I know my girlfriend's dad physically abuses her, what can I do?

Question

My girlfriend is living with her dad (restraining order from mom, she's an abusive crazy too) and he's an alcoholic and has violent outbursts about once a week. She's already been through foster care at an earlier point in her life and absolutely hated it so she doesn't want to go to the authorities but I can tell it's been getting a lot worse recently. I left in August to go to college and she still has about another year and half at home before she can move out and I honestly don't know if she's gonna make it. I've talked with her about it a lot but she insists that she has nowhere to go, and that living with her dad is the only option. What can I do to help her?

greeneyedgal1 · Accepted Answer

I grew up in an abusive home too. It's imperative that your girlfriend get out of that house ASAP! Her father may wind up maiming or killing her. No one should have to live under those conditions. Ask her again if there is someone she trusts that she can stay with a close friend, family member or neighbor. Do you share any mutual friends that you both know that she can stay with? Do you have any family members she can stay with? All of these options need to be considered.

Concerning college, don't let her sick and twisted father emotionally blackmail her either with monetary issues. Who's to say he will even come through and pay for it? He is extremely unstable and I wouldn't rely on him for anything.

Since she is an excellent student, she should discuss scholarships she can apply for through the high school, the town she lives in and through the college. She needs to start early, do her research so she can prepare to meet the deadlines. Her guidance counselor at school can help her with this.

Finally, be aware that since she is a minor, her father does have the 'legal' right to report her as a runaway if she leaves. If this happens, have a back up plan to report him to the police for assault and battery on a minor. In addition, if she has someone she can stay with then those people should be granted emergency guardianship since she will be a ward of the state.

Good luck.

LittleMissGriff · Accepted Answer

This is a nightmare situation I wish no one had to live through.

I would talk to your parents. I had a friend in high school who lived in a similar situation and my parents allowed her to come live with us. Usually, in abusive situations, the parents don't care enough to track down their children. It may even be a case that her father realizes she is far better off there than with him. Abusive parents often have overwhelming guilt and honestly do want's best for their children, they simply can not provide it due to their serious issues.

Also, you are merely a child in his eyes. Your parents, however, are adults who wield the big powerful adult stick. It seems ridiculous, but this distinguishing difference can mean safety.

I wish you both the best and will keep you in my prays.

Remind her she is beautiful every day and that she deserves more than she's been given. Constantly tell her it is not her fault, she does not deserve the abuse, and she is strong, smart, and lovely. She'll respond that she knows, but believe me, she needs to hear it. The mental scars left from abuse can destroy a young woman's life long after she's gone.

tyt_2012 · Accepted Answer

Let her live with you or tell her to move in with with one of her gfs whilst she finds another better option.

If she can get into college anywhere she should and f*** her dad not paying for her, there are other options such as government funding, scholarships, etc. He` s making her life hell, she should move out asap and get the hell out of there before it gets too far. Life` s too short for abusive relationships such as these and the perpetrators should be prosecuted.

Having broken bones once or twice, you can think nothing of it but it happening all the time, I don` t see how one could be that naive.

aeroruler · Accepted Answer

First of all you need to tread this water carefully because you could get in trouble if you don't. Since she is under age and you are 18 you two can't just run off because he could then call the cops plus funds are always a problem when it comes to helping someone start a new life. However, the flip of this is that if you did get her to go with you and have her document abusive situations then if the police did follow after her she could change their direction of case and may make it possible for her to stay with you.

another choice is to again have her document any abusive situations and if your big enough confront him if not have someone that you know who is big enough and powerful enough to confront him. but be careful here because if the dad is not watched afterward he could escalate.

the final idea that I would suggest is to have her make sure someone is with when ever she can maybe even stay at a friends house if she could even if just a few days at a time.

