If a guy is 21 or older, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, always been single, should he give up?

Question

I am 21 years old, I just turned 21 at the beginning of this year in January, I have always been single, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend. Every girl that I have pursued, talked to and made the move one, were either taken or not interested in me.

Also I feel it is too late for me to have a girlfriend, the reason why is because I did not have one earlier, like in the teenage years, during high school, etc. Also people who continue to date and be in relationships, that have a boyfriend/girlfriend when they are 21 and older, in their 30's and beyond, are people who have been in relationships, had their first boyfriend/girlfriend before the age 21, in high school, in the teenage years.

Also another reason is because I am going to have to work harder to get a girlfriend as I get older, because it gets harder for guys as they get older, because the older a guy gets, the more independent he is expected to be, he is expected to have a job, have his own apartment or house, paying the bills, etc., overall, not living or relying on his parents anymore. Anyway, I am 21, I still live with my parents, unemployed but I am looking for a job right now but it is very tough because of the horrible Economy. Also I am still going to school, looking to get a Bachelor's degree in Biology and Film Production.

So should I give up and realize it is too late? C'mon, since I have never had a girlfriend, it is going to be much harder for me now since I am inexperienced and I am getting old.

Also another reason why I don't want to have my first girlfriend when I get old is because when I reach my 30's and beyond, I am still going to be attracted to women that are like 10 years younger than me, like I am always going to be attracted to women in their 20's, that is how it is for normal men. I like to keep a 2 to 3 year difference. I don't want to date a woman that is very much younger than me.

Merman · Accepted Answer

A few thoughts:

-It can be difficult to find a good match at any age.

-Keep trying. You're on the right track. It gets discouraging, but we're not all good matches for each other. Try to not take it personally. You probably don't want to date every girl you know, do you? Try to have fun. A lot of guys your age are fixated on hotties (I was), so if that's you, lower your standards. There are tons of cute girls in the world.

-Ask your friends and family to set you up. Tell people you're single and looking. Those who know you well might be more likely to find a girl who's compatible.

-Girls your age typically have the *worst* selection criteria for guys. It sucks; trust me, I know. They pick guys who are dangerous, edgy, sexy ... and who dump them after 3 months. Boo-hoo. Sob sob; you see it every day on this site. Then the girls fail to see the connection between cause and effect, and they do it again with the next guy! By the time they're 25ish, the smarter girls have figured out that these guys are bad news, and that maybe -- just maybe -- it's not always the guy's fault. The smarter girls will have avoided pregnancy or marriage to one of those trolls, and will reevaluate their own thinking and behavior. Those girls will change their expectations and standards. And they'll start looking for a guy like you, who's finished college or has a great job, who's stable...

-Relationships at your age are often a complete disaster (I've been there). There's sometimes an idea that if you're not in a relationship, there's something wrong with you ... but I think that's backwards. People who bounce from one disaster to the next have a far more serious problem than those who can be single and happy. I think that serous one-on-one dating when people are college-aged is usually a terrible idea. Everyone's got their heads shoved where the sun don't shine. So when you feel lonesome, remember that you're also missing out on a lot of stress, fighting, confusion, STDs and heartache.

-Do not expect that a girlfriend will make your life meaningful (I made this mistake myself). If you bring all that baggage to an early relationship, she will probably bolt and you will feel crushed. And she'll bolt with good cause, because a new relationship can't sustain the weight of years of expectations. Instead, focus on building a good life for yourself ... while leaving an opening for when you meet a good woman. 70-80% of your energy should go to career, schooling, hobbies, goals; 20-30% of your energy goes to relationships and dating.

