Is my relationship real?

[StevenJames]

I struggle with mental health, have little confidence.
I am with a girl who has a lot, is older, and most of her freinds are guys.

She works two jobs, one at home with me, one with her other boss.

When she's at home with me, she never wears makeup, slacks a lot, wakes up late etc.
when she's at her second job, she ALWAYS wears makeup, dresses sexually/nicely, rushes around, to get to work etc.

I feel that I am not the guy with general confidence and she is with me just to come home and cuddle, and that most probably wants to please the other boss and her freinds due to a feeling of him being superior, whereas with me and my low confidence I probably don't give her that vibe.

Am I delusional?

Updates

+1 y

Update

Unfortunately most of you called it wrong.

After confronting her about it she denied it (as expected) so I went down her phone as she slept...

The texts proved she was seeing 2-3 other guys for sex on different days of the week.

On Sundays going to hotels to shag her previous partner and then thursdays another guy at his work place.

Kind of happy it was more than one guy as it implies its not my lack of providing, more that she is just a slag who wants more and more

[SueShe]

Let me see if I see that correctly.

You, at age 70 have a girlfriend that is much older. That means that she is at least 75-80 years of age and STILL WORKS 2 JOBS?

In which country do you live where elderly people still need to work at age 80 and that have the need to dress sexy?

I mean, at age 80, she should have really other preoccupations than to dress sexy and you should have other worries about her wearing make up. It is not that she will forage left and right behind your back.

There seems something totally wrong with your attitude towards life in general.

[StevenJames]

I dont understand this post, I am age 28, not 70 or 80, I dont know where in my post I even put my age... What a wasteful response.

She has two jobs because in todays society things are expensive...

[SueShe]

You are correct, you did not put an age in your question but your bio states that you are 70 and that is why my reply makes sense.

[StevenJames]

Because I didn't want to put my real DOB encase the site is hacked and so on...

[wtf636]

I think you are worrying a bit too much about this. I get where you are coming from, why isn't she dressing up for you, like she does for work at the other job. And that is because she is comfortable around you. She doesn't feel like she has to look that way for you to take her seriously. I would say it's a positive sign.

But it sounds like you would like it if she dressed up for you, and I'm sure she would also like it. Are you walking around in suits and nice clothes all day around her? Probably not.

Why don't you suggest a fancy date night, where you both get dressed up and go do something nice. That way you can both enjoy it. Or just open your mouth and ask her to dress like that around the house once in a while. How is she supposed to know if you don't tell her it's bothering you.

But overall, have some more confidence in yourself. Stop with the "I'm not the best" talk. That is what is going to ruin your relationship, not her dressing up for work.

[StevenJames]

Thanks for your reply, Im trying to fix my mental health, years of self sabotage and putting myself down, not sure how long it will take to fix

[IMuser]

What do you argue about? If it's about money or you not being fun enough/man enough/anything enough, then assume she is settling with you

Her not putting effort in home is because who the fuck cares about looks in home? That's what home is, you have no need to keep up with appearances.

IF SHE EVER COMPARES YOU WITH A GUY: (like my Y friend does this, why can't you do it too) LEAVE HER ASAP. because if you stay, your mental health will get fucked up (speaking from personal experience)

[StevenJames]

We dont really argue, But I do have my own personal opinion about myself that I am not man enough, confident enough, cocky enough, and her past partners are opposite to this. Cocaine heads, Drink often, etc.

She doesn't compare me with anybody.

[IMuser]

Ahh then chill out man. Enjoy the relationship, she probably don't think about it (maybe she is with you because she is tired of all the partners she have been with) but secretly work on yourself. IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BE DUMPED (a personal experience.)

I have yet to do this myself but i believe the first step to feel like a man is physical strength. If you can, go to a gym/boxing session and get strong.

[StevenJames]

Thanks for your reply again.

I already do work on myself a great deal, Gym everyday, vitamins, etc.
Problem is for the last 15 years I have had bad mental health which I didn't talk about, as a consequence I beat myself up so much the point its engrained into my personality.

I dont know how long it will take to undo this, but what goes through my head daily is why this girl is with me, probably because I am very very good at making money (although she doesn't ask for any and I dont give her any).

Yeh, really low self esteem

[IMuser]

Then i guess you now know where to spend your money on. Therapy and any other thing which can raise your self esteem. All the best

[StevenJames]

Good idea, didn't think to spend money on therapy

[PrettyPriya]

I would not say you are delusional. She probably spends a lot of energy on appearance and effort when at her out of home job. When she is home, she has the opportunity to not have to go to all the trouble.

That is my guess. I wouldn't overthink it.

[SueShe]

Delusional at that advanced age? When (or if) I reach 80, I will most probably need a walker and this lady works 2 jobs...

[PrettyPriya]

Oh my goodness. I hadn't noticed the age. Now I wonder just how much office birthday cake she has seen in her life...

[SueShe]

If I would have seen so many office birthday cakes, you would have to roll me :-)

[StevenJames]

I am not 70, This user has hijacked the thread and now energy is being directed on something completely pointless.

Thanks for your post Priya, I understand your view, however because her "Out of home" job is around sombody elses house, with just the guy, I am wondering why she doesn't do the same in her "in house" job, IE our place with just me.

It really bugs me, but I dont feel to point it out as if then seems that if she does start wearing makeup, its not really what she wants to do, just doing it because I mentioned it.

[PrettyPriya]

@StevenJames

Your profile reads "Age: 70" if you look. That said, you can contact admin and have them correct that for you.

Now, regarding the question at hand, I didn't realize she gets all dolled up for another in home job. Do you think it could be that because when in her own house she doesn't feel it necessary but when going to another person's home she does? That would be my line of thinking.

[StevenJames]

I think you could be correct, But also think it could be for what I assume... Guess time may tell.

[Sadisma]

Life is too short babe. Unless she's a really good liar or a cheater, chances are you're over reacting. Maybe she doesn't wear makeup around you because she feels comfortable with you. When I go out I prefer to wear a little makeup just because I feel more presentable. The way I see it, she's with you for a reason. Remember that. From what I can tell, you seem very sweet. Ease have more confidence in yourself. If you're still having doubts after some time, talk to her and be open and honest.

[StevenJames]

Thanks for the reply, I am sweet and a nice guy with good intentions, and I feel this is not a nice quality from a girls point of view.

I have grown up around guys who are as*holes and full of confidence, and girls see this guys as superior, I've witnessed it too many times, her other boss is this sort of "character", and why she spends her energy looking nice for him.

As for being open and honest, I already have been, and this is why I feel it maybe being exploited by her.

[sensible27]

Maybe she is insecure?

[StevenJames]

thanks for reply but this definitely isn't the case. She knows she is hot... that type of girl, which raises my suspicion as to why she wants me.

[sensible27]

You could ask her..

[StevenJames]

Good idea, although that question seems to imply insecurity

[sensible27]

If it's troubling you maybe it's okay