How to tell your girlfriend she's too fat?

[Anonymous]

Yes I'm lesbian.
I asked this question before basically got told I'm bad girlfriend.
So how would you tell her?

[Nodachi]

Posting a public picture is perhaps a little unfair, but I can understand your point of view. I don't agree with the people shouting at you in the comments section either. I like to believe anything can be a deal breaker if you're starting to feel like it won't work out for any reason at all whatsoever. There's no use stringing along your heart for something that is ultimately worthless.

Tell her politely that you would like to discuss some issues with her, and you feel like it was interfering with the relationship. Settle things immediately that she should not be alarmed or panicked and you would just like to have a practical, constructive discussion without each of you getting upset. You just want her to hear you out and what you have to say.

I'll try to answer this as if it were me speaking to someone, I suppose.

I would tell her that as a relationship is bound by both people being part of a give and take relationship - it needs to be balanced in nature. And right now it felt like there is a big part of the relationship that is missing and I would like to speak to her about the possible options we would have to rectify this together. I would make sure I insisted that this isn't pushing my own selfishness and was just concerned about the structure of the relationship.

For the time being, I would just straight up say I didn't feel that attracted to her. And that is something that matters. Presumably if you got together with her initially you thought she was very pretty before the changes - and you would know that she can take care of herself better. So I'd try to push emphasis on that too - knowing she can be a better person.

From there I'd see her response. If it's immature or manipulative in nature; "oh you don't love me, you're a bad girlfriend why can't you accept me as I am", I'd probably consider dropping the relationship. I wouldn't have time for those sort of guilt tripping mind games personally. Too emotionally strenuous. If she she conceded and accepted my perspective as being legitimate and wished to make amends then I'd probably offer to exercise together or look into cooking meals together to make sure we were BOTH doing a good job.

I'd also probably ask her if she had any objections to me as a person as well. There might be reasons that lead to her putting on weight - they say people "settle" in relationships after a while and let themselves go - maybe due to stress. Part of me wonders if things like that are interconnected.

[Asker]

Thank You for understanding my point of view and not like other people. I will go about it this way.

[goddess87]

She really isn't that big, but you could start doing activities with her that get you fit and cooking healthier meals. I wouldn't just straight up tell her you think she's fat. How would you feel if she did that to you

[samhradh_leannan]

If you're not attracted to her, I'd suggest just breaking up with her. She's not tiny, but she's not extremely overweight or anything. If you're not a fan of her body type, then why would you date her in the first place?

Honestly I think what you're doing is pretty hideous. Posting her picture online, especially in association with a question like this? That crosses a line. Seriously. You can't really care about her, if you'd do something like this.

[Asker]

When we first starting dating she wasn't this big. she was like about 12 ish lbs lighter less of a stomach and thighs. I do care about her that's why I asked this question on how to tell her she's too fat in a Nice way. Stop making me out to look like I'm being a bad girlfriend.

[Asker]

I also didn't show her face neither so. I didn't do anything wrong

[samhradh_leannan]

I'm just calling it like I see it. What you're doing is disrespectful and inconsiderate. Maybe you didn't show her face, but it's still a big deal to post a photo of her online, especially for such a reason as this. Just think about how she'd feel if she knew.

There is no "nice" way to inform someone that they're overweight. The fact is, she's probably already aware of it, and she probably already feels bad about it. Which means that you pointing it out will probably just make her feel insecure and judged. If you MUST say something, make it about her health, not her appearance. That's really my only advice.

[lexi_117]

She's not even fat... if she's comfortable let it be... if you're uncomfortable then it wasn't meant to be if you love someone it really shouldn't matter.

[Anonymous]

When you tell her, don't phrase her as being "too fat". Just ask her to start exercising more. You could do these things with her, like going on runs and stuff.

Remember though you can't force her to do lose weight or exercise, it will still be up to her. If she refuses to and you're not happy with that, you're welcome to break up with her.

Was she fat when you first started dating, or did she get fat while you were together?

