My boyfriend wanted us to be physical while I wanted to save it until marriage. When we talked, he became angry and decided to break up. What should I do?

Question

He's ready to break up with me just because I said I wanted to save it until marriage, I truly do love him. He started the argument by saying like "I respect your choice but you should respect mine too", which means I should sleep with him and be flexible with my choice. But after I said that I am 100 percent kind of sure for it only after marriage, he stated something like "You care about your belief more than you value me, I'm surprised, but it's fine" and then he started to ignore me and won't reply to me anymore, I apologised to him and all even though I didn't do anything wrong but he just keep ignoring me.

Please don't judge me for this. I know that most don't want to save it until marriage these days and may find me outdated. It's just what I feel is right for me. I don't shame anyone for choosing against it. But please someone tell me what I can tell him. I don't want to lose him because I love him a lot. He was my crush since 4 years and I've been very happy that he liked me back but now I'm not sure if he likes me back for what I am or if he just wants me to be in his bed. Is there anyway that I can solve this problem?

Please be kind

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Good for you for not budging.

I went through something like this 33 years ago.
She was a virgin (although I did not know that when we became a couple).
Finally, one day while we were in bed, I asked quietly asked her "Are you a virgin?"
She nodded affirmatively.
"OK, we'll take it easy and when you're ready."
I was getting a little frustrated after a month or so - I was 27 and she was a beautiful 22-year-old.
So, I gently alluded that I'd like to do it at some point. That's when she said she wanted to wait until marriage. I said "OK." For one thing, it wasn't like I was a fuckaholic used to humping a lot. But, more so, I was already married to this girl in my heart and knew I wanted to marry her and felt I was. ...

Sadly, she had other plans and dumped me after almost 17 months. I don't know if she waited until marriage (she didn't get married until she was 31), but I suspect she did it either with her next boyfriend or the next guy (who is now her husband - they got together 30 years ago this coming month).

I don't regret that I was willing to wait until marriage.
BUT, I would not do that again.
I THREW AWAY YEARS of healthy sexuality all because I was broken hearted.
I had a rebound LDR that lasted a few weeks, so I did get my oil changed a few times, but, it wasn't until almost 8 years between when she dumped me and me becoming a couple with my wife just before I turned 37 and would get ED in a few years. So, really, I wasted my sex life.

I respect your decision and feel free to stick with it.
I don't regret what I did because, at the time, it was the right thing.
But I DO regret it in a sense and am angry and bitter about what happened to me.
So, I won't say that I agree with what you now-ex-BF has done, but, looking back at what happened to me, I don't disagree with his decision either.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

"I am 100 percent kind of sure for it only after marriage" and "Please don't judge me for this" and I'm just sitting here thinking..."Did you do this to the last guy?"

Why do you want this marriage soooooo bad? It's not the sex obviously. He probably knows the real reasons, but probably doesn't want to admit it. You probably won't admit it. Until then you're playing a game where you are 100% sure you're down for sex only after marriage and you already know damn well what a man has to give up for marriage and he doesn't even know if he likes sleeping with you?

WTF woman you for reals? You're obviously not even with him for the sex, so what is it? His money? Is he your emotional tampon? Does is like shopping and Starbucks or some other woman shit?

Again... you do this to the last guy? What's going on here that is different and don't you think he notices it too? The last guy is probably like "damn bro, that's fucked up."

Like rubbing salt into the wound.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are doing the right thing by waiting for marriage. I am 29 and doing the same. You know how many stupid men I've come across who got angy at me for telling them I am waiting? They're not worth your time.

I don't know if you are religious but it's extremely important to wait until marriage for both genders. Having sex outside of marriage is a huge sin. It doesn't surprise me that he's letting lust control him. He has a weak will, he's a weak man. Are you going to let a weak man, a sinner drag you down?

If he wants sex he'll find a someone promiscuous to sleep with. But he'll have the audacity to want to marry a virgin when he's done sleeping around. He's not worth your time. He just proved that to you. You guys aren't compatible. Its best to end things. Plus a grown man who acts like a child having a tantrum and on top of it using it to manipulate you isn't someone you want in your life.

He could have easily agreed to disagree but instead he's just trying to get you to do what he wants. Red flags all over the place. First he doesn't respect you or your decision otherwise he wouldn't be pressuring you. He's not thinking at all about what you are comfortable with or if he's making you feel uncomfortable right now by trying to control you.

It's more like "Me, me, me." With him. You are firm in your beliefs and you chose it for a reason. If he wants to whore himself around then you have to respect that as well. But for him to shame you for doing something for yourself. Kick him to the curb, he's trash, he's not worth it.

