How come some girls have platonic relationships with guys?

[random_girl95]

I have always wondered how can some girls have the same amount of male friends and female friends. Up until now most of my friends are females and my male friends are fewer. The thing that I don't understand is how can I have the same interests as guys have, like pop culture and stuff and not be able to have more male friends. What's the deal?

[HighlyVolatile]

With my female friends (as well as friends in general) and my wife, what we all have in common is a love of drinking (although I'm trying to cut down), partying, traveling (we sometimes went to other countries and rent the largest hotel room and split the bill), camping, hiking, fun conversations, Karaoke, some music, things like that: unisex interests.

[random_girl95]

So it all depends on the interests basically? If you have common interests with someone then it doesn't matter if they are of the opposite sex.

[HighlyVolatile]

It doesn't matter to me as long as we're having fun! I favor friends on a fun basis first and foremost which might sound a bit shallow. But we're there for each other when things get serious (not so common in our fun-loving group) and have each other's backs in the worst of times.

[random_girl95]

So I should keep it fun, the relationship with my friends

[HighlyVolatile]

It works for me! Fun and good times. Serious later! Easy today! Men and women. We also hang out in groups mostly, about 50-50 men and women. I've done that since my late teens and 20s. I like to hang out in groups.

[random_girl95]

I think groups are awesome, as they are many people and many things to discuss and everything seems more fun in general.

[HighlyVolatile]

It's also how I met my wife. She was in my friend group. I met her at a picnic (my friend introduced me to her). I think if I try to go all deep, we're social, communal creatures. We need a community of some sort. I think lots of people seek dates with strangers hoping to fulfill something empty inside and that emptiness is usually a lack of community. When people find or build a proper community, they not only tend to find their love interests but also lifelong friends of both sexes.

[random_girl95]

Very wisely said. I"ll cherish that advice for the future.

[Ducksaresoul]

I found that when I make friends with guys if I approach them, it's to help them on something or to ask whether they want to work on something together.
Thats usually how I make friends with guy.
But usually, these days people believe it's not possible for guys and girls to just be "friends".

[random_girl95]

@Ducksaresoul honestly I think that there are more platonic friendships now than before. Like you see a group of friends and they consist of both girls and boys.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I have many friends who are girls. Both online and offline. To be honest, I like a few of them, but really cannot afford that pressure and invest the already little time that I have in this area. The college pressure is too much this time.

Also I have the rule of not doing anything like that in my own college, so I myself maintain some amount of distance. Platonic you can say.

@random_girl95 I think what you said here is more correct. Its as if, there is no pressure here at all! Being platonic friends I mean. People are practical enough to not let their emotions sway them in any direction they can.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I know some people who are able to talk with the opposite gender as if no big deal. They are open with them and all that.
I also seem to know some people who are like really uncomfortable talking with opposite genders. Make a big deal out of it.

I fall in between these two. If I really like a girl, then I take another subtle approach. But for other girls, its as if they are boys and a part of the pack. I hope you get it.
For the one girl that I really like, I would just be more friendly than with others, nothing else.

It is just that, all the decisions regarding my marriage will be taken by my parents. They are more experienced than I am. And I would not prefer to go against their wishes to be honest. Unless I want to pay a really hefty price for that. Which I really don't want to.

And it is because of this, I am reserving myself from getting into a relationship, even at the cost of my own suffering. @random_girl95 I hope you understand based on the recent conversation we had.

[random_girl95]

@The_Shadow_Dweller Yes you have been very clear! Thank you once again!

[EllaNella]

i have a bunch of male friends. i think it's a big red flag if someone can't spend time with the other sex platonically.

[random_girl95]

@EllaNella can you explain what you mean by saying red flag?

[EllaNella]

for me it is a sign that a person can't see the other sex in any other light than either romantic or sexual. both come with their own problems, as they inhibit you from ever seeing the other sex as a complete person.

[random_girl95]

@ellanellao you are saying that I should just ignore the fact that boys are of opposite gender and not to be thinking that in someday I may end up having a relationship with them. Just talk to them the same way I talk to girls.

[EllaNella]

exactly. just because you may be attracted to some men, doesn't mean you should treat them all like your future prince charming.

[random_girl95]

@ellanellat it comes with practice and experience I guess

[EllaNella]

i never needed practice nor experience. i had male friends in kindergarden and i have them now. it is in fact thrust unto us as teenagers that the opposite sex can only be seen as a potential date and that is something we have to unlearn to be able to form healthy relationships

[random_girl95]

@EllaNella I think your situation is better because you already have male friends from your childhood. While still a child they don't care about genders and stuff that's why many girls had male friends and the opposite. However in my situation I am trying to approach new male people and I somehow get frightened that they will think I came to talk to them only because I have a crush on them, or see them romantically. In reality though I am just trying to make friends with them lol.

[EllaNella]

i met most of my current friends when i was 14-16. and even now i am meeting new guys at uni or work. i guess it also depends on where you live. i'm from germany and people over here don't tend to see male-female interactions as black and white as people in more conservative countries seem to do

[SnakeBoop]

because they're not focused on having "male friends"...

[boredguy007]

Finding same gender friends is common prolly she likes guys too and is not much choosy so yea. Even i have equal Girl Friends.

[random_girl95]

I just find myself interested in pop culture which mostly guys are than girls but find it hard to make new male friends

[boredguy007]

You can be my friend.