Do you really love someone if you dont have it in your heart to forgive them for hurting you?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend and i have been together for a year. A few months ago we were in a big argument and he ended up yelling, cussing at me and talking down at me. I was just crying the whole time. It got really bad. We almost broke up. I mean we did, but we got back together right after. Sometimes i would forget how much he hurt me because of how much he also makes me happy. Other times its all i think about so i get upset pretty randomly even if everything is supposed to be going good. Then he said i dont love him and i dont have it in my heart to forgive people. He’s tried making up for it a lot. Thing is this wasn't the first time he verbally abused me. He then promised never to do it again and yet he still did. Im so torn he just does so much for me and makes me so happy but he also knows how to hurt me pretty bad. Like i know i should leave him but when i broke up with him i was not okay at all. I felt physically sick to my stomach and felt like i could barely breathe the whole time. So yeah i went back to him. I don't know where im going with this actually. Im pretty sure i love him but why can't i forgive him? How do i forgive someone who deliberately hurt me?

[StarWarGirl]

Your heart knows very well what's good for it. That's why we often says if you don't understand what should you do, you should just listen your heart.

Your heart doesn't forgive him because he doesn't deserve forgiveness. Your anxiety or whatever just keep pulling towards him but it's very unhealthy for you and your heart and your mental peace. No matter what he does for you but if he does bad to you or even abuse you verbally it doesn't justify it. When he is wrong HE IS WRONG no charity could wash off his sins.

Please try to understand he is not good for you. And ofcourse he doesn't deserve forgiveness so you could never forgive him.

Further it's your life it's your decision, it's your choice.

[provokeesmokee]

You don't.

Some people don't deserve forgiveness.

You feeling upset or ill at ease after leaving could actually be your body releasing tension. Subconsciously you're letting out sensations you'd pushed away in the moment.

Leave him. He's not going to stop hurting you, and you can't build a healthy relationship on hurt, mistrust, and a lack of forgiveness.

[Wonderingguyy]

It sounds like you both love each other and he makes you really happy. That counts for something. The trouble sounds like he can’t control his anger and it comes out as verbal abuse which is not good. If he has also done heaps to try and make up for it, you may have an issue with forgiving him. I suggest maybe try some couples therapy together. There may be an underlying reason you can’t forgive him, which therapy will help you unlock, and he can get some tips on different ways to divert his anger.

[serious]

Well, for me it would depend on what the person did. There are things that I see as unforgivable. Once a person does something like that comes under what I see as unforgivable, there will be no forgiveness and no second chances given.

I can neither forgive nor forget.

As for your situation, I think the relationship you are in very toxic and you don't have to forgive him if you don't want too. Forgiveness is a choice after all.

[molonski2]

What did you actually do to make him so angry?

Sadly , Id say its in the back of your mind and the relationship is destined to fail anyhow , you are never going to forgive , but without knowing what it was about its hard to comment accurately.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think you should forgive him yet. It sounds like he really hurt you. You need therapy to help process this.

[panda2712]

I’m exactly the same with my situation right now unfortunately

[panda2712]

If you’d like to chat I’m happy to 🙂

[jahaims]

He is an abuser trying to manipulate you with guilt so you stick around for more abuse.

[Anonymous]

it's hard almost impossible i been through that with her for over 5 years so i know how you feel she hurt me beyond belief so i know where you're coming from

[Cheerfull009]

Love need sacrifice and patience