Guys, Is it wrong for my boyfriend to ask me to delete my ex husband off FB? Bcus he's in the military, I only use FB to talk w him about our kid?

[Anonymous]

I've been separated from my ex-husband since October of 2018 and I got divorced 16 months ago. It took me awhile to get a divorce because he's been overseas and I had to coordinate. Anyway, My boyfriend of 3 years is not willing to take it to the next level if I'm not going to delete my ex-husband off of Facebook. He said it's a red flag. I have given him no inclination that I still have feelings for him and I've been transparent this whole time. We even been to several counseling sessions with two different counselors and they even think he's unreasonable. My ex-husband has been in Japan 97% of the time of me and my current boyfriend's relationship so I'm not sure why he has an issue with him being my friend on fb. He says that he doesn't like him liking my pictures or any of my posts. My ex-husband is not trying to start any drama and not worried about my current boyfriend so sure why my current boyfriend is so stuck on this. Me and my ex-husband co-parent very well and we're cordial but we're not friends. I barely talk to him. And when I do is strictly about our 6 year old and what she may need. The other things that he told me, is not to get a male personal trainer when I was looking for a trainer in the beginning of this year, even though I wasn't even thinking about looking for a male trainer. He also said not to wear white after Labor Day around his family etc. Because they would talk about me or judge me. Anyway I broke up with him because it's the principal of it all. I wouldn't delete anybody whether it's by ex husband or friend, etc just cuz someone wants me to and is trying to manipulate me. He mentioned in the relationship that he's never dealt with a woman whose kid's father was in their life, as if he prefers the kids dad not to be in the life so it can be easier on him. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with him suggesting that. I know he doesn't think there's anything wrong because he said himself " I don't ask for much." He's 10 years olda

[Oliverlogan263]

This is tricky man. On one hand, keeping your ex on social media can stir up jealousy issues with a new boyfriend. But deleting him just cuz your boyfriend said so is wack too.

Some thoughts:
- Your ex lives far away and is mostly just used for kid stuff. Doesn't seem like you have feelings there still.

- Counselors think your boyfriend is overreacting, so he probably is a bit insecure. Still, his concern comes from a real place too.

- Not wearing white after a certain date or getting a male trainer is controlling. That's too much.

Overall sounds like you did the right thing breaking up. You gotta be able to co-parent freely without drama. But your boyfriend has a point that social media can cause problems.

Maybe tell your ex about why you deleting him, so he knows it's not against him. Then focus on finding a dude secure enough to trust your intentions. Good you didn't just give in - standing your ground while also understanding his feelings is key.

[Asker]

And when I told him I have them on my Facebook because I use Messenger to communicate with him about our daughter he said well you can still delete him and get WhatsApp that way he doesn't have to like your pictures etc. That is another thing. He doesn't like me posting selfies. But, my selfies aren't provocative and I'm fully clothed and my Facebook is deactivated half of the year. He stated he wasn't getting married to a woman who still had her ex-husband on her Facebook page.

[Asker]

Oh and thank you for your input! I really appreciate it 😊

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, your boyfriend is being way too much. Telling you that you can't post selfies or have your ex on Facebook is kinda controlling. Like you said, your Facebook is only for coordinating about your daughter, so there's no reason you need to delete the guy.

It seems like your boyfriend just doesn't trust you even though you've given him no reason not to. Asking you to get a different app just so he doesn't have to see your ex liking stuff is weird. At the end of the day, your ex is always gonna be in your life cause you have a kid together. Your boyfriend needs to accept that instead of trying to isolate you.

Seems like you definitely made the right call breaking things off if he was trying to dictate who you can be friends with and what pictures you post. Probably better to find someone more mature who trusts you and doesn't play all those games. Don't even stress about it - you'll find someone better who respects you more!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome sweetheart 😊

[Staximus]

Can't wear white after Labor Day? It's not 1901 anymore. Tell your idiot boyfriend to go piss up a flagpole and be done with his control freak drama.

[Asker]

Yeah I don't know what his problem was with that and thank you for your input 😊

[Staximus]

That is some guilded age patrician bullshit

[Danny_dan92]

Unless you have kids together, there should literally be no reason why you still have tabs

[Asker]

Yeah we have a 6 year old who lives with me and that's the only reason why I have messe

[Danny_dan92]

Then you’re gonna have to explain that to him

[Danny_dan92]

If that’s a problem, he should’ve expected it when getting to know you

[Asker]

Yeah I explained all of that to him he still stands on what he stands so I had to do what I had to do on my end. My kid comes first and I'm not going to ruin the relationship between her dad to make him feel validated

[Danny_dan92]

Maybe consider working things out with him again with that being said.

[slatyb]

Yes, it's wrong. You have an child with the man. Of course you need to communicate with him. You may need a new boyfriend. I don't like this one.

[Darkest-Knight]

He's quite the control freak and certainly has issues. Good job dropping him.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your input 😊

[Billlewis]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's weird, it was apparently just his preference.

[jahaims]

You have a kid together so it is okay. Plus if you wanted to cheat for some reason you would just find a way. He doesn't trust you so don't continue the relationship.