Guys, is a girl that's gets too attached to you considered a 'Turn off'?

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

I've always wanted to know how guys feel about the topic of 'Attachment'. Is her being too attached make her seem desperate to you? What do you automatically think if she can't spend too long without talking to you? Loads of people would say "Needy", "Clingy" and "Desperate". What do you think?

[holograph]

I think a lot of guys will say it's a turn-off. Most of my guy friends seem to spend a fair amount of time away from their wife/GF (though when they have kids they usually spend more time at home, which is good because children deserve to grow up in a household where both parents spend time with them). I think I'm more lenient than some people but I could be turned off by it in some cases.

I once changed a clutch in my AWD car, first time I had done one and told my girlfriend at the time that I'd be busy for the weekend. She got upset at me that I didn't call her on Friday or Saturday night (I did call her on Sunday). I had been working on my car until past midnight both nights. She didn't call me either but her mind was 100% made up that I was 100% in the wrong. That relationship lasted past this incident, but the next one broke it.

One of my friends currently has a girlfriend who wants to hang out nearly every night. Which in itself is not a bad thing. But what I really dislike about her is that when she tells him it's okay to go out, she literally texts him non-stop such that he's unable to really participate in the games we play sometimes because he won't put his damn phone down. What an annoying behaviour - though both my friend and his girlfriend are equally at fault for this rudeness. (Maybe I have to share some of the blame since I keep inviting him over regardless.)

Basically to me I would want to spend a LOT of time together but if someone was so clingy that they would get upset that I went more than 2 minutes without calling them, or if they constantly barraged me with texts, or they otherwise interfered with my ability to have friends, it would be too much. And to be clear, I'm not the type of person that separates guy friends and girlfriend. To me, most of the time, the two can be mixed if we're doing something that everyone is okay with doing.

It would be a turnoff to me to have a girlfriend that only wanted to see me once or twice a week, so heck, some women might actually call me clingy. Everyone has their own threshold for what defines too clingy/needy.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

And Why do you think most guys find it a turn off? The fact is that girls can still be attached to a guy from a far distance, and the guy wouldn't even realise what's going on. And what if it's Just a female friend, acquaintance or a girl you've Just met and she's the one attached to you? How would you react then? What if it's not you're girlfriend or wife for that matter? I don't think anyone would be so clingy and attached that can't spend 2 mins without talking to you. I don't think anyone like that exists to be honest lol.

And I don't think they would be so attached to want to stop you from having you're own friends or own life. I'm actually talking about her Just wanting to talk to you and having you're company. Basically dishing out you're precious time to spend time with her once in a while, what if she Just wanted that? It's perfectly normal for you're girl to Just want to see you once or twice a week, Its probably just a turn off for you. But to me I don't think it's a turn off at all to be honest with you. Hell people sometimes go a whole month wothout seeing their significant other and don't see it as a turn off at all, they still find it normal. But you know everyone has their own schedule, if you get what I mean.

[NicoD]

First off these are the things you find out when dating. And as I've learned if you listen when s female is talking she will reveal things about herself that you won't even have to ask. Most of the time people who are needy clingy and seem pesty have resl deep rejection issues which usually they use to sabotage and then have a reason to go into that mode they won't break and that's not healthy for you at all. And whatever you do don't FUCK HER LET THAT ONE GO CAUSE IN THE LONGRUN ITS GONNA BE MORE BULLSHIT FOR YOU THAN HER. CAUSE THATS HER M O SO ITS NORMAL. That's how good guys get hemed up.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Lol I have no Idea what you are on about... But it doesn't seem like it was related to the question lol 😂

[ShadowofRegret]

To be honest, I would like that.

I feel that a lot of people these days tend to be on the cold, distant side, they almost seem to have a business attitude toward the whole thing, and I do not really want anything like that, I am a person who wants a lot of love and affection, to feel like she truly and deeply cares about me.

I want someone who would not let me out of her arms at night, who always loves on me and thinks about me, and would not mind me being the same way towards her, I want someone to give and receive a degree of love that most would probably be repulsed by.

Of course, I am talking about attachment rather than clingyness, but I want a woman who has a strong attachment to me rather than one who keeps me at a distance.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Yeah I've especially seen this with all guys, they only give a girl attention if something is in it for him which really upsets me. Otherwise the guy that you used to talk to is nowhere to be found, you get no messages from him, usually he used to be spamming you with messages every single day and that was only because it benefited him and not you. Now that he already has what he wanted, the wouldn't even care if he never sees her ever again.

