Why do guys in relationships follow other girls?

[Anonymous]

I know it‘s probably my fault but I get hurt when my boyfriend follows random girls on instagram and likes all their pictures. they‘re not models, just girls from our city or different cities. I told hin that it hurts me and he said he wouldn‘t do it anymore but I know that‘s not true. I don‘t wanna bring it up again because I know my insecurities are probably the real problem here and I don‘t want to risk our relationship and fight about it. He treats me very well and tells me I’m beautiful etc. Am I crazy for being bothered if he likes these girls pictures and follows them? What can I do?

[CubsterShura]

Damn gimme his number I'm gonna lecture him so bad on the phone. "You don't like it when you have a lovely woman right there with you huh? Instead of giving time love and attention to the one who would go above and beyond to give back so much more, you're here looking pictures of these Instagram girls who neither know nor care who you are, not respond to your dms, will leave their sugar daddy for another one if they find someone with more money, and your girlfriend right here wouldn't leave you even in hardest time. You know what? Fuck you. You don't deserve her. Go spend your whole day liking their pictures while she can go to another man who would truly value her"

I can't stand men who do that. I can understand following public figures like actresses, singers, YouTubers etc but not models for just their fake asses.

You're not crazy for being bothered. How attention shouldn't be at anyone else but you and your attention shouldn't be at anyone else but him. It's natural for anyone to feel bothered even if they weren't insecure to begin with. So please please please don't think something is wrong with you for feeling the way you do. I actually think there is something wrong if you DON'T see a problem with it.

[Marilynjuana]

Love, I’m like that too. Especially after I got cheated on. Some people think it’s ok, others don’t and that’s fine. My partner is very respectful about it because he knows it’d bother me, your partner isn’t putting much thought into your feelings at all. THAT is the problem. If he won’t straighten up his act then do consider moving on and finding someone who would treat you like a damn princess. Insecurities like this will drive you crazy, you will end up questioning yourself more than you’ll ever question him. Think it through.

[Asker]

he unfollowed a lot of girls when i brought it up but recently he‘s been following a few other girls.. shoulf I be ok with that then?

[Marilynjuana]

I wouldn’t be.

[_inkRat]

So you got cheated on, so what? Just because it, now your boyfriend can't talk to other woman/girls? How insecure you can be?
Ps. I got cheated on by fiancee, yes it fucks up trust, but to ask any girl im dating to not folow any guy on social media, thats crazy. Honestly, i would break up with her if a girl said it to me, i expect at least some level of trust back and some level of freedom.

[Marilynjuana]

Where did I express he can’t talk to females?

[Marilynjuana]

For context, I never asked my partner to act this way. If you want to drool over other pussy on social media then go ahead, I’m enough for my man though. HE says that.

[peacchyy]

I have asked my boyfriend not to like other girls pictures, even though I know he'd be fine with me liking other guys pictures because we both know there's nothing in it. But I would not like myself liking other guys pictures, so I don't do it. He follows girls who are his best friends girlfriends, and he's very respectful about how I feel about it.
His words were "If you're not okay with it, then that's okay. I don't care about liking their pictures in the slightest, I just do it because I recognize them. But I'll stop for you because it's not a problem for me. I don't want to or need to like their pictures."
So, if he doesn't want to respect what you like and don't like, that's his fault. You are perfect the way you are.

[Marilynjuana]

@peacchyy Completely agree. You better keep that guy ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

[peacchyy]

I definitely am. He's the sweetest.

[emptygracey]

There's really not a big deal in "following" people on social media and "liking" all their posts. If he was leaving flirty comments and stuff then clearly that's a red flag but as it stands it seems completely normal. I follow many girls and like their posts, but I have no romantic or even sexual interest. Not to put any blame on you because there's no blame here, but anxiety and insecurity can very heavily affect your mentality and that's likely the cause of your concern. If it's really getting to you it's important to seek some kind of help, whether it's therapy or simply having a careful conversation with your partner about your feelings (but if you do this, please don't do it in an accusatory manner/some way that could make your boyfriend feel like you don't have faith in him, that can be harmful.) Also, to answer the initial question, I follow girls for the same reason I follow guys, because I want to.

