Should a 24 year old guy who is still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, still single just kill himself?

[Anonymous]

Committ suicide? Why do people always say there is someone out there for everyone? why should I believe I will get a girlfriend? why should I believe the right girl is out there for me when I'm not even that good-looking enough?

Obviously since I have Autism, specifically Asperger Syndrome, that is why I'm still single, still a virgin, because it makes me socially-awkward by nature, my genetics, genes have made me naturally socially-awkward, socially-inept, etc.

I feel way too old for being a virgin, not experiencing having a girlfriend yet, I hate being a late bloomer, seriously, what one person said to me really pissed me off!:

"there is no "normal", so don't compare yourself to what other people are doing. I don't think you not having a girlfriend is abnormal, everyone has a different pace and life."

BULLsh*t!, almost everyone has the same pace, I feel I'm getting too old, running out of time, seriously, WHY IS IT NEVER TOO LATE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?, I FEEL I HAVE WASTED MY PRIME YEARS!

Updates

+1 y

unfortuneately, sadly it's the way it is, can't change it, but self-esteem issues hurt guys way more than girls

[Anonymous]

Funny, I listen to audiobook called "the big short". It was about a stock trader who had aspergers syndrome. He predicted the 2008 financial collapse and had a mutual fund portfolio hedged against it. He was an absolute genius and his condition gave him focus. He met his wife on a internet dating website. She was a Asian lady who respected his intelligence.

I'm 30. Although I have slept with many women, the longest relationship I ever had last 6 months. Despite being athletic & good looking I'm absolutely horrible with relationships. Every woman I have ever had true feelings for has rejected me and/or friendzoned me.

I can tell you that sex is like Christmas. It seems more magical WAITING for it than actually getting it...especially if you are not in love. What matters more is my family and close friends. They are my gifts that I get to see year around.

There are risks with sex too. I have had some worst scares of my life after sex. I've had friends who become parents way to early. Also you don't know what is going around nowadays. Having unprotected sex could be suicide in it's own way. There have been plenty of times I wish I made a better choice. I'm praying to God for forgiveness on something I did earlier this week (I was deceived and humiliated...but I have faith).

I know how hard it is being a lonely guy. I know what it's like have lots of testosterone and not being able to use it. It's kind of a sick joke. Society isn't forgiving to lonely men either, especially in the USA. We get insulted in hollywood, media, feminists and by "average people" as being weak and/or creepy. Women on the other hand can broadcast their emotions and it's OK. Just look at all the crap they post on Facebook.

I recommend that you do some traveling if possible. Meet women from other countries. In general American women are the worst (there are exceptions). Women from other countries (asian women in particular) are little less picky. Most American women have been brainwashed to believe they deserve a channing tatum who is smart as a doctor when they look average at best.

Overall just remember, you are not alone. There are other men (old men...healthy ones too) who struggle with the isolation, pain and frustration you feel. You are not the only one.

Also I visit chinese massage parlors pretty often when I feel frustrated. No, there aren't any happy endings. I don't believe in prostitution. However having a woman's hands on me helps me calm down a bit. They are bit more "teasing" at these parlors...but they know the boundaries. They run from $30 to $45 an hour.

Above all focus on the things you can control. I have no idea what it's like to be you. You have challenges I couldn't even conceive. You have my sympathy. But it sounds to me that you can function from day to day. You don't need social skills to go the gym and exercise. You don't need social skills to better yourself in education.

[why-makoto-kun]

Way to stereotype most American women. How ridiculous to claim we want something so extreme, and that we are "average-looking." Bitter because we don't let you smack us around or call us stupid? Maybe you all want us to be subservient, good little wifeys pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen?

Screw that. Hot, smart, FREE, American women for the win.

[Opinion Owner]

Way to pick out one part of my answer and ignore everything else. Way to stay focused on the topic.

[why-makoto-kun]

Prejudice against a group of people isn't cool, and this recent anti-feminist trend that I've been seeing (not just you) is disturbing. Perhaps you have been rejected because of your attitude, not because of your looks, intelligence, and/or profession. Respect is a 2-way street. If you want a woman who is grateful for your career, you'd better appreciate hers.