I had some type of the the same Incident happen with a guy that I had feelings for. He told my friend to pass on the message to me for me to stop caring about him because he doesn't care. Apparently all I used to talk to about with him was all a "complete nonesense" since it's been a year we haven't contacted each other. He said all sorts of negative things about me that he never said to me before in all out months of talking, and now didn't even have the courage to directly tell me. So I was basically being used.

It's been a year and I'm still not over him and for some reason am not able to forget all that he said to me, it was truly painful. I mean if it was a guy I didn't have feelings for then it wouldn't have upset me so much. We're walking on our separate paths now, he's doing his own thing and living his own life and I'm doing mine. I still miss him but I'm upset by all that he did and said to me.

But in all honesty I wish there were guys out there in the world like you. To be fair I'm tired of all guys in general, I've lost hope. There's no guys out there in the world that aren't sincere or decent and Just want to use you and dump you like trash after they're done with you and gotten what they wanted. The guy clearly told me "Cared about me? I don't need any care from you. Doesn't benefit me at all...". And that line really did hurt me realising he was only friends with me to get what he wanted...

[ShadowofRegret]

I'm sorry you had to go through that... that was pretty low for him to take advantage of you the way he did.

But I'll admit, sometimes women can be pretty cold too, in fact, the people I had been hurt most by in my life were usually women, but one thing that always helped me, was the fact that God blessed me with very kind female friends who showed me that there are good women too, so even though that there were women who had hurt me quite a bit, the ones who showed me the most love and support when I needed it were also women, so try not to give up on us, I know a lot of men can be horrible, but not all of us are that way, some men truly are sincere, but unfortunately, the good ones are often lost in a sea of bad ones who make the entire gender look bad.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

It's mostly always guys that kind of do all of this kind of stuff to girls. I've not seen women take advantage of guys, but I suppose it could happen. Like mostly to use him for money purposes but that rarely happens these days. But you have to think, do most guys allow themselves to be used and taken advantage of? No.

Do Girls allow themselves to be used and taken advantage of? Mostly yes. Unless the guy is overly nice and thinks that serving to her needs makes her happy. These days there aren't "nice guys" left mostly all guys are "bad boy" type of guys. They aren't going to allow anyone to take advantage of them, even if they do it's only going to be a short amount of time.

However girls fall more faster and deeply in love than guys do. And girls are willing to do anything to keep a guy she loves even if she knows he's taking advantage of her. Because she doesn't want to lose him. Therefore girls are more vulnerable to being used and taken advantage of by guys. Guys are aware that girls would do anything to keep a guy she loves around.

And as for you're second statement I honestly am starting to lose hope. Every guy that I've ran into is either looking for money or looking to get Intimate. Or they Just want to plainly use and take advantage Just for their own selfish reasons, then leave without a clear explanation when they've gotten what they wanted. They aren't looking for something serious or sincere. Everything that guys do is always for themselves and their own benefit is what I've noticed.

The literal saying is: "It's always every man for himself in the end". And that saying was literally starting to become true...😕

[ShadowofRegret]

Sorry, I was trying to be encouraging...

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

It's alright I wasn't mad or offended at you, you're nice 😊. I was referring to the majority of other guys which I've come across... So what do you think about all that I mentioned? Can you provide some feedback? 😊

[ShadowofRegret]

I can only speak from observation as I usually try to distance myself from those kinds of guys.

But I think there is a lot of truth to what you said, there are a lot of guys like that, and unfortunately, a lot of them actually seem to believe that is how a man is supposed to act, a lot of men seem to have a distorted view of what makes a man masculine, they think it is about having a lot of sexual relations and not showing any emotional connection.

But it seems that part of that mentality may come from what they believe women want, in the male world, one thing you often hear is that women are attracted to strength and power, and if you open up or show any emotional connection, she will leave you, even if it is not true, a lot of guys believe it, they believe a woman cannot really love a guy for who he is, only for what he has. (Again, some men including me don't believe this, but some do.)

And of course, some men are just bad people, like with some women.

Sorry if it is a bit disorganized.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Unfortunately the Ideal version of what a guy should be like in their minds is not exactly what women have in their mind. When women say they want a guy that's "Strong", it doesn't mean that guys need to act like Jerks and take advantage of people. And neither do they want guys to not show any Emotions. Of course guys can show emotions Just as much as woman can. The girl won't Judge unless she's a mean brat lol. But 99.9% of girls would get emotional if they actually saw a guy cry in front of them.

