My ex boyfriend and father of our kid was physically abusive to me. He wants to see our daughter now. How can I prevent this?

[Anonymous]

How do I prevent my abusive ex from seeing our daughter?

My ex boyfriend was super abusive to me physically even when I was pregnant and the only reason I didn’t abort was because I don’t believe in it. I moved out and away from him. He has threatened me to see my daughter but I don’t trust him with her but I know I can’t keep him from her without proof. I don’t trust him as in leaving with her and not telling me where they are just to take it out on me. I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I'd recommend getting a lawyer. If he doesn't have custody, he would need to go to court in order to force you to let him see the child. I'd recommend getting ahead of the train and getting one yourself. Discuss your options with them. Specifically, I would talk about the risks and rewards of trying to get a restraining order, vs. waiting to see if he's going to press charges. The threats make me think you should press charges, just in case, especially if your child could be in danger. Here's a link to find a child custody lawyer near you. https://www.avvo.com/child-custody-lawyer.html

Also, if he doesn't have any custody, you can move away without telling him. He might find you, but at least it will buy you time. I would recommend that, based on the fact that he has violent tendencies. Only tell people that you trust, and try to go somewhere that he wouldn't guess. You can also pay to stay out of the phone books.

Since you said he's threatening you, don't be afraid to let CPS know about the situation, and don't hesitate to call the police.

Here's a link that can help you find a social worker near you. The social worker would be able to help you throughout the process. https://www.helppro.com/nasw/BasicSearch.aspx

Finally, just in case for whatever reason he does manage to get time alone with her, make sure that your daughter has a way to contact you, and that her location is shared with you. I don't know how old she is, but if she isn't old enough that you would want her to have a phone. They make smart watches for children with a GPS in them. Here's an article running through some of your options for that. https://www.smartgeekwrist.com/gps-watches-kids/

[MissGeorgia]

Just have court ordered supervised visitation. It doesn't mean you have to go to full court.
See a mediator who will draw up the same paperwork anyway and go from there.
It's pretty simple, you have an agreed day, time and place, whether it be at a contact centre or somewhere else you both agree on. You drop her off with him and a social worker, and often another professional. It's usually for one morning every other week to start, and it gets monitored as it goes.

I've been through this. I wasn't in an abusive relationship, he was just involved in some bad stuff.
When ex partner was having his visitation supervised, he was having twice monthly drug tests, he had a therapist who was helping him work on some issues that he had... there are things that you can put in place that you can insist he agrees to, and take it from there.
If the two of you can't agree, take it to the court.

[Asker]

Oh okay I will put that on the table for him as a choice if not I’ll go to court.

[tenukitanuki]

You need to burn this person out of your life if you've made the decision that he's just not safe to have around your family. Hitting a pregnant woman takes a lot of self-hatred if you ask me so don't give him anything that reminds him of himself. I bet he runs on anger and hate because of his own shameful nature. I speak as a man that grew up to a size so that I could defend my mother.

Apparently his home life was even worse but guess what? who cares? I wish the rubella killed him as a baby so the world could be a better place. Scrub this violent shit stain out of your life so that your kid doesn't have to obsess over the idea of hating this asshole forever.

[SteveSmith1985]

Call children's social services wherever you live. They should be able to tell you what options are available to you. I should hope that there is some mechanism to keep your daughter safe in this situation. I would think that child welfare services could get you to your first steps towards doing SOMETHING proactive to prevent this. How old is s he.

Also. It's great that you were able to move out and get away from him. I have some appreciation for the amount of strength and guts it takes to do that. Good for you 🙂

[OlderAndWiser]

In what state or country do you live? How old is your daughter? How long has it been since he saw her in person?

[Asker]

I live in the US! And she’s 10 months he’s never seen her before.

[OlderAndWiser]

What state? Is his name listed as father on the child birth certificate?

[Asker]

Connecticut and no it’s not

[OlderAndWiser]

If his name is not on the birth certificate and you have not signed any acknowledgement of paternity, them he has me legally enforceable visitation right. If you don't trust him, don't allow him to take the child away from you.

If his parents are involved at all, reach out to them and allow them to have some visitation. Grandparents are important.