[Asker]

so when you see them you don‘t think you wanna be with them or think about them a lot? because if that‘s not the case then I guess I don‘t need to worry

[emptygracey]

Only when I actually want a relationship with said person, which isn't the case when I'm in a relationship since I'm already happy where I am.

[alex202020]

okay this is your future in a nutshell you will eventually break up because he's found a new woman that he cannot wait to unwrap. And he just can't stick with one woman regardless if you re the perfect wife regardless even if he knows you're the perfect wife if his cow wrangling days aren't over, they aren't over and you can't make them be over. If you have asked him to stop and he doesn't stop, what I mentioned is true 99.9%, but if he stops like he said he would then that's a good sign. Good luck

[katjmj]

Is this a universal thing because my boyfriend does it too 😂 I was way worse then. We used each other's phones and ipads leisurely and it irked me everytime I saw him reacting on other women's (unrelated, not even friends, and semi nude) photos. I would unlike those photos or even unfollow the women on his account. Yeah I was petty like that. Thankfully he didn't care about what I did and found it endearing that I wanted his attention for myself.

It happened multiple times though. I just got tired of it so I just let him know not to do things he wouldn't want me to do to him because we both know I could always do worse. He became more mindful after that.

[Finchie40]

It is disrespectful cuz how would he feel if you were checking out other guys and liking their pictures etc. So in a way it shows lack of respect for your relationship and it’s nothing to do with insecurity it’s more to do with respect , if your boyfriend respected you he would stop doing it , if he is still doing it behind your back then that’s something you need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone like that , cuz if you aren’t doing it and he is then maybe you should really reconsider that relationship cuz he isn’t respecting you , Love only grows when both people respect each other and sacrifice for each other never let someone walk over you

[BeHonest2me]

First, girls do this all the time. If he isn’t texting these girls what is the problem? Just because you guys are in a relationship doesn’t mean he won’t find other females physically appealing. But don’t feel like he likes you any less. It’s just natural. There are billions of women in the world. But there was something about you that made him say “screw those other girls” because he loves YOU. Don’t do what these other people are saying and assume it will lead to cheating. Have an honest talk with him and be understanding. But if he’s TEXTING them, that’s a problem.

[MsgtDixon]

I don't see any problems with it. Is there more to it or do you just not trust him? Social media site are all about people liking you're stuff and following you. how do you feel about other guys liking your stuff or following you?

[Asker]

I guess it‘s because of my own insecurities which is why I don‘t wanna bring it up with him again because I know I need to work on that. and because I don‘t follow guys anymore unless I know them from work or something but I know that when guys follow me they often try to message me and I don‘t think he‘d message them but that thought‘s just in my mind

[MsgtDixon]

I hear you and know that it's difficult to deal with. Worrying can cause it's own problems too, for your relationship. It's not easy trusting people but you should give him as much trust as he gives you. If you can't then being in that relationship will drive you mad. Does he get on you about followers or people messaging you? It comes down to what you want out of the relationship.

[cowboyfrog]

Wow, umm I don't know about your man. I'm a nurse so most of my co workers are female. So if I have a "sexy cutie" that I'm following its probably Brenda from work. Brenda is hilarious and smart and sexy as hell but she ain't my girl you are... And if he doesn't make you feel special like you're his one and only true love then... A: He needs to up his game or... B: You got issues. So hire a professional detective and pay 1000s of dollars to find out you should of spent that money on therapy. Or... Tell him that it makes you feel insecure and make it not make you feel insecure... Like sit with him and talk about who this girl is and why he's liking her bikini pic... He is probably like oh... I was perving out on her but more than likely he's not.

[SeanshterMonster]

Hmm. We if their not models what are the pictures? Like if I was in a relationship and she had a problem with me following other girls on Instagram (which I follow a lot of people. I don't know who is female and male) then maybe we would need to have a talk. I follow artist. They never show their face so i wouldn't know but still. I wouldn't see a problem with it. It would be like him having a problem of you following other guys in there, it can't just be one way. If he can't follow any females. Then you can't follow any males.

