Why do some women have a hard time accepting that if a straight man approaches them there is 95%+ chance he’s interested in being more than friends?

[Anonymous]

I am talking about when a straight man approaches you, asks for your contact info and later follows up. Unless it’s for business or other professional reasons it’s a neon sign he’s interested.

When I say “interested” he might just be curious and on the fence OR he might have a huge crush on you. However no straight man is going to waste his time and courage approaching a woman to get her number unless he’s got professional reasons to do so (business networking).

I think many women know this but still a large percentage of them still naively want to believe that straight men approach women to “make friends”. That’s exceedingly rare.

Men might become friends with women through work, social meet ups, etc. But we never outright approach women “just to be friends”. That sure as hell doesn’t mean we expect to jump every girl’s bones we meet. But we are interested and there should be no apologies for that (unless the guy already knows she taken, acts aggressive, rude…. none of that is okay).

But still why do some women still naively believe men approach them to “just be friends”?

Updates

1 y

I am seeing lots of women saying men approach women because they “just want to fuck”. Ahh i guess on the lowest common denominator level that’s an misandrist way of looking at it. But how about the men who want to get to know you, date you and yes “fuck” as well? Isn’t that what women usually say they want?

Also if a guy just wants to fuck he won’t waste to much time beating around the bush. It will be quite obvious he doesn’t truly care about being friends.

[kylee2437]

I honestly don’t have a hard time accepting it. I know I am an attractive woman and I would only expect a guy to want to have a chance with me if he’s spending time trying to get to know me. I think many other women have a hard time accepting it because they truly just want a guy friend in the end. Guys are generally way more chill to be around sometimes, but most are only chill and totally understanding because they want a chance

[Intothevoid666]

They want a guy friend that likes them when women like a guy they will never be cool just being friends except in super rare cases

[kylee2437]

@intothrvoid666 I disagree. Many women have no issue with an attractive male being just a friend. That’s actually how I felt about my ex. If he presented to me from the start that he was emotionally unavailable and didn’t have much to give me, we would’ve kept it pushing as friends regardless because the reality of things is, is I can’t force an emotionally unavailable man whore to want to marry me lol

[Intothevoid666]

Ok ok fair enough

[Asker]

I am not against being friends with women. But the following qualifications must be met:

1). We must little or no attraction towards each other. The acid test If whether or not one of us feels jealousy when we know they are dating and having sex with someone else. This scenario while not impossible is also uncommon.

2). She’s better not be a freeloader. Even in strictly “platonic” friendships the woman does get lots of unspoken benefits of having a guy friend. He’s expected to protect her, he so conveniently is strong enough to help her move heavy objects. Even at social outings like restaurants the waiter will hand him the bill first.

3). If she expects me to tolerate her emotional drama she better be ready to hear me go off on the deep end with no judgment. It’s a two way street. Men do have many internal issues that make many women uncomfortable.

There is only one “gal pal” I’ve had in my life who fits the above.

The ugly truth is friendships almost always benefit the woman more than man. She can be “emotionally supportive” but really anyone can do that.

[kylee2437]

@asker well those are rules for all friendships mostly lol

[Asker]

Women need to be honest that in most scenarios they have very little to offer vs what they get with a “guy friend”. There is a reason why you don’t see men on dating apps saying they “just want to be friends” with women.

This why men get pissed off at the “friéndzone”. Yes the missed opportunity for romance and sex does burn. But what burns a lot more is the feeling of being taken advantage of. Men want to be respected. Confidently believing he is okay with being “just friends” is insulting his masculinity.

[kylee2437]

And I agree with that 100% because personally if you are really great friends, you are basically boyfriend and girlfriend without the title and without the physical intimacy. Relationships are rated R friendships lol

[Asker]

Sex for men isn’t completely about biological gratification. It can also be a form of acceptance, the feeling of being attractive…being wanted. That matters a lot more than you realize.

I think there are evolutionary reasons why many women are confident about the friéndzone. Historically they depended on men to provide and protect. It’s not necessary nowadays but still many women do this.

Just recognize that it’s easier said than done for men to stick their necks out approaching you. Most of us don’t like it but we do it because we have to. Asking us to be “just be friends” after all that is a very deep insult. It may not be intended that way but for us it really stings. If it’s done more than once it can lead to misogyny.

Anyway i know you have at least a limited understanding on this. But too many women don’t and it’s getting f*cking old.

[Anonymous]

I accept it.. unless they straight out says they just want to be friends. Such a stupid move when it is not the case.

[Asker]

Young guys might do that. They are hoping that the woman won’t take that literally and pick up on the sub titles. It’s shady way to get their foot in the door. But your right that’s very stupid.

But older and/or experienced guys know better.