[Walrus_au]

I'm in agreement here. I don't know about the legalities in your area, but if it is that way, and @OlderAndWiser seems to have a better handle on it that me. Then that sounds like the best option for you and child.

[PrincessGrail]

Testify at the custody hearing about how he abused you

[bigcuband]

File a domestic violence police report and a restraining order with all of the abuse in it, the judge will give you a temporary order the same day until a custody hearing can be decided, if he violates the order he will be arrested, if he gets arrested once he will lose the opportunity to have favor during the custody hearing automatically

[Liam_Hayden]

Let's take this step by step.

Does he have visitation ordered by the courts? Or is he even named on the birth certificate? If not he currently has no legal rights, full stop. He would need to go to court to get paternity established. You do not have to allow anything at all.

If he is named he does have rights as well as financial responsibilities but would still need to go to court to get a specific visitation schedule unless you both agree.

You said he was abusing and has threatened you. How exactly? Document these incidents, in writing. It holds a lot more weight with the authorities if you can say, for example, "He called me at noon on Tuesday, July 23, 2019 and told me that if I don't let him come over he is going to trash my car." than to say "he threatened me a few weeks ago." Dates and times are important. Document every time he does anything untoward.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but you're screwed. I'm sure you love your daughter but you should have aborted. Now he has rights over her and if you try to keep her away, people (men and women) will hate you thinking you're some crazy feminist for wanting to protect your daughter. When in the end, he is a heartless bastard that will hurt your child. If he can beat a pregnant woman, he does not care about you nor his child. I'm sorry for your situation but this is what happens when women are too moral and righteous for our own good. People will blame you even though you're the victim. That's the story of womanhood. I'm sorry

[TonyMetal_86]

If he's a moron it doesn't mean that the woman should be like him and do the wrong things in life and not all men are like that.

Some men do change with time and regret what they have done and that's where a woman feels happy and satisfied because the man that she always needed came back to his sane.

[Opinion Owner]

@TonyMetal_86 Please lol. After I responded here, I went to the male responses and found all kind of men calling her bitches and she deserves it. It's his child too blah blah then when she 'does the right thing' he'll kill her daughter and everyone's ignorant because then there goes a suicide attempt on this poor lady. You men are all the same. This guy almost killed her unborn child and you're looking for redemption in this horrible human. Women should be just as bad as you to survive this man made world. Screw righteousness when you lose in the end. The freaking law is on his side, an abuser

The only women who would care about some man's redemption are moral women who believe in mankind. Who thinks of men as our protectors, not the ones who rape, kill, and abuse us... for sport by the way because they can. And I feel sorry for them because they will forever be disappointed

[Kha0tiic_xo]

Is he abusive to the child? I'm asking because if not why should the child not see him? There can be arrangements made for visitations so the two of you don't see each other? If he was or is, court ASAP!
Also I'm sorry to hear this nobody deserves that from anyone , I'm dealing with this myself right now , things will get easier ! Chin up love

[Asker]

She’s 10 months and he has not seen her. He’s very manipulative and I’m not comfortable leaving my child with him. He didn’t even want her. I will be getting supervised visits if he doesn’t like that we’ll go to court. Doesn’t matter if he’s abusive to her he’s abusive to me and I have police evidence. I refuse to get a cps referral from him.

[Asker]

I refuse to give him a chance alone he needs supervised visitation

[GiveitaShance]

Not really. I get asked out for being average looking because of how I present myself and my personality. Tinder isn't the choice in doing that because you see the picture first which is what you base your attraction off of instead of meeting naturally.

[klara68114]

Get a court order.
Was he ever reported whilst he abused you? Do you have evidence of this? Messages, pictures, anything?
If so then see a solicitor asap and get the order put into place revoking his custody. He is not the person to have a child around. It isn't good for her. Cut contact and try to get yourself somewhere he can't find you. Ask social services for help moving.

[canadiancoloursky]

If he isn't on birth record//or anything you can move away, you don't have to tell him where you go... Or restraining order//// tell him and cops it isn't his kid and that you were with other guys too, then he will have to get paternity test, which takes time,, time you can use to have main custody and see if he wants to even be there for the long haul as a parent.