Crying or showing any type of emotion doesn't really make us see you as "Weak" or anything like that. That's a guys way of thinking, guys lead other guys into thinking that it's "Weak" to show emotions. That is a guys mindset, and it's not true. They should be listening to a females mindset, if it's a girl they want to know about. They should take a females advice rather than another guys advice if the category is all about capturing a girls attention lol.

I hate to burst you're bubble or other guys bubble matter of fact, we don't really see anything Interesting in a guy that has so many sexual relations with multiple women. We see it as a guy that's easily going to cheat if he was to be in a relationship, or we see them as players that play around with women's emotions then not care about them. It makes us run away from that guy entirely.

Clearly what guys have in mind of an "Ideal male" is not correct at all. at least in women's books. When women say they are attracted to "Strength and power" they mean they are attracted to confidence. Not really strength and power of the mind, but infact confidence. Confidence gives you enough strength and power. Opening up or showing emotions won't cause any woman to leave you, that's Just a rumour that's been spread around by WHO? BY OTHER GUYS!!! It's a guys mindset, not a woman's.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Women really appreciate guys that really open up and be themselves instead of acting like this "Ideal version" of what a man should be. Loads of women get frustrated for months trying to get a guy to open up and also fails in frustration. No wonder every woman on the planet fails everytime! IT'S BECAUSE GUYS HAVE BEEN LEAD TO BELEIVE STUFF THAT isn't TRUE! It's the complete opposite. A woman will appreciate and love you more if you open up to her, we Just want you to be yourselves. If guys don't open up it shows her that he doesn't trust her at all, and no woman likes that. It drives her away Instead of bringing her closer.

by the way sorry for my late reply life gets busy lol and I was flooded with notifs.

[ShadowofRegret]

Don't worry about it, like I said though, I don't see things like that, that's just what I observe from others, and stories about women telling their boyfriends that they want them to open up, only to leave them afterward because the women themselves said they couldn't respect them as men anymore is something I hear about a lot, from men and women alike. (Not saying 'all' women are that way of course.)

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Well yes, there are good and bad women in this world. Like there is good and bad men in this world. But I'm Just letting you know, that majority of women are desperate for men to open up more to them. Otherwise I don't know why a woman wouldn't respect a guy after him opening up to her.

[TylerSignorelli]

If it got too extreme (I. E. invasion of privacy, stalking, being controlling or abusive etc.) then yes. If its minor stuff like jealousy and such then no mainly because it shows that she's not going to leave or betray me. But even then, it only goes so far.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

I assume you're talking about significant other or you're own girl. How would you feel about it if it was Just a female friend, acquaintance or a girl that you've just met, known for a few months and is already getting attached? And by stalking do you mean online stalking Just to get to know more about you or stalking in real life?

[centerline]

it can be... the reverse is also true.

no one can handle a "clingy" person for very long, as we ALL need our space and some thought to ourselves..

when dating, one has to show some interest (which may be considered clingy) or the other person may feel like its an indifference, and they may not pursue the desire they had to get to know you..

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

What if it's just a female friend or an acquaintance? Or what if it's a friend that you've newly met and you've only known each other for a few months and she's already attached?

[s10sleeper]

I don’t believe I would see it as desperate, but clingy and needy would be something I would consider it. It does become a bother, and can cause a guy to become distant, both need to have their space to do their own thing or it becomes boring and the relationship becomes a burden, most guys want each other to have their own lives outside of the relationship, not the relationship being their entire life

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

We don't stop him from having a life outside of the relationship, neither do we hinder it. Why would you become distant by her getting attached? Why would you start avoiding her, but Interact with everyone else like you normally would? We give all guys their space wether you request us to or not, we give loads of space Infact. How does the relationship become boring or a burden?

[trapper1738]

Being to attached or dependent on me emotionally is a huge turn off. It's a big reason I'll end things with someone.

I don't want to be the one to make you happy. I'll be happy you be happy and we can bring our happy together to grow. Emotions are okay and talking about them is good but don't rely on me to make you happy.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Of course she wouldn't be so overly dependent on you, but she would expect to be treated well by you. All she would be dependent on is you're actions and kindness towards her. You're kindness, time and company would be more than enough.

