How do some girls sleep with a guy & remain detached?

[Nazgol]

How do they do friends with benefits & casuals without getting emotions in the way?

[Apope16]

A lot of women including my best friend have asked this question. Women simply don't understand this because their sexual pleasure is different for themselves compared to men.

When you as a woman have sex the most significant chemical released is called oxytocin. They call it the "Love hormone". But basically it is a hormone that triggers intense feelings of attachment and closeness. For women it is released during labor but it is also released during sex and orgasm. It is a chemical of bonding. So after they have sex with a guy for 2 months they start to fall in love with them. Certainly by the 3rd time having sex with a guy they start to get attached. But the most powerful way it is released is if they have an orgasm with a guy. Simple ways of feeling oxytocin is when you are cuddling with a partner and things like that.

Men do not experience this at the same measurable levels.

When men have sex the largest chemical released in the brain is dopamine. Sure they have oxytocin but in much much much smaller levels. Dopamine during sex is like taking a shot of heroin. Have you ever eaten 3 donuts in a row and enjoyed it so much you got sugar high and felt sleepy? Well, dopamine during sex is like that but a million times more intense with pleasure.

So based on the chemicals released during sex... a woman's experience is emotional and full of attachment. A man's experience is more transactional and physical. Oxytocin released has lasting influence and dopamine has more of a short term high. SO that is why women can have sex and feel emotional attachment and guys can have sex and get their short term hit but then will need to have it again and again.

As the relationship progresses things reverse. The longer a woman stays with a man. Sex becomes more of a short term dopamine hit. Attract may fade and sex because more of a dopamine hit ever so often in the relationship. But for the man sex becomes more of a validation of oxytocin and it becomes a central component of feeling secure and close to their partner. But a man develops love hormones for a woman outside of sex typically. but that is another topic for another day.

I hope women read this and can understand better why guys can have sex with an ugly girl or a fat or or a girl in general and never fall in love. Whereas women are different.

Also... If a guy cheats and has sex? It is likely to get that new dopamine hit. It is like an addict getting a new hit of a drop. A different cocktail drug. But when a woman cheats it likely is an emotional experience. THis is why women are more likely to forgive a man that has sex with another woman during a one night stand but break up with a guy if he doesn't have sex but emotionally cheats by flirting over text. She is more hurt by the emotional cheating.

[jaybee281]

This is one of the most informative comments I've ever read on here - Great stuff man👌🏻👌🏻

[Apope16]

@jaybee281 Thanks a lot man! I plan to make it a my take at some point.

[Nazgol]

Well.. so howcome I fell for him as soon as I saw him? He was "hunting" and I agreed to have sex. The sex was good but more so because I was heavily attracted to him

[Nazgol]

After that I was hurt because he warned me it's just going to be fun &sex but I decided to not listen and continue falling

[Apope16]

It could be that you just were more attracted initially. But also understand that sexual arousal releases those oxytocin chemicals. When a woman orgasm it goes into over drive.

This is why my advice to men is to be sexual early on in dating. The most powerful attraction technique is to have sex with a woman on the first date. But I would say sex within the first 3 dates is pretty common for an alpha guy who knows the game of dating.

One of my controversial "Confessions of a Ladies Man" my takes was something like "Women fall in love in 2 months". And from my personal experience.. when a woman is having consistent sex with a man she will start to fall in love by around the 2 month mark. This is because of oxytocin being released over and over again and creating intense attachment. That is why if a guy meets a woman and she says "I just want something casual". A guy should not panic. Just be sure that she isn't friendzoning you and continue to be a great guy and have sex. Right around 2 months of being a fuck buddy a woman will start to act different. She will leave her toothbrush at the apartment. she will start to cuddle. She will want to hang out more outside her apartment. she will talk more about her feelings. then she will start blowing up your phone and texting. a man need not say anything. She is falling in love yet in denial. Then around 2 months in she is asking "what are we?" or "Are you seeing other girls?"

[Nazgol]

No, we just had actual sex once and more like lovemaking another time trying to lead to sex. But like I said, the sex was just the icing on the cake. I guess I didn't even want the sex that much.. I was more into dating

[Nazgol]

I guess I was so attracted to him that I wanted the sex

[Nazgol]

I really liked him ☹☹😞

[Apope16]

It sounds like you had high attraction for him. You can start to fall in love with someone before you have sex. But to be clear.. it doesn't matter what type of sex you have. Those hormones are going to happen. Having a making love kind of sex is good stuff. I honestly do that with all the women I am with. I have found that women are shocked if you are a fuck buddy and you give them the full on love making sex. It definitely gets them crazy. I am talking slow. sensual. kissing their neck, shoulders, breasts, thighs, clit. Taking your slow time. making sure she cums first.

Like this type of sex is going to have a woman falling in love with every kiss. Her breathing relaxes and the sex is more of a comfortable and relaxed sex rather than a carnal intense one. This is more likely to make you as a woman fall in love.

