If a woman says you're a great catch but doesn't want to date you, why would any other girl want to date you?

[Anonymous]

Chances are, other women dont want to date you either

[Anonymous]

That’s friendzone language bs 101. Women will often compliment a guy they friendzoned on anything and everything except him being attractive.

In her own way she means well. However she is talking to you the same way as she as a woman would want to be rejected. She doesn’t understand the friéndzone is more of a respect issue for men. That is men would rather have it over quickly like “hey you are a good guy. But tbh I’m just not interested”. No elaboration necessary (unless a guy asks why which he shouldn’t).

Anyway I know it’s cliche but don’t take it personally. She doesn’t feel the spark but it’s likely for a reason that’s out of your control.

[Nonyabiness]

She is just trying to be nice.

[DaveJord]

Nah... that's not true.

I went out on date with woman, and they were amazing dates... ended with some really good kisses and things. Next day they get all shady... one told me that she can tell I am the real deal, like she could really fall for a guy like me. But she been hurt before, and it was so difficult to get over... that she not really for another guy like me.

I didn't know how to process that honestly. Like is that compliment or insult?

I have had other women, just feel intimidated by it. Not like physical or even mental, intimidation. I mean they just start to feel inadequate somehow... like it's totally me, I am doing to them on some level. Like I want to do things, go places and achieve things... and I have had woman tell me that they just don't want to depend on a man, that they want those things for themselves, and don't want to depend on a man to achieve them.

I do really know how to process that either... given her situation... like she is not even close to achieving those things on her own. But I guess that's why she doesn't want to make herself valuable to depending on a man, because if she can't do it for herself... then she is dependent upon me. So that means, that she would rather not have those things, then to achieve them through me.

I mean there is something sweet and nice about that, but its also very not right on some level. Like you said you wanted a committed relationship, and you want those things... now we are in this process... and now you have this fear of commitment? Yeah, I guess I can understand that... but seriously?

[ManOnFire]

There are other women out there who would definitely date you. I would not take that woman's words to heart. No. 1 she says you're a great catch, yet wouldn't want to date you. She's just saying what she thinks she should to not hurt your feelings, and a dishonest woman is worse than one who simply isn't interested. A lot of times women will say something because they think it's what you want to hear, or because they think they should say something nice, but don't really mean it.

Regardless, she is just one woman in an ocean of many. If I were you I would be turned off instantly by her even saying you're a great catch but doesn't want to date you. Like, what? lol.

[Pinay_ako]

You’re going to let one woman ruin your life? Over her opinion of you? And any other woman after her won’t have a chance with you? That’s sad. Don’t give up easy

[Asker]

Its not giving up, its just being realistic. If you look like a poor version of Bill gates, 9 times out of 10 no one will want to date you. Disclaimer: i dont look like bill gates. I just made an analogy

[Pinay_ako]

It kinda is … someone still married Bill Gates before he became a somebody.

[Asker]

Bill gates was on his way. Status and being well known can make an impact

[kylee2437]

That’s a negative mindset to have honestly. You don’t know this woman’s reason for rejecting you (unless if you ask for the honest answer) but her insight of why she rejected you doesn’t mean other women won’t see the beauty in that reason

[Asker]

As a guy who's had a lot of experiences approaching, i can usually tell why they don't want to date me and I've been working on that issues and its not a character or personality issue. But if a girl says im a great catch but doesn't want to date me, chances are im not a great catch and probably have to make some improvements

[Inbox]

@Asker If you have a lot of experience approaching, then you should know that attraction isn’t always linear. There’s a lot of girls out there I find attractive, but I’d never date them. A woman’s tastes are usually more complex.

[Asker]

@Inbox A woman knows 5 seconds looking at you if shell date you or not based on physical attractiveness

[Inbox]

And women can sometimes change their mind. One woman’s opinion does not equate to 3.5 billion women POV of one man.

[Asker]

@Inbox In general most people not just women need to be physically attracted first. In general most people won't give a person a chance if they're not attracted physically

[Inbox]

... You're going off into tangents now. Your premise was that if one woman rejects you = all will. I'm trying to tell you when women reject or go out with you, it may be for other reasons that you may not know. My current girlfriend told me apart from being very physically attractive, I was assertive and straight to point and she's never had a guy approach her the way I did despite being a solid 10.

