Why Would He Get Jealous?

[Anonymous]

If a guy tells you there is no emotion between you, no feelings, he doesn't care about you, you just had sex, why would he act like a jealous ex boyfriend and get into it with another guy about you?

When I confront this guy about the things he said to another guy about me, he flips the script on me and turns the situation onto me and goes back to being dismissive, cold and unconcerned...What am I missing here with this guy?

Updates

+1 y

Thing is, I hear all of the theories and they all register, but he's hiding his emotions extremely well. He even blocked me after we got into an argument on Facebook, so I mean isn't that like a virtual middle finger!

[Anonymous]

Two warning signs:

1) He acts jealous of another guy's opinion or behavior towards you. This either means he feels the need to defend you, which shows that he's attached, or that he needs to control your world. As for the former--everyone thinks "sex = love." That's not quite true for everyone, but sex does equal attachment. He may be attached, or...

2) He turns the situation on you when you confront him about it. He acts cold and unconcerned about your feelings so that you keep hanging around trying to get more from him.

These are two signs that you could be heading down a dangerous path. Overt jealousy and coldness when presented with emotional material are two warning signs of abusive men. Everyone thinks that abuse just means physical violence--but most abusive men use emotions, logic, and control to hurt women. Be careful of this guy. If you have the slightest thought of "he makes me feel bad about myself" or "he's keeping me hanging, and I don't know how to please him"--get away from him now. You don't need to get involved with someone like that. There are plenty of supportive, sweet guys who would never play mind games with you.

[Asker]

I need another view point. If a guy says he doesn't care, don't guys usually mean just what they say, no hidden meaning? He completely went off on me, told me I was a joke and to get real with life, then he blocked me. Now what does that say? He acted jealous, then turned vicious?

[Opinion Owner]

It's a common misconception that men are not manipulative. You have to ask yourself what he makes you feel when all of this happens. Good? Unworthy? Loved? Belittled? If this guy is any less than supportive in all of your endeavors, leave. Chances are that you'll leave and he'll ridicule you, spread rumors, etc.

You say he'd be afraid to lose you. Are you sure it's not the other way around? If a girl treated me this way, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. Reverse the situation--what would he do?

[Asker]

He didn't specifically say me, but when he was arguing with the other guy I started seeing that's what he said, that he had more to lose, but I don't know what that means being he acts like he hates me and doesn't want me, so what would he have to lose. He makes me feel not good enough or like I'm seeking his approval.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you just answered your own question. Why would you be with someone who makes you feel "not good enough"? A meaningful, supportive relationship means everyone feels respected and "good enough" for each other. Remember: you're only college-age. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of time to find a winner.

[Saint_N_Sinner]

it's all quiet simple.. if you two just had sex and now he's jealous then he developed feelings for you... there was a song about having sex then falling in love.. maybe the two of you started off as friends with benefits and he's trying to play it off like there's no emotion then more then likely he started developing feelings for you but doesn't want to admit it because all you did was have sex. this guy is full of himself and doesn't know what he wants.. he's gonna have to think to himself and decide what it is that he wants. because he's trying to play the alpha male and hide his true emotions. this guy is gonna have to stop and tone it down a lil. and if he doesn't and keeps on doing this then he's gonna keep using you as his little sex toy that nobody can have but him and then ya'll be end up being in a relationship that won't go no where and there will be no true emotions behind anything. so make him admit the feelings that he is hiding and tell him to stop trying to be an alpha male so much and be a MAN.

[carol85]

I'm a female and been down the same road. Guys are to an extent possessive of what is "theirs" even if it is just a hook up. It is true he could be in fact developing feelings. Some guys like to hide their emotions and appear aloof. I was hooking up with a guy who was known to be a little bit of a dog. I was going to a wedding with another guy and he sent me a string of text messages that screamed I'm jealous of the fact your with x instead of me. The only thing I could think of is have myself a good time and deal with it when I return to the area. We talked. The only concern here and as I did have with my sitch is the guy jealous because you took it in your control or is he legit having feelings. Guys will tell yu anything to get you into bed. But if he is jealous, ask him. If he acts aloof, go about your biz. If he really wants something more than sex, he will make it happen, period.

[Anonplease]

The words that this guy has used and the things he has said are exactly what the guy I'm in the same situation as you with has said to me. It's chilling. Hope your in Perth WA and there is only one of these hurtful men around :-p

[Chyeah]

hmm, I'm pretty sure he cares for you a lot since he's jealous. Jealousy = caring. It seems like he's afraid to lose you that's all that's why he's acting like this. I recommend talking to him even if he's like this. I was like this before x_x

[Asker]

How would he be afraid to lose me, if he's the one who pushed me away, dogged me? He stopped being intimate with me, like I repulsed him! I found out that he slept with other girls. His attitude towards me did a complete turn around. He went from almost being possessive, like claiming me to wanting to be as far away from me as possible with no explanation still. Why would a guy do that just completely out of the blue?

[Chyeah]

Let him talk to you then.