I saw this comment on one of my questions, and I had two questions really.
"Its so pathetic when married women or women in relationships come here with these obvious attention-seeking posts. Like its lame enough when single girls do it but wtf... "
Firstly, why is it that some guys are so upset by the fact that some women like attention? (It's almost like some of them take it as a personal insult, I don't get it)
Secondly, even if a person is attention seeking or looking for some sort of validation, why not just move along if it's not something you like? ( Seriously there is a whole category here for that specifically lol)
Is enjoying attention and validation such a bad thing?
Let's not be hypocrites; there was a time when we enjoyed receiving attention and compliments, but when we seek attention and validation on a regular basis, that's when it becomes a bad thing. For example, if you post a selfie and it receives a lot of likes and compliments, you'll feel good about yourself and happy, but it only gives temporary happiness. When people forget about your pretty selfie, you'll feel compelled to post another one again because you've become addicted to that feeling, which is when it becomes harmful. It's okay to seek attention once in a while; we're only humans, and we sometimes need it, but if we only base our happiness on the approval of others, we'll never be happy. I swear you won't be happy, which is why it's so important to invest in self love and have a life outside of social media. By the way, not only girls do this, but some guys do as well, and it's a turn off for me no matter how atttactive they are. Some guys tried to date me; they arevery attractive and work in modeling. But I could sense narcissistic traits in them through their social media activity, such as posting pictures on a regular basis, posting sad quotes like a sad boy, and other things that lead me to believe they're the type who seeks validation and attention, which is a real turn off.
Overall I agree that if it's not something you like then just don't look at it. Some people are seeking attention and if you don't want to give them attention then don't just move along.
But on that note, it is weird if there is someone that is online and is in a relationship or marriage that is seeking attention because at that point shouldn't your significant other be the one giving you the attention and validation and if that's the case why need the validation from strangers online, because that comes off as very disrespectful and if a man who was in a relationship or married and was online seeking attention and validation from other women then women would call him out and shame him therefore, that's why I think people are getting upset about it.
Now is enjoying attention and validation such a bad thing, well it isn't because in a sense everyone likes attention, I can argue women more than men, but its common. But also note that attention seeking also opens you up to a type of attention you might not be seeking and that won't validate you, so it wouldn't be fair to complain about that attention when that's what you are opening yourself up to. Also some attention can be seeing as leading on but that's another level. Overall seeking attention and validation is normal, but if you are in a relationship or marriage then it is very questionable and tells a lot about the person.
Only if you are in a relationship it’s a bad thing , it shows disrespect to your partner if you need attention and validation from others , when you commit yourself into a relationship it’s always best to wear your partner’s shoes like they should be wearing yours , think how your partner would feel if they found you flirting with other people and seeking validation from others, think how you would feel if you found your partner flirting and seeking validation from others as well. People in general shouldn’t get into relationships if they want to still act like they are single , Love only grows when you treat someone the same way you treat them , removing selfishness is a big part of making love grow , why it’s best to always think of your partner’s feelings when making decisions, even though it might seem innocent to you and in your mind you feel it’s ok , it doesn’t mean it is innocent and ok to them , Most relationships fail because people do not know how to remove selfishness, so if you can’t remove selfishness then you shouldn’t be in a relationship period,. All your actions will do is make your partner give you the same actions in return
You don’t think that annoying compliments from other people is appropriate when you’re in a relationship? Like if you get a haircut and a coworker compliments you on it. Or take a really nice photo and post it on Instagram and people compliment that that? That would be validating, and personally I don’t see anything wrong with that. I don’t think anyone would. How ever, if you are going out of your way and bending over backwards needing attention all the time that’s a problem
Those situations are fine , As long as you aren’t acting on it , When someone is in a relationship and seeking it on purpose then they are in the wrong , Considering they are betraying their partner and misleading someone else to maybe think they have a chance and might take things the wrong way , your husband or boyfriend might come home from work one day and is looking forward to seeing you , but some crazy ass guy that’s in love with you is waiting for him to beat him up or kill him cuz you mislead this guy to believe that you have the hots for him and the only thing in his way from having you is your husband or boyfriend , I watch a lot of true crime shows and this is the shit that occurs lol So it’s best to stay clear of misleading someone and seeking validation , so again if you need that in your life then you are probably best to end your relationship and put yourself back on the market
No one should intentionally mislead anyone, that is wrong and manipulative. but posting selfie online is something a lot of people do, that isn't considered cheating because want people to like it. Also if a psycho decided to kill someone because they became obsessed because of that selfie, that isn't the posters fault.
Agree, all I am saying it’s bad to seek validation and flirt with other people while in a relationship, posting selfie’s is fine as long as you are ignoring some of the comments you are receiving and not initiating contact with the guys that are liking your selfies and secretly having conversations with them behind your partner’s back , the way I look at it is if you have to hide things you do from your partner you are already cheating
I guess there are worst things, but it shows immaturity and very very deep insecurity. Of course, there are levels: you can command attention dressing to impress and that's fine, but are you talking childishly, making everything around you and fighting for the attention of a man you don't like, but just want to make sure he doesn't look that other women on the street? If that's the case, you have too much time in your hands, time you could use to become a better person, in whatever area you choose.