[Aaron_Stone]

Problem starts when you interfere in partners private stuff.
Trust is what you loose in expense of access to his/her privacy.
If it's broken you will know. Just end it when it comes instead of ruining present happy life

[Asker]

so how can I make it up now?

[Aaron_Stone]

Just ignore and think as if he is just watching porn/insta models.
It's hard but just forget. And never ask for his phone.

[Asker]

I‘d never ask for his phone and I‘m not gonna bring it up to him again. but I can‘t stop thinking about it a lot.. do you think it will just go away over time if I get more confident with myself?

[Aaron_Stone]

It could have been way better if you had accepted as that's how guys are. You wouldn't feel hurt if you had accepted it from start.
Having trust and open mind helps maintaining relationship 💏.
Why you feel insecure? Do you distrust him. If he was that shallow to weave just by some random girls then you seriously need to worry about work on trust. Both of you.

[Aaron_Stone]

just be confident.
If he leave you for random girl you can assure yourself he was just not good for you.
Why worry about dying 💀 when you're living life 🌈🍄NOW

[Asker]

I trust him, I know he wouldn‘t cheat on me. it just hurts me to think he‘d rather be with them than me. I‘m insecure because I don‘t think I‘m pretty even though nobody ever told me that, I only hear that I‘m pretty but I just can‘t believe it so I don't know.

[Aaron_Stone]

You certainly don't trust him enough.
You consider him running after just because he likes beautiful girls.
If that's how it was every guy would have remained single.
If you weren't pretty enough, why would he be with you in first place?
Stop getting jealous over some photos.
Is beauty only thing that is necessary to live happy relationship in life?

[Aaron_Stone]

Unless you're able to not get jealous over some photos and suspicious of him leaving you ; it is clear that you're having trust issues.

[Aaron_Stone]

Was beauty the only thing he loved you for?

[Aaron_Stone]

Also if beauty is the only criteria then you will never satisfy him, even if you're extremely good looking insta model.

[Mroz75]

First of all its not your fault, and never would be, and also its not about you being attractive or not, don't let that mess uo with your head!

Communication and honesty is the key for everything and most of all, for a healthy, loving, long lasting relationship. Also in relationships, you both have to make each other secure, and not the other way around... hope you got the message, best of luck!

[Bella_94]

My husband does it. He doesn't like all the pictures on Instagram, he just follows all the model like women on there (you know generic big boobs, big butt no clothes type)
At first it hurt my feelings but then when I thought about it, all he is doing is looking. He isn't touching, doesn't mean his unhappy with me or my looks its just its nice to look at.

[Interstate]

There is definitely an indication of insecurity in there. But, if you can prove he is still partaking in this behavior and it is excessive, you should tell him you know he is still doing it, and he needs to decide between the two of you and these other girls' photos.

[RawIronhide]

When you asked him to not do it anymore you basically asked him to lie. He was wrong for telling you he won't, but you were still the one who asked. Don't take it personally. Have you ever seen a mature couple? They look at people of the opposite sex together without getting offended by what their partner likes. BE LIKE THAT. If your boyfriend is dating you and he's a mature adult then he made that choice for a reason. He won't leave you unless the relationship goes bad.

[Michael88]

I think it is normal to be attracted to other people even when you're in a relationship. So long as he doesn't act on it, then it's not a problem. You have to trust him though. If he breaks your trust though and betrays you, I wouldn't give him another chance.

[cunnilinguist]

It's not like being in a relationship, or even marriage, meant that you own someone and you are owned by someone. You are both sovereign human beings first and foremost. Free to make your choices. As soon as you start limiting each other you are effectively not letting the other person be themselves, express themselves. They get frustrated. They will look for other ways to express themselves. If you become too limiting they will find someone more open-minded.

[Liadon]

Yeah, that's going a bit too far. If you're fine with him following others guys than you're setting a double standard, and just because someone is in a relationship doesn't force them to stop associating with anyone else from that same gender in any familiarity.

