I am no longer... On any social media but when I was I saw picks of girls in slutty outfits and a lot of comments from men who were usually not single and they were repeatedly sending flirty comments to those girls.
I have never sent the men on Instagram any flirty comments when I was in a relationship even when I was single I never did it, If we were in public I'm sure most of those men would not say those flirty things to those women to their faces, so why do they do it on social media I just don't get it. I see, Most men stare or glance at women who dress provocatively but they usually never approach them, so is this why the girls go on social media instead? so that they can get attention from the men who mostly ignore them in public... I don't know...
Now I only ever seek relationships with men who have no social media because, 1. finding those men is hard but I love challenges. 2. Them not being on social media most likely means that they do not rely on receiving or giving any external validation. 3. They are most likely private people, which I like because I am private too and I and I like being unknown by most of humanity. 4. it's intriguing and alluring to me. 5. I feel like if they were on social media it is very likely that they are one of those guys who send women in slutty outfits flirty comments and I don't want that, If I'm their partner I'm the only one who is supposed to be receiving flirty comments from them alone😠💢.
Am I insecure and controlling for rejecting men with social media accounts?
If there was a single most detrimental reason for infidelity I would say it’s social media. Whether it’s intentional or just getting validation from strangers, social media makes it easy to take the next step. Controlling your partner isn’t the best solution, I personally would prefer to trust my partner, but I’m not even sure if that's possible anymore, so… I can’t exactly blame you.
everyone relies on outward validation/confirmation to an extend. no matter if social media or not. just cause you have an account on social media doesn't mean you share your life with the public. i think your preconceptions about people on social media is skewed by the extreme cases and not informed by the average person on there.
if you have too many guys lining up to get a date with you, i guess that's a good way of getting rid of most of them.
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13 Reply
Asker
+1 y
i'm speaking facts! us humans do not need external validation to be happy and to thrive we only want it because it makes us feel good!. you having an account means you are an external validation seeker/giver, internal validation is the best kind of validation because it comes from within you, and its not reliant on others, if you are in a relationship then its okay to validate one another, but if you are single learn to validate your own self!. I want only one man, I hate being the center of attention, i hatye drawing attention to myself, and having few guys interested in me is a win! because that way i don't have to have a headache while deciding on which one i'm gonna choose.
well if you really think that humans do not need external validation to be happy and to thrive, i highly suggest you to read up on some psychologic litterature. that's not even a highly controversial question. this is 101 knowledge. we need it to orient ourselfes in the world properly. it's the a question of how you process external validation cause youc an definitely do that wrong but that doesn't mean you don't need it. that's 100% not true.
there are countless of articles discouraging people from seeking external validation so what do you mean?, I know what i'm talking here! i was not born yesterday i was born 22 years ago
being off all social media platforms is the healthiest decision to ever make for yourself there are countless youtube videos saying this and research articles as well this means i'm dating healthy men by choosing guys who are off social media!
there's a huge difference between "being an attention whore" who's basically addicted to external validation stimuli cause and a theoretical person who does not need any validation at all. that's why people in isolation go crazy. cause they need it.
i don't care what he is if he's on social media i'll never date him!, no one needs social media we did fine thousands of years ago without it! they had plagues too many years ago before the tech and social media error and they did fine! no one needs social media! stop lying please!
be on social media if that's what you like, but research shows that being on there is not doing anyone any good! anyone who stops using social media is benefitting their mental well-being overall.
you can rest asure that i'll do what i want xD like i'm not trying to date you, so i don't care about your standards. i was just trying to correct a thought you had that is wrong. i did that, so that's all i wanted xD have a good day.
of course your not trying to date me😳! i never even possibly imagined that you were trying to date me!, thank you I hope you have a good day as well.
i was just racting to you calling me a liar. read the psychology on it and get wiser. but i guess you already showed that you value what you already think to be true over what's actually true. that's common. their feelings matter more to people than facts. can't do much about it.
i think the one here who hasn't done research is you! if you were telling the truth id agree with you but your statements are all false, fyi I have been a research student and i passed well so i know what i'm talking about, if i am wrong on something i admit it because i know that i do not know everything but in this convo i know a lot and all the things you said are false!.