Telling this guy that American women are "generally the worst" is encouraging him to share your bitter attitude, not helping him.

[why-makoto-kun]

Even if that were my type, I wouldn't touch a Channing Tatum-esque doctor with a 10-foot pole if he believed I was inferior and "entitled" for being American.

Also, I was responding to your answer, albeit a small part, so it is still relevant to this thread. Again, hating on a group of people hurts said people and warps the attitudes of those around them.

I hope you aren't living in America, because I hope no American woman ever has to deal with your contemptuous, misogynistic attitude.

[Opinion Owner]

look how you responded to me answer and comment. You have used emotion as a weapon. It is basically "I'm right and your wrong...period". That is why I dislike feminism so much. Because their motto is "the woman is never wrong". It's not just a problem in the USA either...but in Australia and many European countries as well. I came to my conclusion from experience. Asian and European women are more grateful, traditional and generally easier to please than American women. They

[Opinion Owner]

does it mean I would marry one? Maybe, maybe not. I have met several awesome American women and I'm sure their are plenty of douche bag asian/European women out there. It's just I had the privilege of being raised in the politically correct 90s and early 2000s were feminism has dominated primary education, the media and hollywood. It has created a generation of passive, pleasing wimps who don't understand what women really want (like this guy). It is not only harmed men, but

[Opinion Owner]

frustrated many women as well. Women want REAL MEN! Unfortunately radical feminism has has given the proper definition of a man as something else (i.e. pigs...). You are right, there has been an anti feminist movement. I wouldn't consider myself anti feminist, but more pro masculinist. I'm all for intelligent women who are independent, driven and successful (as long as affirmative action isn't displacing equally qualified men). However I will never apologize for being a man

[Opinion Owner]

and neither should this guy. I do believe in chivalry. I open doors. I pay for first dates. I will always help a lady. I don't believe in hitting women unless it's self defense. However now I'm a little older I look back on what a passive, pleasing nice guy I was. I wasn't direct about romance. I apologized to women to much. I had all this unnecessary guilt and shame...for what? Having a penis? Many influences could have created that behavior, but feminism definitely doesn't help.

[why-makoto-kun]

I wasn't saying you should apologize for being a man. I was saying you are hating on American women who ARE grateful for good men yet make their own money, get educated, have other interests besides a man, etc. So yes, you are wrong. Your sweeping statement villainizes individuals like myself, who have gone above and beyond to please men, when really only some women are bitches, not the majority. I will never give up my right to voice my opinions or stand up for myself.

[why-makoto-kun]

It's not fair when anti-feminist guys conflate female self-sufficiency with struggling for dominance. It's not fair that us voicing our desire for equal respect means we're bitches. We're not trying to be men or replace men. We are women who are trying to support ourselves financially and mentally so we can take the burden off of a man having to provide for us. Thus anything he does for us makes us extra grateful, because it was his choice, not a social custom.

[why-makoto-kun]

Struggling for equality does not mean feminists are "stealing your thunder." as a proud feminist, I advocate EQUAL opportunities, not women beating out men and certainly not a "women are better than men" attitude.

If a male doctor is threatened and "emasculated" because a woman wants to be a doctor too, that is his problem, not hers. I will never give up my right to pursue any field as long as I have all the proper qualifications, even if it means bruising a few egos.

[Opinion Owner]

you are not going to come to an agreement. You have brought your emotions into this argument and have completely made your mind that I am wrong no matter what argument I make. Your main goal is winning an argument against me, not listening to a different viewpoint or trying to give this guy advice. I have probably dated around 70-80 girls in my life (no I didn't sleep with all them...probably a third of them). They have been American, canadian, European and asian. From all my

[Opinion Owner]

experiences it always seem like the American girls are the toughest to please. They are generally more materialistic, self absorbed, judgemental, politically correct and fickle. Remember this is a GENERALIZATION that I have gained from my personal experience. I'm sure there is an awesome American girl out there that could be the girl of my dreams. But for this guy's sake WHICH IS THE MAIN POINT he needs to find women who won't judge him so harshly on his personality.

[Opinion Owner]

That is why I suggest he should travel and meet girls from other countries. It might help him with his situation.

[why-makoto-kun]

Incredible...

