I recently turned 36 years old. Most of my friends I graduated with and literally all of the friends I made in my 20s are now married with mortgages and children, yet here I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, still living with my parents, and buried in the mountain of debt that I've accumulated over the years thanks to the multitude of failed attempts to start a business, make a bit of cash after taxes, and eventually leave so I can start my life over again.
To make matters worse I'm still a virgin at my advanced age, I've never been with a woman, never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, and I've had a woman tell me that she loved me. I really yearn for it, to feel loved and accepted by somebody that's not related to me, I've cried myself to sleep over this dilemma, and it eats away at me 24/7, but I don't think it's ever going to happen for me at this point.
I'm seriously starting to consider just checking out, turn in my rotten chips so to speak, and end it all. I know some of you in the comments will be like "Please don't give up.", but you're not in my shoes. I've tried literally everything I could to improve my situation, but things only get worse the more I "mess with it".
I feel that my geographic location has a lot to do with it. Where I live, there are literally 5 guys to every girl, most of the young women move out after high school and never return, especially the ones that aren't obese and effed up on drugs, and I've been told "Don't move to the big town. We need youngins like you to stay here." numerous times by my parents and my relatives, so I have a gut feeling that if I do move, someone related to me will track me down and try to drag me bag to the boondocks so I can stock shelves at Walmart and do the heavy lifting for all the broken down old men, without so much as a thank you.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm venting, I probably am, but the realization that I'll never live a normal life is weighing heavily on me.
To make matters worse I'm still a virgin at my advanced age, I've never been with a woman, never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, and I've had a woman tell me that she loved me. I really yearn for it, to feel loved and accepted by somebody that's not related to me, I've cried myself to sleep over this dilemma, and it eats away at me 24/7, but I don't think it's ever going to happen for me at this point.
I'm seriously starting to consider just checking out, turn in my rotten chips so to speak, and end it all. I know some of you in the comments will be like "Please don't give up.", but you're not in my shoes. I've tried literally everything I could to improve my situation, but things only get worse the more I "mess with it".
I feel that my geographic location has a lot to do with it. Where I live, there are literally 5 guys to every girl, most of the young women move out after high school and never return, especially the ones that aren't obese and effed up on drugs, and I've been told "Don't move to the big town. We need youngins like you to stay here." numerous times by my parents and my relatives, so I have a gut feeling that if I do move, someone related to me will track me down and try to drag me bag to the boondocks so I can stock shelves at Walmart and do the heavy lifting for all the broken down old men, without so much as a thank you.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm venting, I probably am, but the realization that I'll never live a normal life is weighing heavily on me.
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+1 y
After much consideration, I've decided to give up on living. It seems as though I've only lived to serve others, like it was my birthright to be a slave and a whipping boy. It was never just about sex for me, I've never been held, I've never been kissed, I never felt that I belonged anywhere, I just wanted to love and be loved and cared about in return
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