Yes. There are actually a lot of people who have social media but don't flirt or share revealing pictures. Some people don't even post at all. I think you are missing out on a lot of good people if having a social media automatically means that he's a waste.
This is a social media too. I am sure that there are guys here who don't flirt with the attention whores in the How-Do-I-Look section.
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11 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I will consider your words and thank you for commenting on your views, its very helpful!
Social media is very unhealthy though many researches and social media creators have warned us not to use it because it affects one's mental health, also most people on social media are there looking to give or receive external validation.
And your right by saying i'm preaching against social media yet i'm here, I am going to leave this app or whatever this site is, and by social media i was referring to specifically facebook, snap chat, twitter, instagram, whattsapp, only fans, stuff like this ohhhh and tik tok.
Everyone has a type right?, my type is a man who does not use social media, and I prefer meeting men in person I do like meeting them on online platforms, I find that meeting them in person is a lot more helpful and fun.
having a social media does not mean that you will not be able to meet in person you are right but like i said I personally prefer to meet in person with men I don't date men who use social media and I do not use social media to meet men I stick to meeting men in person If he has a social media i don't date him, I only date the men who do not have it. because this is the kind of guy who is my type.
the online working sites are okay, like Linkedln, fivver, an online store etc. but promoting business things on insta, facebook etc. nope! you don't need to advertise tour stuff on social media there are other ways to promote your business if your a business person. but again this is my own personal view and preferences.
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What Girls & Guys Said
2
Opinion
14
Opinion
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I wouldn't know. I don't do that online or in person. But the behaviour I've observed not only from men but women as well. I'd say both are living out quasi fantasies on here. Because if all women are this foul mouthed and aggressive then I think I just want to remain single.
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Am i being foul mouthed and aggressive as well?
Opinion Owner
+1 y
Only thing I read that I perceive as being POSSIBLY negative about you is your on Instagram. I've never used it but I'm of the understanding it's just a place for women to "showcase" themselves which is a turnoff to me. Beyond that, you're anonymous. So how could I know you enough to say you're foul mouthed or aggressive.
I agree sistaaaa you know what? I agree that being private is better because no one is sending you dickpics and slutty questions you dont wanna hear now that i post my photos here on gag i really feel like i expose too much of myself and it could be dangerous. Dont do it for validation just wanna some advice but i guess i should use my own brain for that!! And i myself want a guy with no social media not because they will flirt with others i just want them to be free
Yes you are a controlling and jealous person and you'll never find a boyfriend. But you do you I guess. I'm bisexuality but I wouldn't even be friends with someone as controlling as you much less date.
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1 Reply
Asker
+1 y
oof. i'm straight by the way, i just love and want to be with men only🥰
and fyi I’m not on social media, I have a snap but I basically never use it, just have one penpal from a long ass time ago whom I very rarely talk to
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I'm not dezzi, lol so know i know there's a girl on here who shares my perspective on things, that's cool, i bet she's cool too, oh your not on social media you say? I wish more men could be like you.
Woah that gif had me sure you were! Daym. My b. Yeah I deleted it all shortly after highschool, that shit is so toxic and understanding how it permeates almost every mind makes me less surprised at how absurd the current social climate is
So what do you do? Go to bars and wait to be approached? Did you uninstall Tinder?
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Not to bars no, i don't drink at all, i hate alcohol and parties so i'm never at clubs either, i'm never at strip clubs as well because i'd be out of place there because i wear clothing that covers up my body. you'll find me anywhere except those places and i met guys like that, face to face not online.
Nor all guys on social media are how you think they are. That would be like saying everyone who drinks gets drunk when that's not true.