[Asker]

nice to know

[Asker]

so it's trial and error?

[snowboarder720]

I've learned that life is all about patience. Just being just the way you are and destiny will take over. One day you'll meet a girl that won't mind your autism, it's very possible. There's women of all shapes, types, and sizes. Bound to be one with your name on it, however you can't expect such a thing to come knocking at your door. Go out and show everyone what your worth, ya know? Don't just mope about and contemplate suicide, that's what quitters do. I bet your stronger than that

[snowboarder720]

Update: I know exactly what you mean about self esteem issues. I was picked on my ENTIRE growing up life. It never stopped me though. I just became strong enough to not let it affect me

[Asker]

basically I'm saying that if a guy has low self-esteem, he is screwed when it comes to attracting girls, but not so much the other way around

[snowboarder720]

I disagree with that. When a guy has low self esteem he must build upon it and get better. Like all things in life. Period.

[Asker]

well low self-esteem is deemed weakness in a girl's perspective, point of view, that's what I meant

[snowboarder720]

not everything in life is always given, like self esteem. Go earn some. Turning low self esteem into a lot of great self esteem would be even better in a girls perspective. It would mean you'd know how to correct yourself.

[Asker]

yup, anything worth having in life never comes easy

[UptownGirl]

First of all, I have to disagree with you when you say that self-esteem issues hurt males way more than females. I think that self-esteem issues affect men and women differently but not one sex more than the other.

Now onto the question at hand. I was 21 before I lost my virginity. Some people say that's too old as well. I honestly didn't care what other people said, it was a personal choice. It's not something to be ashamed about and worrying about having a girlfriend or a significant other should NOT cause you to want to end your own life. You can't live for someone else, you have to want to live for yourself and to see everything that this world has to offer.

Yes, it's painful to see others with significant others, enjoying their "formative years" but why shouldn't you enjoy these years on your own as well? Go traveling, live your dreams, make a bucket list and be determined to cross everything off of it. To be realistic, this is the time in your life when you should be enjoying these things - you don't have kids, you're single, you're free to do what YOU want. Many people want to have this kind of freedom or regret not experiencing it while they had it.

I was told once that you must be happy with yourself, you must love yourself, before you can truly love someone and expect that person to love you in return. Even in a relationship, you have to be a separate person with your own interests and your own dreams. You're not old, you're not "running out of time," you're just beginning to live! You shouldn't need someone to complete you (ala Jerry Maguire) but you should need someone to add to the person that you already are. Someone is out there for you - I believe that. But you need to think of yourself as someone who is fantastic and great and not constantly look for that person that is coming.

Do what you want to do, live and be happy and stop worrying that your clock is ticking. Go out and live and while you're out living that life, that person will find their way to you or vice-versa.

Please don't take this as an insult. Please don't be upset. Consider that you are worth more than wanting to cease to exist because someone hasn't come along yet, look in that mirror every day and tell yourself that you deserve more than that. List off your qualities or have someone that you trust do it for you, consider what they see in you until you can see it in yourself as well.

[Asker]

i don't want to get my first girlfriend in my 30's

[why-makoto-kun]

Stop. Just stop what you are thinking right now. Don't think about anything for a moment. Take a deep breath and listen to me. You're not thinking rationally. You're obviously hurting to the point of desperation, to escape the pain. Guess what-- happiness IS attainable. Contentment will occur once you ae happy with yourself. You will not be happy in a relationship unless you are happy with yourself first. Before you read my logical explanation as to why your negative thinking is distorted and causing unnecessary self-torture, I highly suggest you see a counselor, or even call a hotline when you are feeling extra despair.

Listen, you have plenty of time. Even as you get older (50s), there is testosterone therapy to help keep your virility. At age 24, you're still a baby. You are just starting out in the world as a young adult. It's the time of your life where your brain pretty much just stopped growing it's prefrontal cortex.

Also, Asperger's is not an insurmountable obstacle by any means, especially if you can find someone patient AND you have had some therapy/teaching to help you with potential difficulties, e.g. communication styles. I will tell you, I have a MESSED UP brain with mental disorders. I had to undergo a lot of therapy and cry on many friend's shoulders to finally love myself whether I have someone or not. My life has meaning because I decided to give it meaning. I was like you; in a very vulnerable, desperate, sad state. This led me to one of two paths: loneliness, or even worse, a target of a potential romantic interest who preyed on those with low self-esteem so that he could do whatever he wanted. You don't want either of those choices.