[Opinion Owner]

sorry to burst your bubble, but it is only a few weeks ago a guy in maybe his 30s started a conversation that way xD.. I was suspecious, but I take people's words for what they are and ask about it if it seems off. He was pretty much full of bullshit I could tell after a little while.

[Opinion Owner]

several guys I encountered in their late 20s/30s have been pulling different sorts of bullshit. It is unfortunately not so uncommon for me

[Asker]

I do not doubt a few peter pans out there exist. But on the flip slide I’ve met plenty of immature ass Wendys.

Sometimes guys take the “just be friends” route because they want to come off as non-threatening.

For example a 38 year old guy has to be more careful about the “creep vibe” when talking to an attractive 26 year old woman vs how an attractive 28 year old guy interacts. Some take the cop out “friends” approach still but they should know better.

I learned my lesson a very long time ago that i can be polite yet direct on what my intentions are with a woman. For example I recently met an attractive young woman who is in grad school at my local crossfit gym. She’s probably 10-12 years younger so I have to be very careful about the “creep vibe”. I’m in excellent shape and got all my hair but still I’m not the 28 year old young stud I once was.

We got in small talk a few times and she gave me good vibes. Around the 5-6 time I spoke to her I asked if she would like to get breakfast. She smiled, said thanks and said she had a boyfriend (which I didn’t know). I said thanks and I respected that. Said I wouldn’t ask again. Left it at that. Both sides know where we stand now and I didn’t ask her “to be friends”

[Intothevoid666]

“Men only ever want me for sex!!!” 😖😖😖 or something Like that

[Anonymous]

Who believes that? I know no woman who believes that. We know almost all are after sex or in a few cases dating and that’s why we reject and lie about having boyfriends etc. I’ve never heard someone claim what you claim, actually guys usually complain that they can’t even say hi to a woman without them always assuming they want to fuck them when they’re just being nice/friendly/making conversation etc.

[Intothevoid666]

They don’t know what they are interested in with u until they get to know u just saying. It’s not like guys walk up to u and know exactly what they want with u

[Asker]

I can say hi to any woman and have no agenda other then being pleasant. You should always be polite back unless he says something inappropriate.

But the moment a guy ask for your number and especially if he follows up that’s a neon sign he’s interested. Only hand out your number if you accept that. If your not interested just say “he enjoyed chatting but the truth is I don’t feel that way”. Leave it at that.

Don’t hand out your number just to ignore him or worse string him along vía friendzone bs. Just don’t.

[ChooChooHaha]

Speaking for myself only:

Reasonable doubt. Or I don't see you that way/ yet, or I don't think you'd see me that way at all. Or you may not even know me.

[Subarugirl]

Lol why do some men naively believe that women actually think that... of course we know you want in our pants but nothing scares off a man like asking him if he wants to just be friends lol XD

[Asker]

So what you are saying it’s all a zero sum game?

[Subarugirl]

I'm just saying that the one of the easiest ways to get rid of a guy who is tying to get into your pants is to tell him you just want to be friends...

[Asker]

Well that’s true. But what if he is not “just looking to get in your pants” and wants to date you first?

[Subarugirl]

You date people you don’t want to have sex with?

[Asker]

No why would I? Why would anybody waste their time doing that (unless they are saving for marriage which I actually respect).

You know exactly what I am talking about. Its about dating and getting to know someone first and then having sex. Are you shocked that some guys actually really do what to take their time?

[Asker]

Also about your “just be friends” comment to get rid of a guy. Ah would you be able to say that to a guy who makes it quite obvious he’s only looking for one thing (heavy flirting, hints and all?). That line would be so non-sequitur given the context I don’t think you would. You would either agree to it OR that would be your final conversation (amused or not)

No women say that “let’s be friends” line to guys who are being nice and polite (but they don’t find attractive) but also sense what their after. It’s easier to play dumb in those scenarios. But again he DID approach you.

[Subarugirl]

Good job! You’re getting it! If she isn’t interested she’ll tell you she wants to be just friends lol

[Asker]

Well no shit. I’ve been around the block a few times with all this.

But I think I hit on some other things above you just don’t want to answer to. Such as it’s much easier to insult a nice (yet interested) guy with the “let’s be friends” comment vs saying that to a guy who is sexually direct.

[Subarugirl]

If a random guy approaches you asking for personal information or a date he wants to have sex with you. … if you don’t just tell him you just want to be friends.. problem solved

[Subarugirl]

Why you getting so upset about women not wanting to get romantically involved with any man who approaches her? Lol

[Asker]

You know better about what I’m talking about. Of course most guys don’t expect to get involved with every girl they approach. I just got shut down last week. Did she give me some “let’s be friends” bullshit? No. She told me she had a boyfriend and I don’t think she’s lying. I didn’t know and totally respected that. I won’t ask her again.