[Aethereal]

For me it's not a turn-off at all. Actually, it'll make me more attracted to her. I'd love to know that the person I'm with gives the same (or a higher) level of interest, priority, attention and investment in me as I would give to them.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

I assume you're talking about a girl that you would like or have Interest with... What if it's a girl that you don't know or don't like? What if it's Just a female friend or an acquaintance that's attached to you?

[Aethereal]

Yes, I'm assuming it's someone I'm attracted to, or in a relationship with. If it's a girl I don't know, I'd be willing to get to know her better to see if we were compatible (assuming I'm single at that time). If I'm not attracted to her, or she's a friend/acquaintance; I'd still be willing to communicate/hang out with her. The idea is that if we have similar interests or get along well, there can't really be a problem. If it's more about her having an image of me that isn't real; I'd talk to her directly about it so she knows the kind of guy I am (and how I feel), and can then decide whether she still wants to be around me.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

And what if it's a girl that you met online, haven't seen personally and she's the one attached?

[Aethereal]

If we're talking about someone I met online, her attachment might be especially welcome depending (of course) the platform we met on:
- If we met via online dating; it would mean we have mutual interest in each other. Her attachment would be a good sign to me. However, if I haven't seen her (like a picture), and she doesn't want me to, I'll assume she isn't serious, or as attached as I originally thought.
- If the platform was more of a friendship site like facebook, or a pen-pal site; that would still be good. I've personally found that these days I need to see some level of investment even from people who I'm just going to be friends with. A girl's attachment to me even within the context of a platonic relationship online would be seen by me as a good sign that she's serious about being friends.
- If we met online via other means like online gaming, or even GAG; I'd think it was nice. I'd assume she wanted to be friends, and was willing to invest in the friendship.

I admit I might not be the best to give an opinion regarding attachment from people online because for one, I've not experienced it. I experience the opposite. For another, I'm pretty reserved in person, but I've found I'm more open online. This makes me less guarded or suspicious of strangers than many people (until I see a concrete reason to be, I'm not naive).
I generally welcome attention from people as long as they seem invested. Too many times people seem interested in me and then all of a sudden go cold when I get invested in them. This is what actually turns me off; half-hearted interest/attention/attachment. In a word; Apathy.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Loads of guys disagree with girls that get attached to them online, when he leaves her and she finds it hard to live without talking to him, and then confronts him, he tells her she shouldn't have got so attached to someone she hasn't met personally. He tells her that like all other things it had to end one day. These types of scenarios happen so often. I didn't actually know that it was even possible for a person to get attached to another person without even once meeting them personally, especially if they live in a different country overseas...

[Aethereal]

As I already mentioned, I personally haven't experienced the situation in which a girl (online or in person) gets attached to me (at least before I get attached to her). I'm the one who usually is left wondering why this person is so uninterested. As such, I can't imagine a logical reason that would make a guy say those things (she shouldn't have gotten attached, this had to end someday, etc.). The only reason I can see is that he was not serious about her in the first place, but was dishonest enough to give her the impression that he was. It's not that he was turned off by her attachment. Perhaps he also didn't expect it was possible (like you do). There is afterall the idea that falling for someone you met online is like falling for an idea, because most people do not reveal their actual selves online.
I personally think it's possible to get attached without ever meeting in person. It just requires honesty on both sides, and a certain level of frequent communication. In the end it's all about communication and honesty. You can talk with someone in person and never feel completely comfortable enough to get attached. It's more likely for me to get attached to someone online than offline since talking is easier there. But yes, most people (it seems) don't take online communication seriously, or really invest in a person they meet online. Hence the mindset of the guy you mentioned, and your position on it as well.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Oh I see. So people in general don't take online friendships seriously, but some that I've seen do kind of. Yeah, that's the only impression that comes to my mind aswell is that he was not serious about the friendship in the first place. He must've thought it would be a temporary fling. It's almost like he was trying to string her along and take her for a ride, only to drop her at the end. Correct me if I'm wrong in that.

And yeah I agree with you on that it's kind of like falling for what you think they look like, sound like and do. It is no doubt possible to get attached without ever meeting someone in person, 99% of the time it's the Ideal fantasy that people get attached to when they get attached to someone they haven't met personally. No one is really frequent in online communication, it's easy to ghost or ditch a person there. It's easy to block someone from you're life on there too right? Most people also act like they never actually met the person or know the person after getting what they wanted out of that type of online relationship.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

by the way sorry for my late reply life gets busy lol and I was flooded with notifs.

