How do so start showing my emotions around my boyfriend?

[JustAPerson2u]

I’m used to holding back and not showing my emotions. My dad and sister had anger issues so it led to abuse if so didn’t stay neutral. My mom was also emotionally and verbally abusive. Most men I’ve dated didn’t like dealing with emotions either which reinforced me not showing my emotions.

I only cry if I’m alone, rarely smile (and if I do I return to my neutral look quickly), try not to laugh, etc. he wants me to be open about my emotions but I can’t.

For example, a friends funeral was yesterday. I saw my boyfriend last night as I was feeling sad and he wanted to comfort me. When I stopped being able to hold back the tears I panicked and found an excuse to leave. He told me he wants me to feel safe and like I can show emotions around him.

Updates

+1 y

The question should have read: “How do I start showing my emotions around my boyfriend?”

[mark000h]

You have to get comfortable with realizing that people want you to open up, especially the person you're close to. It hurts them to know you're hurting and won't let them try to help. Showing your emotions is a strength, not a weakness. You have been around people who had an unhealthy attitude towards emotions. To love means being able to be totally comfortable around the other, willing to be vulnerable.

[boggboss]

Sounds like u might need to go therapy if these are deep rooted issues

[JustAPerson2u]

You’re probably right. The hard part is finding time as I’m a full time student and work full time (and pick up extra shifts regularly.)

[boggboss]

U have 5o make the time if u want to fix the issue

[JosyJosy]

By saying what's on your mind.