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18 Reply
Asker
+1 y
i don't want a man with a social media, a majority of them on there are there to give/receive validation that's the whole purpose of the apps after all. As for alcohol, most people who consume it do it so they can get drunk and receive things like liquid courage for example, there is a minority of people who drink alcohol not to get drunk off of it. that's like learning how to drive and then not getting a car to drive, very few people do that most people who learn how to drive get cars so that they can drive them!
A lot of people use social media to keep in contact with friends and family. A lot of people use it for things related to: music, health, animals, charities, food, sports etc.
social media is harmful for a lot of people's mental well being and we are constantly encouraged not to use it, also like i said most people on social media use it for validation thats the fact of it all!
Video games, streaming services/dvr, music, sports, food, exercise/workout etc can be bad as well as good. Anything that takes over your life to the point it's an addiction is not good.
You believe social media is 100% bad which means you believe connecting with friends and family, having your business grow, finding out about (events, concerts, charities etc) sharing recipes etc because of social media is no good. Actually those are good things. You saying you want a giy who doesn't use social media but you are using GAG which is technically a social media site.
I saw you compared having social media and having it either taken away or stop using it to a time before social media existed. What makes you believe living without social media is the same as living before it existed?
No you're right, I am a hypocrite, I preach things that I know are right but I do not follow those things like what I said here about social media, Researchers and Social media creators have warned us to not use social media because it harms our mental health and it's basically a way to give and receive external validation from others, which is not good because we should be seeking internal validation that's the healthiest form of validation, we should only want external validation from our partners if we are in relationships. Look in this day and age no one needs social media for anything, they have created business apps, if you wanna work online get a job there, there are tons of apps and websites for food use that instead of social media, there are alternative ways to stay in Contact with loved ones apart from social media and there are creative ways to promote businesses apart from social media. when i said social media I was referring specifically to Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Only fans, Twitter, WhatsApp stuff like this.
I will most definitely leave this app after that I will be on none of the social media platforms i was referring to!.
You tell me which is bad. 1. Connecting with friends and family because of social media. 2. Businesses growing because of social media? 3. Finding out about events, concerts, plays etc because of social media. 4. Getting involved in a charity because of social media.
@mysteriousdarkness, please hear me out, I want an average, non famous guy, who has a job that's off social media and who has hobbies that do not involve social media. like i said without social media you can still find out about things and have a life there are many alternatives, I used face book and Instagram at 13/14 and then i quit it because my mental well being deteriorated from using social media, from 14-20. I was never on any social media platform and during this time I lived a great life, without the social media.
I socialized with all my friends in person, I found out about things like concerts, new products, etc on the radio and on the tv, I went to parks, went on lovely walks, visited friends and family, baked, cooked, baby sat, read a lot and i did a lot of things that did not involve social media and my life was awesome! At 20 i fell out of touch, I reused social media out of curiosity got addicted, messed up my dopamine response, but i'm off tik tok, instagram, facebook, snapchat, whattsapp, and now I'm here I started this site literally 4 weeks ago or so and i'm going to leave it soon and try and reconnect with who i was before i started joining these apps.
i'm not actively trying to pursue a relationship right now, i want to work on myself and become exactly like how i was at 14-20. And I want a partner who is the same way a guy who has no social media, and who finds pleasure in things that have nothing to do with social media. That's all i want, this is my own personal preference, everyone has preferences and this is mine.
This is comming across as you trying to make it seem as if people can't have a healthy balance between using social media and having a life offline. I have had social media since 2009. I have gone to farmers markets, fairs, festivals, concerts, parks, beaches, museums etc with friends and family. I have had cookouts and game nights with friends and family. I met my girfriend 8 years 8 months 3 weeks ago. We have a healthy relationship offline. I know a lot of people who have a healthy relationship, engagement or marriage offline that have and use social media. I know a lot of people who have a healthy relationship with friends and family offline that have and use social media. You think because you had a problem with balancing social media usage and having a life offline that everyone who uses social media has that problem. That would be like an alcoholic saying that everyone who drinks has a drink problem just because they do. Not everyone who uses social media is so called famous. I guess who couldn't tell me which of the four things I listed was bad is because you know they are all good. Just because a guy uses social media does not automatically make him a bad person and a guy who doesn't use social media isn't automatically a good person.
