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Do you try to be nice on purpose or are you naturally that nice?
For me I like men that are nice but also not push overs.
What's the difference?
I do try to be nice on purpose, to an extent. But I am naturally that kind of person as well- I just don't want to have to repress my natural tendencies to be a nice person around girls I'm romantically interested in, or around friends, in the same way that I would around a random person on the street. It's just extremely tiring, draining and depressing to try and keep up the facade that I have to maintain all the time- that I'm a big, bad hard-man who won't think twice about mashing you to a pulp if you even think about messing with me or screwing me over. I had to learn to suppress my natural desires to be nice and do nice things for people all the time- not just to avoid disrespect, but to stop other guys trying to murder me in dark alleys. But I want to at least be able to be myself, take off the battle armor, and be as nice as I want to be, for the people who I care most about, without them rejecting me for doing so. Is that so much to ask?
Dudes that aren't push overs will be blunt about it what they don't like.
You don't need to act like a bad guy. Just be bluntly truthful about everything.
I'm naturally bluntly truthful about everything, to the extent where it's a curse. But I've always been told that "if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all"- and for that reason, I find myself saying nothing, or having to change the subject, a lot more often than I'd like to.
I found out at an early age that no-one wants absolute, brutal honesty all of the time. People just can't handle the truth, the truth and nothing but the truth- if you point out all of a girls' flaws, even if you do it in the nicest way possible, no girl will want to be around you if you do. She'll lash out at you and run off in tears, and you will be the bad guy.
Throw that rule book out the window and say what you truly think.
My boyfriend is bluntly honest about EVERTHING, thats one of the things I love about him. Yes sometimes the truth hurts but I know he's not doing it to be mean. With him being blunt about everything I feel like I can trust him no matter what.
@Raymond_Reddington Pushover is who overrides their own opinion regardless of what it was just because it would clash with what she says.
It's like https://xkcd.com/185/ but all the damn time.
stop caring about them so much. Ask them out, make em laugh, if they dont wanna be with you then you know you won't be wasting time on them - pretty easy.
Dont act like a friend, dont be their confessor/doctor, not much compliments and go straight and easy to the point
signed : an ex nice guy who had enough
A guy being nice doesn't means he is stupid. Some guys just have better manorism, you are nice from within and it shows like a real reflection of such a good human being. And probably she isn't use to being treated like a lady. dont change because of her. she will one day realize the difference. some of us girls or females doesn't know a genuine sweet, loving soul. She does not deserve you.
I completely agree with you. Why do boys and men think changing how nice they are will get them females that are really worth while. If she can not appreciate you now, trust me in the future she would not be satisified with your effort either. My advice is continue to be nice, don't let anyone walk over you, and the right girl will come along. It may take time. But hey that's life.
sounds to me like they are saying "stop being nice" but what they are actually saying is "take charge. stop asking me everything that I want to do and tell me what we are going to do" if you are asking them everything they are seeing it as insecurity and indecisiveness
Different girls have different preferences on guys. by the way, I like nice guys 😊 their caring behaviour could melt my heart but don't overdone your kindness because some of them are not considering that you are into them.
I am a transsexual woman. In our group there are lots of men who used to be married to a woman converting themselves to a woman. They all become prostitutes and sell themselves. So join the trans community maybe will teach you not to be nice and have fun as a women at the same time
"Too nice" usually means kinda overbearingly clingy.
Be nice. Please alwaya be nice. But not to an extent where you're always bending over backwards to do so. Its weird.
Couldn't it be that all this just develops in you girl's minds that such a guy would be that extreme?
Sometimes it's best to not ask what your girl wants all the time.. like surprising her instead of asking her where she'd want to go out is sometimes better.
You're okay just Have some control.
Be who you are but stop having expectations of your kindness
stay nice but dont let your self get walked all over.
I dunno, push her in the mud preschool style? Maybe she should stop complaining.
Why would you want to stop being nice to girls? It's good to be nice to everyone.
No no no no no its not.
@Touglyforfemales I'm nice to everyone and it works out food for me. The world would be a better place if everyone was just nicer to each other.
For a guy being nice can led to people thinking they can take advantage of you. Being nice is a sign of weakness... be nice but if anyone pisses you off stand up for what you believe in. I'm a nice guy... but if I see people trying to annoy me/make fun and i can see them enjoying doing it, i'm going to uppercut them to heaven.
Its different when your a female.
@Touglyforfemales No no no what?
