How should I act when women at my work place give me strong eye contact?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes stand or sit too close to me to discuss something, stare me up and down at times, compliment me for being intelligent etc?
I'd like to add that I am a confident introvert but I only am social with close friends and very few co-workers.
If it helps to form an answer and I am not seeking validation, but I have natural tan skin, confident body language, my physique is lean muscular. I am not sure how much this plays a role. I would appreciate your precious insight on this topic.
I am unsure should I ignore these things that I notice on a daily basis or what should I do?
Sometimes I plan to ask a co worker out but then I change mind as I do not want to be in work gossips which might affect my career.

[SueShe]

The only reasonable behavior is to distance yourself from this co-worker.

You state it yourself, gossip may not only possibly affect your career, they definitely will. One never starts anything with a co-worker. Too much is at stake because those kind of relations almost always cause jealousy.

Jealousy in turn will cause gossip and spreading possibly untrue facts that will be hard to deny.

Your only option is not to respond to that female co-worker and to tell her to refrain from flirting with you because your career is so much more important than a fling.

Be wise and don't give in to something you may regret sooner or later.

[Asker]

I appreciate your reply Sue.
My situation is, this co-worker had showed me strong interest in a friendly manner via email, text on work mobile etc. It was not a straight forward interest though. I always perceive professional communications as friendly rather than flirt. But I also know, not many females communicate in way she used to do. So I decided to step back a bit (such as I ignored her on two or three occasions and did not say hi when she was standing right in front of me at work. But she still remained friendly but this time I noticed that she was going subtly hot and cold. This time I did light flirt with her over phone to see how she responds, and she laughed and did not mind etc. And now at times, she disappears for a month and speaks to my co-workers about whatever work related issues she wants my team to sort out and does not send me any email and ignores me. Good for me that I have not fallen for her but I had started to find her interesting. Yet, I am asking this question as I am curious as to why a female would chase a guy like this for a year or so and then go hot and cold yet remain friendly. What would she gain out of this? I am thinking to completely stop responding her emails from now on and remain busy and tell her that there are others to assist her and I cannot find time.

[SueShe]

Do not reply to emails that are not strictly professional and keep those that are more of a personal nature safely. You never know how the situation develops and those emails might come in handy should the case escalate to a level that is no longer acceptable.

Just be friendly and professional but never make insinuations that can be held against you.

My presumption is that you did not respond to her in a way she expected and she is giving your the hot-cold treatment in the hope to get you perhaps jealous of her behavior towards other working colleagues.

[Asker]

I must say I like your analysis on this situation. I have thought about the same. This is 2nd time she is behaving in this way. Earlier she stopped requesting anything and then suddenly one day a text came (not email) that she needed assistance. Sometimes when I do not answer her calls due to genuine busy schedule, she calls twice without waiting for even 2 mins. And then sends a text that she wants to discuss an issue which most of the time is genuine issue. But she does not do it with my other co workers. I am going in too much details but no matter how neutral and unfriendly I act, I would feel bad to hurt her. I know how it feels as I have been through things in my life.

[SueShe]

If you remain neutral, whether positive nor negative and don't give her anything she could misunderstand, then the issue will settle by itself. Don't treat her any different than you would other women co-workers because again, it could be misinterpreted.

No need to hurt her emotionally or make her feel inferior. This would lead nowhere but just augment the possible misunderstanding. By remain neutral, you remain in a position of advantage.

[Asker]

You are very insightful, I have liked your advice very much. Thank you for taking time to read and respond to my question.

[SueShe]

You are welcome.

[Gingerguy33]

I wouldn’t ask her out unless your 100% confident she likes you because if she says no your going to need to deal with that for the rest of your time there but from what you said it sounds like she could find you attractive

[Asker]

Which is why I have not asked any female co worker out yet. Many have been showing interest in similar ways. Its like a pattern among them. They find work related issues and then contact me for assistance. If I reply them late or delay my assistance, they go quiet for some time and one day out of no where they start emailing again. Especially when I have assisted their other female co worker or if they see me at work cafe etc (this happens 100% every time with different female co workers). In all honesty, my unfriendliness (not rudeness or cockiness) does nothing for me.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Whenever a woman looks me up and down in ANY environment I just smile at her!

[TheMajesticKing777]

Act like you don't notice I guess

[Asker]

I do act like that all the time. But the outcome surprises me. They become more friendly and warm towards me (I do not smile, keep a neutral face while talking to female co workers so that I won't come across friendly on purpose). i have been complimented on my looks and confidence, intelligence from many females in subtle ways. They often use words as "oh Genius, star, legend" that they do not use for my other co workers in my team. Which is why I show unfriendliness in communication but they seem to become more friendly and start laughing and at times start to make me smile by cracking jokes with each other.

[TheMajesticKing777]

They just seem to be friendly people that are bored and gotta kill the boredom somehow

[Avicenna]

Just smile

[Asker]

What would that reflect? If I smile to female co workers when they maintain eye contact? Wouldn't it show my interest in them? On the contrary, I am thinking not to maintain eye contact at all.