-Being a virgin at your age is nothing to be ashamed of. Any girl who'd not date you because of that is a shallow b!tch and you're better off without her.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Don't give up bro...we're alike. I'm 26, virgin, never had a girlfriend before, never been kissed or dated...but the thing is...when I stopped looking for love, I found it. She is out there, giving up completely will only make it harder to find her.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No one person invented the tradition of the guy courting the girl. I think the idea came around because the male was the leader of the household. He did the killing, working, and basically provided for the woman. So when the man were able to take care of himself, he would start courting because he could prove to the girl (and her family) that they could take care of her. The women didn't really have to be impressive (she just had to look cute enough for him and do a little cooking and cleaning).

So I think this is were the phrase "Be a man" comes from. Just stop being dramatic and thinking life is unfair. Life doesn't owe you anything neither do the girls you might be interested in. Get out in the playing field of life. Everyone have gotten or will get rejected at some point in their lives. If you want a girl show her that you are interested. Speaking for a girl's point of view, if I wanted a guy I will show him that I'm interested by flirting (usually), but that doesn't mean I am going to ask him out because I do expect him to ask first, especially if I have been hinting it to him. That's just the way it is for me but I bet their are some girls who would completely object to my methods and ask the guy out themselves, which goes against the social norm.

If you aren't ready to make some effort to ask out a girl, then maybe you aren't ready for a relationship yet. The worse that could happen is for a girl to say no, but there are over 3 million girls in this world. One of them will say yes.

Or you can continue complaining about starting the interaction and about girls having it easier in the dating scene, which I doubt is helping your situation. But who knows, maybe if you are lucky one of those "go get him" girls will come after you.

CNikki · Accepted Answer

This question is probably old, but I'll just answer anyway.

It probably does suck hard for a guy when going out in the dating world. You're expected more and that you should be on your feet ASAP in order for women to view you as date-able. Not going to lie, as a woman I would expect that a guy should know where he is heading in his life even though I don't expect them to be out on their own in their early twenties. Why should I expect more or less if I'm barely on my feet in the first place and not even in college? Women are being expected more in certain aspects as well, as far as appearance and if they have any type of education for the man to expect them to have a decent knowledge/living so they can be able to help with finances if they are found suitable to live a life with. Not always the case and there's more social stigma if it were to be the other way around, I know, but believe me women are slowly and surely getting there with you as well. This isn't the fifties anymore where women stay cooped up unless you're able to afford it and then some.

That being said, I'm twenty-one and never had a date in my life or a first kiss either. I'm more of the ugly duckling and too awkward to be around with and believe me women can be ridiculed as well even if it's not for the same reasons. Being socially anxious also helps to decrease those chances let alone barely have much going for me, why would a guy who has much going for him waste his time of day on me anyway? Even ghetto guys view me the same (not that I want some ghetto trash to begin with). I'm sure by now you've found someone and if not then she'll come eventually.

karoline · Accepted Answer

If a guy is 21 or older, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, always been single, should he give up?

This is a tough question to answer, as there are many factors to consider. On one hand, if a guy has never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship, it could be because he is shy or has trouble meeting women. On the other hand, it could be because he has commitment issues or is simply content with being single.

There are pros and cons to both sides of the argument. On the one hand, if a guy gives up on finding a girlfriend, he may never find the right one for him. On the other hand, if he continues to search for a girlfriend, he may never find one who is willing to accept him for who he is.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to give up on finding a girlfriend is a personal one. If a guy feels like he is ready to settle down and is looking for a serious relationship, then he may want to consider giving up. However, if he is content with being single and enjoys his freedom, then he may want to continue to enjoy the single life.

mmgood313 · Accepted Answer

Don't worry so much. You're still in college, and some people your age haven't even gotten the chance to go to college! That in itself is impressive, and a trait a girl would find appealing in an SO. Plus, I'm sure there are a lot of girls your age, like me, who also haven't been in a relationship yet. I would recommend lowering your standards just slightly. Maybe you are pursuing women who are too self-focused or just not looking for a relationship at this time. Also, I've read on this site that you often meet a potential girlfriend/boyfriend when you least expect it. You're so caught up in just living life and enjoying your hobbies that you accidentally run into someone special. I look at it like this: if you rush into something, you might regret it because the person just isn't right for you. So the relationship will seem like too much work. If you be patient, it will be so worth the wait to get together with someone you "click" with. Good luck! There's someone out there for everyone!