Also, don't take people's well-meaning remarks as something that minimizes your struggle. I completely understand the desire for love and affection. The key is that you make your own destiny. I'm not saying that you should sign up for 20 dating websites. I'm saying you should make yourself mentally healthy in gradual steps, then integrating yourself into the dating pool when you want a partner as an enhancement to your life, not a planet to orbit.

[why-makoto-kun]

Sending you lots of hugs and good vibes. From a fellow person with "bad genetics" :)

[Asker]

i've tried online dating and girls never respond to me

[why-makoto-kun]

It's because you're probably sending out "desperate" vibes. Trust me. and by the way, I highly disagree with what you wrote above about girls and low self-esteem. I will tell you I have contemplated suicide MANY times because of a low self-esteem and it hurt like Hell!

[Asker]

when I mean it hurts guys more than girls, I'm saying that low self-esteem in guys is a bigger turn-off for girls than vice-versa

[why-makoto-kun]

One last thing before I go to sleep:

It has been said that a relationship highlights the inner personal struggles that need to be addressed. You are in utter disrepair: in dire need of support from therapy, friends, and family. In this broken state of being, you have absolutely no business getting involved with someone physically and emotionally when you have so much to recover from. Giving in a relationship is an irreplacable joy if you are healthy enough to do it and your partner is the same.

[why-makoto-kun]

Ohh! Thank you for clarifying. I still disagree (though I do certainly understand your POV), only because there are predatory men out there (meaning emotionally/physically abusive, and/or sexually exploitive) who are more than happy to scoop up "damaged" girls. That is why it seems the girls with low self-esteem still get boyfriends. Mind you, there are exceptions. Healthy guys usually don't want to touch a girl with low self-esteem with a 10-foot pole, even if she has a lot going for her.

[Asker]

thats what I hate, guys have to make more changes than girls do in their life in order to be dating, relationship material

[why-makoto-kun]

No, those girls with the low self-esteem are not dating material. Not in the least. And certainly the predators going after them are not. It is dysfunction and unhappiness, not a healthy relationship. I would rather be single than have a bad boyfriend any day. Being with someone unhealthy (especially those who are contemptuous of others) makes your skin crawl. And I will say that I have probably put more effort into my relationships than a lot of my exes did. I mean emotionally/compromising but

[why-makoto-kun]

Not to mention how we often have to shave our legs, dress cute, wear sexy yet uncomfortable lingerie, maintain our weight, paint on makeup, etc. :p

[Asker]

it's like it's okay for girls to want or need a boyfriend to feel better about themselves, for validation, but not the other way around

[why-makoto-kun]

Trust me, it's not okay. I have been there. It does not make you look or feel "cool." You lose your sense of self, becoming a pliable being to conform to his every wish, at his beck and call. Then when he acts like a jerk, you take it without leaving or standing up for yourself because you feel you don't deserve any better. Not the behavior of a winner. Certainly not a good role model.

[Asker]

i just don't want to get my first girlfriend at a late age

[why-makoto-kun]

This whole society needs revamping. Independence for the win! None of this "I need a significant other" crap for either gender. I need my beauty sleep so I bid you adieu for now. Night.

[why-makoto-kun]

Understandable. Use this time to your advantage. Build yourself up. Make your life fulfilling NOW, first, before a girl enters your life. So that you will have joy to share with her. :)

[Asker]

why is it far more important for guys to build themselves up, make their life fulfilling when being single but not the other way around?

[why-makoto-kun]

Goes for girls too. No double standards here. Want me to go in detail tomorrow about how I had to build my identity outside of being a people (boyfriend) pleaser? How I had to learn that my identity had to be much richer than a one-dimensional, servile girl whose self-esteem went downhill if she didn't have a man? I had to focus on other things. My sole purpose in life is to live my life and make myself interesting, well-rounded, educated for MYSELF. Sitting around waiting for a man won't do a

[why-makoto-kun]

girl any good. I'm giving you the same advice but switching the pronouns since you seem to be hetero. Goodnight! Will check this again in the a.m.