Everyone likes to receive attention and compliments. This becomes problematic when you constantly act in search of attention and compliments. This is particularly noticeable in women. On the one hand, they are strongly overvalued for a good part of life by both the family and society, on the other hand they are strongly in competition with each other which leads to self-devaluation. This stems from childish behavior. Which is perpetuated beyond the threshold of majority. Even the males lately are having the same drift.
In recent years, society has been pushing for you to remain a child for life. Since the child has no inhibitions in buying objects. Therefore he compulsively buys things that he often doesn't need. All the victimist movements that have sprung up in recent years are an example of this. The subject must remain a minor for life, must be irresponsible and above all must buy and buy everything that comes in front of him. In this way he will be able to have compliments and attention, which however become completely ephemeral, since in a little the setting changes and you have to change too by buying new bullshit.
Seeking attention at any cost is perfectly healthy in a child of a few years, growing up the child must develop his own personality and self-esteem. If you have such a problem you should go to a professional because you have or are developing a cluster B mental disorder, at 24 you are still able to remedy it, later it will be more and more difficult.
1. You shouldn't have to rely on others to make you feel a certain way; positive or negative.
2. People (mainly women) go to great extremes to get this attention, often hurting others in the process.
3. The people who do this are often attractive looking (like you are), and it hurts the people who have legitimate body issues and are unattractive.
4. There is a lot of entitlement and attitudes that come with this. Like a drug addict. If they don't get their emotional fill, they snap at men or have simps go after them on social media. It really is like an addiction for some girls.
5. It's narcissistic and negative behavior, in general.
6. it's ironic that women hate men like this; insecure and needy, but will expect men to put up with this behavior in themselves.
One should always seek to minimize relying on others for emotional support and validation.
I think it's a more complex topic than it may appear at first glance, and really depends on the circumstances.
There are plenty of people out there who are more desirable than they think they are, and for them, it's probably a good thing to get some of that, but one downside is that when it's online, people in that situation may not get a realistic view from the attention and validation, since it's usually not from a cross-section of society, rather disproportionately from people themselves starved for attention and validation. Furthermore, third parties may feel the validation-seeking is insincere if they think the woman gets plenty of it already.
I'm at an age where women already outnumber men and I take good care of myself, so I do get hit on in person occasionally, which is pleasant validation. But I don't seek it out.
After a 27 year marriage the hag I married walked and did her best to impoverish me. Despite that I am prospering. I’m tall, healthy, physically fit, financially secure and in great demand among women 10 years younger up to my age. The dynamics shift a LOT with age. Im loving life now while the ex languishes. Karma is real.
Meh I don't care. But I'd ask: Attention from who?
Internet is filled with random nameless people who would say anything for whatever random reason.
What exactly does it do if 100 people call you beautiful?
You don't know them You don't see them They mean nothing to you You can't clarify if they lied
I see no reason to want such attention other than 1. being addicted to attention, 2. needing validation and attention because there is a deficit of it in real life with real people you know and deeply care about, 3. just having a need to maintain an illusion of abundance when it comes to your dating chances, which is just that: an illusion. But one that many women can maintain using social media and thirsty men.
No. Those are very important reasons why we experience such positive emotions when socializing. They can be very helpful tools for growth!
But I'd say that it gets dangerous when someone lets the attention & validation define their self-worth. It could give them a superior sense of self or an inferior one.
So I think that in order for the harmony to not be thrown off balance, the attention & validation needs to be identified, accepted, & thought of in a way that allows it to have a good amount of unattachment from the ego/self.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing, usually. You can tell that guy envies the women who get attention more easily than he can, which is understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should allow him to shame you for his own shortcomings. If guys could get attention like women do, they’d be eating it up constantly regardless of their relationship status.
women like attention and so do men, we are children underneath and need love, affirmation, security. The more secure in themselves the better, but we like to feel good. Someone who is attention seeking like that isn't getting their needs met in life or early life, so they are seeking more. Their self worth may be damaged. Whom are you getting it from?
All the themes of your questions sounds like your marriage is... useless or pointless.
Ideally, you go to your spouse for this. If spouse is not providing, then getting needs met elsewhere is going to happen or you suffer.
I guess some guys have been used so many times that it rubs them the wrong way.
Seeking attention in itself is not wrong but some guys are so sexually deprived that even a suggestive post online by a stranger they will never meet is enough for them to have a dopamine release.
But when that person is married and is clearly doing it for attention and validation they lash out since they are already in an emotional state. Basically guys would never admit it but they feel used.
It's like: "Yeah when you want someone to tell you beautiful you are you come here and ask us but you'll never return return the favor by telling me how good I look, and when you want affection and sex you already got someone for that so it will never be one of us."
That's the only reason you might get backlash for seeking attention online, guys are just tired of sexual suggestions without any sex to back it up.
