Why do guys lower girls' self-esteem to make the girls like them more?

[princess_for_life]

The other day my friend dressed up really nice, and I told her how pretty she looked. Our guy friend said, "Nikki's just being nice, you're actually not that good looking."

I noticed throughout the day that our guy friend was staring at my friend like he was interested, and when she walked away at lunch he was blatantly staring at her ass. I asked him why he kept staring at her if he didn't think she was good looking.

He told me that our friend is much too good looking for him, so he told her she wasn't good looking in the hopes that it'll lower her self esteem so that when he shows interest she'll be more likely to go out with him because she thinks she's not pretty.

According to him, a lot of guys do this. Is this true? And if so, don't you think that's a really cruel way to get a girl?

[Anonymous]

assholes do that. its called "treat em mean, keep em keen". the lower your self esteem is, the more vulnerable you are and the more likely you are to let a guy use you and take advantage of you.

so my advice to girls is ALWAYS keep your head up. never let an outside force make you feel less than and know your worth. because there are some scumbag guys out there who will prey on weak and low self esteemed girls. it happens every day and its very sad.

guys used to do this to me all the time and I never could figure out why. I talked to my friend who is like a sister to me and he said its because "you're gorgeous, confident, and have a lot of friends and know where you're going in life. this intimidates guys who just want to hit it and quit it because you know you're worth so they want to lower yours". it makes sense because typically the girls who allow guys to treat them like crap don't have good self esteem so they settle for that. don't be that girl! your friend shouldn't be that girl!

[bBop345]

I think this is something new. I have heard about this at college, and apparently it's common but not rampant. I haven't yet experienced this myself, and yes, it's a very low way to try to attract a girl. Very cruel.

[justK]

It sounds possible. it sounds like something that probably happens everyday. Its like a f***ed up version of reverse psychology.

[azzhole725]

Attractive girls tend to be more snobby and bitchy. It's because they know they are damn good looking. The theory behind using back handed insults or even insults in general to a girl is that if she is feeling low about herself, she is more likely to settle for something. It's a tactic that does work and recommend by players. This tactic also comes from the theory that jerks, assholes, and jack asses get all the girls. In some aspects, this is true. Nice guys get put into the friend zone.

[Killfest400]

This is actually a common PUA tactic. Does it work? Probably, at least to some degree. However, those guys are usually after sex, so if your friend is looking to date her, then he's probably already messed up. Hopefully, she has the sense to know that a guy who starts off by insulting her probably isn't the best guy to date, but it wouldn't be the first time it's happened.

[Brooks]

This isn't anything new, it's called "negging". What he did is more of an insult tho. A neg would be saying it in a joking way and appearing playful. Most guys just insult the girl on accident and she gets turned off by it. The better looking a girl is the more likely a neg will work on her.

[snackeyg]

That's douchey and retarded. That guy doesn't deserve her. And the girl is stupid to date a guy after him saying that.