[Asker]

well good-night, we'll talk about this more some other time

[why-makoto-kun]

Good. Reread every single thing I said here and pound it into your head.

This isn't a gender thing. This isn't even a matter of mental conditions/disorders, as even people with those can even develop a healthy relationship (with a little extra work; like I've said, my brain chemistry was off). This is all about getting you to a healthy place. You need to be whole first before you can give away parts of yourself to another person, as a relationship requires for it to be deep and fulfilling.

[Asker]

it's the way it is and I don't like it

[why-makoto-kun]

Nobody likes to change. Either you take the path of least resistance and end up with no friends or significant other OR a significant other who takes advantage of your desperation/self-pity/low self-esteem; or you step up to the challenge and improve your life for the better so that you (and those around you) can be happier. I can't offer you any more advice; I'm done.

[Asker]

yeah anything worth having never comes easy, but I know for a fact that girls can have desperation, self-pity, low self-esteem and still get a guy, but not the other way around

[why-makoto-kun]

Ok, you totally did not read anything I said. I'm done.

[Asker]

i actually did read what you said, but asperger's hurts guys way more than girls since guys have to initiate everything

[Asker]

okay I'm sorry, I apologize, the only way I feel I can motivate myself to come out of this negative state is inspiration, to know that it is possible to overcome my Asperger's problems

[Asker]

sorry

[why-makoto-kun]

It's alright. I got very frustrated. And I understand your struggles with the Asperger's, as I have a few mental disorders myself (mine are messed up brain structure/chemistry). It's super difficult to overcome such a struggle. I underwent a lot of therapy and take medication. probably just therapy for you would be fine, because from what I understand Asperger's is a disorder that can affect intelligent people with emotions like anyone else's, only it is more difficult to express oneself AND

[why-makoto-kun]

read others' emotions. And I'm very sorry you're hurting in addition to such a struggle. I strongly suggest you seek help for channeling your emotion (it's not what you feel, but what you do with your behavior).

For instance, it's OK to feel the emotions you're feeling. You just want to destroy the self-defeating, destructive thoughts and behaviors that contribute to furthering despair.

[why-makoto-kun]

And, this is very important, I almost forgot to mention that if you and/or those close and trustworthy to you believe you need work on your social skills, by all means pursue Asperger's-oriented therapy as well.

[why-makoto-kun]

As for the whole "guys have to initiate everything" notion, it's not necessarily true, at least not in my case. When I first met my boyfriend, I instantly thought he was hot but was too timid to ask him out. So, I started conversations with him, and gave a boatload of "cues." He knew how to read body language and "vibes," so the blushing, wide smiles and giggles from me gave him the green light to ask for my number so he could get to know me better. You need to learn how read such cues, so

[why-makoto-kun]

asking a girl out doesn't seem so impossible. When you know she wants it, it's not as scary, you know?

Also, it's 2012; girls often ask out guys or leave their numbers. :)

[Asker]

true I know there are some girls that do make the first move, and ask guys out, but it is still quite very rare

[Anonymous]

At 24 you're no where near past your prime. You are fine. I'll be a 24 year old virgin and I'm super excited. There are quite a lot of girls out there, like myself, who will find a male virgin refreshing and desirable. Keep your chin up. Sex does not make or break your world.

[Asker]

are you sure about that?

[Asker]

your not just saying this just to make me feel better right?

[Asker]

huh?

[Opinion Owner]

I promise it's true. Despite what other guys will say, there are girls out there who will value this trait in you.

[Asker]

so you are 24 and still a virgin?

[Opinion Owner]

No, I'm 22, but my virginity won't change by 24 unless I get married between now and then. Which doesn't doesn't look likely.

[Asker]

well that's inspiring

[Asker]

so you are 22 and still a virgin?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes

[Asker]

just wondering if you are being honest with me

[Opinion Owner]

I am.

