Why would a straight female feel closer to women than to men despite wanting to have a close relationship with a man?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always got along better with women than men. I’m a straight, 23 year old female. I’m single and usually feel like I don’t get that “connection” that I need in order to feel comfortable around a man. I have once, with a guy I dated back in 2018. He disrespected me so badly in the end that I felt hopeless with men-if I couldn’t trust him then who could I trust? After all, he was the only man I truly felt good with. He is the only guy who actually made me feel like a woman. Most guys in my life don’t make me feel protected or important-not even my own dad. I don’t have a great relationship with either parent tbh despite the fact that I feel like I’m the model daughter in my opinion. I have all my shit together, I stay out of trouble and pick up all the slack that my parents don’t-taking care of my younger siblings, paying for bills and sending my parents money when they are short, or the highly undermined fact that I practically raised myself and still turned out to be somebody my parents are proud of. Even though I have my problems with my mother as well as my father, I still feel like I can trust women and confide in them way more. I feel safer with women despite having been bullied by a lot of girls in my teen years and stabbed in the back by many friends. I never lost faith in women quite the way I did with men. I don’t hate men-I love them actually. It seems like I’m my day to day life I’m pretty well liked by both genders and have heard that I’m “different” from other girls “in a good way”- by more than one guy. There’s never that feeling or safety there though. And when men abandon me or insult me or do anything to hurt me it sticks WAY more than it ever has with girls. But whether it’s cousins or friends, family, my dad, or just men that I date- I feel like guys hate me. I feel like guys never truly appreciate me. I’m not attracted to women but as friends or sisters I feel so much safer just being myself. With men, I don’t. But I want to

[Siren777]

You need to work through your issues with men and the men in your life. Make peace with it and heal from it. Do shadow work, get help. This is ruining your relationships. As the trauma can cloud your judgement about men. I don't suggest dating yet but befriending a few guys you can hang with from time to time just enjoying a friendship until you're comfortable. If you're still not comfortable with men. I would say, take a closer look at your needs and wants especially your sexuality. Find your comfort and take the time to heal. That's why I mentioned get help if you need help. Therapy will help and making new friends will help. You have to be open to it though. Besides if you want to only befriend females thats okay.

[Leavesbound]

Most people have more friends of their own sex. This is because it is easier to relate to people who are similar to you. Mexicans hang out with Mexicans, women hang out with women. Buddhists hang out with Buddhists and Republicans hang out with Republicans. There are exceptions of course. One of my two best friends is a lesbian and we often act as each other's wing man. She's a blast to be around but I'm not her type and she's not mine though she once told me if I ever got sex change she might consider dating me if I ended up pretty enough.

[Smashingdoozy]

Women are more relatable simple as that

[BarryLiverstone]

Because your dad never made you feel protected

[BarryLiverstone]

Follow me if you wanna discuss

[Asker]

I think I get that. Not sure of the specifics but I really want to reverse the damage.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s therapy to reverse it

[BarryLiverstone]

Have you tried therapy?

[Asker]

Honestly I’ve never sought therapy before. I don’t date enough to know anything was so wrong with me that I might be that very girl I hear about-the one with daddy issues. My father was a part of my life. But he was such a poor example of a man that I just assumed that a good man would be the opposite of him. Even when I met the men who seemed nothing my father I still would feel unsafe and still get proven time and again that I was right to keep my guards up. I should try it but it seems like it would be simple. Just date the guy who “treats me right”. But few men actually do that. And because of the fact that I can't control what other people do I felt kind of lost on what I could even do differently. This whole topic confuses me honestly

[BarryLiverstone]

What you will find is that you get attracted to men who will abandon you and keep you at a distance based on the example he provided. A good guy who is selfless and willing to get to know you will not trigger any butterflies and you will not likely feel chemistry with him.

Going to therapy helps you talk about your feelings so you can discover why your father didn’t treat you as he should have and learn how to better cope with fears. You can build confidence and then meet a guy who can give you what you need.

My concern is if you meet a hood guy now you will reject him or push him away subconsciously