Was it wrong of me to get mad at him for telling me his dream?

Question

Sometimes I feel like he wants be to get insecure. Anyway, he told me this morning "I had a crazy dream" and I just said "that's not new" and left it at that. I know that when he doesn't just straight up tell me, it's about dreaming about other women etc.

He said "well, I dreamt that I was at this cruise with some guys, we met this girl... Well she wasn't ugly to put it like that. They started hitting on her. And I didn't do anything. And she noticed. So she came home with me"

I got mad that he told me. Like, you don't have to tell your dreams if they happen like that. He also tells me when he dreams about having sex with other women.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

um... you didn't break up with this guy? lol oh maybe I am thinking of another user with a similar type of boyfriend.

Anyway, yeah I would say on one hand it's nice to hear your partner's dreams and be able to share things like that and I for one wouldn't get upset to hear my partner had a dream where she was having sex with other people, but then again I'm not a jealous person so I get if you are jealous that's going to affect you. But I also feel like hey, it's just a dream, right? I mean if he dreams that he turned into a monster with tentacles and then killed some people or even just killed people as he is, would you get mad or call the police? I mean, he didn't really kill anyone or sleep with anyone else.

So which would you rather have:

1. He tells you his thoughts and dreams, including sex with other women or other things that you don't approve/accept/like.

2. He stops sharing his thoughts and dreams with you because he gets negative feedback when he does. Now he still has the same dreams, but hides them from you.

I guess I'm saying you can know and be more intimate, or not know and be more distant. But which do you want?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Maybe just wants your input. Instead of getting man, or more like jealous, you two might play together at analyzing his dream. Who did the girl represent? Who did the other guys represent?

"An important concept to keep in mind about the characters you see or the characters you become in your dream is to first consider how they represent an aspect of your own self. The dream characters may appear in your dream to call attention to certain qualities that you are lacking. They can depict or exaggerate certain qualities as a way of focusing your attention on them. Some people in your dream can also represent your unfinished communication with them and they may continue to appear in your dream until the conflict is resolved.

"Every character in a dream is important whether a villain or romantic partner. Rather than viewing all characters as merely parts of your own personality, a better approach is to consider them messengers, reflections or complements. In this way, a dream can be more accurately interpreted."

WarningWarning · Accepted Answer

Does he talk in his sleep? Sleep talkers never lie. I am 47, in a month lol. But we dream, we all dream. The ONLY time I say what I dream. Is when I dream he did something. I ain't ever admitting to my dreams. So makes me wonder if he wants you to express your want for only him. Not so much make you jealous. But to get something, a reaction, like baby no!!! Oh I'd die. Or you better not! Something to get a reaction. Sometimes guys, all the time guys are backwards. But so are we. We don't always read guys the right way. Give him a break. Maybe. What you think?

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

He sounds like he wants to breakup but wants you to do it so he doesn't feel as guilty. Either that OR he's super honest and thinks he has to tell you every little thing. I couldnt stay with someone who intentionally hurts me

Finchie40 · Answer

Your boyfriend is disrespectful period , and from your last few questions on here I can see why you been having insecure feelings , word of advice is you aren’t being insecure you are just in a relationship with a disrespectful asshole , that is probably cheating on you or open to meeting someone new , My ex would Tell me her dreams like that and I use To think why is she telling me those things , there is a lot of truth in just , Considering I busted her cheating on me , If I was
You I wouldn’t tolerate it and leave his ass , He doesn’t respect you

Xitomyth · Answer

Love your username "ragequeen"! Seeing that this is habit for him from the context of your story, he either is attracted to other women at times, or something triggered his dreams. Usually the last few things that you see at night before bed are replayed by the brain 1000 times over and that is what your subconscious uses to create your dreams combined with thoughts and feelings to keep you busy while your body works on repairing itself during sleep. What does he usually do in the hour before you guys go to bed? Perhaps a simple change to your routine will solve the problem entirely. However, dreams and dream fantasies such as you describe are know to happen from time to time, but usually due to an obvious trigger. If it's habit, then something is going on, either with the dude having the dreams or what he is observing with his eyes before sleeping at the end of the day. Hope that helps...

