After an event, my sister told my boyfriend it was nice seeing him?

[Anonymous]

One time when my family and my boyfriend gathered for a meal, my sister asked for my boyfriend's phone number before leaving, saying that she would text/call him about job questions. They're not in the same or similar field, but I guess a company can hire people of different fields, so I didn't think much of it.

The other night, my mom, sister and I carpooled with my boyfriend to an event of a relative's since it was a far drive and didn't make sense to drive more than one cars since we live within 15 minutes from one another.

When my boyfriend dropped my sister off (my boyfriend was staying over at my place, so I was still in the car - apparently), I heard my sister said to my boyfriend it was nice/good seeing him just as she was getting off the car.

We said to our cousins it was nice seeing them when we were at the event. I think that's something we would say to our cousins. Yeah I see my sister, but not very often, maybe once every few months. I didn't get a "nice seeing you" but my boyfriend did. I'm not sure what that meant? 🤔

I've noticed that in my sister and my texts in the past, my sister has said to tell my boyfriend something, or hope that my boyfriend was / was not, certain way, before she got his phone number. For example, she hoped that he was feeling okay. I'm just making an example. I don't remember the specifics since I kind of just let that go, but now I do recall there were times when my sister seemed to put emphasis on my boyfriend, and when I didn't reply to her text (s) about my boyfriend, I saw her text mentioning the same again.

I have the tendency to overthink, but I try not to. Am I just overthinking this? I don't doubt my boyfriend and don't think he would be interested in my sister, but I'm not sure if my sister *is* interested in my boyfriend?

[TheMajesticKing777]

The whole situation doesn't seem right, at least not to me, I don't know how other families work but in my, the fam is too loyal to do things like that, if you suspect then talk it out with your partner, there's no reason to hold secrets and if you feel like your sister is trying something with your boyfriend then you tell your boyfriend how you feel cause he still has a brain and can make his own choices, communication is key

[Asker]

But the thing is that, I don't doubt my boyfriend. I don't know what I would say to him, since it's not him or his behaviors that I'm worried.

[Asker]

I mean, I could be overthinking. I feel that my boyfriend would think that I'm overthinking (since he knows that I think too much), and/or crazy, or just some typical jealous girlfriend who gets suspicious about a sister's behaviors towards my boyfriend.

[TheMajesticKing777]

I know but you gotta mention that, so he is aware and can read your sister better when she communicates with him, right now he is just clueless but if you mention your suspensions then the next time your sister talks to him and she's out of place, he will notice it because what you say will be imprinted in his mind and he won't just shrug it off, obviously you gotta mention your concerns are her and not him but you should tell him, balling up your emotions are never good and I know deep down you know that, ball it up enough and you might start taking out your stress and frustrations out on him, it's why it's best not to pile any negative emotions in the first place, who knows, maybe he will make you feel better after speaking to him about it

[Asker]

I think I'll just not say anything until next time I know that my boyfriend will see my sister in person, either at a family event, etc.

There's one thing though, my sister has my boyfriend's phone number. I don't ask my boyfriend whether my sister has texted him. After she asked for his number, I thought it's no big deal if they were really going to talk about work, but as I mentioned, they're not in the same field.

Maybe my boyfriend's company or type of companirs do offer positions for my sister's field. (I think my sister's would be more on the production of medications, while my boyfriend's position is data analysis of sales of medications, etc.)

I don't know how it would necessitate getting phone number to talk about interests of working in the same type of companies, or same company, but anyway I don't want to be girlfriend who's paranoid, so even with what I've noticed with my sister, I still haven't asked and won't ask if my sister texts my boyfriend and what contents.

[Asker]

@TheMajesticKing777 I understand your point. Maybe my boyfriend wouldn't just laugh at me and say that I'm overthinking. I wouldn't know until I talk to him about my concern.

Maybe he would laugh at me, as he knows that I overthink (maybe I'm not on this matter).

I've noticed that my boyfriend isn't astute with interpersonal cues.

We both did mixed martial arts with a coach for a few years. During that time, the coach would text me things like "good morning sexy gorgeous" and had sent me GIFs that said "I want to punch your lips with my lips" and one was a drawing of a man dressed in suit at a restaurant dining table, wiping his mouth with a woman on the table, wearing a dress with legs open. One was a meme that said "Do you have an inhaler? Cause you got that ass ma." One was a GIF of a fruit juice drill moving in and out of a fruit and at the end the fruit squirted. There were several others. My point is, I showed my boyfriend many of those, and he just said maybe the coach was just playing or joking. (Was he serious? Those texts could be the definition of sexual harassment.)

[Gent207]

No I think your sister is crossing the line and you need to address it calmly in a forward but tactful manner.
I would also gather more evidence by checking a peek at your boyfriend's phone to see if anything inappropriate is going on.

[Asker]

I would not check my boyfriend's phone... That would be terrible. I feel that I need to trust my boyfriend, and checking his phone would seem like I'm doubting him, even if I wanted to check on what my sister has sent him. Yet I don't know how to approach this situation.

[Gent207]

Very well
Use the following formula:
Do you feel bothered by my sister's behavior?
Or
I am bothered by my sister's behavior towards you.
Have a specific emotion linked to a specific action

[JakeS00]

I think you're overthinking. People can be close and still know their boundaries.

[Asker]

I'm not sure about my sister's seemingly eagerness though, regarding the nice/good to see my boyfriend statement, but not said to me. 🤔 yeah I'm sure my sister would think it was nice to see me, but I'm not sure about the outward expression to my boyfriend.

[JakeS00]

Yeah I can see