starglazer · Accepted Answer

Do not give up! You are not the only person in the world that is in his/her twenties and haven't dated.  For example, I will be turning 20 this year and I'm a virgin also. Yes it's harder to date because it's easy to automatically assume that everyone is experienced (probably because the media makes it seem like everyone is "doing it") and it makes approaching people a lot harder, but you should still give it a try. You will find girl who won't care about how much experience you have had and will be willing to work with you through anyway awkwardness you may have. And if she doesn't then she really isn't worth trying to be with anyway. So don't worry too much about it.

Wispy · Answer

The only thing holding you back is yourself and everything you have stated are just excuses. For example, age is nothing, tons of young women date older men. You can totally turn your life around, but only if you have the discipline, willpower, and motivation to dig through the tough times.

I have helped and seen many men become successful with women. However they are a small minority, and it isn't due to their age or looks or situation in life. They succeed only because they were willing to overcome their doubts and fears.

Are you willing to overcome those fears and top those excuses? Who knows.

Rather than type a huge post of advice, I'll point you in the right direction, as the author of the site has turned my life around and the lives of at least a thousand others.

Since I am not familiar with this website's policy on promoting books or materials, I would contact the website author for the books he recommends to people, the same ones that got me started. Check out some of the articles on the website also, since they are a sample of the knowledge you have to understand and adapt.

link

link

link

BrettH · Answer

ok dude your 21 your still young you shouldn't be worried about it too much once you get outa school go ahead and find a girlfriend most the guys I know are in the same boat you are. between 19-21 virgins and never had a girlfriend but its ok there's a lot of people who don't start dating till after college you still have time the world isn't gonna fall apart because you haven't gone on a date. you will find someone who is worth your time and then you will be happy you didn't commit suicide. your life has just begun its too soo nto think about ending it. and really if you are that worried about it then there are dating ites you can try and then also clubs and all sorts of singles activities you can do.. expecily if you are a church goer there are tons of singles stuff you can do there. but really don't give up so young. I know people a lot older than you in your position and he just may have finaly found the girl. and I have a feeling the girl for you is right behind the coner. all I say is get a job and then meet a cute girl at a job. that's one of th best ways to meet people is coworkers or their friends that's how my brother has met all his g/f's and his wife. so good luck in the dating game dude

monster · Answer

I does get a lots harder as you get older. Definitely don't wait. The first one is going to be the hardest thought, once you passed that point, even if it doesn't work out, you will not look so "single" anymore.  Many girls have a problem with that, because they think, this guy is still single at his age, he must have a problem, and they stay away. You don't want them to think that. If you look like you are desperate, and you sound like it, they will feel it and also stay away. Maybe you should ask some friend to help you by hanging around with you when you go "hunt" somewhere; that way you look less like you're looking to score and that increases the chances of a positive response. You might also consider looking where people don't know you, if you think that you might have developed a "single" reputation that works against you. Finally, if all the girls you fancy are taken, then possibly you might try looking for some other "type" of girl, but that should be your last hope. Some girls actually don't want a proper relationship; maybe those would be more accessible/understanding.

gameoflife · Answer

Huh your very analytical I admire that in a person I really do. Many analytical people seem to hold there tongue and only talk when they truly have something to say. A consequence of that is that is they manage to always be in there head which may lead to depression. It’s completely understandable though why a person would be depressed and frustrated to an extent where a person may even wonder of suicide.