If this guy is stepping on you now, what else is he going to do? What else is he going to try and get you to change to make him happy? There's always going to be something. It's best to end it so he can find what he's looking for and you as well. I always let the guy know early that I'm waiting, it saves a lot of time.

EmyyWolf · Accepted Answer

Don’t be with him. You’re clearly a traditional woman. But if he’s not a traditional man. Don’t be with him.
Find a traditional man.

These are the type of guys that cheat if you’re not in the mood, or if you don’t give him ass if he wants it. Guys like that need to be castrated.

Please find a good respectful man. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you say WAIT FOR MARRIAGE!! HE WAITS FOR MARRIAGE!! PERIODDD!!!

ITS YOUR BODY NOT HIS. You the one who risks your pregnancy, not him!! He or whatever idiot needs to wait. Otherwise leave them. The imbecile doesn’t get to reproduce with you. 🫵

HE doesn't MAKE THE RULES. PERIOD!

You as a female should always be the priority, you need to prioritize yourself. Because as a female you will always be at risk of pregnancy. And pregnancy can be deadly to you.

Dont even apologize. Never apologize. For what? For not breaking rules for him? Is he a God? Is he a King? Is he gonna OFF WITH YOUR HEAD if you don’t. Block, Ignore and never look back.

coachTanthony · Answer

To solve this is to find someone else and when you do find someone else you tell them right off the rip so this kind of stuff doesn't happen. Most guys expect sex after 3-4 dates less wait until marriage so you'll need to find someone who believes what you believe. This guys doesn't obviously.

AviatorTom · Answer

In any disagreement, there is almost always a compromise, one that you can work out together. You shouldn't compromise your morals for him, but maybe you can give him what he wants anyway. For example, would you be willing to give him oral sex? Or a hand job? Or maybe do a sexy strip tease for him while he masturbates?

Pinay_ako · Answer

It’s your body. Not his. He’s clearly selfish. Self preservation should be respected. If not, he’s not the one for you. He’s not the last man on earth who will love you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How old are you, how old is he, and how much dating experience do each of you have?

Anonymous · Answer

I see both sides of this.

First off I think the answer is clear. You stated your position. You told him you wanted to wait till marriage (I'm ASSUMING you told this him early on and didn't just spring this on him). So you didn't lead him on. If he thought he could change your mind that was HIS miscalculation. He can be mad, but he shouldn't be mad at you. So I think it's clear. You move on if he's not willing to wait. You do not OWE him that. And for him to think so is awfully presumptuous.

Now I'm going to flip this on you. Since I don't know you from Eve. I don't know how steadfast you are in your beliefs. I don't know if this is just lip service. Most guys have dated that woman that said "I want to wait for marriage". When what she really meant was, "I'm saying I want to wait for marriage. But in actuality I'm going to date you, keeping you on a leash recieving all the attention a good boyfriend gives his girlfriend and then the minute I see more attractive, higher status male I'll conveniently crumple up this (wait till marriage) belief and throw it in the garbage for one night with this higher status guy".

So understand it's possible this guy is trying to manipulate you. But it is entirely possible he's just protecting himself against a woman he might not be sure truly loves and values him.

I've said many times on here to women. You don't have to sleep with a guy. And it's wrong for him to expect you to. But you do need to make him believe you do want to through love and affection.

I know this hasn't been a short response. But in short, you need to determine what kind of man he is. Which guy I described. Is he manipulating you through guilt? Or is he hurt.

Gochogirl · Answer

He's right, you should break up. You have different priorities and different values. Find someone who is willing to wait :)

Alternatively, you can take a genuine look at your own desires and see if you can agree with him for your OWN reasons, not just because it's what he wants. Ask yourself why you want to save yourself for marriage. Ask yourself why you feel that way. Imagine the possibilities if you don't wait until marriage, both good and bad. Really challenge yourself. If you come out of it still feeling like you want to wait, that's wonderful! Stick to it and move on from him.

Curiositykilledcat7 · Answer

don’t wait around for him to decide, you have the power to set the boundaries and standards, before you leave plan it out talk to friends and trusted family and find out you local safety numbers. i may a great mistake not doing these things first. if he is one to need control he could act in ways you may not imagine. so prepare yourself. if you both get back together and he said all the right things acts sweet and does that thing you always want and things stay good then i’m so happy for you. if he changes after a couple of weeks and months go by you realise things are worse his punishing you and this persons true nature is not one you or anyone deserves. do you research on
narcissism it can save you in so many ways even if you choose to stay

provokeesmokee · Answer

You can't. You have to let him go, and he has already let you go.

