How can I make my girlfriend honest with me?

[Anonymous]

my girlfriend lies and lies and lies ...

i caught her so many times and every time she promises that she will be honest but after a short period she lies to me again.

i never treated her bad and I never got angry when she makes a mistake and comes to me to confess ..i just want the truth nothing else ...

all I want is to know why she lies? and how can I make her honest to me?

[sonic241928]

If she has a problem telling the truth, it's only going to continue until she makes a concerted effort to change. It won't be easy for her, and she will occasionally resort to it since lying has been her "comfort zone" for so long. If you're deeply in love with her, then I suppose you would do whatever you can to make her know she can trust you with the truth, and the whole truth (while making the point that YOU have to be able to trust HER). Be there for her, open up to her, listen to what's eating away at her soul, and help her through it.

BUT, if her lies are sabotaging your relationship, she's selfishly fulfilling the desire to avoid telling you the truth, or if her needs are being met and yours aren't, it's not a healthy relationship. I would move on from a girl like this, and I would avoid a girl who started showing these red flags at the beginning. A lying problem means a deceptive personality, and can very easily lead to unfaithfulness, other bad habits and addictions, etc.--all of which she may attempt to hide from you.

That said, you know your own needs and you know her better than we all do. There should always be a balance. Do what's in your heart, but do whatever it takes to achieve equality as two people--whether that means repairing or ending the relationship. Best of luck.

[Tiruas]

Excellent advice... :)

if she refuses to stop lying to you & it really means that much to you... perhaps break-up with her & stay away from her temporarily... give her a little tough love & see if she values you & your relationship over her need to be deceptive....

Perhaps the thought of losing you & your relationship might serve as a catalyst for change... if she truly values your relationship, she might be willing to change in order to get you back.

In the mean time you might see other ppl

[Tiruas]

Actually I just read below under the comments that you said she has cheated on you & you just found out, but she said she's stopped. But, she's a habitual liar...

This is all very bad news :( She needs counseling & also needs to know that you're patient & understanding, but she's desperately close to losing you.

You are loving & patient.... which she NEEDS, she must be desperately insecure.... she needs you in her life... but she also desperately needs change & you can't make her do it.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot tiruas for your advises , I did almost the same as you are saying here and she's so much better now..she doesn't lie anymore and now she's much more open with me :)

[Tiruas]

Those comments were posted 21 days ago... I'm not sure 3 weeks is enough time for her to have a life altering change of heart... I would say maybe she got scared enough to straighten up for a longer period this time.

But, be wary friend... she probably needs counseling in order to truly change. You can't make her go, but you can make her decide between going & losing you.

You sound like a great guy... perhaps a little too trusting & naive. But it is great that you love her above & beyond...

[sonic241928]

Thanks QA for Best Answer. Great to hear the good update, but keep in mind, it will STILL take a lot of work and time for her to overcome it completely; personalities don't change overnight. But with hard work and patience, you both can do it. Best of luck : )

[sonic241928]

And oh yeah, Tiruas is making some excellent points. Never be afraid to stand up for what you want out of a relationship...as a guy, when you show independence, and unwillingness to accept a person's BS, it makes a girl respect you and quickly separates the keepers from the losers. I agree that she'll probably need therapy. But continue to demonstrate high value for yourself to her. Be respectful and caring, but NEVER compromise--extremely important.

[takemedrunkimhome]

If you came on here and some guy said he caught his girlfriend cheating on him and that she lies to him constantly what would your advice be to him?

Most of the time we are too close to a situation to see it for what it is, but if you think about someone else in that situation you know what needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

She's broken your trust repeatedly by lying over and over again. Make sure she knows this.

And trust is a very important building block in the foundation of any relationship. So yours will eventually, if it hasn't already, start to crumble.

I suggest you tell her the lying needs to stop or it's going to force you two to break up.

You can't make her be honest with you, you can only plead with her that she should be.

And if she's not, move on.

[Asker]

I guess she won't :(....

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with a habitual liar.

And even if she tells you she'll stop lying, there's no way to know for sure. She could be lying, yet again.

It's a lose-lose.

[samsochocolate]

u can never change a person.

why does she lie? depends what she lies about. a lot of people lie so they don't hurt others, or to hide their weaknesses, ashamed, or just is really scared/coward to face the real thing. I don't know. a lot of reasons people lie. the reaons you know may also be told a lie. a lie is a very...deep thing...no one knows the truest truth but the liar who tells the lie. I think I'm crapping. but this is how I feel.

[Asker]

Thx 4 the answer :)

but is there anyway to make her honest to me? cause I don't get why she's not , iam so nice to her we are together for 6 months and I never even yelled at her although I caught her cheating on me once : (

[samsochocolate]

Hmm well...i dontknow but here's what I think: are you controling her? if you are contrlling her, change it to letting her do ANYTHING she wants. never say no to her. lol. I used to lie to an ex of mine who LOVEED controlling me in every way. that's the reason I lied more and more.

do you mean she's been cheating on you more than once?.....

[Asker]

Well I never controlled her I always told her that she is free to do anything and that I won't force her on me..

and yeah she cheated on me twice in the past six months but she says that she didn't love me then and that she loves me now..anyway I gave her another chance , but today I caught her lying about some messages on her phone's sent items...