LISTEN I DO NOT WANT YOU TO "GET OUT THERE" RIGHT NOW

I want you to read Neil Stratus's "The GAME"

Although I do not recommend the game for relationships you WILL gain an understanding to be able to

-attract

-kiss close

-number close

- F*** close

- AND a relationship

The point of the game isn't to build relationships from my point of view but to build the CONFIDENCE in your life to do so which is what you want. You WILL gain an understanding of how to do so by the end of the book.

PS. The author Neil Strauss was in a similar situation as you being a 20 year old virgin but thereafter managed to attract and sleep with 153 women.

The name is Alex

its a pleasure

This is only to start you off ill check in on you in a few days or so with more direct answers. This is more than enough information to sink in for now.

[PLEASE DO NOT LABLE OR CATORGORIZE THIS MESSAGE. I WRITE THIS FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING. I PRAY DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS MY FRIEND]

Warnerk · Answer

Dude,Do not Kill your self,your  cool your 21! To me (a 16 year old) that is just plain awesome I have never really had a real girlfriend just a talk and hug one and I think I might end up in the same situation Try Video Games?That always relives my stress Become good at one and get a little ego?I totally agree Girls have it waaaaaaay much easier there the law in a relationship and do not even know it Be your self Find a way to relax build your money get a job (if you do not have one) get a nice car Get every thing fixed in the house (or apartment) make sure your up to par with everything and feel good about yourself be social talk to co-workers about it its OK Bud Getting laid is not all the cool you will get there find a good Nice Girl that is a friend and tell her your situation (if she laughs kill her j/k)Then maybe she will feel bad and it will be a great match but if not she should be able to hand out some excellent advice maybe even an older woman who has tons of experience can help.(remember as a friend j/k).Hope It helps man your not alone.

A-Soldiers-Wife07 · Answer

Well, let me tell you something. My husband was 24, still living with his parents when I met him. Yes, laugh now. But there are very good reasons as to why. Anyways, I was only 18 when we met. I don't think that you necessarily have to work harder per say. When the right girl comes along, she might make you work a little to show your commitment. But it'll all be worth it in the end. Twenty-one is young! I'm only 21! Don't be so discouraged. You've got A LOT of living to do just yet. Don't worry too much about girls. Just enjoy life, have a good time, and be who you are. The right girl will eventually come along.

anonymous147 · Answer

i think the only thing holding you back in this situation is yourself. look at what you have replied to everyone. all you say is that "i can't do" and "it's too late" and "why should I start now". you can do it, it's not too late, and why wouldn't you start now? you are the one stopping yourself. there are no rules saying you have to date before 21 or you can never ever date.

so I'm just going to tell this to you straight: STOP. stop what you're doing. you're never going to get anywhere with your attitude. you need to pick yourself up and dive into the situation. ask a few girls on a date. so what if one of them says no? then they are not worth your time! jump into the dating game and you will eventually find the love of your life.

i know that one day you will find a woman and you will make her very very happy.

i honestly believe that.

NMMan · Answer

First off, do not give up!

Secondly, 21 is not "old" by any stretch of the imagination - by that scale, I must be ancient because I just turned 25 in January, lol. But seriously, I didn't have my first date until I was 20 because of shyness issues, so I know what it's like to be somewhat of a late bloomer when it comes to dating and relationships. Check out this piece I wrote for the site for my story and some words of encouragement:

link

Yes, women will eventually want to see that you've established some career and residential independence, but IMO that's not really too huge a priority until you're in your mid to late-20's, so you have a little while yet. In the meantime, talk to many different girls and see which ones you think would be a good match for you to date. Best of luck, sir.

monster · Answer

I don't want to be mean but, "I've already got a bf" is a standard excuse when a girls doesn't like you, but doesn't want to admit. My point is, possibly it's not that you're very unlucky (as this is a form of "putting the blame for you misery of something external"), but rather that you don't come across as a "good date". Don't use your "bad luck" as an excuse to escape working on your image. Living with your parents is definitely a turn-off, but you don't have to tell her until "it's too late". Just say you would rather go to her place, if it ever comes to that. Saying that you haven't tidied up might be enough to keep them away for your own lodging... Oh, and BTW I was quite older then you when I met "the one". So don't lose hope!