[Alearu]

Some guys are feeling you with worries and idiotic thoughts, one of the most important things in a relationship is trust and freedom. As long he doesn't cheat or flirt, you shouldn't even worry. It's just a visual stimulus nothing that should evolve feeling towards those photos, it's not that you lack something or he's planning a plan B ( guys who suggest that, definitely are not a trustworthy person).

[Asker]

so you think it definitely doesn‘t mean he doesn‘t think I‘m pretty enough? because some people here said that and my friend said it means that too.. that‘s what‘s making me insecure.. I know he‘s gonna find other people attractive it just hurts me because in my mind I think he sees those girls and thinks „wow I wish she was my gf“ or things like that.. if that‘s not the case then I think it‘s ok if he likes their pics I guess.. he always tells me I‘m the prettiest girl he knows and he‘s really sweet so I just don‘t get it.. so you think it doesn‘t mean he‘d rather be with them if he had a chance?

[deeplyblue]

There's no such thing as "pretty enough." Every person has their subjective idea of beauty, and the truth is that everybody's appearance varies daily depending on mood, time of day, etc.

The best answer I can give is to date someone with a similar value system. First, models aren't the only thing on instagram. Personally, I can't stand the selfie-only posts. (I like to follow local artists).

But for sake of the argument, let's say the guy is only following girls that he finds attractive just to look at their pictures. If this bothers you, I recommend not being in a relationship with this kind of guy (most of them). It has absolutely nothing to do with your attractiveness. You could be the voted hottest person on the planet, and people will still look at other people.

So if you want to have a relationship with such a guy, just accept that he likes (since he's dating you), accept that people will always look at other people (you too, because you're human), and most important, know in your heart that if a guy looks at another girl, it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive. That's just how human brains work.

Now there is someone trying to tell you are not attractive.
That's the beauty industry. They need you to buy their makeups, hair products, skin products, etc. They will always tell you through their imaging that you are unattractive. It's a bunch of BS.

[Alearu]

From my point of view, I also browse sometimes Instagram to look at booty to clean my eyes, but it definitely doesn't means that my girlfriend isn't the most beautiful person in the world to me. I kinda objectify those "models" because they really don't offer much more then their body. And to relationships there is a lot more than beauty.

[Alearu]

And probably you think of "likes" more than what he thinks, for me personally it means nothing and I barely even like content or care about how many likes my post gets.

[stronghotcoffee69]

Just because you admire a piece of art doesn't mean you want it hanging on your wall. It's only liking their pictures he is not declaring his love for them. Just relax to the day he breaks your trust.

[simplelikeme]

One of two things or it could be both. He's either really insecure and has issues from the past. In which he needs to deal with before he continues on with any type of relationship with you. Or he's checking out making sure you're not cheating on him because he is cheating on you. Either way it's not healthy.

[Anonymous]

There’s a problem with social media bc let’s face it lots of women put sexy pics or revealing pictures on purpose for likes. What kind of photos does he like anyway? I know it would bother my wife and I don’t ever like any girls photos on Facebook unless it’s genuinely a nice picture including a innocent activity funny or family. I can’t stand bikini selfies and girls trying too hard but I don’t blame you for being upset bc I would be bothered

[Asker]

it‘s sometimes sexy pics but mostly selfies

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know how old you are or him but from my own experience honestly I think relationships are for people in at least their 30’s bc there’s so much maturing but then again I meet ungrateful 30 and 40 year old women. Finding someone whose not a follower is huge and just their own person who has been burned and knocked but gets back up.

[angu55]

My ex worded this quite well, she was showing me a poster in her room of Cillian Murphy as Thomas Shelby and said how much she loved him. I of course replied but she said it's different, she has a crush on him but "loved" me.

I understand this is slightly different, obviously including a celebrity crush, but I feel the same result comes from it.

[jim698869]

This is definitely your problem not his. If he stopped following them and liking their pictures you would find another reason to not trust him. The reality is you are trying to reaffirm your beliefs developed from previous relationships. You need to identify what those beliefs are and address them.