[Asker]

When we started dating she wasn't like this size. She was like 12 lbs lighter. The problem is when she asks me about does she look fat there's no way to get around that. It's either I'll be honest and she will get hurt or lie to her and she will be pissed.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, I see what you mean. I can't picture 12 lbs, but it doesn't seem like much, not enough to kill the physical chemistry. I think she would be more pissed if you told her yes she looks fat. It might not sound ideal, but a white lie might help her when she asks you that. Then when she's not talking about her weight, I still think you should bring up exercising together.

[Asker]

It doesn't seem like much but it is because she had less of stomach and thighs. That's the thing we do workout together that's not the problem her eating is the problem.

[Asker]

You think lying is the best way?

[Asker]

What would you say if you were in my position? But I want to be honest with her.

[samhradh_leannan]

If 12 lbs is enough to make you totally unhappy with your partner, you may want to just abandon the idea of being in a long term relationship. Seriously. I know that sounds harsh, but come on... life happens. You can't know that your SO will stay exactly the same weight forever. It's not like she gained 100 lbs. I think the fact that 12 lbs is such a big deal to you says a lot about your feelings for her and the nature of your relationship.

[Asker]

I love her , stop making it out like I'm a bad girlfriend. @samhradh_leannan

[Asker]

I didn't ask for your opinion on her body or our relationship. I asked how to tell her that's all. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

So why did you post the photo, if you didn't want us to take her weight into account?

[Asker]

Stop giving me smart ass answers. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

Stop asking questions that you don't want the answer to.

[Asker]

I want a helpful answer not you telling me that I don't care/love her. @samhradh_leannan

[Asker]

I'm only asking for her too lose at least the 12 lbs she gained . I didn't sign up for her current size. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

I never said you didn't love her. If I said anything to imply that I was presuming to know how you feel, then I apologize. But you are not BEHAVING in a caring, respectful manner on this question.

[Asker]

Well you would feel the same way also. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

How do you know how I'd feel? I'm certainly not counting the number of pounds my partner has gained or lost since our relationship started.

[Asker]

Well there's a time when it's pushing the line. @samhradh_leannan

[Asker]

Every female would feel the same way. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

I don't think you can speak for every female.

If 12 lbs is what crosses that line for you, then I don't know how you ever expect to have a long term relationship with a human being. That's really all I have to say.

[Asker]

Whatever you are annoying me. All this question was asking was how to tell her. I didn't ask for anything else. @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

And I did give you some advice on how to talk to her about it, below my original comment. But that doesn't mean I'm going to turn a blind eye to the rest of the situation. If what I'm saying is annoying to you, that probably means that on some level, you know I'm right.

[Asker]

You should turn a blind eye on the rest of the situation. It annoyed me not because part of you is right but because you don't see my point of view.

[Asker]

All you basically did was making me out to be a horrible person @samhradh_leannan

[samhradh_leannan]

I can imagine how I'd feel if my partner treated me the way you're treating yours. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her if she would like to work out with you or play tennis or basketball with you for fun. Make it fun and make it an enjoyable activity. Also when going out to eat tell her that she should try healthy foods, it might make her feel more healthy and less sick. good luck

[Mileyislucky]

She isn't fat.

But, if you want her to lose weight I suggest joining in.

Get a gym membership and ask if she'd want one two, etc.

[katiekatieekatieee]

bish wtf... you should love your girlfriend the way she is... start working out and get her into it but listen thats really offensive and you shouldn't be dating her for her body... i suggest couple workout routines

[lovelyhoneybones]

Is she pleased with her body? If she is, leave her alone. If she wants to lose weight the right thing to do is motivate her.

[Asker]

She isn't pleased with her body at least I think. She is self conscious about her body and always asks my opinion on stuff and that's putting me in a tricky situation. For example when she ask me does she look fat there's no right answer.

[lovelyhoneybones]

Motivate her to exercise then. Even trying working out with her. Change your eating habits together.

[Chanel1981]

Try to lead by example with healthy eating and exercise :)

[Tara101]

well she isn't fat. so u dont need to

[Asker]

I didn't ask for your opinion on her body. I asked how to tell her?

[Tara101]

politly ask her

[Beccashygirl]

I'd be more worried about the purple fucking head with horns on it.