Littletad · Answer

Do what's best for you right now. Focus on your career, school, and having some nice income on the side. On the side, try to date a little more. Join school clubs or groups, or hang out with friends more often.

Would it turn a girl off if you've never had a girlfriend? No, not really. But your lack of experience will hurt you in the relationship. It's best to start dating and getting more social with women. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. I'm not asking to be different, but rather just more willing.

TossingPebbles · Answer

No, don't give up.  I wasn't in a real relationship until I was 20 years old, and I had basically given up.  Take this time to become the best version of yourself possible, and someone will come along who thinks you're just wonderful.  I've been with someone amazing for a little over a year now, and I'm glad he found me : )

monster · Answer

"I was wondering if I should commit suicide."

Now you're getting dramatic. I think that many people here have tried to help you. What are you actually expecting, if that isn't enough? I mean, such statement is always an attempt at getting attention, so what do you actually want to be told?

ColdJello · Answer

Get out there Bro!

Like many people here have been saying, 21 is not "old" by any means!

I read that you are not a believer of the saying "There is someone out there for everybody."

Well my friend, sorry to break it to you, but your crazy bro!

There is well over 6 BILLION people on this planet. considering that the boy to girl ratio is about half.

Thats ABOUT 3 Billion chicks.

If you believe that none of those babes are the right one for you? Then good luck.

You have to get out there and find her! She is not right under your nose, man!

Go to social gatherings, festivals, parties, even a rave? (dont do drugs though)

She is looking for you dog, you are looking for her, its just a matter of time.

babii09 · Answer

the guy I'm with now had gone out with girls but they were all long distance...same now he lives 2 hours away but he had never met any of his other girls...but even tho I don't call it dating if you never meet up...he still hadn't kissed a girl... you are just looking for someone who catches your eye you have too look for the girls you like... There personality and what they like will be more appealing too you...good luck... no it will not turn girls off but some maybe...

leedamas · Answer

I don't know if you've been rejected more then the average male, actually I don't think there is an actual number of the times a guy gets rejected before he finds a girlfriend. I don't know you personally but maybe your either being too picky or girls aren't physically attracted to you, then again your personality might be really unattractive to the girls you ask out.

leedamas · Answer

Don't be ridiculous everyone has a match. Please don't commit suicide. Maybe girls aren't physically attracted to you. You seem really sweet. Maybe its the fact that you live with your parents, But don't give up a girl's going to come to you eventually.

brvdy · Answer

Hi, I am currently 20, nearly 21. And i'm still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, heck I hardly even talk to women so you have done a bit better than i have!! I am a pretty large guy (fat) and have never had the best luck when it comes to women, i had crushes in high school but never pursued anything because either they were taken or way out of my league. I am also unemployed, and i live in a small country town in Australia so finding work is pretty difficult over here i must say. I have been a shy guy all my life, i struggle with social anxiety and some depression, which has a huge effect of why i am what i am. Me, and many others are in the same/similar situation as you mate, i wouldn't get too down in the dumps about it. You are young, have a very long life to live. Love isn't everything it will find its way to you one way or another. I would just focus on getting through school and finding a job. It will happen eventually mate.

dark-fox · Answer

dude, knock it off with the question updates...Im tired of seeing this question every time I look through my answers with recent activity...Calm down man.

dasouthernicon · Answer

if ur weak-minded, yea, by all means give up. Are you insane? You should be enjoying life, not damn cursing a girlfriendless existence... Stop crying and go live a life!

ohsolostgirl · Answer

i think its cute for a guy to not have had a girlfriend at ur age not yet anyways as long as you don't wait tttoooooo long. its still cute, it makes you look vulnurable and shy.

If a guy is 21 or older, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, always been single, should he give up?

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