Can you truly love someone if you don’t love yourself?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

While I find that someone can absolutely dedicate themselves to another person while not liking themselves, more often than not the outcome seems to be the fact that it isn’t true love. Many people will give away their entire lives for the impression of love, for the idea of love from someone else, doing so assuming that they’ll love themselves because this person loves them but that’s not what happens. They’ll do everything for them, shower them with affection and be showered in return but as that person becomes their priority they push everything they want for themselves aside and that often turns to resentment and destroys the relationship over time. I personally don’t think you can love someone without loving yourself just because you push so much of yourself away as a result. And then there are people who hate themselves so much but are so desperate to be accepted because they think external validation will give them internal validation that they will create an entire false persona and live as that fake person for years and years because they’re “supposed to” do that in order to be accepted by others. And then, unsurprisingly, as they grow comfortable and show their true selves to the person who fell in love with the persona, the relationship comes undone and they’re right back where they started.

[Gent207-2]

Wow

This is a prime example of why I hate mixing different color Play-Dohs, it's nearly impossible to separate in like manner the difference between self-loathing and a trauma-based love map.

Love Maps are developed from an early age that essentially guides the way a person recieves and gives love. There is a great deal of research on the subject I highly recommend.

As to the question, self-loathing does hinder how one relieves love by sustaining this false belief that they are "unworthy of love" or are "not good enough for love". The former of these beliefs having a greater correlation to depression and sucide. While the latter is an assessment towards one's own deeds. In layman's terms this individual believes their actions are not good enough for the affections that they crave.

The pathology of self-loathing is different for each person. But the end result is a greater struggle to appreciate the love they recieve and that can cause friction

[HawkPerception]

I genuinely believe so. This concept of "you can only truly love someone if you love yourself" only came about recently and I find it's ridiculous. Happiness is a fleeting emotion. Even if your life is filled with a lot of it, you'll still have moments where you feel sad, angry, depressed, anxious, etc. Happiness if only one of the emotions that we experience in the roller coaster of emotions we call life.

Having a partner is all about support and going through all the good and bad together. There's tons of people in the world that have issues loving themselves and figuring their lives out. But that doesn't mean that they're undeserving of love. The kindest people are usually the ones that go through the most mentally and understand where others are at mentally when they get into a negative head space. They usually have their own demons they're fighting in the process of showing kindness to others.

[ZamerZ]

I don't think you can love someone if you aren't happy with yourself. Your construction sites will cause issues in the relationship in the long run if you don't get rid off of what you're dragging in. Whether that's becoming a total doormat, repeating unhealthy (or abusive) patterns from your parents, seeking external validation and being unable to function if you don't get it, unrealistic expectations of your partner, people pleasing, love bombing, trauma bonding... the list goes on. And then, ofc, there's the fraction that would rather have something than nothing.

I recommend everyone to watch Daniel Sloss's Netflix Special named Jigsaw. It talks exactly about those things and was life changing for me.

[kylee2437]

Sure can. That’s why in lots of cases, people will go above and beyond in situations where they shouldn’t in some situations. You definitely can’t deny there was love on your end in that case because you wouldn’t go above and beyond for a person you didn’t love

[DishLady]

Nope. You need to understand and love yourself before you can understand and love another person.

[mystomachissick]

Yes. This notion that only people who love themselves can love someone else is toxic and demoralizing to people that struggle with mental health and self esteem. They’re basically being told that their own experiences and feelings (which they can’t necessarily control) exclude them from finding love. Not a good message to give people who already don’t think very much of themselves.

[ProbablyClueless]

I can only speak from my personal experience, but I PERSONALLY couldn't.

I didn't have the ability to love anyone until I learned to love myself because that self hatred and anger I had was poisoning any expression of love I had for others.

[Mwolf]

No. If you can't love 1 person how the hell you going to be able to live two? Then later on 3+ if you have kids?

[Agape93]

Absolutely. I fucking hate myself but I love others just fine

[xavid9]

No you will always be troubled and self doubt yourself even if you love someone

Sorting out with yourself first is always better

[dustybiker2]

Yes. But being with them is another matter.

[White_Swan_]

Yes.