@Touglyforfemales Yeah with females being nice is like a bonus.. oh wow this one isn't a crazy bitch +10. Girls cannot be too nice literally... its seen as cute.
@Jamesol1 I'm nice and you wtf me and you will have a problem
@Djaaaaaay That sounds great. Can't wait.
@Djaaaaaay Guys don't care if she's nice, crazy, freaky or whatever they don't put that much thought into it.
@Touglyforfemales That's exactly why they start complaining. Got a give alttle to get alittle. Don't invest , don't expect anything back. Display a bad attitude.. Expect it in return. Don't smile.. Don't get one back. Your choice !!!
@Djaaaaaay Well women don't smile or even say hi to me cause I don't meet the requirements.
@Jamesol1 I'm sure you're at that age where you have prove your self in front of other guys and act rugged to young girls to show your right etc... Sorry but that don't work for me...
@Touglyforfemales Timing is responsible for that. A true gentleman will know when it's appropriate to assist with graditude. Forced graditude is looked as an advanced sexual move. Genrally offensive and rejected.
@Djaaaaaay Well I learned years ago I can't trust women even if they are nice I learned that the
hard way. So even if one were to smile or talk to me I'd just brush her off cause chances are she's just getting a sick joke out of it.
@Touglyforfemales Or you can create your own atmosphere around you by displaying you're better character and personality so that you attract those worthy of it. again it's your choice how you want results. I don't oppress women and women don't oppress me either. I also don't allow anyone walk all over me either. Don't worry , you will noticed more than you think. It always starts with a thank you , that's nice of you. Make it happen. !!
@Djaaaaaay Like I said I ignore women their not worth my time their all stuck up look at the women on here.
@Touglyforfemales You are the only one standing in your own way to success. Your fear is driving your car... Why don't you drive your own car. Winners aren't always born... Most winners are ex- loosers. Nothing matters.. Untill you make it matter , negativitly or positively... Your choice !! I would abandon the foolish disappointements from long ago and create a different story to tell.
@Djaaaaaay I don't even have a car what does that have to do with this?
@Touglyforfemales Read between the lines. It means , your driven by your own fears. So change it instead.
@Djaaaaaay K
@Djaaaaaay I'm the last person to act tough/rugged especially infront of women. I act chill. But when people really piss me off... they go out of my way to insult me or something (you know that gym guy that thinks he can fight). Then i will start throwing. But I am nice otherwise... but not very when i need to be.
@Jamesol1 Alright.. I'm not mad at you ok. And I believe you too. Thanks for replying. !!
Have some self respect
Love them but also love yourself more
Being nice is great, being undecisive can be troubling for some, and being desperate is ehhhhhhhhhhhh
It's a game. they're just a pain i the back. But acting like a completely obnoxious loser seems to help.
You sound too nice in this post, srsly I swear to god. If you're all emotional, how can you be sexy?
If you're an emotionless zombie, how can you be sexy? I possess emotion- I'm not an emotionless psychopath, in spite of my natural proficiency at playing the role if I were so inclined, as someone with Aspergers. Is there anything wrong with that? If you want a sex partner who isn't emotional at all, why not just stick to machines and dildos?
A dead emotionless deep stare at a woman in bed or a voice similar to an emotionless one can be very sexy to a woman in bed, if that's what they're saying they ARE NOT (no matter what they say) looking for an actual relationship, they're half-assing it and are not the type of girl you want, make that clear to them so they don't waste your time, of course like a gentleman ;)
Well, do you think a girl who does everything for you and is always extremely nice is sexy? Probably you'd see her as a pushover.
I don't do anywhere near 'everything' for them- just the most than I can, with the resources available to me. Which, TBH, isn't much. And I'm certainly not always extremely nice- I'm generally a nice person, and prefer to be nice by default, but I also don't really hesitate when bringing up unpleasant truths, calling people out on their bullshit, and asserting my standpoint on particular issues. You assume that I'd be a pushover? So did several people over the years, on account of how nice and calm and polite I was. Lots of guys, bullies, tried to beat up on me back in my school days, thinking I'd be easy prey. But I showed them all the error of their assumptions. I may be a "nice guy"- not a thug, not "one of the gang". And I may not look all that powerful. But one-on-one, in a straight fight, I can kick the ass of any thug in town. With half of them, I already did so back when we were at school together. And I did so with ease. Do I still sound like an unsexy pushover to you?