Also, it sounds like you're not physically attractive. Luckily for a man, you can work around that by being charming, better fashion, etc. Physical attractiveness is just one part of the process. I was lucky enough to have a high IQ and very good looking, but I didn't start getting girls until after college because I had no game (no idea how to approach, talk to girls, text game, timing, etc).

Game usually beats everything, but there are limitations of course. In your case, I wouldn't pin your hopes solely on your looks because I know men who are not really good looking, but have slept with hundreds of women despite all. Why? Game.

[Inbox]

*Luckily as a man

[Asker]

@Inbox In general looks attract, personality keeps. Without the first nothing else matters

[Inbox]

Try reading my comment again. Looks opens the door ONLY (unless you’re part of that top 3%), but they don’t guarantee that #, date, sex, it’s just a factor as I’ve told you with numerous examples already.

A girl may find a guy physically attractive, but if he’s submissive and she’s not into those types of guys, she won’t go out with him or sleep with him EVEN though he’s physically attractive. Vice versa a guy may not be good looking, but is charming and has great fashion and there are women who will go out with him because she’s more into personality than looks ——- like I said already, attraction is not a linear process and you assuming looks are always step #1 for all women means you have a lot more to learn.

I’m not commenting anymore because it seems you‘re intentionally being stubborn or not reading properly.

[Asker]

@Inbox My point is the initiation. Not keeping her

[kylee2437]

@asker I don’t agree with that. I need to get to know people before I can understand if I’m dating them or not. Being attractive doesn’t automatically make you relationship material, and sometimes the average looking guy gets the job done

[Asker]

Im just saying that in general physical attraction sparks the interests and then everything else comes into play. Without it, other qualities dont matter

[Dysney1023]

I’m sorry you feel that way. In all honesty it varies on the person. Most women want a clean romantic partner who is humble and kind yet a balance of spice and inner confidence. Making her laugh helps. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever find someone. Realistically you will find your person. It has nothing to do with a type either. People are dynamic. You just need to appeal to your person of interest. Take an interest in what she likes. But most of all know your worth. You are a human being with goals and ambitions. Keep doing that and you will find your person along the way. I promise. It takes time. I’m still on that journey myself. But you will find herrrr. Don’t give up.

[Asker]

Im doing what Andrew tate advices. Work on making more money, get fit, become a someone and work on my status

[Dysney1023]

Andrew Tate has some good points. However I don’t know if everything he says is accurate. I feel like ego will always tell you you’re not good enough. You need a balance of spirit too. Which tells you you are good enough. It’s really good you’re working on self improvement. Just remember it’s all about balance. :)

[Asker]

Of course not everything he says i agree with. But he's very honest and politically incorrect and is not gonna sugar coat anything. Money, status and looks. The Trinity

[Dysney1023]

Those are all good things to have. The thing about it to is if you have those things and no woman would you be happy? Such an unfair question. But if your happy your energy radiates to others. :) happiness is something we all want and love too if you have your cup overflowing I think that will help you too. It’s hard with what covid has brought all of us but each day is a gift. Money status and looks are good but they won’t necessarily fill any holes. I feel like maybe a good therapist could help. Men who have therapists and support so he can give support and receive it. ^_^ maybe that could help too?

[Asker]

You dont think these things (the Trinity) matters to most women?

[Dysney1023]

Honestly you don’t want most women do you? You want the one! To attract the one you must be the one. But to be the one you have to be you as an individual. And yes Andrew Tate has super good points. But as a woman I can guarantee you she will love the natural you far more than the trinity. And if she doesn’t she isn’t worth your time. Not like she’s a bad person but she is just not the one for you. You deserve someone to love you at your worst too. Life isn’t always going to be good filled with money and status and looks. You’ll get old and grumpy one day and feel like you failed something. But that won’t matter because your person will be by your side. And that will be what matters. Sure the trinity is great but heart to a woman is what opens hers. At least for a woman you would grow old with. :)

[Asker]

But there's generalities to how things work are there not. People tell men when it comes to attracting women to get in shape because generally wonen like fit men. In general wonen like men that lead in general women prefer men who are stronger than them. Dont you think by basing things on exceptions that im limiting myself and leaning on hope

[Dysney1023]

It’s 100% up to you. I know a lot of men who don’t fit the general stereotype that are happily married and have families. :) it’s not all hope if there is real evidence to prove otherwise. :)

[Asker]

Thanks otherwise. But im not gonna lean on hope. Im gonna do what guarantees a higher chance at succeeding.

