Girl's Behavior

I embarrassed myself during a breakup. How do I come back from that?

My breakup was last year and It was hard to get over because I did all the wrong things to try to get him back and embarrassed myself. I slept with him (many times) and begged him and pleaded and cried all the time and confessed etc. I just thought if I could just make him understand how much I loved him he would eventually come back. And h was my first love, my first boyfriend, I had given him my virginity, etc. I felt like I couldn't lose him so easily without a fight. This year I don't think I ever want to see him again. Not because I hate him or anything but because it was just hard for me to get over that humiliation so I don't know how I would react if I did see him again. I learned my lesson though - just let go with dignity. Smh I still cringe at the memory of how desperate I was to win him back. I didn't want to date anybody else either, and after I had stooped so low I started to feel inferior to guys- like I could never come back from what I did.

Then, I started wanting to prove myself by having what was supposed to be successful relationships with other men but it never got far and I still haven't been on a serious date or with another guy since I last saw my ex in 2018 despite the fact that a lot of guys like me, deep down it stil messes with me that I failed so terribly. And now I kind of have this fear that I messed up my "importance" by what I did last year. I know its wrong and chidish, but I know that I he won't "regret losing me" which solidifies the failure of the whole situation. But I fight these thoughts a lot and try to force myself to instead wish him the best and resign myself to knowing that he will move on (or probably already has) and so should I. I guess I just feel stuck in the memory or being such a weak person and I'm trying to be a strong person now. How do I actually feel strong and proud of myself and able to move on and be with another man without secretly feeling like an inevitable failure?
I embarrassed myself during a breakup. How do I come back from that?
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