Guys: Why wouldn't you talk about your girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

When I hang around with my guy friends and they usually bring up their girlfriends casually in conversation, or if they have problems they ask me. Or the Girlfriend is there, no big deal. BUT..

I have this one guy friend, we sort of liked each other at one point last year. Since he got a GF, we've become less close. We only hang out in group settings, but he never brings her up unless I do. Every time I text him and invite him and her to a group activity with mutual friends, he doesn't mention her, or he comes alone. (PS I've met her and know her too)

We're planning to go out sledding together, I was assuming she was coming along, but just found out its just going to be him and I.

Am I putting myself in a bad position hanging out with him alone? I've been told that he's not even attracted to her, and is just 'comfortable' being in the relationship (it'd be almost 10 months they're together). But it'll just be too blunt if I ask if they broke up or if anything happened, though..

GUYS is this normal behavior? As for me, it isn't. I'd really like to know what's going on in his head!

Please and thank you xD

[KERMlT]

This could be explained a few ways.

Guys don't bring up anything that might give other guys fodder to tease him about. I recall the first time I tried anal sex with my girlfriend (now ex) and they told me that I love 'brown eyes' when they saw me (brown eye is a nickname for the butt hole).

Guys don't complain because some guys won't respect the guy code and capitalize on the shortcomings (pun not included) of another. That's like giving away your sniper position without knowing where the enemy is.

Guys generally don't say bad things about their current girlfriend to other women. It deters them from dating him in the future. If he talked bad about her when they were dating, we he talk bad about you if you two were dating?

Some guys don't feel like mentioning anything because of their personality. They bottle up everything until it's too much. I typically do that and I have ran into a breaking point a few times in relationships. I did write a list of things that made me upset though she tried to fix things it inevitably ended anyway.

I.e. We would be hanging out and she would get phone calls from friends, other guys, etc. or carry on a conversation via text periodically laughing. She wouldn't tell me what was so funny or let me see what she was writing. It was distracting during movies, making out, etc. She put her phone on silent or vibrate so I wouldn't hear it. If I went into the kitchen or bathroom she would quickly respond to texts.

I just asked her to tell her friends to respect the time we spent together. They shouldn't demand an immediate response if we were hanging out. But on the other hand she could have just turned her phone off and gave me 100% of her attention like I would give her. This was only one of a dozen reasons why we split up.

[PatrickRory]

i do that sometimes and its usually because I don't feel like picking her up, asking her to come along etc. Reasons why I don't talk about her to other people is because what is our business is exactly that: our business. I don't like to relay problems we have together because that's rude to the other person and its personal. Just because we love each other doesn't mean that we have to attached at the hip too...i go places alone and so does she, we still do go out to social events with each other but we also are our own person. Unless that guy is the sort of guy to cheat then no your not putting yourself in a bad position by hanging out alone with him. Its not rude to ask "how are things with you and your girlfriend?" and its not a problem to hang out one on one and it not be awkward. All of this goes out the window though if his girl is the jealous/crazy type cause then he's probably just going behind her back to avoid problems

[aster]

i like this guy's answer. personal business should stay personal. some people are just more private and show as a sign of respect for their mate and relationship not to talk to other people about it.

[ArtistBboy]

Best answer, in my opinion.

[PatrickRory]

why thank you

[Asker]

Thank you :) I actually found out that they broke up recently too, and that's why he wasn't mentioning her at all

[rachiee]

I think its more normal than it may seem for a guy to act that way. Some guys just like to keep their lives private and not bring up their girlfriend every chance they can in a conversation. Its also possible for someone to date someone and have friends of the opposite sex at the same time. I think if you both have liked each other in the past then one on one time isn't the best idea. One of you may get stronger feelings or even both of you might which will just cause drama and possible hurt for one of you. Its perfectly normal for a guy (as well as a girl) to want space away from their significant other, that's one of the keys to a healthy relationship. If you do decide to go sledding with him then invite someone else. It sounds like you'll already feel awkward around him if its just the two of you so someone else going would not only make it less awkward but it would help avoid possible problems that might surface with one on one time.

