He said I'm not clingy enough?

[Anonymous]

what does he want me to do? when I feel like I am?

[toulouse]

can you ask him, how can anyone think of 'cllingy ', without negative connotation? I'm curious.

maybe he means you are not affectionate enough, or he doesn't feel like you really want him, or need him. I don't know what's your relationship like so far? is not your dad is it?

"(of a person or garment) liable to cling; clinging : at about 18 months my son became very clingy | clingy leggings."

I do not see what's desirable about that, and if you are sane, and not comfortable acting that way, then it does not really matter what he wants.

Although, you DO said you 'already feel clingy',. So is it that you would LIKE to be closer, but you are worried about being clingy? So probably the issue is, you are holding back & he feels it. So, imo, you guys should talk about what level of affection and intimacy you want and or are comfortable with.

You are tergiversating. Be clear, so we can help you. Are you concerned about being too clingy towards him- despite what he says.. or not being intimate enough for him?

[Asker]

yes I am holding back and he does feel it. he tells me he doesn't feel it at all. that I should not back off and step it up a little. because he feels insecured sometimes of how I feel about him.

[toulouse]

why are you holding back?

[Asker]

coz we've been on and off and and the past he was the one who didn't give it all and it hurt me. he took me for granted so many times but he kept coming back when he realize he likes me too much and now we're exclusive and he said he s into me and he doesn't hide it anymore. but I'm on the fence for the fear of getting hurt again and falling nto his trap :(

[toulouse]

well then he should have been more careful. its reasonable for you not to trust him. you need time. hell have to be patient. have you told him, you are holding back or you don't want to discuss it with him?

curious do you know HOW you end up holding back? what do you do specifically? is it you don't tell him how you feel, or you act distant? pretend you don't care etc.

[Asker]

i hold back by not telling him how I feel that I AM SO INTO HIM but I don't show it. like I don't text him first which he does everyday. and that I don't see him as often as he wants me to. its like the reversed now. he told me he did what he did before because he was confused and now he isn't and he said he made a decision to be with me nobody else.

[toulouse]

yes, but I guess him being confused was enough to confuse you, as far as trust if not as far as wanting to be with him. what f he gets 'confused' again? I think you should talk to him about what happened, I don't think the solution is you paying him more attention. not while you are stll unsure.

Go back to the problem in the FIRST place. which was not YOU IGNORING HIM.

Do what you need to re establish trust. you may need to go slowly, or you may need more certainty that he won't flake out again.

[Anonymous]

ok assuming that this isn't some excuse to break up with you and that he really means it...maybe he feels like he's more into you than you are into him and that's what he means? sometimes guys don't always use the words they want to use when explaining their feelings.

[Asker]

well he told me I don't give him enough attention. that I should make more effort because he said he feels he's the only one trying all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

well there ya go. maybe you just don't really want a serious relationship and he's ready for one that could explain the difference in the way you guys are perceiving things in your relationship.

[friedaboisselle]

he probably just wants to feel wanted? dunno. weird hearing this from guys

[Asker]

well I had to ask him because I don't wanna be a bother to him. I wanna shower him with lots of affection but like I said I don't wanna be and his face all the time and give him space

[Reallysorry]

That's the reverse of the usual criticism of girls as TOO clingy, right?

[toulouse]

its silly prejudice about women , really.

In reality, if girls universally were 'too clingy' & guys were criticizing them , they would stop being clingy, or stop being with guys. you can only be too clingy in a relationship if the other one is not into u. its all relative. and if guys really hated it, they would stop getting involved with girls.

but it felt really good for you to say that '.girls as TOO clingy' right? yea I guess,if it feels good hard to resist. guys like to feel too good

[ihatework]

only in the bizarro universe is that true