Girls, would you be upfront with a guy about friendzoning him?

[Anonymous]

This girl and I were childhood friends. When we were both 15, we told each other about our respective feelings, talked about a future together (kids, marriage, etc).

We both come from strictly religious families, so we decided to stay low for the time being and come out later.

Eventually, she friendzoned me. She didn't tell me about it though and for years she acted like nothing had really changed (while flirting with me slightly as well as with other guys).

At first I thought this was just wrong. Cooler head prevails, that's why I am trying to figure out whether anyone else would have acted the same and if it as bad as I thought it was.

[btbc92]

What you have to understand is that there is no such thing as a friendzone. The problem is at a young age, most girls do not realize they are doing this to every person they may like, find attractive, or just even do as being friendly. The issue is that she changed as her desires also changed. You have to remember that at 15, you're basically in between being a child and transitioning to an adult. As an adult, she had to put that behind her, though it does say she wasn't the right person for you otherwise, it would have been best if she just told you what she wanted now. I believe just being friends would have been fine, but not as close like that anymore for both of your sakes.

[Asker]

Perhaps I misunderstood, but you didn't reply to my question. What would you do in her situation? The reason I am angry and I've cut her off is because, honestly, I feel like I've lead on, especially since she was flirting with other guys as well and sees what we had as just her "experiencing things"

[Asker]

To be more precise, I don't why she didn't just tell me if she didn't like me anymore. According to her, she didn't think she had to. I actually found that out because she said to a friend of mine who told it to me, so I confronted her.

[btbc92]

I did answer your question. There is no such thing as the friendzone. I believe in having a friendship and developing in our relationship as friends. As friends, you get to see the real person for who they are. As I had told you. Her desires had changed. What you have to understand is while I understand how you feel, that is sadly part of life. She may not have been serious and because of that, you end up getting hurt. I do not behave like your friend. I would never tell a guy I want a future with them only to flirt and fool around with other men. That just isn't me. When I pick a person, I mean it. The problem is sometimes people don't always feel the same for you or have that kind of loyalty. To avoid that situation, I tend to not like making promises I cannot keep. You had the right to confront her because she basically used you for the experience of the highs and that was wrong. The fact she figure she didn't have to tells you right there she was not the right person for you. You deserve better. I pray you can find somebody who won't tamper with your emotions and who will actually value and cherish your heart. Just remember that she was immature at the time. If she still is now, then you dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

do you believe that, even though she doesn't want to admit it, she knows she was wrong?

[btbc92]

Most girls sadly don't want to feel what they did was unloyal to you. That is all I can tell you. No matter what you say, for them, they are in the right, and you wrong to question that. For me, I just cannot do that. I feel hurt when others are hurt. I cannot be that selfish without getting depressed for weeks over what was done. That is how wrong I know that feels.

[Asker]

If she does indeed believe like she hasn't done anything wrong, then she got out of this situation unscathed, while I was the one hurt. You said this is life and I understand that. It just seems harder to apply that understanding and let go of the anger

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight though. It helped me see things more clearly.