How to love someone when you don’t even love yourself most days?

[Anonymous]

I have severe major depressive disorder, social phobia with agoraphobia (it’s gotten better over the years), and have even been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I go through periods of time where I am just so ready to give up on life and this is the first time my boyfriend witnessing me experience one of these episodes. He is expressing to me that it doesn’t seem like I care, that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells because I have intrusive thoughts, and that he doesn’t make me happy.

That isn’t the case at all and I’ve tried to explain to him what it is I am experiencing happens and I tend to isolate. My mental illnesses are ruining my life/relationships with people and I feel there is nothing that I can do. The only reason I have not been taking my meds or going to therapy is because I no longer have health insurance. I pay all of my bills alone, take care of my sister (and her two kids) and my daughter. I make too much to qualify for Medicaid but I don’t make enough to pay on health insurance every month AND pay my rent and bills.

I guess what I’m getting at is, I don't know what to do.. I am potentially going to lose out on a very good man because I just can’t pull myself out of this episode. What can I do to reassure him that I want us to be together and make him feel wanted while also trying to manage my mental health, work full time while also taking 15 college credits. I feel overwhelmed but I love him and am feeling massive amounts of guilt that my mental illness is now affecting him and making him feel like crap. Please help me.. It’s hard to manage all of this when you want to just curl up in a ball and die.

If I had health insurance, I’d be okay and back on my meds.. but I simply can’t afford it and have a roof over my head.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

Hi there hunny bunny, as a soul who has like, us all, remember, variations of make-up. I grew up in a time with no real labels or understanding. I personally feel the current understanding is superficial and micro managed by the pharmaceutical giants. My life experience can offer the following... because ultimately we have to learn about ourselves and how best to manage in this life. So... exercise regular even 20 minutes a day and at least 4 times a week, look up Delta waves, isotronic playlists on you tube. Also look up Allan Watts and listen to as many of his lectures as you can. a lot are set to music such as delta waves. In case you don't know they are frequencies that work well on the brain. It can induce serotonin and dopamine productivity, perfect for low moods. Find St. Johns Wort in a herbalist store (CHECK FOR CONTRAINDICATIONS WITH ANY MEDICATION YOU TAKE, OTHERWISE IT COULD BE DANGEROUS) this is a superb natural anti depressant. It has to started slowly and find the right dose, it can take upto a few weeks just like a pharmaceutical anti depressant and when or if you want to stop you have to withdraw slowly reducing the dose just like pharmaceutical. Practice grounding at least 5 minutes a day if possible, bare foot on natural ground, grass earth etc. This reduces inflammation in the body, de stresses you. I have started with the above because YOU need to be well to cope with life, basically. You have a huge mountain to deal with. Your priorities are your well being and those of your children. The guy for me if he's serious about you will be willing and wanting to understand how to help you and the family. He needs to understand when a person withdraws often it's because they're shutting down because the overloading of physical and mental strain are too much.
Do you have intrusive thoughts? That he doesn't make you happy? Does he walk on eggshells? Personally one of the best things I've discovered and its still working progress is only I, can be in charge and make myself happy. When my mental health struggles every damn time I would judge my relationship status and see all the negatives in flipping H. D whereas ride through it and then those would return to black n white! I've shown my current partner of 3 years best man to love me so much he's stuck around and helps me various things from the Internet that I've found expresses how I feel and its easier sometimes to let someone read it. Guys I find need time to take it in too not like us girls like me rambling on instantly. I'll sign off now but feel free to message me, xxxxx

[Asker]

Thank you so much for these coping suggestions and giving me a different perspective. I seriously thank you 🙏🏽

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

I'm sorry I have to ask, does your boyfriend live with you? As you stste bills paid alone? Sounds to me like YOU will have to be super strong and prioritise yourself, the foundation. Draw boundaries and stick to them, yes I do mean your sister and her children and the boyfriend too! Would you say your quite empathetic to others?

[Anonymous]

Don't let anyone tell you, you're mentally ill. Not even doctors! Don't claim that! people love throwing that on people because you don't act like they want you, too. Anyway, I'd have a conversation with him. (Your boyfriend) if that doesn't work; let him go and work on you.

[Asker]

I usually adopt that thought and it has helped in the past (when I was first diagnosed with social phobia with agoraphobia I said fuck that and moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone to force myself out of it) so I get what you mean but there is no denying what it is I am experiencing rn is at random and clear signs of mental illness.

He has tried talking to me and I kind of just reiterated what I’ve already said.. doesn’t fix that he is feeling unwanted and I am on the verge of a mental breakdown.

[Opinion Owner]

Let the relationship go for now. Good luck

[boggboss]

With everything that u are describing this relationship don't sound like it will work he either doesn't or lack the ability to understand what your going through so u think it might be time to let go of it

[Guy13]

This is very unlikely to work...

[Agape93]

It's hard to explain but its doable. You don't need to feel it it yourself to give tenderness to others

[Asker]

I also have ptsd from a sexual assault and stabbing that happened at random and army last relationship was abusive. I try to still be present and show that I care but I also need time to myself or I will snap. He is constantly asking me what’s wrong and it’s like… how many times do I have to explain that I get like this when I don’t take my prescription meds. Then he gets upset when I say nothing.. because I’ve already explained this.

[Asker]

My last relationship **

[Agape93]

I love it when people don't pay the fuck attention

[Jamie05rhs]

Question: what's the issue with your sister? Is she helpless? Can she not work?

[Anonymous]

You don't! It's best to avoid anything beyond a platonic friendship when you're in that situation.