FINALLY, you need to consider this, depending on how abusive this guy is he could escalate to a point that nobody once to consider but with abuse its always a possibility. I am referring to death, and it could happen with just a push in the wrong direction. She may not want the foster care but in this case it is always better to be safe and remove her for a scary situation then have the worst happen.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly if you know for sure he is doing this I would f*** his world up. I mean really where has standing up for what's right gone. If you think that he would win in a fight then I suggest creating an unfair advantage. If you care for this girl you'd grow a f***ing pair and destroy this motherf***er. After you do that you should take control of the situation and remove her from the place. Move her in with you or get an apartment together.

A lot of people will try and tell you to get the police involved but to be quiet honest with you that probably won't do anything. If you get caught you'll be f***ed but honestly a lot of cops will side with you if you don't make a big mess out of things. If you really love someone even as a friend you should protect them at whatever costs. Be a man and dictate this outcome. I can only say from experience that I knew someone who's boyfriend was beating her and I showed her how she needed to get away. She did but I still regret not murdering that piece of sh*t. I know for sure if that situation ever arose with someone else I would demolish their abuser. Fuck be a man.

acubed25 · Answer

Depending on what state she lives in she may be eligible for emancipation. Most states allow this at 16 if there's good cause. You both need to act quickly because the longer you wait you risk him killing her or doing irrepairable damage. Look into emancipation and if she doesn't already have a job she needs to get one. See if there's anyone who can take her in for a while and tell her not to worry about her dad paying for college. If she's an excellent student she'll be eligible for scholarships, grants, FAFSA, etc. Start recording every incident. Dates, times, injuries she got, pictures, the works that way if she files for emancipation she'll have a solid case against him. Good luck and you both are in mai prayers and thoughts.

Xenophobia · Answer

This is intolerable. She needs to get out of that situation and into a healthy,comfortable atmosphere. Her situation right now is detrimental to her physically, mentally and emotionally. You have to realize that you can get involved to a certain extent, but the rest of the responsibility lies with your girlfriend.

The police should be contacted if and only if you definitely can prove that dad has abused her. She doesn't deserve the abuse. Nobody does.

Her parents are clearly not in a position to be legal guardians.

kmhco · Answer

You might be able to talk to her about becoming emancipated. That way she can move out of her house and get some control over her life. That would also keep her out of the foster care system. Otherwise, she might just have to live with it until she is 18. Does she have any other family members living nearby? If she has an aunt, or uncle, or grandparent nearby she might be able to move in with them.

Michelle276 · Answer

Maybe you can find her a place to live. Move her in with you.

I doubt there's a way to get it through to her dad what he's doing, and he may not care if he's an alcoholic. Maybe move her in with you if that's possible.

Ryanslover73 · Answer

Emancipation is the best way to go. I would go to judge and say that she is over 16 and she doesn't want to live in that house nor foster care if you can show the judge that you and her can support each other he will sign off.

techione · Answer

she is used to it. you could storm into the police station and they would welcome you like family with this issue however. that's a good thing about the law.

only_human89 · Answer

The manly thing would be to find an apartment and have her move in with you immediately. Gotta take care of your woman bro! Find anything, anything at all, but stay by her side.

JillybeanFandango · Answer

You can't help her bro, but what you CAN do is some recon work. Move into her house disguised as an "exchange" student and see what everything looks like from the inside. What are her father's habits? What sort of shows does he like? Does his daughter ask for it most of the time? Perchance he's just tired of listening to all of her whining and unappreciative bullsh*t.

mikkie180 · Answer

I think you need to let your parents know what is going on. They might be able to help.

DoctorSex · Answer

Dude, that sounds emotional...if you love her then you have to move her in with you and help her throguh this...thats what a man would do.

oxgoxk · Answer

well you could do the logical thing and go to the cops but what do I know

Anonymous · Answer

Bash the sh*t out of him, your girlfriends braver than you.

Anonymous · Answer

I would love yo hear another update to know how things are.

foolycooly1001 · Answer

Ask your parents if she can stay with them.

John_Mathews · Answer

leave it to her personal matter untill she don't tell you about that

I know my girlfriend's dad physically abuses her, what can I do?

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