Why do some people have hard time accepting little things?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

As you know I’ve got a new job in Shanghai. They are helping me with visa. The owners are multimillionaires. There are two owners of the company. I usually communicate with the woman.

I think the man might be either her husband or a brother.

The man never says hello and I wouldn’t know he is the employer if someone didn’t tell me.

Today we are in the office just four of us from the company, they are dealing with my visa things. So I am there with my two employers and my assistant.

We have to work a lot today to check all the documents.

So, my assistant said she hasn’t eaten whole day. So I felt bad for her and ordered coffee and sandwiches for us, now I couldn’t leave out my two employers and I couldn’t but things just for me and my assistant, right?

So, I bought for them as well of course.

When the coffee arrived, she said she didn’t want it and that she would immediately refund me the money.

Then I gave the coffee to that man employer, who said “thank you so much” and took it, the woman employer quickly took his coffee and said, “No, we had enough coffee today, we will instead give it to the people in the next office. She took the coffee of my assistant too and gave all the coffee to the people in the next office.”

I don’t understand. We are just 4 of us here and I bought it out of niceness, why make a huge deal out of it, and instead of just accepting and then giving it to whoever you want later, why would she tell me “she will immediately refund me?” And why didn’t she allow the other employer drink coffee?

Just because she’s the millionaire out of the two of us? It seems very snobbish to me.

I was just being nice, because they are helping me with visa procedures and spending whole day there with me and wanted to show little niceness.

I also bought expensive ones, it’s not like I bought some cheap ones she would decline out of dislike.

Updates

8 mo

At least she could allow my assistant and the other owner to enjoy them.

I think what she disliked is that I bought those instead of her.

I don’t know, am I wrong at something? Because she asked me earlier if she myst have ordered anything to eat for me. I wasn’t hungry and said no. Yeah, maybe she feels like I didn’t accept her little gift either? I might be wrong as well, I don’t know. Do you mimd sharing your thoughts?

Updates

8 mo

Okay, guys. I figured it’s a culture thing. She just drove me home and was very nice on the way home and talked about lots of things and tried to be very helpful to me as well.

[molonski2]

I too have worked for Chinese on 3 separate occasions , they are extremely unusual people when you come from a Western background , and what you describe and all the peripheral drama around that does not surprise me at all , they make tiny issues into BIG issues , and "dinkum " business wise they are slave drivers , about the only thing that Chinese men seem to understand if quite a full on aggressive response , and when it comes to rules ( like real estate and building licenses ) they couldn't give a rats.

I've been to board room functions ( With alcohol ) where fist fights started and one director tried to hit a key managed with a bottle of whiskey , the women are more measured , but they have all the same stuff mixed in their head , they have this thought " I will just pay my way out " and its not a cultural thing to apologise. Now part of you this was the original division of wealth , and the view of privilege that they have inherited , because of their Status.

There is no doubt they will eventually rule the world , and you will get used to them overtime , but they are non forgiving , and basically they want you to sleep there , have lunch there , its all about control , and this stems back to what in essence is an unspoken caste system , if you are on the bottom rung , there will be no gains ( I'm not referring to you , referring to Chinese ) , but you yourself will be seen as " necessary evil " but always on the outer from these 2 directors , UNLESS they want something , then they are all over you , and full of praise.

You will work it out as you go , but you will have already seen some elements of what I'm talking about , its a juggling act , because they are all similar , they also love an app to log your work hours , in and out , man I HATED that.

[MementoMori777]

Seems like you got the answer at the end there, rich people can be highly egotistic and it's possible that some might take small things like that personal, it's also possible that they may have thought you were trying to up them when you ordered for everyone but to be fair it's possible she might have gotten bad news and lost her appetite.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t really think about it like “rich people” and so on. Rich or poor, she’s a human and I don’t care if she’s egotistic or not, she is expected to have some common sense not to give away the coffee I bought and the coffee that obviously everyone wanted to drink.

[MementoMori777]

Well if that bothered you then you should care about ego because the whole reason she didn't have that common sense is because of ego, instead of thinking "she was nice enough to buy us stuff, let me not be rude" she decided to go rude mode and not drink it and prevent others from doing so as well, why? I couldn't even tell you, who knows what she was thinking

[BasedBaeBecca]

It is possible that the woman employer did not want to accept your gesture of kindness for cultural or personal reasons, perhaps due to a belief that accepting the coffee might be seen as a sign of debt or obligation to you. It might be helpful to consider another person's cultural or personal background when considering their behavior or decision-making. If you find it difficult to understand someone's behavior you can try talking to them in a polite and respectful way to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and to build a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.

[Spongebobssocks]

I've worked for different rich people.. anything from billionares to millionares and they are usually very cold and egotistic. The wife is usually very nice but the husband is very bossy lol. But it makes sense I guess. Don't let them affect you just try to learn their moves🙃👀

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

In my case, the guy was very nice. The woman is nice too, but she gave all the coffee away 🤣 and instead promised to refund me. What the hell.

[Spongebobssocks]

Yeah they are very snabby lol😂 they can buy mansions out of their pockets but paying a worker a little extra geez the world is going under..😣🤣

[spartan55]

That is really bizarre behavior... you sure you want to work for someone like that? Your assistant was thinking 'where tf is that bitch going with ☕ coffee?' 🙄

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s really weird because my former employer was a multimillionaire too, but so what? We were friends and even thought of starting a business together.

She never acted that way ever.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Overally, I think Shanghainese are very snobby.

I grew up in the capital city and snobbery is not unheard for me but it’s too much.

I lived in Suzhou before that, which is a very cool city and much classier than Shanghai. But people here are much more snobbish.

You know what the boss told me beforehand, she said it’s better I’ll say I worked in Shanghai all this time instead of Suzhou, because people will think it’s cooler lol.

I am so proud of my Suzhou background. It’s a very beautiful, rich, historical, cultural, nature friendly city, top 6th one in GDP in China, comes right after Hing Kong and I lived right at the lake there. They are also just like 15 minutes away from each other. So I don’t understand this whole thing about Shanghai. I’ve lived in both places and Suzhou was much better. Why’d these people think they are any more privileged than others because of a place they live in?

[spartan55]

Well this spun off in a whole new direction... I don't think this was a matter of privilege, or living in Shanghai, or whatever. It was just flat out rude. I could maybe overlook taking her partner's coffee, but your assistants too? That's just messed up.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Well, I fail to understand that’s why I think of reasons.

[AmeerX]

She was going to refund you. İt means she doesn't want anyone but the bosses treating you food.

And she is obviously his wife.

My friend from China shared similar stories and I find it normal too.

[exitseven]

You say it is a culture thing. It may be true Different groups have their own culture and it may be hard to understand.

[Rohaan2020]

Rlly can’t understand her here… bcz even if she didn’t want it… y did she take away the one that was meant for ur assistant…

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Lol, yes… That’s what confused me.

And another guy, the 2nd owner, gladly accepted the coffee smiled and looked quite happy until she made him give it to others as well lol,

She said “no, he doesn’t want it.”

What the hell.

He obviously wanted it.

[Rohaan2020]

She’s rlly weird

[Anonymous]

Different culture. They want to keep it a buisness relationship

[Opinion Owner]

Consider yourself lucky. The owner and manager where I used to work insisted they get a portion of tips

[EaterPeter]

Little things are hard to accept 🙂 who know that better than women