Will my girlfriend ever forgive me and think of me the same way as before?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating the love of my life for almost two years now, and everything has been going great. My girlfriends grandfather died on Tuesday before this Thanksgiving. She and her family went for the funeral but I couldn't because I had work on Friday. My girlfriend is now very hurt and feels betrayed because at the time when she needed me most, I wasn't able to be there for her. I understand that I should have gone but for some reason I didn't. I regret that choice a lot. However the damage is done and I'm left wondering if she will ever forgive me and love me the same way she used to before this incident. If she doesn't, is there any hope this relationship will last? For the record, I want it to. I still love her dearly, but I get the feeling it's not mutual anymore, and never will be.

[CuddlyCarla]

We are all defined by the choices we make in life, for better or for worse. I'm a firm believer that if someone wants to do something, they will. If you really wanted to go, you would have found a way if she meant that much to you and I'm not sure why you didn't, that's something you'll need to examine and think hard about. You describe her as the love of your life, yet you chose not to be there when she needed you the most. I understand work is important, but the family of your partner might as well be yours when you truly love someone and she must see you as part of her life and family and therefore this seems really nonsensical to her. One of the hallmarks of a good relationship (or even friend) is sacrifice and a willingness to be there when it's most important to be. You staying and working sounds like you put yourself first, which is the last thing she probably needed at that moment. I'm not going to lie, I understand why she's upset, and I think she's justified being that you've been together for two years and you describe the relationship as having been 'great'. If you aren't willing to bend and be there for her, she can't be expected to do the same. Relationships are built on mutual sacrifice. This was definitely a mistake and you'll have to face the consequences, whatever they may be. My advice is to talk to her about it, to be honest, to try to determine with her why you made the choice you did, to acknowledge it was a huge mistake and to reassure to her that while you weren't there for her then, you promise you'll be there for her now. If she ends up giving you that chance, don't ruin it or take advantage of it, truly be there for her and prove yourself to her by being consistent and doing the right thing from this point forward. If she's there for you and if you really love her, it shouldn't even be a question.

[Asker]

I really appreciate your response, and to clear things up, this is the first thing I didn't do for her. Whenever there was an emergency or she needed help with something, I was there with bells on and without question. I really don't know why I chose work over her, but I did make it clear to her that it was the wrong choice, and that if I could do anything to change that, I would. Also I'll have to live with the punishment, whatever it may be, for the rest of my life.

[kellystafford]

I think she will get over it. But she was obviously relying on your for support, but you chose to work. Its probably made her doubt can she rely on you in future cases too. Just tell her your sorry, and that you couldn't be there to support her but it won't happen again. Just reassure her I guess. Flip it around you would prob pretty hurt she wasn't there to be your support at a families funeral. Like I said just reassure her.

[digital_haze]

You need a grand gesture of apology. I don't know what it would be but you need to show her without a doubt that you are very sorry for your actions and that something like it will never happen again. She needs to know that you will be there for her without question. Find a way to show that to her.