[Anonymous]

File a restraining order against him for you and your daughter. You have enough evidence and hopefully the police have enough documented proof of your ex’s domestic abuse towards you in order to do so. If that doesn’t work out you can contact child services and ask for them to supervise visits.

[juliabettencourt]

Im going threw this right now with my unborn son. Literally the same situation he choked me too. And im getting a restraining order agaist him. Then after my son is born supervised visits i dont feel comfortable either him with my son. So i know how it feels to be going threw this

[TonyMetal_86]

Why did he choke you? Also no matter what he does to you, you cannot prevent him from being with his son if he's good to him and sometimes a father punishes his own child and that doesn't mean he'a bad unless he beat him hard, abuse him and cause threats on his life.

Many restraining order supported by feminists ended up with a mother brutally killed.

I always support that the couple manage in someway to reach agreements with each other where both can be comfortable and there is always a chance for treatment and help if they can be reunited again and open a new page in life!

[juliabettencourt]

He choked me cuz we got into a fight he said wanted nothing to do with me and my son so i started grabbing my sons stuff and he's like no im gonna return those. So im like ok im just gonna grab his ultra sound and thats when he choked me. I know i can't prevent it but i want supervised visits till he gets help.

[Asker]

@TonyMetal_86 if someone who’s suppose to love you is ok with choking you while you’re pregnant with HIS child how are you suppose to react let him be around his daughter. He wants to be with me I refuse to go down that path a 3rd time where he changed and reverts to his ways. I won’t raise my child with someone who has unmanaged anger issues and resorts to violence.

[juliabettencourt]

I agree. My biggest fear right now tho. Is if the restraining order doesn't go threw. Then what happens

[Asker]

I understand! Sorry I blocked this person

[1828avaava1828]

hire me to punch him in the earhole. he won't be able to hear anything or regain his sense of balance after that

[SongBird3]

You need to take his ass to court!!! You need to get full custody and a protective order. If he wants to see her than it has to be at a supervised visitation center

[Avicenna]

If his paternity has been acknowledged and there is no police report about the abuse. he may be able to get a court order allowing visitation.
Without knowing more details, it's hard to advise.

[AngelLily]

Maybe have a secret recorder on you and call him and start talking about him not being able to see the child because he's abusive and let the recorder hear all the abusive rants.

[Xlink]

He probably wasn't and your probably a whore liar. If he really was you would have went to the cops and documented it. Cops believe the woman first especially involving a kid.

Take him to court but we all know what's sup here your probably broke up and playing the victim.
Stop asking stupid ass question when you know what to do.
You got fucking 911 not girls ask guys

[Asker]

It’s documented...

[Asker]

I only documented when I had bruises and was at the hospital

[Asker]

I would never play victim

[sapphire31]

This is very ignorant. Women suffering from domestic violence rarely speak out until it’s too late, and then there’s not much that the police can do other than put a restraining order against the husband/boyfriend. It’s not because they are trying to play victim.

[Xlink]

Seems no it's not I'm holding her accountable. If she has time to post online then she has time to walk her ass to the police station and get council. It's not hard
The fact that her dumbass asked this question means she considering going back to this guy or letting him see his kid.

Both of you guys are irresponsible you kmew he was a piece of shit when he nutted in you.

[SongBird3]

If its documented than you can get full costody and file a restraining order

[Gedaria]

Its a little late now, But tell him if he wants to be in the youngsters life he better start paying money for his child. Usually it brings them down to earth thinking he has to pay...

[Asker]

Well I don’t need or want his money. You mean just to say it

[Gedaria]

If he didn't want a baby to start with I don't think he will support it. Usually mention money they run for the hills ……..

[Asker]

Yea he didn’t care for me keeping her. Now that I left he wants to see her. But okay

[Dav1ss]

Do you have anything photos of the damage he did doctors records anything? Has he been prosecuted for what he did to you? Pm me if you need to talk

[winterfox10]

Is he making any kind of child support payments, or otherwise helping to raise the child? If not, I'm fairly certain that he doesn't have visitation rights.

[Guardian45]

I'm assuming you have not taken any legal action. It is time, you need establish clear evidence of a pattern of violent behavior with the police. This means providing the police with xrays, doctor's reports, pictures of all injuries with dates.