Are people really as happy as they seem?

[Anonymous]

Are people really as happy as they seem?. I don't know why but I thought I would try get some other points of view on this question. What it is I'm basically stuck in a rut, I don't have many friends, I'm still single at 22, I'm quite shy when it comes to meeting new people. I was out last night and was feeling a bit low. When I see other people having a laugh with friends, mixing with girls and that I feel quite envious, I always wonder "will I ever be that cool and happy?", then I thought to myself "are they really that happy?", just because they're are laughing and joking about, does that mean they are truly happy?, if I was happy and having an active social life would I be paying this much attention to other people?, I think I just assume people are happy because I am not happy at the moment. Hopefully I am not the only one with this view, but to me it seems quite logical, as I envy what other people have, I want to be the confident cool guy, who has a laugh with friends, has girlfriends, pretty much enjoys life. So are people as happy as they appear to be? Your views please

[chelsea4147]

I wonder if maybe you're thinking about things too much? Like do you often find yourself on your own and thinking about your situation all time? Some people are just generally a lot more sensitive than others and find it difficult to push their problems to the back of their mind.

The answer is yeah they ARE happy but they DO have problems like you do and you might even be surprised to find out that some of them probably have even more things to be unhappy about than you do.

I'd say there's only one way you can really change how you feel, and that is to change your perspective. Easier said than done trust me. But if you look at the bigger picture instead of focusing on the little details, you'll start to become a lot happier generally. So first off- step outside yourself for a moment and look at what you'e got...

You're 22 for a start so you're pretty much at one of the most exciting times in your life- you're old enough to do what you want and to take any direction you feel in life.

You're single. You might see this as a bad thing, but is it? I mean really think about it- you're free to enjoy your life without the added responsibility of keeping someone else happy too. I mean yeahhhh relationships can be great, but they can also be sh*t too lol, so look at it like- well I can meet and flirt with loads of girls and take the time to decide what sort of girl I really wanna spend my time with.

Ok, so you're abit shy...Perfect opportunity to do abit of self development there. Might sound lame, but the more confident you act, the more confident you become. I KNOW this. I look like the sort of person who is NOT shy at all. On the inside I'm sooooo shy and worried about what people might think of me, but you'd never in a million years guess that because I pretend I'm the most confident person you'll ever meet.

And fair enough, you feel don't have that many friends, but quality is better than quantity. And when you don't know many people, it means you've got plenty of time and space to get to know more people. The way I personally do it is by being literally open to speaking to anyone. Even if I think the person's slightly odd or whatever, I'll give them my full attention and make a real effort. Eventually, the more you do this, the more that pople will start to reaise that you're a really open guy who is easy to talk to and loads of people will want to be your friend.

And don't worry about feeling low every now and then either. I mean we can't always be happy ALL the time, so don't beat yourself up about it. For example, one of the worst times for me was I just woke up one morning and I just did NOT want to get out of bed. And when I say that, I don't mean that I was tired, I mean I literally felt so low that I just couldn't even face a single person. God knows why lol I have no idea but I was fine the next day.

Just keep smiling :)

If you've got anymore questons about it I'd be more than happy to help you :)

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice, it really helps. In response to what you said about me being on my own and thinking about my situation a lot, that is true, I am often by myself bored out of my mind lol, its just hard to not beat myself up about it, I know if I had a more active social life I would build up confidence, but as I am on my own a lot, I don't have a chance to interact with other people. everyone my age is dating, having sex, having relationships, I just feel kinda left out

[chelsea4147]

Yeah I thought so because I have the same problem sometimes when I stay on my own for too long- like you kind of get used to your own company and then find it hard to get back into the swing of properly socialising again. Just make sure you accept every social invitation you get, no matter what it is, and also try some different hobbies so you've got things to do when you're on your own next. I don't know how old you are but abit of alcohol always helps to socially relax too :)

[Asker]

Im 22. I will definitely try. Its weird because some days feel harder than others. I'm gonna keep telling myself to get out more and I will keep smiling, thanks again for your advice, it helps getting other peoples perspectives on it

[chelsea4147]

Oh yeah of course you're 22- I even mentioned your age in my answer...haha blonde moment.

[Asker]

Lol that's alrite

[Anonymous]

I don't think so everyone has there problems but I think they leave them behind when they go out socializing with there friends music , people drink its a nice setting. I often wonder the same thing I'm 23 living at home with my parents who are driving me crazy , haven't had a job 4 the last year since graduating college up until recently I got a job that I hate , failed my driving test twice , 2nd time been last week and my boyfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago so all in all I'd be feeling pretty crap during the week , then I go out and I hide it all , I hid it all from my boyfriend and I hide it from my friends and everyone thinks I'm this happy person most of the time which isn't true. So I decided 2 get a book on life coaching 2 change my life 4 the better. Apparently deres 7 aspects of your life that need to be full filed to be happy :friends, relationships, career , hobbies , spiritual, .. and so on. My advice get a hobby meet people , I have joined the gym , started to do an evening course and I've met new friends and I took the positive from my crappy job and boyfriend dumping me I'm saving to go working and traveling abroad. You only have 1 life and your only young 1ce so try get the best from it that you possibly can. Just write up a list of goals you want and how to achieve them. I'm lucky in that I'm quiet a confident person but my older brother is so shy that he gets nervous when he has to talk to people so he joined a socializing group that's for helping shy people like him to be more confident he says its helped him a lot maybe you could try that too. Hope dis helps.

[Asker]

Thank you too for your advice, it does help. Sorry to hear about ur troubles too. I think I just really need to meet new people, I know I really have to try, its just I always get the feeling of being left out. But I know I gotta try. Thanks again

[Anonymous]

I think a LOT more people just LOOK happier than they really are. No one wants others to know they aren't happy... whether it be with themselves or their life in general. I think a lot of people also try to make themselves believe they are happy even when they're not. Sure some people truly are happy... but EVERYONE has problems. Some are just better at hiding them than others. Also... most common unhappy person that acts like they're fine are the ones that are rude and put down others. They do everything they can to make others seem pathetic just so they can try to feel better about themselves... and that is so wrong. Whatever you do - don't be that person. It will not fix things, but only make them worse because you'll end up wondering why you're such an ass*to everyone else. Like others on here said - just try to find something to fill up your time that you enjoy. Hobbies and things. If you find stuff you're good at, it will increase confidence, eventually a girl will notice that talent and confidence and you will be on your way. :) Best Wishes to you! :)

[Asker]

Thank you. Don't worry I'm not the type of person that puts others down and makes them seem pathetic. I'm hoping I will increase my confidence a bit, try and get out and about a bit more so I'm not so bored, I think that's the worst thing, as that's when I start thinking about things. Thanks again :)

[Gregs]

People have all those things because they are happy, not the other way around. The world is a tough place and you need to keep your chest out and head up, YOU go first, you find the things that make you happy and girls are the by product

[Asker]

Yeah I didn't mean to sound black and white by only mentioning girls and socialising to be happy, I know people have to be happy from within too, its just when you see everyone else living it up, you start to wonder, cheers for the advice mate

[OnTheBlock]

Sometimes a am, but other times I'm just not.. and that's ok