I'm not my boyfriend's physical preference, how am I supposed to feel about that?

[Anonymous]

I know he loves other things about me, but it makes it really hard to get into sex when I know he'd rather be screwing someone with bigger boobs, blond hair and blue eyes. Especially when he's so open about what kind of p*rn he watches and how much. Yes, I'm sure he thinks I'm "good enough" but I will NEVER be that attractive to him without surgery, and it sucks.

Do I need to know this stuff? Ugh.

Before anyone asks: Yes, he is my preference, so it's doubly frustrating.

Updates

+1 y

The follow up: I dumped him for a guy that's crazy about me and makes me feel like I'm worth something. No regrets. Let this to be a lesson to all the girls that could empathize.

[nevergivinguponu]

I've been here and here's how it turns out. His line was I'm attracted to blondes but date brunettes.My competitive nature won out and I did it and accomplished it in 21 days. Now it has been over 10 months and the guy has turned out to be a jealous freak and it is no longer about love but possession. I bleached my beautiful long chestnut hair platnium & dark blond, I gained 7 lbs to go from 34 B/C to 34 D and now I have a butt that pops out. I had to exercise all that new fat to muscle so I wasn't a fatty. Then I changed my makeup to be p*rn worthy too. I do have the blue eyes but would have been willing to wear colored contacts and for what everyone of his ex girlfriends were very overweight and /or not attractive but I did it. Now I'm always getting whisteld at and leered at and he is so insecure that it did not turn out the way I had thought it would be.

We are still together because he has a ton of great qualities. Now he tells me if something can be taken the wrong way disregard it.It's just the ahole in him speaking and not to listen.

P.s. I also did the penis thing regarding comments and now I have to reassure him all the time it's fine down there. :(

[ApatheticApology]

Look, you should NEVER feel not good enough for a guy. If he's with you, that's a good sign, If he's into p*rn, he's a normal guy, if he KNOWS that this bothers you...He's a DOUCHE and trying to make you feel bad.

Tell him he can watch his p*rn, but he doesn't have to tell you WHAT he likes that YOU cannot be without (painful and UNNEEDED) surgery...

I'm 5'4'' a FELLOW brunette (I kinda went blonde...but I don't feel as pretty now...cause it's...not me...the person in the mirror feels fake to me, I always expect to see brown hair...)

Changing for him will only make you feel worse about yourself because that's accepting the (Totally false) assumption that you're not good enough

Everyones equal, even though some people are A$$E$ :) Hope it helps.

[Anonymous]

I went through this. In the end, I realized my ex was pretty much ridiculous in the way he could pick apart features on a woman like we were mail order blow up dolls or something. He wasn't actually a jerk about it, but it didn't make me feel great in the beginning when I knew there were things I could never change, even with surgery.

Consider how he treats you. Is it you that is picking up on everything or is he telling you these things? If he is loving and caring and isn't asking you to change, I would let this go and figure out how you can work past it.

[Opinion Owner]

I love your update. That is exactly the way to go. I have dated guys who thought I was okay, not dated guys who thought I wasn't that great, and been in love with men who thought I was the perfect woman. I was the same person in all cases, so it wasn't about me, it was about me picking the right guy. It is pointless to waste energy on converting a guy who sees us as secondhand goods.

[CapnBlack]

I find it really really really disturbing and makes me angry your guy has acknowledged that you are not his type. He actually said he would prefer all that to you?

I think you need to play the break up game.. It won't fix him for good but jeez. Since he tells you this he probably doesn't realize your a person. Honesty only goes so far till you tell someone there they are good enough..I think the proper feeling is 2 feel like they are 2 good for you mutually.

[The-Romanian]

What's his preference, and what are you?

[Asker]

Typical blond hair, blue eyes, big boobs, big ass, long legs. I've got brown hair, brown eyes, ass and boobs are fine, but my legs are short.

[The-Romanian]

How short? Your height..?

[Asker]

I'm 5'4", pretty normal, but my legs are short-ish.

[The-Romanian]

You know what, start making him insecure, and uncomfortable. Two can play a game. Tell him how you started watching p*rn, and you like the p*rno's where the guys are so muscular, and their dongs are as long as your arm(yes, make it seem like you're this p*rn hound dog now until he shuts up about his. It shouldn't take long.)

[Asker]

That's incredibly immature and petty, but don't think it hasn't crossed my mind before. I might try it.

[The-Romanian]

It is immature, and petty. But, the way he is acting is no different. Sometimes you have to semi-lower yourself to a level to get an action done to your liking.

[Asker]

I've never been big on p*rn and I've always been really nice to his ego about how good he looks, so I don't know if he'd believe that. That's the biggest problem.

[The-Romanian]

It will surely throw him off guard. Just make sure to keep a straight face. And if you feel like you're going to crack and bust out laughing, go into another room, the bathroom, whatever.