[SuperCurious]

Umm I'm guessing he wants you but is to afraid to get rejected by you so he doesn't want to break upwith her, he doesn't like the thought of being alone, its a bad situation, I suggest not going unless she does and when you get an alone moment just tell him you won't be the other woman. And keep in mind, if he does it to her, he WILL do it to you.

[TemperMcAngrypants]

Good point. It's normally a woman thing to do, to hang onto one branch and not let go till you got hold of another. If a chick that has a boyfriend would do that sort of thing with me, I would make it very clear, that unless they break up, there is no point for me to even consider getting into any sort of relationship with her. Other people however see that differently. But if he's willing to cheat on her (or not dump her till he is sure he has a new girlfriend with you), then in all likelyhood he

[TemperMcAngrypants]

will do the same to you.

[toulouse]

its typically a coward things, guys do it girls do it its not per gender its per lack of morals,

[NavyDiver]

It's possible he might be looking to be more than just friends with you. Even if he does have a girl friend, he might be one of those typical "ass holes" women talk about. However, he also may just not want to lose you as a friend. Yet, if he was to bring his girlfriend along with him it might b awkward for him; or he'd believe it'd be an awkward situation in general thus avoiding the situation...

I wouldn't say anything for any person is "normal behavior," everybody does what they do for different reasons!

If you're like me, I would test him. Go sledding with him and flirt with him, see how far he takes it. If he doesn't stop or something happens aka he cheats on his girl. You know he'd to the same to you if you were in relationship and just stay friends.

[dj_miller91]

Sounds like he is more interested in you. If I were interested in a specific girl, I would NEVER talk about another woman in that manner, even if she was my girlfriend. When a man is proud of his woman, he will make it clear, just as women would. Don't do anything irrational that would disturb their relationship though. If it's not meant to be, then it won't work out between them, and you can come in the picture. (I assume that is your intention?)

[Asker]

That's somewhat the plan... Although he's been mixed signals with me ever since ... well ever. He's really confusing! :(

I won't do anything irrational, it's just sledding, and we've done it before he went out with her so, we're also 'comfortable' haha

[Asailum]

he might like you and is hanging out with you because his current relationship isn't that great. Who knows, but you can't go and try to take responsibility for his actions. If he wants to hang out with you and possibly date you, then let him make his own decisions and do so. The only question you should ask yourself is do you like him?

[LuckyLefty]

I'd have to agree what dj miller said. If I had a girlfriend and I was friends with a girl I can definitely see myself with (or at least want to talk too) when/if my current relationship ended, I wouldn't bring her up either. By not talking about her to you, it shows that he hasn't put you in that "just friends" zone yet & is still interested in you. When you're out sledding with him just play it cool, ask how she is and why she didn't come--which will lead to him probably saying something about the current status of his relationship.

[ImJackNicholson]

His girlfriend obviously isn't great, he prefers you, but because there's no definite from you that you'd want to be his girlfriend, he doesn't want to break up with her.

Imagine if he broke up with her then you turned him down!? If he knew you would say yes to him he would drop her and be with you instead...

Also he won't definitely "do it to you too", if your relationship is good he won't have any reason to!

In fact your question actually helped ME out a bit, which is kind of funny...

[Anonymous]

sounds like she's putting him to a test, she may know you and him like each other and are attracted to each other, so she wants to see what happens. other than that she may just be too busy to come or feels uncomfortable knowing he'll be around you so she decided not to come

[Asker]

that's an interesting way to put it, I never thought his girlfriend would be that kind of girl though...

[Opinion Owner]

expect the unexpected

[Boogaloo]

I would think the opposite - if she knew they liked each other she would be there BIG time! making sure she's there to keep an eye or make sure nothing happens! If you had a girlfriend that you knew another guy really liked her - would you leave them alone to spend some time alone together! NO!

[Opinion Owner]

if she trusts her boyfriend and he trusts her. she shouldn't need to go, sounds like they have some trust issues. someone may have or is cheating

[Jackc18]

that's not normal, he still likes you.