If a guy loves a girl truly, why does he sleep with another girl?

[Anonymous]

i met this guy 6 months ago. before this his girlfriend had ditched him we fell in love and we started to sleep around. he says that he cannot forget his ex and he started telling that he had slept with her earlier. he says that he wants her body and my nature. I feel so hurt. he says that he loves two girls. he cannot live without me also. he cannot forget me also. I m very much hurt. he says he is a patient and needs treatment from me. he says whenever he touches me, he sees her face - this is shattering me. his ex is very beautiful and sexy but is a big flirt always wooing other boys but like a bog fool he is after her. whereas I am sitting here and loving him sincerely, he does not value my love for him. y is he like that. I am not able to trust him anymore. he is asking me to help him forget her. I don't know what to do. basically after hearing him say that - I don't feel like looking at the mirror - I feel so ugly and feel that only character and good nature attracts him and not my body - I feel so dejected - guys don't like normal looking girls with good heart is it. A guy can't settle down for normal beauty with kindness, generous, love, caring, affectionate - please help me

[drstms]

First, let me affirm you as the wonderful person, and woman, you are. There is no doubt in my mind, or spirit, that you are a beautiful, vivacious, sexy, woman. The problem is not with your appearance, or you in general. The problem is, this guy is not willing to grieve the loss of a relationship and process the pain he is experiencing. This is one of the worst forms of cowardice, since he is dragging you into an impossible position, wanting you to replace someone he refuses to let go of. By refusing to grieve that relationship, he has maintained it, literally bringing her to bed every time he has had sex with you. Notice I am saying he had sex with you. He was not making love to you, because, he was using your body to fulfill his desires for her.

This relationship is not healthy. At most, from his side, it is only around 4% of the less than 20% physical (appearance, affection, sex, etc.) required for a healthy, long term relationship. It is less than 5% of the 25% that is emotional (feelings, vulnerability and investment). It is also less than 3% of the 25% that is mental (decisions to risk, discipline thoughts, and commit). With regard to the most important aspect of love, which makes up more than 30%, he is probably not on the chart. Spiritual intimace means allowing someone else to reach that level of you where your identity is no longer protecting the real you. It requires trust at levels that leave you absolutely vulnerable to another person, or God Himself, with no protective mechanisms or barriers in the way. It requires intimacy between your spirit and the spirit, or Spirit, you seek intimacy with. It requires the investment of everything you have decided, developed, and learned to utilize to protect, and identify, yourself, in a relationship that will redefine you into the person you were meant to be. He has soul ties to this other woman that are allowing her to define him spiritually, much more powerfully than you can. These must be broken, or you might as well leave.

Love does not force itself on anyone. It pursues you until you recognize its desire is not to hurt, but to heal, affirm and develop the real you. It allows pain at times in order to peel away the layers of identity that don't belong, which keep us from becoming who, and what, we were made to be. It is patient, kind, long suffering and quiet. It does not get upset when you scream at it. It does not dismiss your pain, but seeks to lead you through the pain to the freedom on the other side. It does not ask you to cope, or protect, but to trust and allow it to protect the real you. It never forces its opinion on anyone, speaking in a soft, affirming voice, differentiating between you and your behaviors, affirming you, even while confronting your behavior.

The best way to learn about love is to read the ultimate love letter. The Bible is not a law, a historical fiction, or a hammer to beat people with. The Bible is God's love letter to us, in which

[browolf]

That guy has no honour. Sounds like he's used to charming females but really doesn't care about their feelings at all. Like totally uses them for his own selfish needs. Never mind want he says or wants. . You give but ya gotta think what you need to and if you're not getting it then get rid. Actions speak louder than words. Trouble is you fell in love with someone who wasnt being honest about his feelings. now that the truth comes out and he's treating you terribly badly. That's no basis for a relationship. You need to ditch him too and not listen to any more of his charm. He needs to get over his ex by himself but going by previous behaviour he's just as likely to do to you what he did to her. You don't want to be the stepping the stone. You deserve so much more. You can't judge all guys by this guy. normal looking girls with good heart's beat hot with no heart every time. but u'know even hot girls can be insecure about their looks. Even ones who are big flirts. She's doomed with guys who are only after her for her looks. Just because you think she's better looking, she won't be any happier. I mean she was with your other half, who's a poor excuse for a guy.

[jellybean20]

On the money!

[tropdesetoies]

I'm not a guy but I think I might be able to help you out here:

It's possible to love two people. I've been there before. However, it's also possible to disrespect the people that you love and it sounds like there's been a break down in respect, honesty, and open communication.

Honestly, this guy sounds like bad news. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, and he's prepared to do so without regard to anyone else's feelings.

Alternately, could just be using you. he certainly wouldn't be the first guy who pulled the "love" card just to get/keep a woman.

Please get rid of him and wait around until you find a guy who can love you holistically. It'll make you much happier in the long run.

[Asker]

If he wants only sex y can't he go to a pros. y does he have to cheat me and spoil my life. its hell now for me. I don't know if I can marry anyone. I feel used and thrown in gutter. I feel so insecure

[tropdesetoies]

This guy probably thinks he has it made. He has you and then any other girl he wants because you're putting up with it. Do yourself a favor and loose his sorry ass. Really, it won't be that difficult to find better than that guy... he's sounds like a slimeball.

I've dated a guy who was just like that. RUN!.... because this sucks and it only gets worse.

[irish-girl-08]

hi hun,

he doesn't love you at all he's using you for sex it seems and I know if a guy said they wished id someones body but my nature I would hit him a box and say goodbye straight away

i know easier said than done.

but seriously you do deserve a lot more than that we all do

get him out of your life and find a man who only wants you and wants you the exact way you are perfections and imperfections

seriously it will be hard to get him out of your life and mind at first but when you do you will eventually feel ten times happier

[Asker]

He is asking me yesterday how to forget his ex. I am very very stupid, I told him how to forget his ex. you know what honestly after he told that he likes his ex body, all my feelings are slowly dying for him. but heart of hearts I feel sorry for him. he keeps calling me and asks me is his ex really bad and all that. I am being stupid here of how to teach a guy to forget his ex. don't know what he is doing in secret as I have lost all my trust on him. I can no longer trust him anymore.

[irish-girl-08]

You never could trust him how can you trust someone who just wants sex ! there is no way to fix this so call relationship hun the only thing to do is get him out of your life and move on surely you should know that

[vmw2008]

He doesn't have to cheat you. You can dump that loser! You are not obligated to put up with that crap or play by his rules. And you should never ever ever have to "help" the guy you're with stop loving his ex. The right guy will be so head over heels for you that you'll never look in the mirror and feel ugly. Please leave him immediately.

[Inkweaver2]

YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Get this guy out of your life.

[Asker]

Y do guys play with girls

[Inkweaver2]

No clue. Not all guys do that though. If you lose him, you have a chance to find one who will love you and you alone.

[Dev-erz]

yeah. that guy is a bastard. you'll find a guy that will love your nature more then anything else on this earth, and as well be almost criminally attracted to your body :)

[idancemuch]

Ditch that MF! He loves his ex. Sorry

[Asker]

Y does he tell me he is a patient and wants help and is asking me to treat him like a patient. what does he want from me. all my peace is gone. all my reputation is gone because of him. he has used me. I am feeling so bad. you think girls have to teach guys how to forget ex- don't they know. more ever, he looks at girls like anything - keeps commenting like - whenever I see a cleavage - I feel so tempted to touch them - that too in front of me - I feel so hurt -

[toona]

I was about to write it. I can add he is an a$$h*.