[Asker]

No, I mean he'll just call me a liar.

[Asker]

And I'm a really terrible liar...

[Asker]

Eh, worth a shot. Thanks for the advice.

[The-Romanian]

Well, deary, come up with your own kind of approach then. It's either you're going grind your teeth and deal with it. Or you're going to do something about it. and tell him you don't give two sh*ts about his p*rn, and you don't care to hear about it. And if you're not his perfect little preference, why the hell is even with you. Out of pity? - Watch him get REAL tongue tied trying to come up with an answer for that.

[Asker]

Will you date me instead?

[The-Romanian]

Might think about it if I saw a pic. :))

[Asker]

lol, kidding. Thanks so much, though.

[The-Romanian]

Not a problem. Good luck.

[arashmenalagha]

this-is-a-bad-ass-idea!hahahahahahha

[The-Romanian]

Update: Well, good for you. Even though it's 7 months later. LoL.

[Asker]

Well sheesh, maybe this website isn't my top priority. -_-U

[The-Romanian]

You're implying that it is of mine? Pfft. I'm just saying the fact that you came on here awhile later giving the outcome.

[ceshottie5]

my boyfriend of 6 years does that to me about blond hair and blue eyes. my boyfriend loves my body and he thinks my butt is the hottest think ever but one day he said I should dye my hair blond and I was like hell no and he said well I never had sex with a blond before and want to and I was like fine go ahead leave go have sex with a blond and he said no I want to only have sex with you and you have blond but it bugs me because why can't he just like everything about me. so now he knows it bugs me so now he tries to say oh I only like brwon hair and hate blondes but now he is only saying that because I yelled at him about it. I hate that guys just can't like how we already look and want to change everything about us.

[Sweetlydangerous]

If I were in your position, I would go to a store and pick out a wig and set up a fantasy night for him. it was probably a once in while thing for him, I wouldn't stress over it too much. Just like I might have a fantasy about an older guy in his 40's or sleeping with a nerd or biker etc, idk...but it's a fantasy that I would only want to live perhaps once a year etc as a bit of fun with sex. As long as he thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, I wouldn't mind going blond for him one night

[katiesmuff]

I am not so sure I could stay in a relationship if I felt that insecure about what my partner thought of me. You do have choices which include putting all this out of mind and just remember you can't be all that bad as he has apparantly decided he likes something about you.

The other would be leave him if you are that disappointed with the way you think he is thinking.

[katiesmuff]

Good Luck and sounds like you found a nice guy this time. Glad you are happy and enjoying life with your new bf.

[TheCheshireCat]

You should feel great. This guy thought you were so wonderful, that he didn't care if you didn't fit his usual type. Plus, we never know what really works for us until we try other things. Maybe he did prefer other types before, but now he realizes you are his type. This happens on the time, it just goes to show what we "want" is not always what we "need."

[Asker]

That does make me feel better, it's just the fact that he will not EVER stop bringing it up. I just wish he'd try to make me feel better. :'(

Thanks, though.

[morngunt]

I have that same problem, my boyfriend thinks asians are hot and every time we see an asian girl he tries to be funny by letting go of my hand while we are walking or whatever. It bothers me at times but you shouldn't let it. You should be confident about your own look and if he didn't like it I'm sure he wouldn't be with you.

[Asker]

I'm not and I don't know how to be, though. I'm just starting to dislike sex. :\

And what your boyfriend's doing is really not funny, at all. I might be insecure, but that's still messed up.

[The-Romanian]

That is some messed sh*t.

[morngunt]

He does it because he knows it bothers me..that's just my boyfriend he likes to joke all the time! I'm not really confident either so I can't tell you to be lol it just sounds good :) I'm reading this one book called why men love bitches and I think its really helping me to be more confident in my relationship. I'm sure your boyfriend doesn't think about that when yall are having sex- I'm sure you turn him on.

[Asker]

I don't know, honestly. I'm sure I do, but most girls could to some degree. Guys are kind of simple.

[Asker]

Also I still think that's messed up...

[The-Romanian]

Morn, the more you tell yourself it's "OK" with this guy to do this "joking" thing, the more you'll overlook other things as "jokes" with the same guy, or maybe someone else down the road. Inside jokes and puns to each other is one thing. But, he's doing a subliminal slash to your self-esteem, and ego which you are not realizing yet.

[morngunt]

Ok this is what he does...one time we were walking in the mall and we see an asian and he lets go of my hand and pretends to start walking over to her but then he takes my hand again and laughs about it. Is that really bad? It's to be funny I thought

[Asker]

Honestly, it depends on how much it bothers you. Judging by the fact that you brought it up and said you aren't confident I assumed it did, but I could be wrong.

[morngunt]

Naw I was just stating the fact that my boyfriend has preferences too.