I think you did a good thing having sex with him and truly experiencing something mind blowing in your life. Regardless of how it turns out. That kind of connection is so rare and life is short you know?

[Nazgol]

Yeah.. except we were about to more until I screwed it up!

[jaybee281]

@Apope16 you should definitely do that - I read some of your mytakes as well - you do get a lot of hate for telling the truth ey? - typical - anyway man I'll give you a follow don't wanna miss it

[djmzes]

Simple

Because you are yourself and they are them. You are created and made that way so whether you like it or it, you will follow that rule.
It is what you are made and programmed as through your DNA.

[Nazgol]

Well said!👌👍👍

[Anonymous]

Most likely because they are different from you when it comes to sexual behavior.

I don't really understand the influence of "connection" when it comes to sex, it's not what sex is about for me, the things that appeal to me about sex are completely unrelated to whatever connection I have with the person, and indeed, some of the best sex I had was with complete strangers (while the sex I had with exclusive partners was actually some of the worst and most unenjoyable).

Maybe those girls simply emphasize more with my sexual behavior than yours, who knows?
It's hard to explain to someone who probably can't understand it intrinsically.

[burlen]

It is what it is. Sexual intercourse and emotional connection are two different things. You can have sexual intercourse without an emotional connection. Likewise you can have emotional connection without sexual attraction.

Friends-with-benefits-relationship is mainly sexual attraction or gratification. There may small amount of emotional connection. It depends on the type of emotional connection and its intensity. Sexual feelings? Love feelings? Liking-one's company feelings?

[GingerGuy]

I don't think it's something you can teach yourself, I think some are just able to more easily than others. Maybe past relationships/experiences (often bad) help? I couldn't do it either. I was completely amazed at not only how she was able to no problem, but was able to "fake" otherwise EXTREMELY WELL! And for 8 months.

[GingerGuy]

She would often have her eyes closed, which I thought meant she was just enjoying it, but women say it's how they stay undetached. So I guess that helps?

[Anonymous]

Do you get emotionally attached if you have sex even if its just a hookup, I want to hear from both girls and guys, please?

I had the same question with regards to yours - I am a 29 year old virgin and going to have sex with a milf. She told me once i lose my virginity to her I would get attached to her and would want to continue to keep fucking her regularly and won't allow anyother man near her. Is it true do we get emotionally attached even if its just sex?

She told me the same thing what you mentioned on the question - That once i have sex with her I would be emotionally attached to her as well and would wanna fuck her regularly and not allow any man near her.

[Jjpayne]

I don't think it's easy or maybe not even possible to do... Although many tv and movies suggest differently. I suppose it's learning to be cold and distance. To avoid connection but I'd rather not do that myself

[spartan55]

Typically they don't. It is very rare for the woman to not have feelings during an friends with benefits arrangement. It is also almost always the guy's idea that the woman ends up 'going along with' for some reason.

[Dinklex3]

It helps when you know exactly what you want and are on the same page with your friend.

[james_d0007]

I agree with you, but off lately have seen many questions as well where either the guy or the girl has fallen in love with the person and want to convert it into a relationship. Some our scared to let the other one know because they don't want to lose them or the sex, so I feel its a bit complicated and depends from person to person.

[Dinklex3]

@james_d0007 Yes of course everything depends on the individuals involved.
But knowing exactly what you and honestly communicating that does help

[james_d0007]

@Dinklex3 true

[Laciandmaci]

I never could!!! I need to be IN-LOVE with the man to have sex!!!

[Sevenpointfive]

because they are doing it with about 6 other guys. it's like having a friend and it's crazy

[Shivraj12s]

There intertions are not for getting love and getting emotional attachments
They are very clear with there thoughts
They know very well that all they want is sex sex and sex

[SamFromFL]

Even some girls that have intentions just for sex start to get feelings once they orgasm

[Shivraj12s]

But this is the case where they do not attached

[SamFromFL]

Which is rare

[Wise4myage]

In reality, they don't. But they get away with it till either thy or the other person starts having feelings.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

I can only assume that they aren't really enjoying it too much because sex is supposed to bond us together. Were supposed to catch feelings.

[Unbeatable]

Cause there are men who love sluts... unfortunatley... so these kinds of pervs unfortunately get to survive in the gene pool

[SavageGirl101]

It’s very possible to not develop feelings from a fuck buddy

[Ouidhaze]

The same way men do sex doesn’t equal love and the intelligent and mature woman realize that and they are not setting themselves up for failure and hurt

[AmeerX]

I think their emotions have become numb and they think life is just a game

[Wiredone]

The women who do that only care about having sex. They don't want a relationship of any kind.

[SamFromFL]

Great question, let’s see if any women can explain. Seems like most hide feelings

[NoManTwo]

If it is a one night stand I can see why.

If two people meet in a bar and go home and fuck it's for pure sexual reasons. No emotions involved.

[Lostguuy]

N idea

[Jmmmfi4]

They're heartless