[noemiii]

It means you probably have a great personality but are either

1.) Unattractive to her or in general

2.) Not financially stable enough

I’ve said this before to guys. They had great personalities I just wasn’t physically attracted to them. It is what it is. In fact, they wouldn’t like me romantically if I wasn’t physically attractive to them.

And before you or any incel man on this site goes on a rant about “women are so superficial” think of a woman you have with a great personality. Think of how she has a great personality to date but how she isn’t physically attractive to you so you wouldn’t date her.

[Asker]

The difference is that women won't date men on their level. They want higher. And what's an incel?

[noemiii]

And men don’t want to date women on their level either. They always want better so what’s your point?
And most women I know DO date men on their level, unless they’re very attractive, in which case they tend to date higher because men with higher value want women of higher value. Higher value men want more attractive women and more attractive women want higher value men. Less attractive women secretly want high value men and less attractive men secretly want more attractive women. Literally.

[Asker]

You do know most men are invisible right? Women only notice a small percentage of men in the dating market. Most men would happily date an average girl or a girl on their level. They just dont get the opportunity to (Yes men aren't entitled before you throw that in there). But its not the same

[Asker]

As of 2023 63% of men are single and only 34% of women are single

[noemiii]

First of all, you can not use that as a viable source considering most men WANT to be single, and most women do want to be in a relationship. Every man I know who is single, wants to be single.

Second, most women are the ones settling for men when it comes to appearance. There are a lot more attractive women than men, and an attractive man does not have to settle for an unattractive woman unless he wants to. Just like how most men are average height (5’10-6’0) and you rarely see a man (6’5+) he will have a lot more options than the shorter man.

You also just contradict yourself with stating that (women only notice a small percentage of men on the market) but in the same instance, say only 34% of women are single. I see a lot of men like you complaining on this site about women not desiring you, but you all refuse to acknowledge what traits you have that would make you undesirable like, being unattractive, overweight, bitchy like a woman, etc. how about you start there first.

[Asker]

That's cope. Most men dont have any options so they have to tell themselves that. And a man is not going to outright tell you that he has no options. Men lie about the options or choices they have. And how did i contradict myself? Women 34%, Men 63%. That's still a large number. Most men are invisible and women are only goint after the top 20% of men. That's the modern dating world

[Asker]

Women are sharing a small percentage of men.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Could be "you're a great catch but not my type" or "you're a great catch but I'm taken" or "you're a great catch but you're too young/old" or any number of other things.

There's no "chances are other women don't want to date you." Literally hundreds of millions of women don't want to date you. It doesn't matter. There's billions in the world and you only need one. Don't waste the time and energy on "maybe this one won't..." F it. Doesn't matter. I've dated a lot of women that other people said were out of my league (there's no such thing) and I've had women I'd consider sub-average preemptively tell me they wouldn't date me.

She said you're a great catch. Someone else will say that, too. Multiple someones. At least one of them will date you. Put your energy into you and into finding her.

[provokeesmokee]

Because, mindblowing theory: different people like different things, but some traits are fairly universally liked.

Or, alternative theory for when you hate yourself: you're not a catch. She's saying that to spare your feelings because it's obvious you'll spiral on social media sites if she doesn't.

[Asker]

More than likely she's lying and the guy is not that dateable

[Adam1978]

She is clearly lying, if someone isn't good enough for yourself, why would they be good enough for your friends? So never take that feedback from single people. There is a reason match making is done by people in relationship. It shouldn't be done by singles. If they can't keep a relationship going their advice is trash.

[Asker]

Yeah

[WindAtMyBack]

That's a polite consolation prize. You can't conclude that other women won't date you. All it means is THAT woman doesn't want to date you, nothing more.