[Sweetlydangerous]

That's pretty stink, I would never do that to someone I genuinely cared about and wanted to stay with, not even as a joke. I would reconsider that one...

[Gbby1990]

I feel like you do I'm a big girl well I wa really good looking when we firt got to know each othe we have a baby know and I got big I just had my baby 3 mnts ago and we never have sex now he never tells me am cute are sexy It sucks to feel like this and men just donot see it I have had that feeling that I need to have something done I tell him to see if he will tell me I don't need it but he just looks at me crazy not even whn o tell him that I feel ugly he nevr tries to tell me he loves me the way I am sad but that's how a lot of man are now I wish I could have a man that would make me feel good oh well girl I can only tell you this men are never haippy about what we are or what we do they are all di*#s RIGHT

[parnellfitness64]

hes a dumbass first off who tells a girl what kinda p*rn they're into like come on this dudes obviously a pure douche and doesn't really appreciate you all that much and you should dump his dumbass lol

[Guacamole]

It's not terribly charming, mature or nice to constantly remind you that he'd prefer a nother type. Everyone has their fnatasy person, but to throw that in the face of your Girlfriend of 4 years. Ugh.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Your personality is so awesome that he has stopped caring about the physical reasons at all. Congrats, you helped him mature beyond the shallow and vain into something more and meaningful.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Although, if he's still being a prick and bringing it up, I'd totally make fun of something like his penis size even if you have no problem with it in reality. Pain will help him learn how it's not nice to be a d*** like that.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel.. I have brown skin, and dark hair, but my white boyfriend prefers blue eyed blond girls. He tells me he I'm one of the most attractive people he's ever seen, but I don't believe him. He's matches my preferences for physical appearance exactly, but I don't match his. Ever since he almost left me a year ago (we've been together almost 4 years) for a blond girl he thought was attractive, I haven't been the same. I can't walk by an attractive blond girl while next to him without feeling uncomfortable. Every day I feel like I'm not pretty enough, and there's nothing I can do about it. : / I know if he met a blond girl that he found more attractive than me, and that had a decent personality, he'd leave me even though personality/interest wise, we were made for each other. I know he could get any girl he wanted, because he's so attractive and charming. :x

[LillyBear]

Taylor Lautner is my physical preference, but it doesn't mean other guys aren't hot to me. It is the same with your boyfriend, Paris Hilton might be his physical preference, but it doens't mean he thinks ever other girl in the world is ugly.

[Asker]

You start to wonder when it's in your face all the time.

And Paris Hilton's barely attractive on a good day.

[Anonymous]

o-kayyy, well you gotta ask yourself, foes he truly LOVE you? love you absolutely and unconditionally? and he's not just settling to get some- to USE you as a sexual object? tell him how you feel about this, real, deep. unconditional love will see you as infinitely attractive, attractive above ALL others.

[Reggie1]

Don't assume he's superficial because he knows what he likes. He obviously likes you, even if he is a bit of a pig about other women.

Sounds as though you have the pneumatic, plastic blondes beat - feel good about that.

[xxOiloveyouxxO93]

first off why on earth would he have to watch that if he has you.? And I'm sure he likes your boobs but don't change for him its not worth it if he loves you then he loves you. YOur looks shouldn't matter.!

[cutie_18]

buck up you don't like it don't screw him that is so incredibly rude any man ever made me feel that way I wouldn't let him touch or taste me ever again!

[Asker]

He's my first boyfriend and it's been 4 years. It's not that simple...

[cutie_18]

honestly I've h that boyfriend you may think that its not that simple but it is trust me so long as you have no kids your not pregnant you got it made live have fun do things with friends be young its hard once you do get pregnant and these options are no longer an option! be free!

[Asker]

He's really clingy though, and he's leaving for the army soon and I promised I'd wait for him, and we're talking about marriage. Although yes, I'd love to be single. :'(

[cutie_18]

why marry a guy who says your not his sexual preference? marry a man who worships your body who will do anything just to get close to you.. don't settle.. your young I'm 19 and I'm pregnant and my husband left me trust me I know what I'm talkin about you can take the advice or leave it your call I wish you all the best..

[Asker]

Thanks so much, I'm really thinking about it.

[cutie_18]

thats good.. enjoy the little things in life..

[jimmyjames]

your boyfriend is a ass hole, all p**** is good, let him use his imagination as most guys do...

[Oliviawinters]

Have you tried talking to him about it?

[Asker]

I told him I don't want to hear it, but he keeps telling me to get more secure and won't stop talking about it.

[cutie_18]

why marry a guy who says your not his sexual preference? marry a man who worships your body who will do anything just to get close to you.. don't settle.. your young I'm 19 and I'm pregnant and my husband left me trust me I know what I'm talkin about you can take the advice or leave it your call I wish you all the best..

[ewkimchi]

dump his ass

[arashmenalagha]

whats-the-matter-can't-deal-with-the-truth?