[samsochocolate]

U don't dserve this. I wish you to leave her. if not, I wish you the best of luck and strength to go thru this. 'i didn't love u....but I love you now'...... is....just......sigh............... hun, you don't dserve this.

[Asker]

Its so hard, I truly love her..and I have no clue what to do :(

its so painful when I get hurt so much from the person I love the most...

but thx a lot for your help and I will give it a thought :)

[samsochocolate]

I know rite... I've gone thru that alot. and I just hv to tel myself finally that love is not enuf. painful so its better to get out from a relationship where trust is being abused. all the best ;)

[angiewaln]

maybe you need to get angry and upset with her when she does. When you don't it's telling her that it' ok because your not mad or angry with her. you can't have a relationship based on lies. And at some point I would give her an option of telling the truth or leaving her. Get her attention and let her know that lying is not cool. and she has to stop.

[Anonymous]

you can't make a girl be honest with you. you can only teel her how you feel and ask her to be honest. obviously, if you haven't done anything wrong, this girl doesn't deserve you. I would say that next time she lies, tell her you don't think that your relationship is strong and you guys (meaning her) aren't always honest with each other. then, you break up with her and move on. once you have broken up with her, hopefully she will realize what she did wrong and not do it again to future boyfriends, but I wouldn't count on it. I hope this helped and good luck! :)

[bethesda]

dude leave her for good. she is not gonna change. then she gonna end up being pregnant and sh*t and she be like its your kid then you won't get rid of her ever. and to me it sounds like you are too nice and like sof guy some girls don't really like that. maybe she is one of those girls.

[ktbeasleyze]

Well tell her strait up that if she can't get her act together then you are dumping her cause you can't handle being lied to for no reason at all. She needs to grow up and get life together because you are being way to paitent with her.

[m3TALchick]

She could be a compulsive liar. What's the point? The trust is gone and paranoia has set in. Wanna make her honest? Break up with her, its the only way she'll learn and it'll help her realize that she needs to grow up.

[KRAKASI]

You can't make anyone become what they are not, Id say give it up and look for some one who has more respect for you and what a relationship is about

[sweetnsassy23]

you don't want to be with someone who lies constantly she's never going to learn her lesson!DUMP HER!

[Tiruas]

People can change.... they merely need the desire to do so, for themselves... if she lies due to a psychological imbalance, perhaps she needs counseling in order to help her change...

he obviously loves her or he would've left her already... I disagree with you fundamentally

[sweetnsassy23]

Okay so on the reverse spectrum if a girl was dating a guy who lied to her constantly should she give him a second chance and try to help him?Ive been in this situation before and everyone told me to dump the guy (advice from this site) and that he didn't care about me.I guess it all depends on how much you love the person.....

[inquizitor911]

If you've given her so many chances and she still keeps lying, break up with her. Liars are NOT worth it! She will only end up hurting you in the end.

[Anonymous]

dump her. if you are dating a habitual liar you will never get the truth out of them. how do you know when she's lying or telling the truth? save yourself the trouble and find a new girl. you can't turn a liar into an honest woman.

[zemushy]

get her in bed, and play dirty 'Truth or Dare', that I'll work.. ;D works...

[jenn33]

what does she lie about exactly?

[Asker]

She lies about everything ,no matter how simple it is ....

[jenn33]

What about cheating with other guys? if not yet, she will soon.

i say, dump her. Honestly, NOBODY in this world is worth heartbreak.

[Asker]

She already did cheat one me..i caught her last week, but she said that she stopped and that she wants me because she loves me..

[jenn33]

DO you believe her?

[Asker]

Yeah I do know that I am special to her, I believe that she just lost and needs help..

[jenn33]

Maybe.

the only one who's putting their emotions/heart on the line is you. enough is enough, I say. tell her to get lost.

[Asker]

And I will do that if she stays like that, but now the girl who I love needs me and I have to be there, I can't just give up on her like that :(

thx a lot for ur advice :)

[jenn33]

I think you're confused about what it means to "need" someone. You should be there for your girl if she's got a health problem, or if there's a death in her family, or if someone hurt her. Your job is to be there for her, yes! But, when YOU are the one she's hurting, that doesn't mean she needs you. She has character flaws that are detrimental to the relationship.

[Tiruas]

But he loves her.... and she isn't flawed as a character on purpose. Sounds like she needs counseling badly... but she also NEEDS love & support in her life... which he is providing. She sounds desperately insecure & may actually get worse if he leaves her.

This is a sad & tragic story.... particularly because you love her & don't have to heart to abandon her... I truly feel for you :( It is good to see love strong enough to pass this test....

But she needs help. She's a liar/cheater.

[Tiruas]

I believe he does understand correctly... and she does need him. Unfortunately, the relationship is destructive & harmful for him.

She needs counseling friend & by the end of this you might also need it :(

But, if you love her, be tough with her..... force her to get counseling if she wants to stay with you. Force her to realize she will lose you & you're something good she needs... she will have to change to keep you.

[barkmoon]

Dump her bitchy ass. You seem too good for her.