Is it wrong for your boyfriend to ignore your texts because he's busy texting another girl until very late at night?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend (23) and I've (22) been dating for about 2.5 years. He recently got a new job. Lately, I've been suspicious that he's hiding something but whenever I ask, he would get irritated (we're usually very open & honest w each other).

I was moving in to his house. On move-in day (he was at work), I saw that his computer's still on. Went to turn it off but noticed that he has one chat window open, a very long convo with this female coworker.

I felt bad but ended up reading, he was always the one that initiaties the conversation. They talk about sex (not of them having sex, just asking about preferences/opinions), he sent her good morning texts (not to me anymore :( ), and that he's worried about her well being and is there for her. Also this, "I'm probably going to delete these texts again". Based on time stamps, they talked until about 1 am, but on that night, he was ignoring my texts (we had a Skype date scheduled) because he wanted to "take a shower" but he was texting her instead.

I confronted him, he told me it's only been going on for 3 weeks, nothing's going on irl. Then he also snapped at me and he was like "I couldn't make any friends because of you! That's why I had to hide this!". I don't forbid him to hang out with his friends, he has a bunch of guy friends, some girl friends so... I admit I used to get jealous whenever he hung out w his friends but that was long ago. Why would he only delete the texts with that one specific girl? He has other texts w other girls but he doesn't delete them.

p. s. I did the same thing to him around 4months of us dating (was depressed and he wasn't there - busy with video games, moving, etc) so I ended up seeking comfort from another guy... I know I'm a jerk and I don't have the right to feel hurt because I'm also guilty

TLDR - boyfriend got caught texting a female coworker (lots of sexual references but no sexts, emotional support, sent her good morning texts but not me) - while he ignored me.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

While it's ok having friends of the opposite sex , there still needs to be boundaries within the relationship and the friendship.

His behaviour would be a red flag to me. I'd never tolerate being second place to any other girl. Or tolerate sneaky deceitful behaviour from my boyfriend . By ignoring you, but texting her.. it shows exactly where his priorities lie

If I was in this situation I'd re-evalute my relationship. I always trust my gut over anyone's reason, explanation or excuse. The signs are there that show something is amiss... don't ignore it. There's definitely something developing between then. Even if there's wasn't , I'd have some self-respect and walk away from a guy who put me second to another girl. Plus, he seems to be disregarding your feelings. Which shows lack of respect for you

[LousyLoudMusic]

Talk it our say you are sorry for whatevere emotional pressure you yourself have put one the relationship and are willing to work on it, but you also must be willing tolistend to my insicurities and find a solution and the way you go about this reltionship with thisfemale worker is very sketchyand thetopic you are talking withher on is makingme uncomfortable, and you need to tell me what we can do so you come to me for those conversations, and good mornings because I wanna be that for you, not anyone else to be it for me.

[xXSaturnXx]

Nope that is a major red flag, if he is going to ignore you in favour of another girl then clearly his intentions are not pure. If you also are guilty of doing the same thing then you still have the right to feel hurt, its just one of those things, nobody wants to suspect they are being cheated on and finding out is the worst. I hope things go ok for you both but if you do end up finding someone else it would be totally understandable :)

[Anonymous]

Since you are also guilty of a similar situation, you should just wait it out and play it by ear.
Perhaps your prodding of the situation has caused it to escalate into something where it wouldn't have otherwise.
If you frequently keep an eagle eye on your partner, of course he's going to be more careful and less open. He probably thinks your suspicion of him means that one ambiguous situation equals a game over.
Few people enjoy being spied on.
However, I think it was good on you for viewing the chat window when he left it open. That's a rookie mistake on his part.
I will admit that it was odd that he skipped out on your Skype appointment, though.
So once more, I feel as though your suspicion was reasonable until a certain point; this can be fixed with trust and diligence.

[Anonymous]

That's totally fishy. I wouldn't stay, to be honest with you. If someone is there prioritizing their socializing with other people over the person who ought to be their closest ally, there's a problem. If he's deleting texts, he doesn't want you to read them for sure, it's 98% likely that it's because there is something there that will compromise your relationship if you were to find out what was said. There should be nothing you can tell to a platonic friend that you can't tell your partner.

[rach_adams]

can i be honest? this doesn't seem like a good relationship at all. which leads to the next question, do you really wanna live with this kind of person for the rest of your life? you only just moved in, and he's already onto another girl. i can't imagine what else drama he would bring to the relationship.

it sounds dreadful, im sorry.

[zombiebabe]

the thing is he gets all pissed when you confront him about it because he's not interested in you anymore... there's definitely something going on with his coworker because he's ignoring your text to spend time talking to her

seems like the relationship is going downhill and the best thing you can do is look for someone who will be here for you

[BikerGirl89]

Of course that is wrong. That is disrespectful to you and the relationship. You dont deserve that. You deserve a man who pays attention to you and only you. Makes you feel loved and like you are a priority. Love yourself.

[Mommie35]

Jus as yourself if it was you texting late night or at all with a dude would he be ok with it. I think that will help youbfind tour answer. Me personally... i wouldn't go for it. It wouldn't be a problem if jus leave cause that to me is shady but you know what you do allow and what you dont.

[Cute_and_kind]

He is a jerk. Either talk to him and explain how you feel. Dont argue, explain. or it'll be a good time to leave him as this kind of behaviour generally does not go away with time- it increases.

[Messiah89]

try talking to him face to face. cause you cannot be upset if you did it as well. if you took blame for that he should take blame for this if not we'll you got your answer.

[Shoebooty13]

Guys aren't into texting unless typically it's sexting, nudes, etc.. we're more emotional, but guys are logical and visual.

[Lillyhope]

I'd break up with him, unless he provides a decent excuse

[KeepAsking]

was there. I would be suspicious too. but you already confronted him so I would not do it again. i would make a new hobby, change my style. make him see smth new about me to bring the sparkle back

[qwertyuiop111119]

NOT OK AT ALL TELL HIM ABOUT IT AND IF HE DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE BREAK UP WITH HIM.

[king34]

listen, I didn't even read much of the description, but I want you to look at the title real hard, and just think if that right or wrong

[boochie0]

I would go off on him.. why is he texting another girl but.. no one texts another girl that late at night

[ElissaSong]

I would say yes it's wrong. And I would be suspicious as well.

[Anonymous]

you shouldn't feel guilty what he did. maybe he want to get revenge from you but this is not excuse

[SaiyenBloodd]

yes he's upto no good

[Dinnye001]

No, this is NOT okay. At all.

[Lakshmi_Reddy]

just kick on his bums and forget

[cuddledude0000]

That's so not right let's chat