Anonymous · Answer

This doesn't sound like a good relationship at all. First off, maybe I'm wrong, but what guy has dreams like this, and if so, maybe the odd time, but rarely. This sounds like he tells you this often? Which case it very well could be on purpose for whatever reason. Likes getting you worked up or feeding your insecurities? What "loving" person does that? Even if he does have those dreams, and often, what's the purpose in telling you? If it were me I wouldn't even mention I had a dream, never mind give you all the details. You're not wrong for being upset, but I wouldn't even bother being mad at him, just kick him to the curb and be done with him. Doesn't sound like he cares about you at all in any way.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

if that's seriously yourself in the prof pic then you need to drop this guy. you are stunning and don't deserve a guy that dreams of other girls when you should be the girl of his dreams

Jjpayne · Answer

I think it's fair to have that request and say it like this. I don't mind if you have dreams about other women, that's outside of both of our controls but please keep those details to yourself when you have dreams like that unless they are about me then you can tell them on repeat all day 😊

SirJohn42 · Answer

Throw him to the curb. You dont need his drama or his wanting you to feel insecure. he's getting enjoyment of you being uncomfortable. Also his telling you this in a relationship is not cool. May also lead for him to do it in the future. Its a fantasy and it will lead him to cheat because people get stuck in their fantasy worlds. They can't see what they treully have in reality.

jadesensei · Answer

Be brave enough to show him your vulnerability. Tell him the truth : you're inconfortable with this kind of dreams because you don't like him to think about any other woman. You want to be his special woman, be completely exclusive and the first woman in his heart and brain like he certainly is for you.

The key is communication. Even if it's a dream, I highly doubt that your man would appreciate if you told him proudly that you had sex with another man in yours.

ThatHippieChick · Answer

My boyfriend and i get mad at each other but in a jokingly way bc you can't help your dreams but u can change the way you tell each other but usually it’s when we have a dream the other is cheating and we totally trust eachother on the loyalty aspect.

Ripper_E · Answer

Maybe he feels if he doesn't tell you right away, that you will be mad at him.
All that is information I would share if you ask me for it. I've had some pretty bizarre dreams. I don't try to understand them. That's if I can even remember them.

weysally · Answer

one can't control dreams, at least he is honest and just said what it was nothing wrong with that, and lets face it we all dream of some sort of sex with someone else

Wise4myage · Answer

No, you reacted in a normal way in my opinion. He should have had the common sense to not mention this dream at all.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

He does it on purpose to tease and mske you jealous so that you would be jealous and fo passionate love to him and make his dream comed true lol whose to say that girl from his dream is not you?

1stranger · Answer

Dreams.. Maybe he wants to make you angry or jealous or to provoke you.

Pogi-Paddy · Answer

So why are you still with this douchebag? If he is telling you about dreams of other women.  If I were in your shoes, I would tell him to KICK ROCKS.

Chimeguy · Answer

It sounds like he’s going out of his way to say these things to you. He may be trying to feel out how you would be adding another woman in bed. But I don’t know for sure. What is certain is that he is not respecting you and continuing to do things that you don’t like.

PeterCharie1991 · Answer

Test the waters and say I had a dream I went to the beach with my girly friends and this fit hot guy with a six pack was hitting on me and I went to his place and fuckEd him and had my hands all over his sexy abs , try that see how he likes it and reacts to it

Just_call_me_Sam · Answer

Are you sure he was telling your a dream not some lame porn video?
Sorry for what I m going to say. But. What a jerk?
Next time, make him read the bible before sleeping, and tell us about his dreams then.

EaterPeter · Answer

Wrong. Very wrong. If you can do one thing just one thing for relationship to be healthy that would be listening to your partner curiously and kindly. You rejected a bid harshly. You may want to apologize. And that's all up to you. All the best! Don't make relationship up hill battle. Or let it go down hill. This seems to be going down hill.

Guanfei · Answer

Girl, just... just break up with him. You obviously can't be with him anymore. All of this is just excuses, you got mad for a petty thing, not because it had any importance, but because it came from him.
Do yourself, and him, a favor, and end this before it really goes down and end in a much worse way.
Go both your own ways, find happiness somewhere else, this is obviously doomed to fail. That's sad, but there is no shame to admit it.

Wiredone · Answer

I never tell my partner when I have dreams about other women. That's just wrong. You had a right to get mad

Was it wrong of me to get mad at him for telling me his dream?

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