He's right - your belief deserves respect as does his.

He is allowed to have sex before marriage if he wants, and you're allowed to wait.

But that means you two are incompatible.

You do value your beliefs and values more than him. As it should be. A lover shouldn't change what you believe in and stand for - they should support it.

This goes both ways.

You're done. The relationship is over. Move on, and make sure you communicate your no extramarital sex expectations upfront going forward.

On your first (or later, but at most 3 dates in) date, alongside your other expectations and requirements, make sure you mention your stance on extramarital sex.

DaBiggestBird · Answer

So he broke up with you because you didn’t want to pogo on his stick? Now personally speaking, that sounds more petty than two prepubescent girls trying to murder each other because they like the same boy. Like holy fiddle sticks, I understand this situation feels not good but you wouldn’t be wrong to have the mental of “I’m too good for you anyways”. Considering he stayed with you for 4 years, I don’t think he is a complete horn dog to wait that long just to fill you up. Or maybe he really is just that down bad, who knows these days.

DextroShade · Answer

First and most importantly you can only ask this if you are a virgin.

Second, if you want to save for marriage you need to be marrying really soon like within a year, because expecting a guy to hang around and spend his time, money, and resources on you for years with no sex is insane. If your current guy won't wait Nick Fuentes is available andlooking for a virgin bride.

Also, these days only devoutly religious men will take you up on this because more and more men are realizing that marriage is a bad deal for them; even if they go the tradcon route and marry as young virgins it can still blow up in his face like what happened to Steven Crowder.

Anonymous · Answer

You have a right to make a choice to save yourself for marriage and no one has the right to challenge that choice. Also if he feels the relationship doesn’t meet his expectations (although they would seem to be misguided and selfish, another topic though), he has a right to end the relationship. If he broke up with you because you wouldn’t be intimate with him then he isn’t worthy of you, be thankful he broke up with you instead of trying to force you to give him what he wants without your consent and move on to (what I hope is ) a better relationship in the future.

celeste01 · Answer

It seems like you are religious, I am too - in Christianity, we are told not be 'unequally yoked' , meaning do not date someone who is carnal-minded and expects sexual intercourse quickly, for your sanity its best to find a marriage-minded man.

I hate to say this but the fact that he has instantly suggested a breakup says a lot, being angry because you don't get what you want is unhealthy, dont ignore the warning signs.

snowboarder720 · Answer

Your reason to save it after marriage is reasonable.
His reason to be physical before marriage is also reasonable.

You both deserve what you need to be happy in a relationship. Whatever that may be. You two aren’t compatible with each other. Breaking up sounds necessary if neither of you can keep the other person happy for the other persons needs.

ShesRad80 · Answer

dont fall for his manipulation tactic, the way he handled that instead of talking about other things you can possibly do shows what a turd he is.

while he is totally entitled to have sex pre marriage, makes no sense why the two of you dont talk about it instead of the ignoring BS.

have you two ever really talked in depth about it?

Anonymous · Answer

Girls have no problem getting all touchy feely and sending the signals out to guys, that they want to have sex. Then they let the guy start the "process" and then its "oh, stop, i want to wait until i am married". Any wonder men get upset and want to break up. Its like men are being manipulated / forced into marriage, if they want a sexual relationship. Its wrong, its controlling. Its all about what the woman wants. I would break up to. Let her find someone else, willing to be a simp

sheenagwapa · Answer

guys who teult loved yoy eill wait. but that doesn't mean if intimacy happens he will no longer loves yoy that's not true. it can even makes him fall in love eith yky more. with regards to belief Jesus is real so pls pray for it if he is really the one for you

Anonymous · Answer

Honey, open your eyes. He doesn’t love you. A man in love respects his woman’s boundaries. Love does not demand its own way. Love does not pressure into doing something you don’t want to do. This boy wants you to put him above your own values. Do yourself a favor and leave him.

Kreneman · Answer

Pray for him, be patient, and still wait for marriage because he is in the wrong, not you, and always remember, for him to snap like that, it tells you a lot things about him meaning, he doesn't or understand what marriage really means or your beliefs. You seriously need to think about your relationship him.

LazerBean · Answer

You should be happy that the hoe is going back to the streets where he belongs, and go find a guy who is actually worth marrying.

inhua · Answer

if you're a virgin he should respect that and stop pushing now if you're not a virgin and you've sleeping around, then yes he should allowed to want the same rules you gave all the other sex partners

My boyfriend wanted us to be physical while I wanted to save it until marriage. When we talked, he became angry and decided to break up. What should I do?

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