Why do guys get uncomfortable when girls cry?

[Anonymous]

I guess I never really understood why men get nervous or uncomfortable when women cry. I've only had one serious relationship and I never cried in front of him. I almost did once and he immediately apologized and was sweet and caring etc. He seemed so nervous that I was upset that one time that I tried my best not to laugh.

This conversation came up the other day with some girls and there were many different answers, but I wanted to hear some responses from guys as well. Any reasons?

[moaterboat]

Most guys are hardwired to be problem solvers. Guys automatically see any crying or sadness as a symptom of some sort of a problem, which instantly sends us into problem solver mode. Instinctively our pulse quickens and we take deeper breath, adrenaline floods our bloodstreams as our bodies prepare to deal with whatever is causing the problem, this conditioned response worked well for mankind for twenty thousand years, but in this day and age most problems can't be solved by hitting something (or someone) in the head with a rock.

This causes discomfort and confusion for us men. For thousands of generations, the sound of a woman crying meant that there was a physical problem that could be dealt with through physical action. In modern times men are expected to sit and listen and say comforting words, while the primitive instincts that still lurk in the deepest parts of our minds are desperately searching for something to smash to a pulp. Our inability to immediately solve the problem is actually very distressful to us.

[scott63a]

If we care about you, we don't want to see you cry. There are two basic reasons guys react the way we do.

1) When we were kids, most parents tell their male children when they cry, that "your fine, there's nothing to cry about." Or "Stop that crying, you're a big boy. Big boys don't cry." So we've been programmed that crying isn't good. When girls cry as children, you're treated differently. Parents give you comfort and they tell you to let it out, so girls see crying as a release. So you see, crying is confusing for us. We've always been told not to do it, so when someone is crying, we don't know what to do. This goes away with age and maturity.

2) As men, when we see our women crying, we want to make everything alright. We want to protect and comfort you. But we're still thinking about scenario #1, especially when we have not dated much. Once we've been dating for a few years, the nervousness and confusion fades away. We are then more capable of understanding that you cry for emotional release.

[Thiezz]

I guess we're not really used to dealing with it. Guys usually prefer not to cry, or if they must cry, to do it in private. If I somehow walked into one of my friends while he was crying I'd probably just leave (that's how I'd want him to act if the reverse happened).

When a girl cries, it becomes confusing. Girls crying is more 'accepted' so walking away probably isn't the right thing to do... this means the usual approach is useless. Ignoring the girl probably isn't the right reaction either Okay, now what... the only option left appears to be some kind of social interaction. Talk? Maybe someone should ask her what's wrong... or try and put her mind on something else? Which one?! Hmmn, I'll probably pick the wrong one. Better not to talk. Maybe touch her? A hug? Would that be too much? Maybe just a hand on her knee. Or her shoulder? Maybe she doesn't want to be touched. Running out of options... gaaaah why won't she stop crying? Help! Help! MUST FLEEEEE!

:D

[scott63a]

Good answer!

[CanvasOnCanvas]

I find it hard to deal with a girl who's suddenly burst into tears. It's like a line's been crossed or something, and I go into the same "Oh my god, I'm so sorry whatever I did," state of mind you mentioned. I think a lot of guys are the same.

Maybe it's a natural reaction. Crying happens most in babies, when they want something, and that's more often taken care of by the mother. Guess guys aren't equipped to deal with tears.

[Asker]

Hahahaha yes! that was his reaction and I couldn't help but smile because he looked so nervous and confused. I never expected that type of response from a guy when it came to being upset.

It was so cute that I wasn't upset anymore.

[elessal]

I would say that any adult crying would make one feel uncomfortable, unless you are at a funeral maybe? the only ''girl'' to have cried in my presence that I can remember (mothers and toddler nieces don't count) was this woman I broke up within at that moment, and the whole moment was terrible, but what normal good person would not feel terrible at having to do that to someone?

[thelogicstick]

I don't understand the question. I'm all right with girls crying around me. I get very protective when it happens around me. Now, if a guy cries around me, then I'm very uncomfortable.

[Longshot]

Guys are not as comfortable with expressing emotions as girls and therefore can't deal with emotions as well. We're (unfortunatley) not socialized that way.