Can you “scare” a girl by loving her when she’s never been loved?

[Anonymous]

In all her past relationships, she’s been cheated on, mistreated, heartbroken, etc. And then you come along, and you treat her right and love her. Would that intimidate her —a girl who has low self esteem?

[btbc92]

Yes, because it's not about being with low self-esteem but the INTENT. Love isn't all about that. And so can say of personal experience with abuse and dealing with people. She knows she isbtoo young and so are you. Your not adults, and love for many people is based out of emotions and fleeting moments something that you teenagers are prone to suffer eventually. What were scared of is the INTENT, and what future will hold. You don't want to get a person so attached to the point of doesn't last. Are you going to marry this persona wait until marriage to have sex which is very important, are you going to desire a family, etc? You have to think critically about this. Because it's not about experience, it's about living life right. And all she is trying to do so protect herself and YOU from making mistakes you both my regret. And you don't want to make promises you cannot keep. So it's not about scaring us because we Never Been Loved. We have been loved by a parent, or somebody at some point. We're more so concerned about your intent, and your reasons for doing what you're doing. Because there's always a reason for what a person does what they do. And there's always an expectation or price to pay for it. Nothing truly comes for free. She is not Desiring a relationship, you should not force her into it. And she is claiming to be open to a relationship, but is scared, did she needs to seek professional counseling. But at the same time that is not the appropriate time to be seeking anything. That's a time for her to be healing. And not for you to try to step in and thinking you're going to heal for her. It will cause problems. And you may God forbid grow to resent her. I had to deal with a lot of bitter people, who speaks what you speaking of, and it end up not enjoying the relationship and blame the victim for being a victim. And then complain about them being victimized because they gave all the love that they clean their gift, and they're still not satisfied with it. So I highly warn you now, if your intent is not for her needs, do not pursue anything before you end up causing her to have more baggage. That can seriously damage and psychologically scar a person.

But I can safely tell you myself as somebody that has dealt with similar issues and I never bought it today at all. As someone who has enough trust issues, I always give a person a fair warning, that you don't know me, and if your intent is to have a relationship and that matter, you are better off finding somebody else that is more healthier. Because I don't need to get hurt, and I would not want to unintentionally hurt them. Remember that you both are extremely young. She shouldn't even be thinking about being in a relationship. When bad enough most don't take it seriously anyway.

So think long and hard what is your intent and desires are for this person. Because if you're not ready to be a man, if you're not ready to be an adult, if you are not ready to sacrifice, you're just wasting your time.

[btbc92]

Remember once again. It's not about treating her right. Is not about loving her. It's what is your intent of doing these things. Because a person that is that guarded and I can say so myself, it's not going to have no desire and entering a relationship. It's often those that are outside that are seeking a relationship with us that we often is the one that ends up getting bitter and hurt. Think aboit why your doing this, and don't play savior. And think you can heal her and change her. That is something only God can do. It's up to you to truly accept her for what you see.

[Anonymous]

In my past relationship I got hurt a lot then I have never been in a relationship. I was dating with some guys but they ended up hurting me too giving me wrong idea of why they want.
Then I started to date a guy who was all nice and lovely and instead of thinking how great he is, I keep thinking that there is something wrong here and I can't be totally happy. Because I'm just scared and don't want to feel hurt again.

I think what I need is a time and when I really will trust someone, it can be back to normal again. But what is needed is the patience.

[winterfox10]

Dude... a lot of women pretty much live in perpetual fear from all the shit they hear about men. I know that this is probably a bad way to approach things, but my life experience has been that women will basically take any opportunity you give them to misinterpret things. I think it's mostly because of the girlfriends and such that women will keep around them... it seems to breed this paranoia and fear.

[NamerOfStars]

It might- but the bigger danger, I think, is going to her reluctance to trust. You'd have to build pretty slowly, and make sure she's comfortable with where and how fast you're going.

[glowtimelow]

She might if she had issues. Try to put on her shoes. Would you be able to trust so easily?