain]

Oh ok, got it. Yes you 100% with it being a backhanded compliment.

[Enaya]

It is a hopeful thing to say. I think they might either think you are too young or unavailable to them in some way. I would say that to a guy if I thought he needed some growing up to do.

[jacquesvol]

Their full sentence is "You'll make a girl very happy someday but not me."

[SomeoneImportant]

It's a form of the "You're a great guy... but..." rejection speech.

Take it as an equivalent to a kick in the balls.

[existing_not_living]

Because they just aren't interested in you. Simple as that.

[apple24]

Same here! hahha! I dunno take that with a grain of salt!

[Accipiter]

Guys you like but won't date you tell you this?

[apple24]

yeah

[LovleyAli16]

maybe because that girl isn't into u andoesn't want to hurt your feelings

[XxLumierexX]

omg i have no idea I've only told that to guys I've had crushes on but was too afraid to tell them how i felt

[Oranges23]

Chemistry is really important if they don't feel it it's not going to happen. Sorry. But there's a lid for every pan just be patient!

[Anonymous]

Because she's not into you. I mean I know my little brother and little sister will make somebody happy one day... You can know it about lots of people, doesn't mean anything more.

[alice55]

She don't want to date you but for not hurt your feeling she tell you that.

[Anonymous]

They think you have an attractive personality but not physically attractive. It's false hope really to make themselves feel better for passing you by more than it is to make you feel better.

[heavensgift2girls]

I don't know why someone would down vote this obviously correct answer.

[rgb008]

They realize you're a nice person but don't think you're compatible.

[qwert1234]

They probably is not attracted or interested to you. Time to look for a newer fish in the sea.

[ConsultantIsBack]

She acknowledges you aren't a loser or creep but is not attracted to you, not interested.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Just tell them, "how about I make you very happy now?"

[Anonymous]

Maybe because they aren't attracted to you?

[Anonymous]

They want someone else to make them happy.

[skeptic007]

they are not attracted too you

[Anonymous]

Cause your ass is deep in the friend zone