No seriously what’s so hard about saying something along the lines of “hey thanks. I respect that you walked up to me but tbh I’m not interested”. That’s the right way to handle it. Why can’t more women just be respectfully honest?

The reason you can’t is you like the attention. Your dancing around that with your answers above but your not fooling me.

[Subarugirl]

You’ve never had anyone get violent with you for turning them down have you.. that must be nice

[Asker]

Actually I have. 2 years ago I was aggressively approached (in my own room) by a friend of flatmate who was drunk and wanted to hook up. My flatmate had a party and she was over.

After I awkwardly turned her down she gave me a veiled threat about “you got a nice place here I hate to see something happen to it”. Then I had to be nice to her out of fear of a false accusation.

You probably don’t believe me. But there are women out there who don’t take rejection well…at all.

[Subarugirl]

Well at least you weren’t threatened with rape or murder like a lot of women are

[Asker]

A false rape accusation is the equivalent of rape if not worse. The victim has their reputation destroyed and faces a very real life destroying risk of being wrongly convicted and being labeled a sex offender.

It’s difficult to really say how often false accusations happen. Especially if they go to trial and results in a conviction. But they DO happen. Google Brian Banks as a famous example.

And just because you think (I hope) that you could
never do that to someone don’t think their aren’t deranged psycho women out there who are capable of that.

That’s like me denying that rape isn’t a big deal because I know I could never under any circumstance knowingly do that to somebody. I’ve even did “role play” with one of my ex gfs and yet it made feel uncomfortable.

But I know there unfortunately are piece of sh*t men out there capable of that. Quit denying that piece of sh*t women don’t exist. They do.

[Subarugirl]

… you think that being accused of rape is worse than actually being raped? That’s like saying being accused of shooting someone is worse that being shot…

I fever denied that piece of shot women exist.. where are you coming up with this stuff?

[Asker]

A rape victim has suffer a very horrifying and traumatic experience. She or he may or may not recover. But It is something they have to live with the rest of their life.

However they are obviously not “criminals”. They are not going to be shunned in modern society. They are victims and survivors. They still have their freedom and an opportunity to rebuild their lives.

A victim of a false accusation not only has to deal with the horrifying trauma of being wrongly accused but they ARE considered criminals. They will be shunned by society. They will most likely be sent to prison. They will be felons (in most cases) for the rest of their lives. They might even face sexual assault in prison. There is a true story of a man who was falsely accused and wrongly convicted who ended being sexually assaulted in prison and contracted HIV! He was later exonerated and sued the state of millions. But his life has been shortened and destroyed.

Honestly really fucking pisses me off that people like you and other piece of shit feminists won’t acknowledge this bullshit. You ignore and dismiss it like it’s no big deal. A real feminist would be absolutely livid and furious when there is a case (with air tight evidence) of a false accusation. But you are all about “gender equality” by acting like that’s no big deal.

[Asker]

www.washingtonpost.com/.../...ba8439ca6_story.html

[Subarugirl]

well you wouldn't be a criminal unless the criminal act could be proven, which it couldn't be unless there was a confession or proof, in which case you wouldn't be convicted unless there was proof of the crime. Most rapists aren't even caught let alone sent to prison... remember Brock Turner? Ever hear about the rape case that was thrown out because the victim was wearing red underwear? False imprisonment is extremely rare... a statistical anomaly. I am very aware of just how messed up our justice system... I am also aware that the number of rapist walking around free or who were never charged significantly out weigh those falsely imprisoned... Women are way more likely to be actually raped than a man facing being falsely imprisoned from a false accusation.

[Subarugirl]

According to the DOJ, and FBI only 25 out off 1000 rapists will be incarcerated, and only 28 of those will be convicted felons.

www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system

[Asker]

It’s called due process. There is a reason why there is careful criminal investigation. Does that mean that guilty people get let off? Sadly yes. But the system isn’t “set up” just to favor rapists. If it was we wouldn’t have wrongful convictions. There is a reason the victims name is “Jane Doe”. I know it’s hard for people to report this crap but if you don’t come forward nothing will happen.

The Brock Turner case might of been a gross miscarriage of justice. Even though he’s walking free he will NEVER escape the stigma attached to his name. People won’t trust him. He will never land a descent career. Although he’s walking free he’s really still in chains.

But back to due process. There is an old saying that “it’s better that 10 guilty people are let free than to have one innocent person suffer” by Sir William Blackstone.

But in the last few years there has been this “guilty until proven innocent” approach by feminists. Many of them think it’s okay that innocent men get wrongly convicted of rape just as long as more guilty men get sentenced too.

That’s an extremely dangerous concept.

[Subarugirl]

I’ve never met anyone who believes that

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Lol, because it isn't true.

YOU might approach women and 95% of the time want to fuck, but you are not an unknowable entity made of all straight men.

[Asker]

So you understand other straight men better than I do?