But... they didn't ask you for favors right? People will take advantage if you just do stuff for them for no reason. I'm glad you defended yourself srsly because way more people need to do that. But that demeanor... it's not good IMHO
How is it not good? Can you give me a few pointers as to what's wrong with my demeanor in your opinion, and how I might go about improving it?
If you're always nice, then that's not sexy or interesting. You might be her bff at most. You could let girls try to impress you instead. Like you have your own interests that you talk about, and they have to find out more about you and get to know you and put some effort in! Then you're not doing anything. Hell even watch some pua vids on youtube.
Like I said, I'm not always nice. And yes, I am the bff of a few different girls, and that's probably because of what you said, but to be honest, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a bff- I value friendship too. That thing about having girls try to impress me though? Having my own interests that I talk about, so that they have to find out more about me, get to know me, and put some effort in? I've been trying that for donkey's years. With literature, fiction reading and reading, artistry and design, martial arts, sports, science and technology, meditation, history and culture... Guess what? No girl HAS to do any of that- I'm not entitled to any of it. And for the vast majority of girls, putting that kind of effort in to find out more about a random, unknown guy like me early on just isn't going to be deemed worth the hassle. If a man wants anything in life, he can't just sit back and expect it to fall into his lap. He has to work for it, struggle for it, fight for it.
Oh ofc I agree friends can be awesome! But you said you wanted sex. Do you go to clubs? Do you flirt with any girls?
I do go to clubs, and I do attempt to flirt with girls. But I know that I suck at it. Like I said, I have Aspergers- 'push and pull' doesn't work for me, because I'm incapable of sub-consciously reading body language and other similar non-verbal clues. I need to have my attentions focused on a girl to be able to look at her movements and expression, interpret them and work out whether she's flirting or not. And if my attention's focused elsewhere, then I'll be completely blind to it. Which makes clubs some of the most stressful places on Earth to be for me- I went on Dragon's Den five years ago, and even though my pitch got brutally rejected, that was a less stressful, less tense and less hostile environment than any nightclub I've ever been to. I can't see without actively looking.
If you have bffs then you don't lack social skills lol I think you'd be fine. I have people in my family, who are very special needs and they're very social people... Sex, well, lots few guys have problems with getting that srsly.
You'll know if a girl likes you, and buying them gifts being their emotional support isn't going to get you nowhere quick. You have to be funny and come off as im the man, and not be afraid to lose her. Being funny is going to take you a lot further than just being nice, or being an asshole.
Learn to view women simply as human beings and nothing more. Think about how you treat your male friends, you don't just let them walk over you or use you.
You like hanging out with them care for them and would sacrifice for them the difference between them and women in your eyes at least is that women are somehow entitled to wore velvet touch. This is screwed up thinking, treat women like you would treat any other adults and the ones who actually are adults will stick around.
I have a very similar case with my ex-girlfriend, but my friends made me make the right call. You just have to respect yourself first and foremost, and respect the girls interests and don't be a complete kiss up. Move on from rejections, focus on your goals for life and don't make girls your first priority.
Hope this helped.
pretty sure it's because you are ugly or physically unattractive.
but if not that, then you just need to get burnt by girls a few times, and then you will actually lose the ability to treat them nice.
I can learn something from these opinions, not that I tend to give too many presents but giving emotional support to my friends when I think they need it, is something I love to do :D
In order to stop being a nice guy you need to do some heavy duty recalibration of who you really are. I would rather remain a 'cute teddy bear' than become that dick I was as an cocky bad boy.
I work in a jail and the first thing I noticed is that he hottest girls I have ever seen come visit the inmates. And here I am a guy that makes good money I have been to combat four times with the marine corps I mean I'm an American hero but I can't get a girl at all. I mean these hot girls come in and out money on these guys books etc. So I came to a conclusion... GIRLS LIKE LOSERS
Well, consider how the hot girls will be with their losers in a few decades or so. The poor guy's hopefully not talking about bimbos in his question, just more average girls.
@RedVulcan I'm just stating what I see everyday
Become a badboy! Hurt their feeling so they'll feel bad about themselves. That way, they'll wanna share the bed with you, because they'll think they're nothing, but at least you like them.
Trust me, that's exactly what all women want these days.
"You are too nice" equals to one of two things:
1. "You are an inconfident loser, but I am too nice to sy it."
2. "I am mentally messed up and those only attracted to guys who treat me like shit".
and thus only attracted*
Stop putting them on a pedestal... they are just people. They are not all the same... some are truly wonderful, some are complete bitches. Don't be fooled by superficial characteristics. You need to love yourself first... or you will be totally consumed...