[craZy_4_musiC_o0]

take a chill pill. no one knows for sure what will happen, so no, I do not knwo if there's someone for everyone out there, true. but can you seriously with all your might convince someone that there isn't?

that's the whole thing, you don't know what's to come. you could wake up and go out three weeks from now and be the new fashion-it without knowing about it, being desired by girls all around. you could find the girl of your dreams in two days when going for a coffee. you could die naturally of heart failure in a month. WHO KNOWS?

you just have to -at some point- start believing that you can make it. I believe in destiny and karma, so be a bit more positive and something better will happen to you than all this doubt.

and even if not, geez, love from person to person isn't everything. get a dog, hobbies, education and be the most filthy rich guy to walk the blog with his dog. it'll all work out, you just have to have something called faith, and I don't necessarily mean in god but in yourself!

[why-makoto-kun]

This was excellent. Don't forget friends, too! They helped pull me out of some major poo when I was at my worst times.

[craZy_4_musiC_o0]

oh right, I did forget them! but they are very helpful!

[Asker]

it's like we guys have to be perfect everything

[craZy_4_musiC_o0]

...huh? who said anything about perfect? no one in life is perfect and if they are or seem to, they're hiding something. somehting MAJOR probably. like a body in the basement or a wish to put you in theirs. great, now you've made me imagine something that'll give me nightmares. oh damn...

[Asker]

i went over it before but I will not say it again

[Anonymous]

As an 18 year old girl, who has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin, don't worry! Plenty of people don't loose their virginity as soon as they turn 15. And don't be discouraged by your Autism. Fifty per cent of the worlds population suffer from some sort of metal/psychological problem (That means half the people you know!). I had a period where I felt suicidal, please trust me it's the cowardly way out. Be strong, brave and believe in yourself. Life is only once and once you're dead that's it. Life isn't only about having a girlfriend (though I genuinely understand how it's hard to not have a partner). I don't mean this in a disrespectful way whatsoever, but I went to a psychologist when I was going through my problems (some serious sh*t, let me tell you), and this guy saved my life. Maybe see if that's an option? Besides, no offense to the people on this site, I'm sure a psychologist could help you more than we could.

Please consider it, and don't ever think about suicide! Please!

I love you the way you are and you should too :)

[Asker]

you'll probaby get a boyfriend before you hit 21

[Opinion Owner]

Hey you never know what's going to happen...You might meet someone tomorrow for all we know, right?

[Asker]

at least you don't have to approach

[jesstacia]

There are people older than you that don't have autism who've NEVER had a girlfriend. Time never runs out. A person could fall in love even when they're 70. Love is something that never dies no matter how old you get. You'll find someone even if it takes decades. But learn to be patient.

You could try looking for women with Aspergers Syndrome too. I'm pretty sure you're not the only person in the world feeling this way. If you could find a girl in the same situation as you, she'll be more than understanding. Just don't give up. Suicide isn't the answer to anything. Goodluck. :) x

[Asker]

people older than me?

[jesstacia]

Yes. For sure!

[Asker]

how old? it's inspiring to know I'm not alone, and are these people of both genders?

[jesstacia]

Guys in their 40s. They live happy lives without women. I'm not sure if I know any women though. :/ Are you athiest or thiest?

[Asker]

yeah understandable about women

[kheserthorpe]

You're just entering prime years.

Social skills are skills.

You are naturally terrible at them. You aren't a late bloomer, you won't bloom at all without conscious effort to do so.

You can learn social skills formally.

Sitting around won't fix this, you need to tackle this head on.

[Asker]

so it's trial and error?

[kheserthorpe]

It's more then just trial and error, it's trial error and analysis. You're a smart analytical guy, right?

Stop expecting your social skills to just be there or act bewildered by the world. Stop expecting things to be the way they are in movies. Start focusing on how things really are.

How are you at reading body language? Terrible? I can try to dig up the program a guy I know (with aspergers) did - self study.

Once you can read women's reactions better, you can start building skills

[Asker]

the most obvious, easy body-language for me is eye-contact, others, it's more hard

[kheserthorpe]

FACS - you can self study it.

[Asker]

so it can be learned?

[kheserthorpe]

Sure. Maybe it takes you more practice then others, but with all your non-dating you got free time, right? And I bet you're good at studying.

link

[Asker]

true but the fact that I can learn it is what matters, even if it takes me time

[kheserthorpe]

Absolutely. So many things we consider innate talents it's more accurate to say some people pick up naturally and others don't.

