Should I worry about my girlfriend's male friends, with whom she had sex with before?

[Anonymous]

So here's the deal. I don't doubt our love, nor do I really doubt her faithfulness, but there has been some dishonesty which makes it hard. I've met a good friend of hers and I am now finding out that they actually were together sexually for a couple of months but it was all "just sex" she says. Should I worry about this? Should I feel threatened when she wants to meet with him while I am away?

There are also others that she keeps in contact with, but according to her they were all just "Lovers" from time past. We are talking about getting married and we are almost always together so I feel fine when we are together, but there will be a time when I am away for awhile and this concerns me. How should I bring up these feelings without being the "jealous" boyfriend?

[MrEly]

To be honest, I am pretty much in the same boat, and from google searches and talking to my therapist, a few things to consider, have you been introduced "as my Boyfriend", have you even met them, and why on earth does she still need to be friends with them, my ex which we are currently in the process of determining if getting back together will work out long term and by long term i mean for life not 15yrs or 30yrs until one passes away, but she too is still friends with multiple ex sexual partners and says they are just really good friends, I trust her to know the boundaries but after with certain aspects during our break up, I am majorly unconfortable specially because I've met one of them and she never even had the decency to tell me until we had broken up, i want to punch the dick in the mouth but he seemed nice, but then again its always just a show, in my opinion you shouldn't be friends with ex sexual partners because the raises questions the other is afraid to ask and when you dont ask you dont get and then insecurities grow, and before you know it its all over, prehaps a passing comment in the street, but to have the person still active in your life is a big no no that kind of toxicity is bad even for the most loyal of people, its not her actions that concern its theirs because they dont give a shit about you nor respect you, they will always try and because they once had a connection, and if they are persistent, she could eventually start the comparing process and she starts nit picking at the your wrongs and boom she walks, but then they get hold of her and use her and dump her because their success in gaining her was hollow they didn't earn her they stole her, (ever stolen anything it literally loses all its value as soon as you realise you have gotten away with it), but its her choice if she wants her bread buttered both sides, walk brother, and dont look back, but if she actually rids her life of these guys (just as she would expect when the shoe is on the other foot) then my main concern is if she regrets doing it, i mean if she didn't even introduce you guys then she is clearly hiding shit and trust me HIDING anything is a killer, so give her the respect to decide what best suits her future but dont ever forget "you know what you bring to the table, dont be afraid to eat alone" meaningful and fruitful futures are a 2way street, if you can't then she can't, there has be passion from bothsides, if she isn't putting in the effort why should you

[authentic]

"sexually for a couple of months but it was all "just sex" she says. Should I worry about this?"

Assuming she is telling the truth, that means she is a person who can separate love from sex, i.e. she can have sex with anyone as long as he is sexually her appetite.

The issue I spot here is one of compatibility. Are you of that type too? If yes, no problem. If no, here is one area of incompatibility. It also means whenever you are not around her, she can fool around and then give you the same answer should you find out, "oh, it is just sex".

Better lay the cards on the table faces up, and honestly discuss this with her or else you will always have this uneasiness with you.

[timetowaste]

There's really no way around it but to just tell her how you feel. Coming off as jealous or not, I think your feelings are justified. There was a time where I kept in contact with a guy I was sexually involved with, because we were friends. My boyfriend knew this, however I wasn't in constant contact with this guy nor did we ever really hang out. When we did talk it was usually just seeing how the other was doing, and when we did hang out it was socially with a bunch of old friends. My boyfriend was comfortable with this, but most aren't. I had no feelings for this previous guy nor did I ever feel any urge to have sex with him again. There came a time where he tried to make a move on me and that's when I stopped talking to him. It's hard to be really sure of her intentions and what not, and also this guys intentions. The safe thing to do is to just not keep in contact with these people.

I was also kind of on the opposite side of this situation where an ex and I had a good relationship but ultimately didn't work out, because I just didn't have very strong feelings for him in that manner. However we remained friends, and we were each others go to person when we were having problems in our lives. We were like best friends, and it was as if the relationship never happened, however.. his girlfriend wasn't okay with him still occasionally talking to me, and understandably so. It sucks to lose someone that was such a great friend, but what can you do.

It's probably a bad approach to tell her that she's not allowed to see or speak to these people because that will cause problems in and of itself, with you trying to seem controlling. Talk to her, tell her exactly how you feel.. you're absolutely justified in your feelings, don't be afraid to express them. If you explain it to her, maybe she'll understand and stop talking to these people on her own accord out of not wanting you to be worried or hurt over this.

[Anonymous]

yes you should. I wouldn't want my boyfriend hanging around female friends that he had sex with before. once you cross that line and have sex you are no longer "just friends". you have a right to ask her to limit the time she spends with them.

[dudeman]

dude f*** that grow some balls and dump this girl is this a serious question.

[Anonymous]

Just find a new woman.