I'm only giving you the perspective of the men who are bothered by attention seeking I'm not arguing it's a bad thing. You do what you want but you'll always have some degree of negative replies. You can take it as flattery if you want. Anyone who was bothered by something you did probably had a boner he didn't want
Attention seeking is considered to be childish behavior. It's so reprehensible to most people because you are acting like a child. Growing up means losing childish behaviors and then sprout juvenile behaviors, and eventually grow out of them and into adult behaviors.
It's amazing to me to see the vast majority of users here in their late 20's, 30's and up engage entirely in childish behaviors in every discussion (debate, argument, whatever you want to call it).
It's all the same is my point. Childish behaviors are for children, not adults. People need to grow up.
It doesn't insult me. But it does tell me the person has low self-esteem or isn't getting the attention they want from their partner. Which, if it was first scenario, they need to work on improving their confidence by doing things that make them more satisfied with themselves and remove habits or things that make them dissatisfied. if it was the latter, communication with said partner must be made. Trying to feel better here doesn't help except very momentarily. Sometimes, it may make things 10 times worse here.
Not at all! I think everyone should feel validated and have the attention they need we are human after all lol but i think when a person is non stop obbessed with themselves to the point of narcissism it can be a turn off and kind of annoying for me personally mostly because the repetition gets boring but that being said i have on occasion been guilty of this lol 😂
we all (the majority)... like, need, seek... attention and validation
but we all, also have this to different degrees, and also different ways to go with it, for it, though it... I think that is why some people will not like what you do or how you do it, and then they feel free enough to let you know that they just do not approve of you or what you do.
for them to do that, there could be a few different reasons, some will more or less valid, but people are people are the end of the way... if you enjoy what you do and you're not harming anyone in the process then just enjoy your life or your time the way you want to enjoy it and that's it
because at the end of the day, even when you do the same things as others would do it themselves... they could still be hating on you, just because is not them having the fun... lmao, so... that's that.
To be fair, no one likes that behavior. Girls hate on guys being too into themselves for example if they workout a lot and admire their own appearance/have pride in what they built.
I've heard girls outright say, "don't feed their ego" about people they don't even know who actually accomplished something and display pride in something they should be proud over.
Not to make this about men, but rather to say there is a subset of people in general who react to that behavior negatively. Guy flashes a watch to impress, because a lot of girls do respond to money. Yet most girls look at him like a douchebag.
It's the flaunting for the purpose of getting something that rubs people the wrong way. If you just have it and flaunt it because you have it. For you, then it's more likely to get a positive reaction.
But since they're attention seeking they get negative flack
If you want to run around publicly trying to get attention one way or another... you have put yourself in the public sphere. If you have a right to the public sphere so do i. I like to use it by sharing my opinion that attention seeking women are trash. I treat them like trash. They have no value to date no value to be friends with and as someone who has known many attention seeking women i think they are morally corrupt people and i want nothing to do with them. If you dont like what i and others have to say, id suggest you remove yourself from public spaces and watch tv at home.
It’s like crack. Serotonin hits are a drug. Imagine what it is like to be a short, broke average looking guy at 23 years old. He’s totally invisible to you. He has to go out and work like a dog. Build experience and money and power. Before he even shows up on the validation radar.
Women are handed the entire world at age 16 and don’t have to do anything to receive attention and validation. So demanding more of it is like ODing. And when you OD you get strung out. Further, as women get older, they will not receive the same amount of attention and validation. So if they are addicted to it from a young age, they will get the DT detox in middle age and spiral down in to severe depression.
Nope not a bad thing, and if you are open about saying "yes I'm in a loving relationship" there really is no problem. You're not demanding attention, people can choose to pass it by. You are not pretending to be single, and you aren't trying to fill a whole in the relationship you have. There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself, or hearing it from others.
Could be they look at it as you disrespecting your husband or partner or they might be frustrated that you aren't available to flirt with you because you're taken.
But in defense of some women they could be getting attention by posting pics of their fashionable clothes, hair styles or color, tattoos. Doesn't always mean they are trying to be flirty. In that case I say have fun.
You will never get it because you cannot feel the way a man feels. Men are territorial by nature. You cannot deprogram it out of a guy, it's hardwired. Like other males in most mammalian, especially predator species, males see other males as a threat. Again, hardwired. Nothing you can do. And even the thought of our precious one touching a man in a welcoming way will always drive us unreasonably crazy. Again, hardwired. Nothing you or him can do about it. So if you need attention from lots of men, don't commit to one man. Be a hooker or something. Once you get your ya-ya's out and you have aged out of 'the game', then desperately try to find any of the men left and try to make them commit to you after you are used. Some desperate beta-guy will take you after a hundred other men have ran through you. There's always hope.
Vaiidation is good in moderation. But I think the bad rep comes from when people missunderstand it for actual intention. Then mining validation becomes leading people on, it's just frustrating.
by the way, I am talking about when it happens irl. Like with flirting. Online I think it just showns signs people are addicted to seeking it out. I think it's better if it comes naturally.
