Friend doesn’t like my boyfriend and won’t allow him to come to events. Advice please?

[anon96_]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and from the start my friend has never liked him. Sept last year we all went to a festival together & she seemed to get on well with him. Fast forward to now, we’re booking up festivals and naturally my boyfriend wants to come to a few as there’s acts he’d like to see too.. Problem is, my friend is being difficult saying if he goes, she won’t go as she feels like the third wheel as she would possibly be the only extra on this one however even when more people are going, she still has a problem with him coming.. I’m not one to be affectionate round/infront of others and definitely don’t ‘flaunt’ my relationship infront of others either. I always include everyone who goes to anything whoever they are.

Genuinely don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t have a problem if her boyfriend came to any but he doesn’t like large events. I’m so torn! I feel like by wanting my boyfriend to go aswell I’m being disrespectful to her because of the way she acts over it. He doesn’t come to anything else we do so it’s not like he has to be by my side or anything. We just have the same interests so both wanna go to events together.

Should I be telling my friend she needs to understand naturally he will tag along to certain events (not all) due to his own interests and wanting to experience it with me so she needs to accept that or do I just tell my boyfriend he can’t go with me? Help a girl out pls 🙏🏼

Updates

+1 y

@Siren777 Exactly. Naturally as adults with the same interests, we’re all going to want to do the same things! It’s not like I have to have him with me for everything so I never have time alone with friends. She has a boyfriend herself but sadly has been jealous from the start of my relationship - seemed to settle when she got with her boyfriend a few months after but now if I ask to bring him to an event it’s so difficult as she just says she don’t like him, he’s not her type of person

[melanieeeB]

Uhh that's weird for sure! The question that I have is, is your boyfriend the problem or your friend?
Like is she genuinely just a good friend and wants to protect you from a douch or (more likely i guess from your text) She is the problem and doesn't want to share you, doesn't want you to be happy, cause she probably is single herself i guess... it's like crabs in a bucket... when you're genuinely in a good relationship and she wished she would have the same, she won't "allow" you to escape the bucket that she is in right now...

[anon96_]

She is to an extent (feel horrible saying this) but only if things are her way or on her terms. Like everything revolves around her and it’s becoming draining. Admittedly, my boyfriend did some wrongdoings at the very beginning of our relationship but that’s been over n done with since like 2-3 weeks in 😅. They are completely different people and not each other’s types. He will try with her as he don’t want to be an issue but she just won’t have it. She does have a boyfriend herself now. She’s been jealous and acting out since I got a boyfriend myself. It settled when she got with hers but if I ask for him to join an event it’s an issue. I wouldn’t mind if he was tagging on to everything but it’s literally 2 events he would go to. Had her boyfriend gone to any it doesn’t bother me..

[anon96_]

Sorry about the emojis on my reply - I put a shrug but it’s changed it lol.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah damn that sounds soooo familiar! I had a friend who was kinda the same and well I would say don't listen to her. Back then I ended the friendship, cause it got really out of hand but maybe you could just reduce the contact and well tell her that he is coming with you to these 2 events. She should accept it and accept that he is your man and period.

[melanieeeB]

Don't let her abuse you emotionally or like blackmail you for something like that, it's not worth it and a true friend would be happy for you and only act "out" if the partner is really the problem

[Siren777]

Your friend needs to stop being childish and allow your boyfriend with. She is making it more difficult than it is. Why not ask her why she doesn't like your boyfriend? Ask your boyfriend to bring along a friend that will be her type. It doesn't matter if you do pda or not. Your friends should accept you for you and be happy for you. If she cannot be then she is a little envious and bring him along. Why are you giving her way?

[anon96_]

Exactly I agree. Naturally as adults with the same interests, we’re all going to want to do the same things! It’s not like I have to have him with me for everything so I never have time alone with friends. She has a boyfriend herself but sadly has been jealous from the start of my relationship - seemed to settle when she got with her boyfriend a few months after but now if I ask to bring him to an event it’s so difficult as she just says she don’t like him, he’s not her type of person

[anon96_]

I don’t understand because if she said her boyfriend was coming along to anything I’d never mind as if she’s happy, I’m happy and true friends include you not make you feel a third wheel. But I don’t get the same back!

[Siren777]

She is comparing her relationship to that of yours. I kinda see why she is reacting this way, her boyfriend isn't willing to do things that yours does. So she is annoyed if you bring yours along and it ends in a jealous mess.

[anon96_]

I do get it and how it must feel for her, but we’re also adults.. It’s not my fault her boyfriend doesn’t have the same interests. That’s something tjay should be respected and put aside. I certainly would but maybe I’m just too accepting or whatever?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just rip off that bandaid, ask her. She can’t just not like him for no reason. You’re both adults. You can’t fix the issue if you have no idea what is going on. Just tell her your my friend, I love you very much so it upsets me to see you upset but at the same time it’s upsetting me because you’re my (best?) friend, so to not have that support from you is hurting me. I feel torn down the middle, like I have to choose. I’m lost, so please help me understand. I don’t want this to come between us.

[IMuser]

Tell your boyfriend to say this to her: "I don't care about how you feel because you are her friend, not mine. I am here for my own pleasure and I won't be distracting you two. So have your fun and leave me alone" (assuming your boyfriend doesn't mind enjoying the festival alone)

[anon96_]

I get where you’re coming from but as much as he’ll enjoy the acts, the whole point is going with people aswell. When I said friends would want to come he just said yeah cool more the merrier. He isn’t fussed about it being just me & him at all, if anything we both agree it’s good when a group of you go

[IMuser]

You can't change the fact that she hates your boyfriend. That's her problem, not yours. You have 2 options
1. Offend her and bring your boyfriend anyway
2. Ask your boyfriend to enjoy the event alone

[bamesjond0069]

Just ignore her talking about this. Buy a ticket for your boyfriend and have him come. No notice even required. She can stay leave go whatever. Her problem not yours or your bfs.

[boggboss]

This seems like somthing u need to fins out why she acts this way

[anon96_]

She just doesn’t like him. Says he’s not her type of person. She was very jealous of me getting into a relationship at first then when she got with her boyfriend a few months later it settled. But with events it’s difficult I can never have him included and naturally there are things I share interests with both him and my friend (s)

[boggboss]

U need to find to balance then as this is a bit silly

[anon96_]

I’m aware of that - I don’t want to lose a friend so I’m not sure how to handle it. The only one making it silly is my friend as my boyfriend is not included in anything other than a few events every now and then in the year - maybe 2-3 at the very most. But trying to reason with someone who can’t see the unfairness or pettiness is very difficult hence why I’m asking for advice on how to handle the situation

[boggboss]

Its then down to you if u want to continue being friends with someone who is not willing to compromise as she is essentially showing I how she is