Your not getting my point at all what I am saying to you is that there are alternative ways to do those four things that you listed besides using social media, you can still; 1. Connecting with friends and family without using social media. 2. you can still grow a Businesses without social media. 3. you can find out about events, concerts, plays etc off of social media. 4. you can get involved in a charity without having to use social media. these things you listed are not bad but the point i am making is that you can still do them off of social media. i told you that this is my own preference, i want a man who does not use social media at all and who finds ways to do things without using social media. this is my type, everyone has a type right? thats mine, thats my dating standard someone on here said its okay for me to want a man like this and that i should not try and change a man if he is not like this and they were right. I never try and change any man i date, I let them be who they are and if i come across a man who uses social media i don't date him, I only date the ones that don't use it because I have a type and I stick to that type. Trust me i'm not judging you, you seem great i'm glad you can balance your social media use, and i'm not judging you for that, i just stated the facts regarding the harms of social media and the validation surrounding social media use because its true, i was sharing my reasons for why i do not want men who use social media. And no one is gonna change my perspective i know myself better than any human here on earth, i know what's right for me, a man who is not on social media is the man that's right for me. you also know yourself better than anyone else on earth if social media use works for you then that's awesome, i'm not try and change that i know were all different and we have different perspectives and views and i respect that.
I have dealt with your kind many many times. The type who trys to not let others make the point they're trying to make. Without social media each friend that I reconnected with I would have had to most likely search for individually or done networking to reconnect with. With social media I can see if someone I know is interested in an event I might be interested in going to and might want to meet up with them. One of my friends that I reconnected with moved out of the country so I believe it would have been a lot harder to find them without social media if I did at all. I could continue on but it's better to work smarter not harder.
You do know that there's people who are off social media who still manage to find simple and creative ways to stay in contact with friends right?, If you want to use social media go ahead, it's great that it's working for you but it does not work for others, other people prefer to avoid social media and the reap the benefits off of doing that. We won't get anywhere with this discussion we just need to agree to disagree that's all.
I get the point you're trying to make, you are saying social media makes your life easier and better, what i'm saying on the other hand is that alright, i'm glad social media use works for you but there are some of us who it does not work for, for some of us social media use is something we want to avoid.
Those who quit using social media either barely used it or the more likely reason is because they got addicted to it. They either didn't know how to stop using it or felt like they were missing out on something when they weren't using it. I will continue to see the positives and negatives of social media while you continue to just focus on the negatives of it. You continue to live your life and I will continue to life my amazing life with wonderful friends, family, girlfriend, pets
no this is very mature honestly. i don't want to date a woman with social media. it makes people immature, angry, un informed, and emotionally unstable
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
You're right, I agree with you!, I wish more people would realize this and stop looking for validation from the tens and thousands of people, most of who they don't even know on social media. like why look for validation from people you don't even know.. what if those people that you don't know are rapists, pedophiles, abusers etc., why the heck would you want validation from people like this? why can't you as a human validate your own self instead of needing validation from others. and in a relationship why don't 2 partners validate each other.. that's the better thing to do in my opinion
You're honest about wanting a guy who is without the real problems you mentioned.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I agree so many girls have tons of pics on instagram, kik and more. They have so many "friends" it's a red flag.
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4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
you are very right, it doesn't seem normal to me that those women and men have those tens and thousands of friends on social media and then require validation from them when they do not even know a quarter of those people, like why not give your own self validation because you at least know yourself better than anyone else can ever know you...
on top of that they even think of the fact that some people who comment on their stuff may be rapists, pedophiles, serial killers, abusers, narcissist etc. why would you want validation from people like this... I don't get it!
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