GUYS: Have you ever been insecure with a beautiful girl?

[kiss_me_Kate]

I've noticed my relationships do not work out when I date someone for personality. I have been dumped by "less attractive" men. My relationships with more attractive men with the same amount of intelligence/success lasted. I've also seen some social science research showing partners choose others in the same physical range purely on looks.

I have had an ex tell me it was difficult to cope with the insecurity of other men looking at me constantly. This made me sad as I only had eyes for him and wished he would be more secure. At the end, his insecurity was hurtful to me and translated as a lack of faith in me. I was extremely heartbroken.

[EZlats]

ok, why do you even need to ask this? That's like if a group of people who had been trapped somewhere without food or water but there's one guy with a gun who does have all the food and water. All those starving people are going to be staring at the guy with the gun wishing they could get what he had but they won't do it because he'll kill them if they try anything. One of them might actually try to get some but he'll just shoot and kill them.

now this translates to your boyfriend is the guy hoarding food, you (the girlfriend) are the food and water, the other people trapped there are all the other single guys in the world, and the gun is your relationship.

Now while you can check if a gun is loaded, you can't exactly tell how serious a relationship is. So he doesn't know how many bullets are in that gun or if they're just blanks. He thinks it's loaded so he'll have faith in the gun and keep holding onto it until something happens (the relationship ends)

so he wants nothing more than to keep holding that gun and keep eating from his food supply and he's nervous about the other people waiting in the wings for something to falter but that doesn't mean he thinks his food will sprout legs and jump into someone else's mouth (that you'll cheat on him)

My ultimate point. A guy will trust you to stay loyal (unless something happens to question that trust) but he can't necessarily trust anyone else with you

[kiss_me_Kate]

I would expect the "can't trust anyone else with you" scenario all the time to take a tedious toll on his mind. However, trust "with" me..i tell guys off who try to lay it on me. I exist as well, as does trust in me and my decision manking.

[Brando]

Of course, it's not a stretch to imagine that a guy could feel insecure or afraid of a girl he thinks is better than him. People are so ingrained with the idea of daring leagues. I think dating leagues do exist, but not on the really insecure or anxious level. A good amount of people have thoughts at some point that they aren't on someone elses level. This can even make people try and protect themselves from getting hurt by separating themselves from the other person, because they feel they can't measure up.

[Brando]

*dating

[cbirnell]

"This can even make people try and protect themselves from getting hurt by separating themselves from the other person, because they feel they can't measure up."

Can you offer any advice to help with this type of scenario? I am willing to try and exhaust all options to be with a man who is like this. I really care for this guy.

[Brando]

Well first I'd say that you should avoid playing the role of mother. It's not your job to scoop someone out of the ditch they're in. But if a guy seems like he's being distant because he's put you on a pedestal, then just associating yourself with him and maintaining contact can help to make him comfortable with you. Talk, joke, do what you would with anybody else so that he knows you see him as a friend, and not like a "lesser". Call him out playfully by asking if he's nervous and why.

[Brando]

Or just flat out say that you aren't asking to be so "divine", and that you're genuinely interested in the guy. This is the part where you shouldn't be expected to coach him into being comfortable. The ball is in his court.

[gemglam]

Omg I know exactly what you mean. Doesn't make you feel like saying why do you think I am with you? You would think a guy would be proud to have a beautiful woman on his arm that all the guys want but can't get because she is his. I could never understand that.

[Surfinforlife]

Because they're afraid of losing her. Us guys know that you're beautiful and we know all the other guys are looking at you. So many males objectify women and us guys know that. Wouldn't it be hard if you saw your boyfriend being talked up by a flock of pretty girls? A lot of guys don't know how to respect a women and we fear you girls would slip up and cheat on us or find someone else. I think that's true for ALL MALES.

[cbirnell]

I'm in the same boat as this girl. Is there any way to help this type of situation if a guy adores you so much he's terrified of losing you and it affects him pursuing a relationship?

[c7777]

If we were in a relationship then no I wouldn't been insecure at all but if I wasn't then yes like always

[Ezmotts]

If we are already in a relationship, then no.