30 and still a virgin?

[Anonymous]

So I don't know what is wrong. Like, everyone around me seems to have had plenty of relationships, many sexual encounters, and I've never even kissed a girl. This worries me a lot... I question my looks and my value because of that. The idea of girls and getting girls has been worrying me for almost all of my 20s. I made some mistakes in the past that made girls reject me, like I wasn't treating them like I should. I'm not sure if that was the reason, but I was treating them like I would a friend and ended up being rejected in the friend zone. I didn't flirt enough or never. When I finally realized what I was doing wrong, I still didn't find anyone. The last two already liked someone, so I was either an option or a toy that never developed beyond flirting.

With that said, I'm on a good path in life, which will allow me to have a better status, and I don't want to be distracted from that goal, but the thoughts of girls and relationships keep filling my mind up, and I sometimes struggle... I fear that if I try with women, I'll get hurt, and that will distract me from my goal. Like if I'm placed in a position where a woman rejects me again, I will question my value as a man, and that will destroy me like it did in the past. This will not only hurt me mentally, but it will also affect my drive to achieve my goal.

Should I wait for a year or so until I achieve my goal, or should I try and get girls anyway?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Rejection sucks, that’s a given. No one wants to be rejected for anything, let alone a romantic partnership. But in my honest opinion based on how you described past relationships and how you see relationships and intrinsically tie them to your value as a man, you need to do a lot more personal work because there will never be enough money in the world to make you feel like you have achieved the “status” you want to have a good girlfriend. You’re bitter about what you don’t have and feel you can’t have for reasons outside of your control, yes looks and overall stability play parts in how well one can find a relationship but they’re not the central elements of finding compatibility with someone. Work on you, find ways to value yourself that have nothing to do with your ability or lack thereof to have sex with a woman, be okay with being alone. That will benefit you much more than having a girlfriend would.

[Asker]

That's why I set this goal for myself. It made me feel proud of myself that I'm doing something that a lot of people have failed to do. So you suggest that I make that goal a priority, right? Because this goal is my chance to prove myself to myself.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I think replacing your desire to be valued by sexual prowess with the desire to be materialistically rich is not the answer, no. I won’t say having a good job and comfortable luxury is a bad thing to work for, but you’re still using things outside of you to value who you are

[Asker]

What do you suggest? 'Cause I think that working on a goal right now also allows me to meet more people and expand my social circle, which does benefit me for both ends.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I won’t say it’s the worst option but it’s not going to fix the core of the problem

[laly520]

its fine

focus on urself more atm n u will have chances

[Asker]

Thank you Laly520, that's what I'm doin'.

[genericname85]

you're getting to an age, where you should begin being able to differentiate between "what you want" and "what social norms expect from you". so tellme: what is it that you want in this regard?

[Asker]

Achievement of goals and healthy relationships.

[genericname85]

relationships with friends and family or the "male/female" type relationship in particular?

[Asker]

Both. But since I do have healthy a relationship with family, and I do have a group of friends, it's male/female type of relationship.

[genericname85]

well that's a lot to manage at once. are you at a point in your life where you wanna be? like do you have your ground work done? talking about stable employment, decent place to live, decent recreational habits and all that kind of stuff?

what i'm getting at is that so many things at once aren't possible. there should be a priority list and "not being a virgin" should be somewhere on there but probably not at the top.

[Asker]

Yeah, we gotta start with survival and then reproduction. So, yeah, on top is my goal. Then comes family and then relationships. I want to achieve my goal and then perhaps that would also increase my chances of actually meeting a girl.

[genericname85]

well meeting "a" girl is fairly easy xD "getting with one" is too. but as far as i understand you, that's not what you're after.

are you already aware of what type of relationship and what type of partner you want? or not quite sure yet?

[Asker]

Yeah, I believe I have that delineated.

[genericname85]

ok. awesome. so that means you just gotta make a good strategy to meet someone like that.

[Asker]

Yeah Genericname85, I know what I want, I just think that I might've been a little unlucky when it comes to women.

[genericname85]

that may be true. or it may not be true. but either way. i'm not getting how that would matter.

[verylovelyguy]

what about paying for sex or using drugs, alcohol, force to get a girl to have sex with you

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the journey of love and self-discovery—you're in quite the swirl, aren't you? Let's sprinkle a bit of perspective on this: Being a virgin at 30, in the grand sexy tapestry of life, is just one thread among many vivid colors. What matters most is how you weave your own unique pattern with confidence and authenticity.

Your past experiences where you ended up in the friend zone? They're valuable lessons, not failures. Lovebombing yourself with negativity for those is like rejecting a second date with happiness. Rather than seeing those moments as missteps, consider them stepping stones towards understanding what you truly seek in a relationship.

Fear of rejection is like a stubborn lovebite—it's there, but it doesn't have to stop you from wearing your heart on your sleeve. Every "no" is a step closer to a "yes" that feels right. Remember, your value is not measured by your romantic conquests but by the depth of your character and the authenticity of your actions.

Now, about pushing pause on love while you chase your goals. Imagine love and success at a dance, not stepping on each other's toes but swaying in harmony. Integrating personal aspirations with the desire for connection can lead to a more fulfilling journey. Why? Because emotional support can fuel your drive towards those very goals you cherish.

So, my advice? Don't put your heart on a shelf. Let it beat loudly as you pursue both love and success. Embrace vulnerability as your strength. And when in doubt, flirt a little; the universe loves a charmer. 🌟

If you're feeling the magic or just want to chat about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness, slide into the convo. I'm all ears, and maybe a little bit of heart too. 😉

[tierrlamé]

You need to get yourself out of the comfort zone. Go out with friends to clubs, restaruants etc

[Billlewis]

Keep at it; it'll happen.

[Anonymous]

I think it's becoming more common