Maybe that's the type of attention they're used to receiving. Change their idea of men. Don't change yourself.
Any girl would be lucky to have someone as nice as you as their boyfriend. I think they're just used to being treated badly, and the only thing you can really do is continue being nice to them. Being an asshole will NOT help, trust me.
Stop going after girls who don't appreciate nice guys
That would be 3.500.000.000 women minus 3.500.000.000 women. now let's count...
Build bariors. Write a list of ways to do that. Be a man and not soft. Girls need to earn your true kindness
This right here but if you don't know any girls or conversate with them they'll never persue your kindness just give hints of how different you are in a relationship like share stories or give them some if they're having a bad day no matter how badly your heart screams to shower them with love, the more you moderate your love the longer it'll last it's like a bottle of water in the desert.
you are a rare guy
most cunts would take advantage of that dont worry
u will find a girl who is too nice too
she will be the nougat and you the caramel
i guess the question is WHY not? being a gentle true man is very rare these days , KEEP IT !! please
Yet there are many couples out there. Conclusion?
Let's face it: girls suck off the guys they meet in clubs who clearly want to use them. But guys who are genuinely nice and care for them are used as pack mules and shoulders to cry on. They learn one day, although it's usually when they've had three courses of antibiotics for the clap or oral thrush. Immature women like bad guys.
You haven't been a total jerk if a girl can't see that u really care about her she is the jerk not u.
true true. i always say that enlightened self interest is better than compassion because compassion is indiscriminate and the people most deserving of it are the people who can give it back. Lebron James just spent millions on higher education for thousands of kids... but if any one of those kids grows up to be a millionaire, they owe their career and success to Lebron James. that gesture pays itself back when well received, but its not any less an act of kindness or generosity.
Must count for almost any girl, or have you seen any ending up with a "nice guy"?
The problem is not that you are too nice it's your boring. Just surprise her (bring her to a nice restaurant or something like that, do things that other guys doesn't do and that would make her watch you with sparkles eyes)
Tbh I wouldn't try to change who you are. There's nothing wrong with being nice or a good person. Realise that you should be proud of that.
go for the older ladies, they are more mature and they will understand just how meaningful your niceness is. Also if you are funny its a plus
gross dude
@mostwomenshouldstfu not gross, when I mean older I dont mean a 60 year old. I mean like a mid 30s girl he is 29 afterall
Again, gross dude. Play with people your own age. Quit plundering or being the plundered. I doubt you'll ever come to fully understand them, probably as much as you understand those in your own age bracket, which is why you have to resort to going against the grain.
Sorry Bobbyhill1, but while I've looked and I've kept an open mind, I've never found any woman older than the age of thirty sexually attractive. Sure, there are several women in their thirties and even their forties who are objectively sexy, objectively attractive. But personally, sitting next to them and talking to them, the arousal just hasn't been there for me with older women. I also know perfectly well that age and mental maturity are not the same thing- far from it. And I also know that age, and experience, typically makes people less willing to accept niceness, kindness and funniness, not the other way round. Neurological studies show that we only truly become fully-fledged adults at the average age of 32. I want to be with a girl who's still young at heart.
@mostwomenshouldstfu did you even listen? he is 29, 35 is a 6 year difference.
@mostwomenshouldstfu and I dont date younger women because they are immature, im 19, I go for about mid 20s like 24-26. thats not bad at all, you are reaching
oh and mid 30s girls aren't young at heart? you are probably searching in the worse spots possible. I have met some girls who seem to never change from their early 20s and are now 30 something
That's not necessarily a good thing. Always depends on the individual. You're dancing with manipulation central, a lot of those women will chew you up and spit you out if you don't know what you're doing. On the whole, girls mature faster than guys and play that along with experience. Again, depends on girl, exceptions exist. Roll the dice with those odds if you want, but I suggest only the alphas take on that challenge.
Or even omegas.
@mostwomenshouldstfu the fact that you said alphas lets me know how much of a tool you are lol. there is no alpha male. trying to be ''alpha'' just makes you known as the douche
Well it's because you came across as being needy or desperate - meaning she didn't feel good in your company. It's the quick answer, of course it's more complicated see @justlilly questions.