My son has autism by the way. Not aspergers autism. And so many skills are for him things he needs to be taught. But he is slowly making progress.

You know what you want, can communicate, can seek out coaching; can use your rational mind to assess performance - you can do this.

The keys are to practice, to break skills down into subskills and to actually pay attention

[Asker]

when it comes to approaching women and talking to them, constructive criticism would help more, because insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so I would like to know specifically, detailedly, how should I change my approach and my talking to women?

[kheserthorpe]

I can't tell you. YOU will have to tell you.

Start with learning to read faces. Right now you probably can't tell if she was never interested or where you screwed up.

If you can learn to read emotions better you can start laying attention and figure OUT where you are losing them.

[Asker]

so body-language is the most important? more important than the words that come out of a person's mouth?

[kheserthorpe]

In some situations yes.

[Asker]

what makes a guy creepy to girls specifically?

[kheserthorpe]

A few things, I think:

> overly persistent. If you can't read body language this is lore likely to happen because she may be screaming 'no' via body language and you're ignoring it.

> incongruent. By this I mean gives the impression he's hiding something, or isn't saying what he means or is uncomfortable about something. Many people have pretty good radar for 'something is wrong'. And they then fear the worst. A guy joins trying really hard not to be sexual but gives off an 'awkward vibe'

[ImperfectDVM]

No, no, no, no, no , NO! do NOT KILL YOURSELF!

You are not running out of time, just take it slow, PLEASE!

There IS someone for everyone, REALLY?

Have you traveled the world?

[Asker]

how do you know there is someone for everyone?

[ImperfectDVM]

How do you know that there is NOT someone for everyone?

[Asker]

because there are people out there in wheel-chairs, deformed

[ImperfectDVM]

Are you in a wheelchair?

[Asker]

nope, I'm not deformed either

[ImperfectDVM]

Okay, then that's one more plus to you. I believe you're being too hard on yourself.

[Asker]

my looks could be a factor

[ImperfectDVM]

Well, if you don't like the way you look, you can change it.

You know, dye your hair, where different clothes, work out a lot. stuff like that.

[Asker]

it's hard getting the motivation, determination to work out, and keeping it as well

[ImperfectDVM]

Oh ... = ( I wish I were there to help you out.

[Asker]

thanks

[ImperfectDVM]

Well, maybe you should work on your self esteem. Do you need help?

[Anonymous]

No. Some people don't get to experience the same things at the same times as others. That is why we are all different. It's not like it's never going to happen and getting upset over it is not going to help. I think you should try to get to know a girl who is more suited for you and someone who is nice and understanding. It's not the end of the world because some people just have trouble with some things more than others. Don't take it to heart.

[Asker]

it makes me wonder why I was born into this world

[Opinion Owner]

You won't know until you have accomplished what it is that makes you feel complete. Only time will tell when you are able to do so. Do not feel as though you have to be rushed into something you're not 99 pushing 100 there is plenty of time for fun love and amazing things

[Asker]

i feel the prime years are better

[Opinion Owner]

you still have time to do so though

[Asker]

how do I still have time?

[Opinion Owner]

You're not at the point in your life where you are not able to do anything. You're still at that age where things are possible so no need to be sad or angry. just got to try =)

[Asker]

and what is the point in a person's life where they are unable to do anything?

[Opinion Owner]

what do you mean? you will always be able to do sumtin well if you are awake...and not in a coma lol

[Asker]

yeah but getting older sucks

[Opinion Owner]

Yes but on the way there you can build up many beautiful memories

[Asker]

i don't know how to approach and talk to girls correctly!

[Opinion Owner]

well maybe you can tell meh how you do it...and try to figure something out together =)

[Asker]

not sure how I should describe

[Opinion Owner]

well you should use some examples as well as how you felt and reacted internally and externally =)

[Jordikinz]

Just because you have had a girlfriend yet doesn't mean you need to commit suicide. Be patient. Patience is key. It will happen when the time is right.

[Asker]

i've waited long enough

[Jordikinz]

No you haven't. You haven't gotten a girlfriend yet. That means you haven't waited long enough.

