My girlfriend's housemate is becoming a nuisance. What do I do?

[dondon24]

My girlfriends housemate (Jessica) is not a good person. Even my girlfriend says so. She once told me that she and Jessica are in a different place right now. My girlfriend is going to be starting graduate school, has a boyfriend and will be moving into her new place. However, this Jessica girl is a party girl, smokes weed, goes out all the time and likes to drink and get drunk. She broke up with her boyfriend about 3 months ago and seems ready to live the single life. She even got a place near where all the clubs are just so that she can party. My girlfriend is not into this lifestyle anymore, or at least says she is not especially since she and I became a serious couple, but this Jessica is such a bad influence. She is always trying to get my girlfriend to party with her all the time which upsets me and I think she may be secretly trying to break my girlfriend and I up. However, my girlfriend does not think this Jessica is such a bad person. I know that they had been friends for about 2 years before she and I started going out (we have been together for 8months), but I do not get why my girlfriend cannot drop this friend especially since they have grown apart and Jessica is a threat to her relationship, new lifestyle and future. Jessica came up to me and mentioned that when she and my girlfriend change houses, she will like to have her once a week to hangout, and my girlfriend seemed okay with this. I understand that my girlfriend does not want to be alone and wants to have someone to hang with someone when I am not around, but why does it have to be Jessica? This girl is total bad news, but my girlfriend does not seem to have the balls to let go of her. Why is this the case and what do I do. My girlfriend and I have had many discussions about this and she agrees with many of my points of view. She says that it will get better in a month when they move to different houses. She also says she just wants to hang out with Jessica from time to time because she does not want to be alone, but I do not trust this Jessica girl. What do I do about this? Why is my girlfriend like this. I am getting frustrated and I hate even seeing Jessica’s face.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Why is a girl such a threat to you?

Are you worried that your girlfriend is bi-sexual?

Trying to separate your girlfriend from her friends is a bad idea, especially if you haven't been around as long as the friends have.

It makes you look like the bad guy no matter how right you look.

You can't change others, they have to change themselves.

If you want to really get in good with your girlfriend, you don't have to enable her to hang out with Jessica, but be supportive of her decisions. When it backfires on her, you can support her and comfort her in her time of loss. Because assuredly, if this friendship goes sour, it's not going to be recoverable.

The more you try to argue this point, the more your girlfriend is going to associate with Jessica, because it begins to make you out to be a persecutor, instead of a boyfriend.

This is a point in your girlfriend's life where she is making a life transition. She has become very serious about her academic pursuits, but is still friends with people from the undergrad years, and that's to be expected.

As time moves forward, and her goals become more and more focused with regard to career, she'll realize on her own that this is not a good friend to have around.

But let her reach her own conclusion, don't force it.

[l-hedoniste]

After she moves out, the problem will solve itself, right? Unless your girl really likes Jessica as a friend and enjoys her company--my guess--in which case, you need to suck it up, and keep your distance from her.

This way, if Jessica is really the bad, bad person you think she is, her nature will show through over time. If she isn't, and you're overreacting, at least you won't do anything stupid.

[Aarien]

You can't really dictate who your girlfriend hangs out with, but I can see why you're bothered by the situation, especially if your girlfriend is trying to move on and get away from that sort of lifestyle. But just because she hangs out with this girl Jessica, does not necessarily mean they will go out and party like they used to. If it's the partying and drugs you have a problem with (which is what it sounds like) then just explain to your girlfriend it's the partying and drugs that you don't like, and that hanging out with Jessica won't be a problem as long as there isn't any partying involved. She shouldn't lose a friend because their interests are a little different now. Boundaries just need to be established so that you're both happy. :)

[redheadbabygirl]

Like the others said, you can't force your girlfriend to ditch Jessica. You can, however, STRONGLY ADVISE her to steer clear of people in general who seem to influence her negatively. just make it clear that you love her and want her to be happy, and that you're not trying to be a control freak.

honestly, if it's not really affecting her, it would probably only make things worse to bring it up. just grin and bear it!

look out for HER good, and you can't go wrong.