Why am I always the girl, before the girlfriend?

[scfranci]

This has happened to me at least four times. I will date a guy and then they will end up getting a girlfriend shortly after. I'm not desperate but I do want a relationship. There was this one guy that I dated for 4 months. We were still figuring each other out and when I realized I wanted to date him and that I was starting to have feelings for him and things started to get physical (we didn't have sex, but I gave him a hang job) I told him that I need us to be in a relationship or end things. We couldn't really see a future together. I'm a virgin so he would have had to wait a while and become my boyfriend. I think he would have felt guilty being my first and my first boyfriend. I think he would have felt bad considering we didn't really seeing the future. He basically chose to end things. We were still good friends and talked just about every day over the summer, I felt like we were pretty much dating again. We were talking, texting, or seeing each other everyday. Then all of a sudden I didn't hear from him for two weeks. Then I found out through fb that he got a girlfriend. Like I said things like this have happened to me before. Just not sure why, any comments, or suggests on why this happened and other things like this have happened.

[themastaplan]

youre rushing things...you were like "i told him that I need us to be in a relationship or end things"...why? why did you do that? why do you need a label, why can't you just wait for things to pan out...

i understand you don't want to be hurt and fall for him and not have him feel the same, but you really gave him no option. I mean you did but you didn't. Why not just go with the flow of things and just see what happens instead of pinning it down on him that you need to be in a relationship and if not you need to stop doing what you're doing...i guess I don't get the whole point to that. Other than you want a relationship, which is great - but if you rush things, with anyone, it'll just not work out at all...

this is also confusing, you were dating him but you werent in a relationship? I don't get it, yorue young, why not do what you do with this guy and see where it goes, you don't have to decide you're future quiet yet, just have fun!

[scfranci]

We were being "exclusive", which means none of us were seeing other people. We did that for about 4 months. I was starting to have feelings for him and things started to get physical, so I needed things to go one way or another. I hated doing it, but I didn't want to fall for him or be to physical with him if he wasn't starting to feel the same way. I did go with the flow for 4 months, but because of the stuff I said before I though it wouldn't be smart to keep on going along with it

[themastaplan]

well due to the fact you were exclusive makes it a little different, if you're doing that with someone for 4 months you would assume the guy would have asked by then...hmm I question his motives

[Distant]

It's likely because you're not having sex. What exactly do you mean by "future together"? Most guys don't like to date, plan a future and THEN become boyfriend and girlfriend. The planning usually comes sometime afterward when things are becoming more serious.

[scfranci]

Just that we really couldn't see much else other than dating happening between us.