Neither men or women are going to like every person they date. It's not going to happen. Dating is about trial and error.

If your date is worth anything at all, she will be polite about not wanting further dates. Just like hopefully you will be polite if you don't want further dates with a woman.

[AaronKrieger]

No, it just means you don't have chemistry with THAT person. If you're a great catch, then fucking use that to your advantage and look at what you can improve about yourself.

I feel like a lot of what dating is just being with people you connect with and it's all based on chance.

[Fireguy17]

You are a great person, but just don't have enough in common with her.
That is nothing against you at all, so don't take it personally.
I'm sure you have met someone who seemed nice, but weren't interested in dating them.
There is a difference between dating and doinking.

[Asker]

I dont say nice things before hand. I don't have that power to turn down someone because I've never been a rejector

[Anonymous]

When you’re basing your whole self worth off of one woman’s preferences, then yeah you’re probably right that no other woman will want to date you. If you don’t have common sense that tells you that everyone has different preferences, then why try to date?

[Asker]

There's generalities. In general women prefer guys who are in shape and have at least a lean build.

[JSmuve]

Maybe the woman in question is retarded or has some serious emotional baggage. Like what woman wouldn't want to date a great catch? That's like someone offering you $15 million but you turning it down because you don't want to be rich. You'd have to be some kind of retarded to turn that down.

If it ain't that, then she's lying. We all can think of a girl who we'd call a "great catch" but wouldn't date her because she ain't all that great. Otherwise, we'd date her.

[nolabels]

A guy can be recognized as being a great "catch" by a woman, but not have that "Zing" for him.

I'd take it as a compliment and run with it.

[Asker]

The problem though is the women who said that, Doesn't want to date me so really if i am a great catch why would any other woman think otherwise

[nolabels]

I'll reword my previous reply.

Apparently, she thinks that you'd be great for someone different than her.

There are many different types of people in the world, some of whom would be attracted to you, just not her.

You might be a little too close to your own thinking to see that.

You have to go find someone who is attracted to you.
She's not going to fall in your lap.
That's about what happened to me, but that's a rare occurrence.

The more interests that you have that put you into social situations, the more the odds of finding someone skyrockets.

I was a bachelor into my 30s. I like fishing. You don't meet many girls out on the river in a boat.
It was when I started socializing that my wife fell in my lap.
My fishing has been sharply curtailed.
Just sayin'.

I can hear your questions already. How? What do I do? Do you. Broaden your horizons. Get interested in something. You never know when one interest will lead to another which leads to your Ms. Right.

Is this one single woman an interest for you simply because she's "a woman" who is "around" you?
Was your interest in her piqued by her statement?
People tend to react fondly to those who compliment us.
That's normal.
It's not love, though.

Again, compliment, run with it.

[hahahmm]

There's a huge variety of women. They don't all think alike when it comes to who they would date/be with. Yes, there ARE a lot of similarities on some things when it comes to each gender.

[DizzyDesii]

Just because I’m not into him doesn't mean I dont think others will be. I can tell someone they’re a great catch but not want to date them

[Asker]

If you're not into me even though you tell me im a catch, 9 times out of 10 other women think the same way

[DizzyDesii]

For example, conservative and liberal women have totally different thoughts, values and mindsets. Then there's the middle ground ladies. Now in your situation, you have women who are strict, women who are shallow and women who settle. Maybe you should say 1 out of 3 women might turn you down. Think about it

[Asker]

Most are going to. It's gonna be very rare to find one that will

[SolitarySolace]

I know women don’t want to date me. It’s been almost 9 years. I have gone on a date but she only wanted my money and I work in the warehouse of a thrift store. I don’t make enough to just spend my money all Willy-nilly.

[Nikki1989]

Just because you are a great catch doesn't mean every woman wants to date you. I know a lot of men that are a “great catch” but I would never date them.

[Asker]

That's the thing, if you don't want to, more than likely no women want to

[DextroShade]

As a guy, no matter who you are most women won't date you. Even the top their wealthy fit pickup artists only have a success rate of 10%, so it's really just a numbers game. If she isn't interested just ghost her and move on.