Try to be genuine. Show them who you really are. Don't try to impress them. I get a lot of women looking at me not in a lustful way but as a potential boyfriend.
get to go out with a girl from outise ur original "zone" of friends, and be who u want to be. dont lie to her, just be that "player" u secretly want to be
Don't change, as long as you're being honest and just being yourself. If all the nice stuff is an act, quit it. You'll be far better off in the long run just being who you are and finding someone who wants the person you really are.
I do this with guys and I am trying to learn to be picky or not be so desperate.
Better to be too nice than an ass or a player. Always take the high road!
I honestly have no clue. I've rarely met nice people myself and I appreciate those who are nice.
me too. Genuinely nice people are hard to find
@smartman12 in fact, in my life I have only met three people who are nice:
1. My English teacher in 8th grade... altho it might be out of obligation, I've hardly ever seen her facial expression or habits "break", so to speak.
2. An old friend of mine... in a dream I even contemplated that "she was the one I was supposed to fall in love with". She's really nice and shy, I don't think she's faking it or anything.
3. A friend of my mother's. Although notably her subtle actions and reactions to my mother (no, I'm not talking about micro-expressions, I'm talking about having to actually be nice in difficult situations and thinking through carefully) clearly shows cracks against her usually really nice appearance and habits.
Be pacient cause it probably means they are to full of themselves if they didn't notice you bro.
As long as it couldn't possibly be seen by her as bribing or something, I don't think there's such a thing as too nice. (Just be careful not to empty your wallet on roses and candy. lol)
By the way I found you attractive so i followed you ;)
he does not even have a picture. you are trolling
First things first, don't refer to refer to them as girls, women or ladies.
You must call them bitches or bitch.
Example: Me: Bitch go make me a sandwich
Bitch: Ok honey
You: Bitch go make me a sandwich
Me: *Throws ingredients for a sandwich all over you
Opinion owner. Your luck I'm NOT gay... I'd f... Y... While you make me a sandwich. !!
@Djaaaaaay congratulations on being the first person to ever get blocked, homo
Yeah - just treat them like they're your buddies more than opposite sex.
Be more assertive and co trolling
But not too much
This topic reminds me of a video I have found about few days ago:
www. youtube. com/watch? v= ihSTGqCO52Q
(Remove spaces to watch it.)
Well first you make a plan and stick with the plan, not ask what she wants to do. Yes be a gentleman, but lead her.
Wow wow! Don't worry Post your numbers Girls will be all over you texting you Trust me😋
Girls like nice guys more than badass
may b u like nice guys :-)
Aha! Nice guys are nice... 😋
people kinda confuse nice for weak.. don't u think?
Nooooo! Nice people just don't show thier power on everything! They wait for the right time! That's why they are 'nice'
Nicely put ;-)
I know😋
such girls had actually used me as a rebound... and yes, they were "all over me"
Just need to find the proper balance. Be respectful, but not a push over. Be confident and proud of who you are, but not arrogant and narcissistic.
There's different types of nice. Some types are off putting.
Be an asshole and treat women they way the deservel ike the soul sucking pieces of human excrement they are and they will LOVE you for it. DEep down they know they are inferior to men and always will be.
I don't know someone tell me I have the same problem
Being always online always kind always here... It 's not always a good idea sometimes u must to pretend that u don't care to push the girl starting asking , calling, texting... It gives a taste for a relationship
better be too nice... there r already many fu ck boys and not enough nice guys
Yet fu ck boys get more dates, and more sex.
@Paul09
if u search for a lot of random one night stands-be a fu ck boy
Nah, sex is always welcome, but im looking for a actual realstionship.
@Paul09 Exactly... it women and their poor taste that perpetuate the cycle of Assholes/jerks. If guys that act like jerks never got any because they acted like Jerks then they wouldn't.
Girls only realize it after they had the guys kids and the guy doesn't change his behavior. That's why the world is going to shit (losers reproducing faster than nice/decent people).
@NJ_Casanova another sexist, blame it all on women
Men are what women makes them, and women are what man makes them.
Both do whatever it take to get the deal done, it's evolution baby.
are you seriously gonna date/ go out with a good looking but nice guy? I wish those women were in higher numbers than 1 in a million
@diegoD from my expiriance good looking guys r fu ck boys, and not so very good looking r nice guys..
so if guy is good looking and nice its just bingo
How come I am both and , it sucks that the niceness overshadows everything else? where do I find or how do I find girls who don't mind me being somewhat a nice guy? what do I have to do?
maybe the girls your chasing is the porblem. try approaching different type of girls
treat yourself with respect, treat them like they're a human.