[Asker]

when I meant waiting, I meant tired of being single

[Anonymous]

I was 27 when I lost it with my first unofficial girlfriend,you have lots of time

[Asker]

nice to know

[tikitaki123]

have you ever watched 'the secret'? if not, go do that right now.

[Asker]

never heard of it, what is it about?

[tikitaki123]

seriously, just watch it. it'll change your world.

[Anonymous]

Prime years? I know people in their 30's who aren't married yet. My mom had my youngest sibling at 41. People are living much longer now, I'd recommend staying optimistic!

[Opinion Owner]

2 down votes? God I hate this site.

[why-makoto-kun]

Hey, you know I voted up. :p

[InvisibleKid]

Hell will be waiting for you. Life is not for you to take. Pray to G*d and ask for forgiveness.

[stevemeh]

I have no disabilities and im 26 and still a virgin. I wanna just die off already. I won't be missed so its fine.

[Anonymous]

Three words: Asperger's support group

Why? You'll meet tons of people going through the same sh*t as you, and probably even some hot girls :)

[Asker]

i've been going to them for a while now, haven't met anyone interesting yet

[Anonymous]

no you haven't save it till you get married..its the best thing ever! save it for that special someone..if someone doesn't care for you now then they really don't deserve it..

[Anonymous]

im 24 and never even touched a guy! so I beat you to it!

[Asker]

your kidding right?

[Asker]

no response I guess

[Anonymous]

yeah why not, most girls are non-virgins and they dislike male virgins

[Anonymous]

most girls make guys miserable, you're not missing anything.

[Asker]

i would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

[Anonymous]

As if life is ONLY about having a girlfriend or having sex.

I'm not playing to your obvious cry for attention. Life sucks sometimes. If you want to waste your time moping and complaining about stuff, go right ahead sir.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I forgot, GaG is the land of feeding into bs, where users are more than happy to spoonfeed anyone who cries.

Seems I'm the only one who thinks the last place someone seriously considering suicide is a relationship advice website.

[why-makoto-kun]

A little empathy is not "spoon-feeding." I think the fact that this guy posted on GaG takes nothing away from the presentation of his feelings. Maybe he has nobody else to talk to.

[Opinion Owner]

Your answer was honestly great btw.

I just find hard to take serious someone who is under so much stress that they need to over exaggerate their point, as "WHY IS IT NEVER TOO LATE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?, I FEEL I HAVE WASTED MY PRIME YEARS!"

While the subject matter is very serious, I find incredibly annoying when it's used to draw attention and sympathy from others. Why do I think that? Because of how he expresses himself.

[snowboarder720]

I don't think he's looking for attention. Lets be honest, life is hard. All of us go through stages where we look for help and what to do. All he's asking for is some strength and respect, if you can't do that, troll somewhere else.

[why-makoto-kun]

Thank you very much. :) I used to be a purist with writiing and all, but I do find that all-caps does make him sound like he's crying out for help, like how I'll interpret it as angry yelling from YouTube flamers. He's announcing his despair to the world because he probably feels so cut-off and uncared for as is. I just felt really sad for him and had to say something, you know?

[Opinion Owner]

@makoto to world? at least to gag.. I usually also feel sad, but I immediately saw this as more as the usual complaining about not having a girlfriend than anything else. Seen this way too many times. My message to him is blunt: life is difficult and not just about girls.

@snow At what point was I trolling... I didn't see anywhere asking for those things, even with looking for deeper meaning. Also, those who seek help seek it in better ways. This shows immaturity is all I point out.

[Asker]

i gave you an up rating

[Opinion Owner]

And I hope that the best days of your past are the worst days of your future.

Good luck with your journey in life. Don't ever give up easily.

[why-makoto-kun]

Anonymous: Love that last post! Super inspiring.

[Asker]

it's hard, but oh well that is life

[Anonymous]

I'm the same as you. 24, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin. I sure hope it isn't time to kill myself.

[Anonymous]

My dad met my mom when he was 31 or 32 and they have been married for 21 years now. You've got plenty of time. I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

[Asker]

yeah but they were experienced before they reached those ages

[Asker]

before those ages