[Aethereal]

It's most amusing that you reminded me about our discussion now.
I recently met someone online, and we're both crazy about each other. She is very attached, and I love her so much for it (for other things as well of course).
I invest a lot in a person when I am interested in them, often to my disappointment. Until now, no one ever seemed to take this seriously, just because it was online. I think it's because:
- Most people don't expect it to work
- When it seems to be working, the fact that they didn't expect it to makes them back out. There is a clear fear of actual commitment and investment. It seems that so many people are actually doing it more for fun than anything.
- Most people don't like clingyness in a partner anyway. Being "Together but separate" is the preferred option.
- When it comes to relationships, people focus on the fun (the high), and neglect the fact that it is also a responsibility.
I met someone who does take it (and me) seriously. I like clingyness and attachment, and so does she. We didn't expect it to go anywhere, but we were open to it happening, and it did. Her attachment to me makes me even more attached to her; and we are as aware of, and committed to the responsibilities of the relationship as we are to the "high" from being in one.

When it comes to online, it is hard; very hard. I was about to walk away in disgust actually. I now see that most people half-ass it, and that's why it rarely works.
As with real life, you have to know yourself, what you expect of yourself, as well as from the person you want to be with. The "Let's just see what happens" mentality that most people preach is (in my opinion) so much garbage. Be invested, and demand investment as well. It's not worth it otherwise.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

Ohh I see, well that's a confidence lol. But it's way more hard when the girl is attached and the guy is like "IDGAF" about her. Or vice versa. People Just don't give a damn about a relationship with someone that's online and highly virtual. They think that the person and the memories they spent together was all virtual. It's really easy to get rid of someone online, but harder to get rid of them and their memories if you know them in person. Therefore anyone can easily ditch you (If they only know you online) and claim they never knew you from the start, and if they keep bugging you, you can block them. Then you'll easily take them out you're life.

That's what I really hate about online friendships. The other person can easily get rid of you unless you have every speck of detail about them and where they live so you can show up in person. Although that would be kind of stalkerish especially if they never Invited you over themselves. But overall what you're talking about is both of you being attached to each other. I'm reffering to one person being attached and the One not caring. And people kind of easily take advantage or use people online and then get rid of them with less effort. But all you're points are true. Especially the one where you state that they think it won't work.

Online friendships are not even worth it these days unless both people care and are both attached. Which rarely ever happens, so I've stopped trying and lost hope for anything online to become real life...

[Vaelthor]

I don't like it. I like someone who has their thing and I have mine for half the time, the other we spend together. I can't deal with the same person 100% of the time, no matter how amazing they are.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

So it's a "Turn off" for you? Though I kind of have to agree with you're statement. It all makes sense. I would also get tired of having the same person always with me all the time. What if she Just wants to spend time with you, talk to you and wants you're company though?

[lstolz1]

Yes, for sure but these girls have usually been in your life for a while so you love them and make it okay, but sometimes it can make the guy want to be isolated from you

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

What if you've only known the guy for a few months? What if it's a girl that you've newly met, and she's become attached within a short span of time? Why would you Isolate yourself from her?

[TalloranShade]

No, it's great to know that your girl loves/likes you. But if she starts needing to talk to you 24/7 instead of just looking forward to seeing you then it's annoying and if she's freaking out that you talk and hang around with girls still, then it's very concerning.

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

What if it's Just a female friend or an acquaintance? What if she's the one attached to you and not you're own girl? We Just like you're company and you're precious time spent with us means a lot that I can't even explain right now. We Just want to know that you care about us, and by choosing to spend you're time with us that's the way you show it.

[floatingboats]

I really enjoy clingy and cuddles, but it can be a turn off if the girl always wants wants to rip my pants off

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

LMAO 😂😂 We wouldn't want to rip you're pants off, we have no Interest in it. Unlike loads of guys that Just want to get into our pants. That's the mindset of a guy not a girl...

[floatingboats]

Not all girls are the same, as well not all men are either lol I've had girls rip my clothing off. It can be scary if you're in public. She was a nympho but you know, I just wasn't ready or expecting that

[Shafaq_Mahnoor96]

How silly lol no girl is going to want to rip you're clothes off in public. Get out of fantasy world and answer the question properly. And also you wouldn't find it annoying if she were to be attached?