I embarrassed myself during a breakup. How do I come back from that?

[Anonymous]

My breakup was last year and It was hard to get over because I did all the wrong things to try to get him back and embarrassed myself. I slept with him (many times) and begged him and pleaded and cried all the time and confessed etc. I just thought if I could just make him understand how much I loved him he would eventually come back. And h was my first love, my first boyfriend, I had given him my virginity, etc. I felt like I couldn't lose him so easily without a fight. This year I don't think I ever want to see him again. Not because I hate him or anything but because it was just hard for me to get over that humiliation so I don't know how I would react if I did see him again. I learned my lesson though - just let go with dignity. Smh I still cringe at the memory of how desperate I was to win him back. I didn't want to date anybody else either, and after I had stooped so low I started to feel inferior to guys- like I could never come back from what I did.

Then, I started wanting to prove myself by having what was supposed to be successful relationships with other men but it never got far and I still haven't been on a serious date or with another guy since I last saw my ex in 2018 despite the fact that a lot of guys like me, deep down it stil messes with me that I failed so terribly. And now I kind of have this fear that I messed up my "importance" by what I did last year. I know its wrong and chidish, but I know that I he won't "regret losing me" which solidifies the failure of the whole situation. But I fight these thoughts a lot and try to force myself to instead wish him the best and resign myself to knowing that he will move on (or probably already has) and so should I. I guess I just feel stuck in the memory or being such a weak person and I'm trying to be a strong person now. How do I actually feel strong and proud of myself and able to move on and be with another man without secretly feeling like an inevitable failure?

[originallm8]

It's a lesson that you've learned and now you should move on. I know it's easier said than done but who have got to put those feelings aside and realize that you are a human being with emotions and that sometimes they will come out that way.
The first thing you should do is focus on yourself and stop this emotional void that this relationship left you with.

It's the first one, it hurts like hell but you will survive and later on realize that many good things are going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Actually you're going to be a strong person even tho it is a slow progress. Let the time pass. Try to have a healthy lifestyle... get busy fixing your own life. Later on you will slowly forget him and less obsessed over him.

[emka90]

You are right, you are stuck in the memory. You are stuck in the past by you life is happening now, not tomorrow, not yesterday. So live today.

[MrKinktastic]

Very normal for a first breakup. With time you will feel better, as unbelievable as that may feel.

Mostly it was your heart and ego that got hurt, both will recover with time.

[djmzes]

Simple

[outside_Toronto]

You retain the lesson you learned and do it differently next time

[damo1971]

You haven't embarrassed your self you just told someone how you felt x